Category: Useless Stories

Editor’s note: Part 1 of this story was published on this site December 28 and can be found here. We’re getting back to the regular schedule of posting classic BID columns. Part 3 (of 3) will appear on Monday.

Originally published July 17, 1998, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1287

“The TruBatman Show, Part 2”

The arctic wasteland stretched before him.

Bruce Wayne drew the white camouflage more tightly around himself, approaching the entrance he knew was waiting for him. He’d been there before, any number of times, but it had always been under carefully controlled circumstances. It had never been like this, never in some sort of skulking manner. And never, ever, under a circumstance where he felt that he could trust no one.

Continue Reading ““The TruBatman Show,” Part 2″ →

Originally published July 10, 1998, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1286

“The TruBatman Show”

We have a world that is possessed of infinite capability for amusement. Our people can sit for hours, even days, wrapped in worlds of holovids and endless possibilities. And I, one of the greatest scientists of our age—have decided that that is wrong. That we have lost touch with reality. Because we have become so enamored with fiction—we have lost sight of the simple, enriching joy of fact. This was my first, greatest concern when I embarked on this grand adventure which has captivated millions. We wanted it—and we needed it…

Continue Reading ““The TruBatman Show,” Part 1″ →

Originally published June 5, 1998, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1281

And now, the pilot of Jerry Seinfeld’s next series…

seinfeld, p.i.

“I got us a client, Jerry.”

I looked up from my Superman comic book, as my partner, George, walked into our impeccably neat office. The door had the words “Seinfeld and Costanza, Private Investigators” stenciled on the glass. George clapped his hands together briskly, swinging the door shut behind them. “Her name’s Elaine Benes. Says her husband’s cheating on her. We got a client!” His excitement seemed to convulse his entire stubby body.

Continue Reading ““Seinfeld, P.I.”” →

Originally published March 28, 1997, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1219

And now, in celebration of the 20-year anniversary of Star Wars, we present the untold story (well, untold until now) of the single most important individual in the entire trilogy. The individual upon whom the whole story has hinged. And yet, his praises have gone unsung. There are no books about him, no background on him, no notice of him whatsoever in any description of the main points of Star Wars. Hearken to the following tale (a commentary on the series—which is ®, ^TM, and © Lucasfilm Ltd. and not confirmed by anyone in that organization):

A Long Time Ago… in a Galaxy Far, Far Away…

Continue Reading “Skippy the Jedi Droid” →

Originally published February 14, 1997, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1213

From The Book of Gen-X-is:

In the beginning, the comic book market was void and without form.

And the Lord looked down upon the comic book market and stretched out His hand. And two forms spun out into the ether and were shaped into existence.

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Originally published September 13, 1996, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1191

For the past two weeks, we’ve been bringing you installments of an unused Space Cases script written by Bill Mumy and Peter. The ship’s crew has seen a vision of their imminent destruction and Davenport is dealing with it poorly. Rosie, on the other hand, is facing a crisis of her own.

Continue Reading “Space Cases: “Same Old, Same Old” Part 3” →

Originally published September 6, 1996, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1190

Last time, we presented Part 1 of Peter David and Bill Mumy’s unfilmed script for an episode of Space Cases. As we left the crew of the Christa, they were attempting to discover the source of a scene showing the ship’s (and presumably the crew’s) demise.

Continue Reading “Space Cases: “Same Old, Same Old” Part 2” →