UPDATE 9/14–I’M NOT SURE WHY THIS ENTRY DOUBLE POSTED, BUT SINCE WE’VE REPLIES TO BOTH, I’M NOT SURE THAT WE CAN CONSOLIDATE THEM. SO FOR SANITY’S SAKE, PLEASE POST YOUR RESPONSES TO THIS ONE AND IGNORE THE ONE BELOW. IF GLENN CAN WORK HIS MAGIC TO PUT THEM TOGETHER, I’M SURE HE WILL. (Further update: Glenn has locked the comments thread on the other one while he tries to figure out how to migrate them here. Glenn will aslo stop talking about himself in third person any minute now. –GH)
I channel surfed past a clip of Jeff Foxworthy at around the same time I was trying to think of what I’d do for my next “But I Digress.”
And I put the two together.
You know his whole “You might be a redneck..” thing? Like, “If your parents met at a family reunion, you might be a redneck.” Well, Skrulls have green necks, which is close. So here’s the challenge: In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy, come up with those little hints that might make you come to the realization that you might well be a Skrull. If I get enough of them, I’ll make a column out of it.
PAD
• 
If you’ve ever had food caught in the crack of your chin…you might be a Skrull.
If you find the term ‘Green with envy’ racially offensive…you might be a Skrull.
If your idea of changing into something more comfortable means actually becoming a couch…you might be a Skrull.
If you’ve ever gone to a bar, picked up a woman, took her home, and realized the next morning that it was your very own sister, you might be a Skrull.
Or maybe just a redneck.
Amazingly, there’s a parallel thread on BendisBoard as well. Highlights:
* If you died during World War 2, but somehow your alive today, and you’re in your early 20’s…
* If you’re in 15 different earth-based comic books a month, while supposedly somewhere in outer space with the rest of the Astonishing X-Men…
* If you have no internal monologue…
* If Joe Quesada hates that you’re married…
* If you left the X-men to marry the Black Panther…
* If you keep cloning your dead friends and letting them kill your not-dead friends…
* If you put a bomb in Hulks ship, blowing up Planet Hulk and Hulk’s wife…
* If you hate Grant Morrison for creating the Skrull Kill Krew…
* If you found out your nephew was Spider-Man and you didn’t have a heart attack…
* If your human ID is Skrull Q. Skrullington, skrullsquire…
And I might as well play along too:
* If you ever tried to convinced Peter Parker to follow the rules after you stole a moon rocket…
When you and Bendis are moderating the same thread at different forums, you might be a Skrull.
If you grew up leasing your Barbie Dream House to a Megatron, you might be a Skrull.
If you shrieked seeing Donna Douglas years before that Twilight Zone episode, you might be a Skrull.
You hear David Bowie’s “Changes” on the radio and you, well…CHANGE!
If you look tough and as hard as rock, but your really just flamey, flexible, often invisible next to others, and hard to put into convincing story lines you might be a Super-Skrull…or Matt Damon.
(Mostly joking…mostly)
Glenn Hauman: “Amazingly, there’s a parallel thread on BendisBoard as well. Highlights:”
Just read it. Like ours better. ~8?)`
Say, just a thought… Why can’t you just cut and past the dupe thread into a comment on this thread? Gotta be the easiest way to copy the posts and get rid of the other thread.
Is a Skrull the same thing as a clone?
If you’re impersonating the Skrull who was impersonating you…you might be Rick Jones.
You might be a Skrull if Ron LIm Drew ya.
If you happen to disagree with the song, “It’s Not Easy Being Green,” then you might well be a Skrull.
If you’re a singing frog with a top hat and/or live in Sesame Street, you might well be a Skrull.
If you’re a green giant saying “Ho ho ho,” and it has nothing to do with vegetables, you might well be a Skrull.
If avocados make you horny… you might be a green neck.
Only those truly paying attention will get this one will understand: If you’ve had the urge to become a cow because a guy with white side burns told you too, you might be a Skrull:-)
If they try to make you fight Reed Richards
You might be a Skrull, Skrull, Skrull
If mostly you’re green and your milk makes people mean
We’ll know, know, know
If you commit a crime
And if you hideout as a bovine
If they make you fight Captain Mar-Vell
You’re a Skrull, Skrull, Skrull
If you’re eagerly awaiting the new season of “According to Jim” you might be a Skrull.
If you still think there are WMDs in Iraq, you might be a Skrull… (and trying to divert attention from the REAL WMDs on your Skrull-planet!)
If you think Ðìçk Cheney might be a Skrull, you might be on to something. 😉
If you like spreading spectofish on your bagel, you might well be a Skrull.
If you have no difficulty in planting a flag into hard concrete, then you might well be a Skrull.
If you can never get past the title of “King Creole” without blasting your TV set, you might well be a Skrull.
If all sizes fit you, you might well be a Skrull.
If the song “Am I Blue” makes you paranoid about your neighbors, then you might well be a Skrull.
If Norman Osborne is your Baby Daddy…
If you came back from the dead and decided to start dressing like a chubby ninja…
If Norman Osborne is your Baby Daddy…
If you came back from the dead and decided to start dressing like a chubby ninja…
You might be a Skrull(Yeah, it applies to Lord Percy, too, I KNOW, Jerry, SHEEESH!) if, after stating that you’re the man of a thousand faces, you’re asked how you came to choose the one you’ve got now.
If you always sing “Tarnax IV, Tarnax IV” at Karaoke Night and usually burst into tears by the second chorus…you might be a Skrull.
If you think that “feet of clay” are a good start…or a turn on…
If you think you should impersonate government officials because they’re more popular than superheroes…
If the phrase “Where’s the Beef” makes you cry…
If you think that the *real* hero of Terminator 2 was the T-1000…
If you don’t see why Plastic man is considered a superhero instead of a regular guy…
If you don’t understand why “rubbernecker” is an insult…
If you think that Ronald McDonald is the real enemy…
If you don’t see why racial prejudice can’t be ended with a little concentration…
If the idea of paying for radical plastic surgery seems as pointless as a pet rock…
If the term “nudist colony” seems like an unecessary repetition…
If you thought that “The Transformers” was a documentary…
If “Hilary has two mommies” seems like every other day of your childhood…
If “you must be at least this tall to go on this ride” makes no sense to you whatsoever as a precaution…
If your ID badge is just a lump of silly putty…and it’s perfectly accurate…
If you snarl at Stan Lee as “the father of modern day propaganda…”
If you think that turning into the Hulk is “a good start, just need’s a little work…”
(Further update: Glenn has locked the comments thread on the other one while he tries to figure out how to migrate them here. Glenn will aslo stop talking about himself in third person any minute now. –GH)
Well, how’s this for the lazy way of doing it?
~8?)`
If it works for you, cool. If not, just delete this post.
Oh, I did cut Pat Nolan’s post as he already re-posted it above.
___________________________________________________
Comments: You Might be a Skrull
Posted by Steve Chung at September 14, 2007 12:04 AM
If you happen to have a starship in your garage, you might well be a Skrull.
If your pointed ears keep popping through your baseball cap at games, you might well be a Skrull.
If you happen to look green with envy, and you’re not feeling particularly envious, you might well be a Skrull.
If your entire wardrobe favors dark purple, you might well be a Skrull.
If you never seem to be out of shape, you might well be a Skrull.
Posted by Don MacPherson at September 14, 2007 12:08 AM
If you have extra chins but they’re vertical rather than horizontal, you might be a Skrull.
If you were once a cow (literally), you might be a Skrull.
If you think Yoda is hot, you might be a Skrull.
Posted by NoelCT at September 14, 2007 12:12 AM
If you keep knicking the ridges while shaving your chin, you might be a skrull.
If you keep invading earth just for the hëll of it, you might be a skrull.
If you go from a hot chick named Candy to a bald greaser named Tubbs in the blink of an eye, you might be a skrull.
If your definition of “super” is the ability to kick someone in the nuts with a rubber-rocky flaming invisible leg, you might be a skrull.
Posted by cookiehawk at September 14, 2007 12:15 AM
If concentration is all you need to stay in shape…you might be a greenneck.
Posted by cookiehawk at September 14, 2007 12:24 AM
If you’ve ever accidentally changed your hair color by sneezing…you might be a green neck.
If you’ve ever said “Don’t I know you?” to your own reflection…you might be a green neck.
Posted by Lee Houston, Junior at September 14, 2007 12:34 AM
If you are used as a convinent scrape goat by a major comic book company to end an ill-conceived major storyline, you might be a Skrull.
Posted by Stan Nerhaugen at September 14, 2007 12:59 AM
If your Mom is also your Dad, you might be a green-neck
Posted by cookiehawk at September 14, 2007 01:29 AM
If you’ve ever asked “Does this species make me look fat?”…you might be a green neck.
If the phrase “Just be yourself” makes you stop and think…you might be a green neck.
If a case of the hiccups has ever increased the size of your breasts…you might be a green neck.
Posted by Neil Robertson at September 14, 2007 02:04 AM
If you’re a Martian crimefighter who recently developed vertical ridges in your chin, Dan Didio thinks you might be a Skrull.
Posted by df2506 at September 14, 2007 02:20 AM
If you’re name is George W. Bush, you might be a Skrull.
If you once went out with Johnny Storm, you might be a Skrull.
If you’re green, you might be a Skrull…or She-Hulk or the Hulk or..
If you like the name Skrull, you just might be a Skrull.
If you’re best pals with Spiderman, you just might be a Skrull or Mary Jane or Aunt May…heck, those two could be Skrulls for all I know….(maybe thats what JMS has in mind!! )
If you love these you might be a Skrull jokes, you just might be a Skrull.
DF2506
” And I could go on and on and on…lol. hehe.”
Posted by Jason M. Bryant at September 14, 2007 02:22 AM
If your dandruff shampoo boasts, “now with scale remover,” you might be a Skrull.
If you spend a lot of time thinking about how nice it would be to be a cow, you might be a Skrull.
If you walk into your living room and see Reed Richards talking to your parents about regular testing, you might be a Skrull.
If you own a copy of every Star Trek episode where Kirk hooks up with a green chick, you might be a Skrull.
By the way, the Bendis Boards are doing something similar: http://www.606studios.com/bendisboard/showthread.php?t=126569
Posted by Tje Return of Skrullion at September 14, 2007 06:51 AM
If you thought Bruce Banner was a rank amateur until he went from grey to green, etc.
If you have to wonder why the She-Hulk won’t return your calls after you posted on-line that your favorite FF was the one where she was in the skin mag, you get the idea.
If you SITLL can’t get over feeling pissy that the US Mint adding new colors to money, yeah, okay.
If you think Kermit is a friggin’ whiner, need I go there?
If you want to feed every Mogwai you meet after midnight because it’s a better look for them…
Posted by Hooper at September 14, 2007 07:48 AM
If the women on your planet are hotter-looking than the men, chances are better than average you might be a skrull.
If people point at your dandruff and say you spilled your oregano, or if you once vaporized a man for offering you a pickle, you might be a Skrull.
If your Skrull-language bootleg of Jerry Maguire dubs Renée Zellweger saying “you had me at Skrull,” you might be a Skrull.
If you go into a bloodthirsty rage and shoot Marc Scott Zicree out of a misunderstanding upon hearing his name, you might be a Skrull.
If your Parisian murder-spree is fed by people shouting sacré bleu! you might be a Skrull with post-traumatic stress disorder.
This is from the Klingon-language edition of You Might Be A Skrull.
Jeez, Jerry, you couldn’t correct my misspelling of “the” in that paste?
If you don’t make improvements or corrections in your copies, you might be a Skrull.
Jeez, Jerry, you couldn’t correct my misspelling of “the” in that paste?
No.
~8?(`
Jeez, Jerry, you couldn’t correct my misspelling of “the” in that paste?
No.
~8?(`
It was kept in the interest hysterical… historical accuracy.
If you were born on the Skrull home planet, you might be a Skrull.
If you still believe that Ben Riley is the real Peter Parker, you might be a Skrull. Or Ben Riley. Either way, just let it go, man. Its over.
If you look like Brad Pitt, you’re a Skrull.
If you are Brad Pitt, you’re a Skrull.
If you don’t think there’s enough jokes here to make a column –
you might be a Skrull!
If you don’t think there’s enough jokes here to make a column –
you might be a Skrull!
If you don’t think there’s enough jokes here to make a column –
you might be a Skrull!
If you don’t think there’s enough jokes here to make a column –
you might be a Skrull!
If Galactus looks down at you and says, “capers!” you might be a Skrull.
If your green and live on the the shore of the deepest hypersaline lake in the world, you might be a Dead Sea Skrull.
Is there a deadline for this? There are a couple of posters here who have dumped on others for their lack of humor whose overwhelming hilarity I look forward to. I’d hate to think their skillful timing might cause them to miss out on Peter’s challenge.
If you cannot help but ponder the miracle of life as you breastfeed your reptilian infant, you might be a skrull.
If you’ve ever cried at a head of lettuce because it made you miss your family, you might be a green neck.
If you have ever walked away from a Mummenchantz performance thinking “Wow…. What an incredible documentary…” you might in fact be….
If you root for the Martians whenever you watch WAR OF THE WORLDS then, yes, you may be a Skrull.
If you dismissed the Thing from THE THING as an amateur, you may be a Skrull.
If you wistfully state “It’s funny because it’s true” whenever you watch DUCK DODGERS IN THE 24TH AND 1/2 CENTURY, the odds are excellent you may be a Skrull.
If you take copious “how-to/how-not-to” notes whenever you watch alien invasion movies, you may be a Skrull.
If you consider Gallagher funny . . . well, you may or may not be a Skrull, but you’re definitely an alien.
It was kept in the interest hysterical… historical accuracy.
If you think that people mistyping while trying to be funny and also trying to dress their son to get him to the schoolbus in ten minutes is hysterical, then, well, yeah, you’ve got a decent sense of humor. Unless you’re Jerry. If you’re Jerry, then you’re a Skrull.
If you think that you have the sexiest chin in the universe…. you might be a Skrull.
If you attack an entire race of beings because you’re mad at a completely different race of unrelated beings…. you might be a Skrull.
If you’re outraged over being omitted as a character in the TV show “Andromeda” … you might be a Skrull.
If you’ve ever placed a wager on ANY contest between a Kree and a Cotati… you might be a Skrull.
If you’ve ever surfed the Annihilation Wave… you might be a Skrull.
If you refuse to claim Tony Stark as one of your own… you might be a Skrull.
If you think that John Byrne wrote better storylines for the “Incredible Hulk” comic book than Peter David… you might be a Skrull!
-Mike D.
P.S. – Thank you to the family and friends of Peter David for all your contributions over the years!
If you think that you have the sexiest chin in the universe…. you might be a Skrull.
If you attack an entire race of beings because you’re mad at a completely different race of unrelated beings…. you might be a Skrull.
If you’re outraged over being omitted as a character in the TV show “Andromeda” … you might be a Skrull.
If you’ve ever placed a wager on ANY contest between a Kree and a Cotati… you might be a Skrull.
If you’ve ever surfed the Annihilation Wave… you might be a Skrull.
If you refuse to claim Tony Stark as one of your own… you might be a Skrull.
If you think that John Byrne wrote better storylines for the “Incredible Hulk” comic book than Peter David… you might be a Skrull!
-Mike D.
P.S. – Thank you to the family and friends of Peter David for all your contributions over the years!
If you think that you have the sexiest chin in the universe…. you might be a Skrull.
If you attack an entire race of beings because you’re mad at a completely different race of unrelated beings…. you might be a Skrull.
If you’re outraged over being omitted as a character in the TV show “Andromeda” … you might be a Skrull.
If you’ve ever placed a wager on ANY contest between a Kree and a Cotati… you might be a Skrull.
If you’ve ever surfed the Annihilation Wave… you might be a Skrull.
If you refuse to claim Tony Stark as one of your own… you might be a Skrull.
If you think that John Byrne wrote better storylines for the “Incredible Hulk” comic book than Peter David… you might be a Skrull!
-Mike D.
P.S. – Thank you to the family and friends of Peter David for all your contributions over the years!