I think there should be a superhero called the Flying F–k. I think that would be cool. The dialogue practically writes itself.
DAMSEL: You’ll never get away with this!
VILLAIN: Lady, I don’t give a flying f–k what you say…
FF: (bursts into room) Did someone mention me?
VILLAIN: F–K!
FF: That’s right.
Maybe he can have a partner. Holy S**t. So when they both burst in, the villain shouts, “Flying F–k! Holy S–t!”
Wow. Maybe I do have too much time on my hands.
PAD
• 
Yes.
I think their main adversary should be named “Son of a B—h”!
And what would the heroes lair be called? The F–k Cave? Would they drive the F–k mobile?
The mind boggles. (gosh it’s late)
Brilliant! You want to expand on the idea? I think we can work it in as a back-up feature for Super Hero Happy Hour.
I dunno, but I have a feeling there is a sex in zero gravity joke in their somewhere.
I worry about you sometimes, Peter.
You know, the current run of Captain Marvel makes much more sense now. thanks.
BTW the current issue with Spidey is much better. The first issue of this run where I don’t have the urge to fling it into a shreader.
Only sometimes?
I figure you’ve got to do the Austin Powers crossover where they fight Fat B
There would also need to be a housemaid for the F–kcave…
Mother F—-r.
Overdose of softball, need sleep…
jeff
Hmmm, someone’s been hitting the bottle. *does the drinky drinky movement*
oh, PAD, you goof. there already is a character named “flying f—k” in the marvel MAX line… and, if i’m wrong, hot dammit, there should be.
i know it would be funnier and more socially profound than that new run of “howard the duck” they did.
-eD!
And let’s not forget the duo’s occasional ally from the U.K., Bûggër All.
Need sleep now…
TWL
Wow – tasteless and poinent all at the same time. Have you been spending time watching Comedy Central again?
Just joking, really ^_^
BTW – The latest Coven Storyline in Captain Marvel has been extaticly great! Awsome move getting Spidey in there. And bless you for getting Spidey on the cover of part two – when they where not planning on doing so.
Looking forward to more of Captain Marvel’s Grand Cosmic Opus down the Cosmic Drain.
>snicker< That’s fun…
What is it about swear words in some situations that are just funny as heck.
On a side note, when I was a wee lad, if I used the word B
Great idea!
How about a name for a supervillain. For some reason, I think a clever name would be “KISS MY A–“
FF: Surrender!
KMA: I don’t give Flying F—! Behold!
(unveils FF’s partner strapped to a giant drill bit)
FF: Holy Sh–!
KMA: Yes and in mere seconds he’ll be just plain Holy. Now, do you yield?
HS (breaking free): Kiss my A–!
KMA (distracted): What?
The momentary distraction allows FF to pull out his Flame Utilizer (the FU) and engulf KMA in a wall of flame.
I have too much time on my hands.
And what would the heroes lair be called? The F–k Cave? Would they drive the F–k mobile?
Just F–kinig Cave (holds no limits for uses)
“Where are you going tonight?”
“The F–king Cave
“I’ve got to get out of here, if I stay one more minute in this F–cking Cave, I will completely lose my mind.
“Get down to that F–cking Cave right now!”
“Get the F–k mobile out of the F–king Cave before Smoker and Jina tag teams someone. Wait! On second thought…. 😉
Holy Curses Batman!
Way too early in the AM….
And of course, do not forget the “unapproved” girl side-kick: What The F— and her kitty Little F—er.
Oooo, you’re right… waaaay too early in the morning for this.
How is it that putting in little dashes makes this blog family friendly? That’s [deleted cuss words for fear of post being removed; not debating some sort of 1st amendment right to cuss since this isn’t my house].
And there’s your Epic pitch right there.
Genius!
Anyone notice that Peter didn’t write the full name of his own character — on his own website? If you can’t do it here…
The Flying F–k sounds like a character from the comic THE PRO. Or a never-published Archie Comic…
And of course, let’s not forget the issue of XXXENOPHILE featuring Orgasm Lass and her sidekick Fourplay (with four arms) battling the Villainous Vibrator and the Ice Queen. Very good, even if OL’s costume is more of a French Maid’s outfit than a superhero costume.
(although I’m told that among the current twelve year old set, they don’t even realize that the B-word was ever a curse word, let alone it’s original meaning).
Well, good. It never made sense to me anyway to have a derisive word used to describe a kid who had absolutely no control over what he’s being shamed for. Blame the parents, not the kid–not that that’s anyone else’s business anyway, but still…
Dude, you do have way, WAY too much time on your hands.
I like the idea of Bûggër All, but add the sidekick Jolly Roger.
JSM
On a side note, this is relevant to a tyrade I’ve made about what is funny. Not in a bad way.
Cursing isn’t inherently funny unless done correctly. Censored cursing, however, is potentially one of the funniest things in the English language.
I present to you as exhibit A: Adam Sandler. I know the majority find him inexplicably funny, and the rest hate him as a talentless, unfunny comedian. However, in my opinion he reached the apex of his comedic career shortly after leaving Saturday Night Live. I’m sure some of you remember his first album What the Hëll Happened to Me? — you must, it sold quite well. On that album, in addition to some unfunny drivel about an abused talking goat (?) was the song “Ode to My Car.” The song on its own was kind of funny, partly because it was a guy singing about his crappy car. When I first heard the song, however, it was on Dr. Demento’s radio show. As you know, a radio show, being on the radio like it is, is subject to FCC rules, one of which prohibits cursing before 11PM locally (The Doctor’s show aired as early as noon in some areas, so the nationally syndicated host couldn’t take any chances), meaning the lyrics “Piece of s— car, I got a piece of s— car…” had to be censored. Thing was, Dr. Demento got what I believe was an “official radio version,” which censored itself with layered car horn sound effects (by layered I mean that a car honk was applied to the individual track of sound, backup singers or Adam Sandler, meaning that if one track was being censored, it didn’t block what the other track was saying). It was one of the funniest things I’d heard up to that point in my life. Something equally funny (though considerably shorter) was in his golf movie Happy Gilmore. In a scene following his semi-pro debut (where he flings his clubs around, beats on his caddy and swears up a storm), some golfing executives are discussing his behavior with the televised golf match going on in the background. As the characters have a discussion relevant to the plot, you can hear Adam Sandler swearing while the network censor tries desperately to cover for him.
Not nearly as funny is the uncensored “Ode,” as I said.
Of course they wouldn’t operate about of something called the “F–k Cave.” That makes no sense.
They’d work out of the sidekick’s HQ, known as the S–t Hole. Which is camouflaged by Stately S–t House.
However, the money for the S–t Hole would come from the Flying F–k, who would bankroll it by pulling a few thousand dollar bills out of his F–k wad.
PAD
Dan Taylor mentioned SUPER HERO HAPPY HOUR. It’s a terrific comic. Everyone should read it, preferably with a ice cold Coors.
“Have you been spending time watching Comedy Central again?”
Funny you should mention that. On last night’s show, Jon Stewart did a very similar scatalogical bit, pronouncing “FCC” as “f*ck” (of course) and adding rhetorically, “Does saying their name actually violate their rules?”
pulling a few thousand dollar bills out of his F–k wad.
Wow! He’s got money coming out of his ášš!
(blame my husband for this!)
Given the caliber of “comedy” in the new issue of LOBO released this week, I’d say that this looks like a high-priority new series for DC.
OK, I admit I bought the issue because he was fighting a guy that used his immensely oversized testicles as weapons. What’s your point?
And let’s not forget his occassional ally, Rat’s Úš.
The scene: a lonely mansion where a solitary man broods. Suddenly, a rat backs into the room! “That’s it!”, he exclaims!!
Early in his career, he’s known as: The “Rat’s – Úš” ( ‘The’, hyphen, and quotation marks all included ) . Later, he’s just called: Rat’s Úš. In the ensuing decades, both to distance the hero from the memory of a campy T.V. show based on him and to give the character gravitas among comic-book snobs, he’s frequently referred to as: The Rat’s Úš ( sarcastic italics mine ) .
I think I need a nap.
Hooper
Well, F**K!
As for FX allowing the use of the word Sh*t, they also allow it on The Shield and Lucky, their original series’. I think that pretty much just leaves f**k as the only word that can’t be used on TV.
FF and HS can meet their new nemesis, a mutant called HOWARD THE ÐìÇK.
1. One of the funniest lines in Fox’s heavily-bleeped comedy Action from a few years back was also one that did not need to be bleeped because it cleverly slid the offending word (4 letters, starts with c) past censors’ awareness.
Here’s the set-up: man talking with ex-wife who is now re-married to gay man but pregnant by the ex-husband. Gay current husband very pleased by the pregnancy as this offers “evidence” of his virility, and does not want people to know who really got her pregnant because, as the ex-wife says, he wouldn’t like people to know that he does not do his own “stunts”. To which the ex-husband: “Yes, you always were a cunning stunt.”
In honor of that, I’d like to suggest some supporting characters for FF’s comic (which I am looking forward to reading as soon as you find a publisher…)
FF has a reporter friend who helps dig up information, and an acrobat friend who teaches FF and HS sneaky maneuvers. The reporter is called Legman and the acrobat is Stuntman (aka The Cunning Stuntman).
Legman and Stuntman often get together for drinks. The lecherous Legman loves to watch women walking by, often commenting “I love their legs!” Another cast member, Titter (known for her giggle powers) tends to gaze at the chest areas of women walking by, commenting, “I love women’s breasts!” Stuntman, however, is obsessed with acrobatics and apparently oblivious to women; he tends to gaze about waist-high as they walk by and says, “I’m only interested in their stunts.”
2. Another member of the supporting cast, whom FF often turns to for help (the way Marvel heroes often turn to Reed Richards or Tony Stark) is One Smart Feller…
3. In the Golden Age, there was the Hitch, who always found a way to foil the plans of criminals. In the Silver Age, her daughter wore the costume. Both have been retired for many years. But now the grand-daughter has decided to carry on the tradition, and has joined the Best Ever Action Team. “Holy S___!” Exclaims FF, pointing to the television as a story comes on about the team’s newest member. “That looks like a Hitch in B.E.A.T.!”
4. Then, of course, there are PAD’s own Nuk’n’Futz (replaced in YJ at editorial request by Fite’n’Madd) who could finally appear under their own names.
5. One of FF’s opponents is similar to Batman’s Mad Hatter, except that it’s wigs, not hats, that the Wig Banker is obsessed with.
6. This one isn’t a Spoonerism, and has already been used on The Simpsons, but cries out to be plagiari– um, cries out to be homaged. FF has a friend/foe with powers similar to the Human Torch: Flaming Homer.
7. And let’s not forget FF’s most sarcastic foe, who knows how to get opponents so riled with insults that they lose their tempers, fight blindly, and are easily beaten. That’s right, it’s the Master Baiter!
8. One more comment. Many of us seem to be assuming FF is male. As Chris Claremont used to ask repeatedly (and to good effect) in the 1970s: “Is there any reason why this character couldn’t be a woman?”
I can’t read all the messages, but about 7 years ago I wrote down an idea for a frat boyish(Animal House type frat boys, fun loving subversive goofs, not dunderheaded jocks) super hero team called Futuristic Underground Crypt Kickers. You figure it out.
It was a stupid little running gang where every time the foul mouthed bad guys would swear one of the members of the team would come back with some witticism about the team. Then the team would go back to their home base, smoke a bowl and laugh at how the bad guys would just get so annoyed by the inanity of it.
“Did you see that vein in MechaDestroyer’s head? It looked ready to pop, dude!”
Instead of F—cave, I think F—hole sounds more, um, approiate.
Anyone want to speculate on what he carries in his utility belt?
PAD wrote: They’d work out of the sidekick’s HQ, known as the S–t Hole. Which is camouflaged by Stately S–t House.
If this is made of bricks, they’d have an honest-to-Gawd Brick Sh-t house!
Ya. Hoo.
A while back, a friend sent me a .wav file for a fictional furniture store sale. It may have been a morning zoo type radio spot.
Sofa King
High Sofa King Standards
Sofa King Low Prices
Sofa King Huge Selection
You get the idea…
Peter, you must be the fastest writer in history. Why? because you write novels comics, TV sometimes and you still have time to think up crazy s#!t like this. And you have a new baby. You are one potent F–K.
P.S. I enjoy the latest run of CM, and I like that the latest issue was kinda self contained for part 2 of 4, but I don’t think I can take much more of this “new marvel” captain marvel. Why does marvel insist on their comics being pased like a movie or TV show? It’s a dámņ comic book.
> end rant
Can Flying F–k and Holy S–t prevail against the menace of the British Isles, Bloody Bølløçkš?
first villian I thought of was Professor Potty Mouth! dont ask what his power is…
Other enemies to consider…
Bloody Hellion
Natty Nice
Gecho PhreakAwn
Screw Yue
Ðìldø Dally
Testy Cal
The vehicle should be the Craptasticar. The plane would be the Flying F**k. The mentor could be Little Willie.
>>Why does marvel insist on their comics being pased like a movie or TV show? It’s a dámņ comic book.<<
Why?? Because they’ve actually had a modicum of success with movies made of their properties lately!!
Just don’t get me started on Marvel’s “(W)horing Our Heroes For Hollywood’…I mean… “Ultimate” titles!!!
( Although PAD wrote a column a year-and-a-half or two ago that hits the nail square on the head!! It’s as timely now as it was then, especially what with the T.V. commercial….I think it’s for the ‘Hulk Hands’ toys….where a kid bellows the ‘And I LIKE it!” phrase from the first ‘Hulk’ trailer!!! )
Hooper
>>Can Flying F–k and Holy S–t prevail against the menace of the British Isles, Bloody Bølløçkš?<<
Actually, I thought Bloody Elle would be more like it.
Curiously, though, she’s only at large three days out of the month…..
Hooper
FF’s powers could include increased intelligence, which he would refer to as his F–kwit.
OK, it’s a bit of a reach, but what the f–k?
It’s no worse than the deliberately-lame heroes I came up with years ago: Wicker Woman! The Pipe (a licensed plumber using his ablilities to fight crime)! Major Dinge (essentially, Peanuts’ Pig Pen grown up as a super-hero)! Captain Cloisonne! Annoying Man (heee’s TOUCHING yoooou!)! Captain Tedium (talks about rocks in a monotone voice until the villains fall into comas)! And The Masked Euphemism! Together, they are: The Well-Intentioned Six!
I don’t even have “it’s late” as an excuse…
Paul
This reminds me of the immature thing I did, in my infancy on local BBS’s. I wrote a long piece about “S–t” being the name of an ancient deity, and every use of the word you can think of applied. “Holy S–t” being the most obvious one.
The problem with this stuff is the same problem with song parodies, and why guys like Weird Al, Alan Sherman and Spike Jones have/had troubled careers. It’s clever, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s funny.
Oh, that is BEAUTIFUL. I love it. Lurve it, in fact. Cheers, Mr. David, for the hearty laugh.
Just goes to show, anything Pete pulls out of his hat turns to gold.
You could always offer the characters to Bendis to use in Powers.
The problem with this stuff is the same problem with song parodies, and why guys like Weird Al, Alan Sherman and Spike Jones have/had troubled careers. It’s clever, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s funny.
Actually, all three of those guys are freakin’ hilarious. Also, I’m not as familiar with the other two, but Wierd Al has as much original material as he does parodies.
4. Then, of course, there are PAD’s own Nuk’n’Futz (replaced in YJ at editorial request by Fite’n’Madd) who could finally appear under their own names.
Wait… does that mean Empresses original name was gonna be…. (bwhahahahahahaha!) Anita Futz?