Originally published January 7, 2000, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1364

“Being Stan Lee”  (Conclusion)

Editor’s Disclaimer: The Gregor Samsa, Stan Lee, Bill Clinton, and anyone else portrayed herein are not the Gregor Samsa, Stan Lee, and Bill Clinton of Earth-Prime.

Gregor Samsa, having found himself within the head of Stan Lee, watched in amazement as Lee was face to face with a smiling Bill Clinton, leader of the free world.

“You got the desk, didn’t you,” said Lee. It wasn’t a question. Stan Lee removed his sunglasses, apparently as a gesture of respect.

Clinton chuckled. “And here I thought I’d hidden myself well enough with go-betweens. How’d you know I bought your desk at the eBay charity auction?”

“My spider-sense told me!” Lee said with a laugh. “That and the smug grin on your face, Bill.”

Continue Reading ““Being Stan Lee,” Part III” →

Originally published December 31, 1999, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1363

“Being Stan Lee” (Part Two)

As Stan Lee roared up to the First Savings and Loan bank, Gregor Samsa—a helpless spectator within Stan Lee’s mind—watched in amazement. Stan slammed his Range Rover to a halt and had vaulted from the car before the engine noise fully faded. Crowds of people had gathered at the police barricade and, when they saw him, an excited buzz began to work its way through them. Applause began to ripple and then built, moment upon moment, to a full-fledged ovation. Stan Lee waved to them all, moving with confidence, as the barricade was parted to let him through.

Walking toward him briskly was a plainclothes, older cop who Greg immediately assumed was the “Captain Tangretti” who had summoned Stan Lee. “Thanks for coming so fast, Stan. Break any traffic laws getting here?”

“Only all of ’em,” said Stan. “So what’s the story, Jimmy?”

Continue Reading ““Being Stan Lee,” Part II” →

Originally published December 24, 1999, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1362

“Being Stan Lee”

Gregor Samsa awoke one day to discover that he was Stan Lee.

Gregor—“Greg” to his friends—had been sorting through back-issue comics, part of his job at Ninth World Comics in Malibu. It was, however, taking Greg longer to do than usual, because he had stumbled over old issues of Fantastic Four that he remembered fondly. The storyline was the immortal “Battle of the Baxter Building” sequence, and reading those issues had led to reading others, both before and after. Childhood memories seized him, and he was transported to those pleasant recollections of the first, heady days of Marvel—back when it was the company that could do no wrong, and every issue was an infinity of possibilities.

He muttered the dialogue out loud as he read it, carried away as always by the style of the inimitable Stan Lee. So many people had tried to diminish his contributions to Marvel’s success, but there was no question that it was his voice that provided the heart and soul of the characters.

Fired by sudden inspiration, Greg used the store’s computer to go online and ran a search under the name of his creative hero. Sure enough, he was quickly led to stanlee.net. He chuckled as curtains opened on the screen and a computer cartoon of Stan Lee—recorded with Lee’s inimitable tone—welcomed him. He surveyed the options and was attracted to the entry of “free newsletter.” It was the description that caught his eye. It read, “Get wired directly to Stan all the time!”

He couldn’t pass that up. Yet, for some reason, the mouse vibrated urgently beneath his hand as he paused over the option. It seemed to be—warning him. He ignored it—and clicked on the invitation to “Get wired directly to Stan.”

Continue Reading ““Being Stan Lee,” Part I” →

Originally published March 26, 1999, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1323

I dunno why, but I felt like sharing this short one-act that I wrote some time back. I’ve dabbled now and again with producing something for the stage. That’d be fun, I think. Movies worship directors, television is enamored of the actors, but only in legit theater does the writer truly rule. In any event, the following is a little piece I call:

Shoeicide

Continue Reading ““Shoeicide”” →

Originally published December 4, 1998, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1307

 

A PETER DAVID FILM

MARVELMANIC

(conclusion)

Jack and Rose gasped and threw themselves back against the wall, unable to take their eyes off the spectacle of hundreds upon thousands of spiders. They were skittering along the ceiling, a black mass heading toward, presumably, safety.

Jack watched where they were headed, turned to Rose, and said, “If the spiders are going that way, it’s good enough for me. Come on!” He grabbed Rose’s hand and pulled, and the girl needed no further urging.

Continue Reading “Marvelmanic, Part II” →

Originally published November 27, 1998, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1306

 

A PETER DAVID FILM

MARVELMANIC

The owner was not happy.

The collision had jolted him from his sound sleep. It had been a serene slumber, for he had had his usual pleasant dreams. It had been dreams of his ownership of the Marvelmanic, the biggest, most powerful of its kind. He dreamt of others looking on in amazement, Marveling at what he had constructed. He was the king of all there was, he was the surveyor of a world that looked upon him with awe. He reveled in adulation, he foresaw new towers of power that he would climb and from there he would look down upon all those whom he had left behind. They admired him, they feared him, they sought to be like him and all the while knew that they could never begin to match his greatness.

And there were the headlines, the headlines he was always boasting that he would achieve, headlines that he was constantly seeking. Headlines describing his latest, greatest triumph—whatever that might happen to be. He was determined that Marvelmanic was going to give him opportunities for newer, even bigger headlines. Full-page banners, crowning him as the new king of entertainment, touting his empire…

All very pleasant dreams—until the sudden, massive thud, followed quickly by a grinding noise evocative of a thousand coffin lids opening. It sent him tumbling to the floor, and, once he pulled himself together, he yanked on a robe and headed to the command center.

Continue Reading “Marvelmanic, Part I” →

Originally published July 24, 1998, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1288

“The TruBatman Show, Part 3 (Conclusion)”

He sits before me, looking at me with an assortment of emotions tumbling through him. I was sure of that. How could he not be feeling shock, confusion, anger, denial—every possible human emotion? Were I human, I could likely relate more closely to it.

Batman was surrounded by all his greatest foes and greatest friends. They were mingling with disconcerting informality, and he had an insane impulse to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Continue Reading ““The TruBatman Show,” Part 3″ →