LOUSY PUN CHALLENGE

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

The following news item screams for a lousy pun:

TAIPEI (Jan 29) – The decomposing remains of a 66-ton sperm whale exploded on a busy Taiwan street, showering nearby cars and shops with blood and organs and stopping traffic for hours, local newspapers said. The 56-foot dead whale had been on a truck headed for an autopsy at a university earlier this week, when gases from internal decay caused its entrails to explode in the southern city of Tainan. The whale had died after it was beached on the southwestern coast of the island.

This is not a contest because there’s no prize except the universal contempt of your peers. And let’s head off the likely first forty respondents by saying, “Wow, talk about your huge sperm donors” and “Everyone stood around blubbering” just to get those out of the way.

Go.

PAD

116 comments on “LOUSY PUN CHALLENGE”

  2. Whale, what with the occasion being what it was it entrailed plenty of people coming round to chew the fat, so to speak. It spermed much discussion about the dangers of being a tightass. Something about taking deep breaths followed by letting it all out.

    One wonders at what poetry had been going on in the head of Poet Master Porpoise the Not-So-Flatulant for his intestines to attempt to throttle it’s brain. Of course, it was several hours delayed and the intestines leaped in a very not straight-up-though-the-neck sorta way, but it’s the thought that counts. Perhaps he was trying to explode onto the transspecies poetry scene.

    I suppose this means that you can lead a whale to land but you can’t make it speak. It seems obvious he was just dieing to tell us something. Maybe he was a frustrated artist and this was his piece de la resistance. For the locals this performance piece was served up as a piece de la delicious.

  3. Man #1: ” There’s sonething fishy about all this.”

    Man #2: “Nothing fishy here, since whales are mammals. : )”

    Man #1: “Duh! I learned that when I was 7. But if you want to be picky…”

    Man #1 to Woman at Counter: “Mammal have that order to go. I want to eat at the entrails rather than here, the beginning trails.”

  5. The trick to a good pun

    You must have missed something, cause PAD asked for lousy puns. 🙂

  7. The local paper had a great caption for THEIR headline

    Moby ICK!

    Jeez. All because I took pain killers for my aching back

  8. “Bystanders were bludgeoned with pieces of flying whale flesh. They were black and beluga all over…”

  9. Not for nuthin, but the news said the whale died on January 17th. Did they just poke it with sticks for 2 weeks, seems that the local university might have moved on this a bit sooner.

    I gotta see the crew that put it on the dámņ truck in the first place.

    Truck Driver heard to say

    “I thought they smelled bad… on the outside”

  10. The local janitor expressed his dislike of having to clean up whale innards. He hated their guts.

    The truck driver also commented, saying that it was not his intention to paint the town red.

    Local children, frightened by the explosion, whaled in fear.

    Law enforcement authorities have issued several cetaceans to the responsible parties.

    Some fear that the incident will gut the local economy.

  11. …showering nearby cars and shops with blood and organs and stopping traffic for hours

    – Next time perhaps they’ll pack those organs in boxes instead of a dead whale.

    – I’ve heard of public showers, but this is ridiculous.

  13. That much sperm whale all over the place? Sounds like he blew a seal.

    —

    Looks like Jonathan Frakes will have to wait for another specimen for the first episode of “Whale-ian autopsy”

    —

    At least the marks aren’t sperminant.

    —

    I thought that whale looked like he was humping the truck.

    —

    I TOLD you to go before we left!

    —

    NO!!!! I said if you were bored to HUM!

  14. I never claimed to be any better i was just Explaining the difference between Jokes and puns sorry didn’t mean to strike a Nerve.

    BUt regardless here my attempt

    Uhm i thought the Whaling wall was in Isreal.

    how about

    ” Sorry Charlie “

    Before i get called a rascist it’s the Starkiss tuna commercial not a slang for Asian remark

    What you what me to pay for the Sushi when all this free Willy outside?

    or a punchline

    And thus Charles retained his title as the Prince of Whales

  16. It’s not a pun, but what I thought when I read the story was “The Oregon Highway Department is trying to breed more of these.”

Comments are closed.