UPDATE 9/14–I’M NOT SURE WHY THIS ENTRY DOUBLE POSTED, BUT SINCE WE’VE REPLIES TO BOTH, I’M NOT SURE THAT WE CAN CONSOLIDATE THEM. SO FOR SANITY’S SAKE, PLEASE POST YOUR RESPONSES TO THIS ONE AND IGNORE THE ONE BELOW. IF GLENN CAN WORK HIS MAGIC TO PUT THEM TOGETHER, I’M SURE HE WILL. (Further update: Glenn has locked the comments thread on the other one while he tries to figure out how to migrate them here. Glenn will aslo stop talking about himself in third person any minute now. –GH)
I channel surfed past a clip of Jeff Foxworthy at around the same time I was trying to think of what I’d do for my next “But I Digress.”
And I put the two together.
You know his whole “You might be a redneck..” thing? Like, “If your parents met at a family reunion, you might be a redneck.” Well, Skrulls have green necks, which is close. So here’s the challenge: In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy, come up with those little hints that might make you come to the realization that you might well be a Skrull. If I get enough of them, I’ll make a column out of it.
PAD
• 
You might be a Skrull if…
1. You grasp Mike’s nuances on a first reading of his comments…or even on a third.
2. You read any of my comments critical of PAD and say, “Yes, Jeff really hit the nail on the head this time; PAD should be ashamed!”
3. You come to this blog truly believing PAD’s point of view will have reversed itself completely to an adoration of the current Administration’s brilliant foresight since you read it yesterday.
(Apparently I’m 33% Skrull.)
“If your parents met at a family reunion, they might be skrulls posing as rednecks.”
If you believe comic-book monsters are real just because some yokel tells you, you might be a skrull.
If you are a convient explanation for any continuity error in your universe, you are SO a Skrull.
If you just wish those stupid grooves in your chin would just go away — and they DO — you might be a Skrull.
J.
If your retirement plans involve being, rather than having, a cow, you might be a Skrull.
If you think Jack Kirby artwork is amazingly true to life, you might be a Skrull.
If you feel compelled to attack a television set during any cartoon featuring Cree Summer’s voice acting work, you may be a Skrull.
If the most played song on your iPod is Ookla the Mok’s Theme Song For Super-Skrull, you may be a Skrull.
If you don’t believe in evolution, you may be a Skrull. Or a redneck. This one’s kinda hard to tell the difference. (per the Kree-Skrull War, neither the Kree nor Skrull will evolve any further)
If your girlfriend only likes you when you are also a girl, you might be a skrull.
If you forget to check whether your prisoners have parachutes to escape your malfunctioning spaceship, you might be a Skrull.
If John Byrne sees you as the answer to everyone’s problems, you might be a Skrull.
If you’re a bony structure which houses a brain, then you’re just one letter shy of being a Skrull.
TWL
If Galactus calls you an appetizer…you might be a Skrull
If you rooted for the Founders on Star Trek: Deep Space 9…you might be a Skrull
If you see nothing wrong with annihilating an entire planet just to kill one person…you might be a Skrull
If you see the Fantastic Four and think “bushleague”…you might be a Super-Skrull
Reminds me of The Great Luke Ski’s You Might Be A Trekkie…
Reminds me of The Great Luke Ski’s You Might Be A Trekkie…
Reminds me of The Great Luke Ski’s You Might Be A Trekkie…
Reminds me of The Great Luke Ski’s You Might Be A Trekkie…
If your entire spacefleet, nay, civilization, was stopped in it’s evil plans by a walking pretzel, a woman so hot that no one sees her, her brother that’s so hot that nobody can stand him, and someone who’s taken his Rocky fetish too far, you might be a Skrull.
If you change the name of what you start you’re ships with because it sorta sounds like someone that really annoys you, you might be a Skrull.
If you just can never get past He-Man and that stupid floating guy, you might be–oh, wait, that’s for Skrulletor.
You might be a Skrull if seeing a Kree driving in the lane next to you sends you into a road rage.
You might be a Skrull if you’re a vegetarian because you’re worried that eating meat might mean that you’re actually eating a family member.
Posted by Pat Nolan at September 14, 2007 12:27 AM
If you have won best costume at Halloween parties for the last 50 years, You might be a Skrull
If you think Lactose intolerance is a religion, you might be a Skrull.
If you think drinking milk is a form of cannibalism, you might be a Skrull
If you cry watching those shows about the crash at Roswell, you might be a Skrull
Pat
if you think of the Impossible Man, Douglocke and Morph as “Wannabe’s”, you might be a Skrull.
if you think of the Impossible Man, Douglocke and Morph as “Wannabe’s”, you might be a Skrull.
if you think of the Impossible Man, Douglocke and Morph as “Wannabe’s”, you might be a Skrull.
if you think of the Impossible Man, Douglocke and Morph as “Wannabe’s”, you might be a Skrull.
If you were rooting for the Martians in Mars Attacks and found the whole movie oddly familiar, you might be a Skrull
If you’ve been on a super-team where one of your members turned out to be skrull, don’t think tht just because of that, you might not be a skrull too!
You might be a skrull if:
You want to bìŧçh slap the Human Torch ever time you see him.
Hearing the name Galactus makes you pee in your pants.
You just hate anyone with blur skin
You think green headed super computers that rule a whole world are just…gay.
You have to travel 23948234 million miles to attend any sort of a family reunion
If you sigh wistfully every time you see an ad for men’s razors that shows people getting a nice, smooth chin, you might be a Skrull.
If “It’s Not Easy Being Green” has a permanent place on your iPod, you might be a Skrull.
If your wardrobe is dominated by purple, you might be a Skrull. (Note, this and the previous one also apply to being gamma-irradiated.)
If the women on your planet are hotter-looking than the men, chances are better than average you might be a skrull.
-If you’ve resolved your gender dysphoria not by undergoing major surgery, but just by concentrating……you might be a Skrull.
-If you’re favorite films are Sybil and The Three Faces of Eve, and your favorite tv show is The Pretender……you might be a Skrull.
-If every time someone asks you for ID, you have to pull out an entire photo album……you might be a Skrull.
-If you don’t quite comprehend why being called “two-faced” is an insult……you might be a Skrull.
-If you’re a guy, and your response to someone advising you get in touch with your feminine side is “Okay. How’s this?”……you might be a Skrull.
-If you think that someone’s written an unauthorized biography of you when first hearing of Joseph Campbell’s book, The Hero of a Thousand Faces……you might be a Skrull.
-If you’ve ever considered disguising yourself as a door in order to get a cheap thrill every time someone turns the knob……you might be a Skrull.
-If the parents where you’re from tend use to Transformers toys as props in just about every life lesson they teach to young children……you might be a Skrull.
-If, after you are seen committing a crime, ten different eyewitnesses give ten different descriptions of you to police and sketch artists–and they’re all dead-on accurate……you might be a Skrull.
-If you can single-handedly clean out a single house of their candy on Halloween within a half hour……you might be a Skrull.
-If identity theft is just a “harmless prank” where you’re from……you might be a Skrull.
-If getting a makeover requires just thinking really hard……you might be a Skrull.
-If, during all the scenes featuring the T-1000 in Terminator 2, you found yourself shouting at the screening, “Aw, come on, that’s not how it would happen!”……you might be a Skrull.
-If your resume is several inches thick, and you’re only a year out of college……you might be a Skrull.
-If it’s customary where you’re from to ask someone at a singles bar for a DNA check, just to make sure that they’re not some frat boy pulling a prank……you might be a Skrull.
-If that gag whereby identical twins go out with the same person by posing as each other is “just child’s play” to you……you might be a Skrull.
-If Sybil is
-If grazintooas ib shadayala grox inkumf di’Char fom ikbinix……you might be a Skrull.
Sorry about that aborted second-to-last item above.
If your daughter leases her Barbie Dream House to amphibians.
If you met her mother at an alien abduction.
If carbon-dating often starts with “I’ll have what she’s having.”
If your daughter leases her Barbie Dream House to amphibians.
If you met her mother at an alien abduction.
If carbon-dating often starts with “I’ll have what she’s having.”
If you’ve collected over 600 different species of Pokemon… then you’re either a Skrull or just a jammy bášŧárd with a time machine.
If you’ve BEEN over 600 different species of Pokemon…you might be a Skrull child.
If someone calls your momma a cow…and they’re right…you might be a skrull.
If you invade Iraq after calling it a quagmire, you might be a skrull.
If you join the Avengers and wonder why the X-Men haven’t noticed you left, you might be a skrull.
If you have pointy ears but never heard of Star Trek or Lord of the Rings, you just might be a Skrull.
You might be a green-neck…
* if your real face has been seen by fewer folks than have witnessed J.D. Salinger and Steve Ditko . . . in the same place.
* if a request by your significant other to “start seeing other people” doesn’t involve a break-up.
* if you can do a Rich Little impression.
* if your idea of a feel-good heart-warming movie is Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
* if you are almost as good an Elvis impersonator as Nicholas Cage.
* if you’re not white but you can reliably hail a taxi.
* if you think the least challenging game show ever is “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” (“Poof; I’m Ted Turner!”)
* if you have a bracelet with initials that stand for “What Would Martin Landau Do?”
* if, one day in 1972, you thought it would be funny to show up at Jackie Onassis’ house with an ice pack on your head, staggering and saying, “What was =that=?!”
* if you had traumatic changes to your voice, face, body, and mind on a daily basis during puberty. No, wait; that happens to everyone.
On dating…
If you go through 1000 outfits in 20 minutes while trying to get ready for your date, you might be a female Skrull.
If your girlfriend says “I want to know the real you” and by the end of the night runs out screaming… you might be a Skrull. (Or just really unlucky)
If you go to a night of speed dating, there are only 2 people there and you still have the guaranteed 15 dates in 90 minutes… you might be a Skrull.
If you are going out with the entire cast of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers… you might be a playa Skrull.
Until later
John
If the TV station where you grew up airs the One Stooge marathon, you might be a Skrull.
If your full-time job involves holding up letters on a bill board that reads “Eat More Chicken”, you might be a skrull.
If you sit around with your buddies and tell “you might be a Dire Wraith if…” jokes and think they’re the funniest dámņ things ever…you might be a Skrull.
If Rebecca Romjin’s role in the X-Men films ever made you miss your Mommy…you might be a Skrull. (You might also need help.)
If you think the term ‘Greenhorn’ refers to some new male enhancement medication…you might be a Skrull.
If you thought the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus was going to be a textbook…you might be a Skrull.
If you can claim that Mad Cow Disease runs in your father’s side of the family…you might be a Skrull.
If your dartboard only has one big ‘4’ on it and lots of blaster burns … you might be a Skrull.
if you think the only earthlings who are worth a dámņ are Ron Perleman & Eric Stoltz, you might be a Skrull
if you think the only earthlings who are worth a dámņ are Ron Perleman & Eric Stoltz, you might be a Skrull
if you think the only earthlings who are worth a dámņ are Ron Perleman & Eric Stoltz, you might be a Skrull
if you think the only earthlings who are worth a dámņ are Ron Perleman & Eric Stoltz, you might be a Skrull
1. If you can make sense of DC continuity, you might be a skrull.
2. If you say can you go both ways and really can, you might be a skrull.
3. If you catch yourself singing “It’s not easy being green” in the shower, you might be a skrull.
4. If you know where the next issue of “Ultimate Hulk vs. Wolverine” is, you might be a skrull.
5. If the only “Identity Crisis” you know of is your own, you might be a skrull.
6. If your idea of a lovable companion is Stretch Armstrong, you might be a skrull.
Aw, I wanted to go for ten, but I’ll call it quits here…
Or you have real GOOD family genes…
If it’s green and penicillin is not the answer, you might be a Skrull.
If you find that you’re the answer to years of convoluted and poorly thought out continuity and plotting, you might be a Skrull.
If you’re the only girl who’ll give The Human Torch the time of day, you might be a Skrull.
If your plans for a “hot” Friday night are turning into a video game machine and hanging out at the local arcade all evening, you might be a perverted Skrull.
If you have tattoos of thirty seven different women on your body and they all say “MOM” under them, you might be a Skrull.
If “Who would you like to be tonight?” isn’t just a role playing game, you might be a Skrull.
If “But I thought she was you, Honey.” actually works as an excuse, you might be a Skrull (and/or marred to a blond.)
If your wife can then in return actually get away with using But, I thought he was you, Honey.” as an excuse, you might be a Skrull.
Skrull divorce lawyers must go through hëll. That would have been a funny story for What The… when Marvel was still publishing it. or is it only me?
If the phrase “I don’t know who my father is” doesn’t necessarily mean that you were raised by a single mother, you might be a Skrull.
and finally (yeah, I know, not soon enough….)
If your dog attacks you when you get home from work everyday because you forgot to change, you might be a Skrull.
If your reaction to seeing The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao was to dismissively sneer, “Amateur!” during the credits, the you might be a Skrull.
Posted by PAD:
UPDATE 9/14–I’M NOT SURE WHY THIS ENTRY DOUBLE POSTED, BUT SINCE WE’VE REPLIES TO BOTH, I’M NOT SURE THAT WE CAN CONSOLIDATE THEM. SO FOR SANITY’S SAKE, PLEASE POST YOUR RESPONSES TO THIS ONE AND IGNORE THE ONE BELOW. IF GLENN CAN WORK HIS MAGIC TO PUT THEM TOGETHER, I’M SURE HE WILL.
Come now, PAD. You REALLY don’t know why this entry double-posted? REALLY?
I’d have thought it was rather obvious, given the topic at hand.
Everyone be warned: This second post is a Skrull.
If you’ve recently begun hunting down heroes, imprisoning them in other-dimensional prisons, launching them into space – all “for the good of the world” – and generally behaving like a fascist jerk, you might be a Skrull. (Or, maybe Immortus is just screwing with your brain again.)