The following news item screams for a lousy pun:
TAIPEI (Jan 29) – The decomposing remains of a 66-ton sperm whale exploded on a busy Taiwan street, showering nearby cars and shops with blood and organs and stopping traffic for hours, local newspapers said. The 56-foot dead whale had been on a truck headed for an autopsy at a university earlier this week, when gases from internal decay caused its entrails to explode in the southern city of Tainan. The whale had died after it was beached on the southwestern coast of the island.
This is not a contest because there’s no prize except the universal contempt of your peers. And let’s head off the likely first forty respondents by saying, “Wow, talk about your huge sperm donors” and “Everyone stood around blubbering” just to get those out of the way.
Go.
PAD
• 
Star Trek V? I guess it would be obscure to involve whales in mountain climbing, Uhura dancing naked and wondering why God would need a starship.
So THATS where Saddam hid the WMDs.
(singing):
66-tons of sperm whale on the wall,
66-tons of sperm whale,
If one of those tons should happen to fall..
KABOOM!!!!
(okay, so it’s not a pun, I couldn’t resist, though I wonder if Sir Apropos was involved in this explosion too. You wouldn’t do that Peter, would you?)
Sir Apropos Book Four: Whale and Hearty.
Or… the very long night of washing to get the stink out in Tainan…Or…Imzadi forever haiving that vacation just ruined by the memory. Or…I should just stop now
“Honey, looks like we’re back in Wales”, said the Welsh Tourist to his wife.
Newspaper Headline:
“Finding Nemo star succumbs to pressure of fame”
Sushi’s on the house.
“Sometimes, you just can’t anticipate these things”, said a nearby flowerpot.
“Sperm whale splattered all over ground, mysterious bowl of petunias found at the scene.”
Oh no, not again.
I wonder what the university study entrailed.
Well, it’s not really a pun, but I think that a line from Homer really sums this up:
“Woo-hoo! Look at that blubber fly!”
Jonah in the whale:
What the *@#% was that?
WSJ3
Best as I can tell all the preceding 60 comments were from people with both an X and a Y chromosome. All you guys need to
grow up and get a life.
Those poor Taiwanese people, having to clean up so much whale residue. What they need is someone with a Taipei personality.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
So, if a whale’s bowels explode, does that constitute a weapon of ášš eruption?
Since this may not be in good taste; highlight at your own risk…
Dead Willy finds Happy-Ending while locals dodge sperm chunks to the face.
If there was ever a case for the pros of mášŧûrbáŧìøņ, this one is it.
“We’re going to need a bigger truck…”
not a pun but a literary reference…
We have one exploding whale…where’s the flowerpot?
Where will you be when your diarrea comes back?
Pinnochio II: The Revenge
Gee, Genevieve, seems to me that some of us might need to grow up and get a sense of humor.
No contribution from me, since the mildest retort I could offer is R-rated, and I see Genevieve from “Adults Against Funny Blogs” is already on the case…
Sounds like it’s a real “sticky” situation… 😉
“Sperm whale splattered all over ground, mysterious bowl of petunias found at the scene.”
OK, that one tops the list. If anyone’s keeping count.
Bystanders had to Flee Willy.
OK – I guess this just goes to show that sometimes it’s better to leave whale enough alone…
I am NOT against funny blogs at all. What I am against is arrested male development.
By the way, have you heard that the word “evolution” will be eliminated from Georgia textbooks and substituted with a vague euphemism? What other words could be eliminated and what could be put in their place?
Genvie
Okay, we’ve had at least 5 Hitchhiker’s references. We GET it. It was funny when Douglas Adams wrote it and it was funny the first time here. Can we please stop making note of it?
And why has no one else commented on the casting of Mos Def as Ford, Zooey Deschanel as Trillian, and Martin Freeman as Arthur Dent?
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=598&ncid=600&e=8&u=/nm/20040129/film_nm/film_galaxy_dc
Are they sure it was a sperm whale? The reports make it sound like the explosion came out of the beluga.
Talk about your lack of intestinal fortitude.
This is the second time I’ve heard of a whale exploding. The Oregon Department of transportation blew one up about twenty years ago. The results were just as catastrophic. The local 11 o’clock news reported it. If someone wants to look for the link, it has been preserved on the Internet for posterity.
The reporter who covered the Oregon exploding whale — and passed the tale on to Dave Barry — has recently published a book which includes the story; you can find it here:
http://www.powells.com/cgi-bin/biblio?inkey=8-1558687432-0
As for the pun, I’m hearing the astonished voice of Marvin the Martian:
“Oh, my — now that was an Earth-shattering KABOOM!!”
Ok, I’ll try.
The two guys cleaning this mess are having a conversation.
1st guy: “Whew, I just got great news.”
2nd guy: “Oh yeah, we don’t have to clean this?”
1st guy: “No. I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance.”
BA-dum bum!
**Best as I can tell all the preceding 60 comments were from people with both an X and a Y chromosome. All you guys need to
grow up and get a life.**
PAD asks us for puns on an exploding whale, we do, and you come along and feel obliged to get all pruney around the lips about it…and WE need to get a life???
Wow, projection much?
—Best as I can tell all the preceding 60 comments were from people with both an X and a Y chromosome. All you guys need to grow up and get a life.—
Best I can tell, you’re yet another person who believes their utter lack of a sense of humor equals refinement (No, it just makes you a bore).
I can’t come up with better puns that those here, so I’ll post a news story.
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/4096586
“TAIPEI – Residents of Tainan learned a lesson in whale biology after the decomposing remains of a 60-ton sperm whale exploded on a busy street, showering nearby cars and shops with blood and organs and stopping traffic for hours.
The 56-foot-long whale had been on a truck headed for a necropsy by researchers, when gases from internal decay caused its entrails to explode in the southern city of Tainan.
Residents and shop owners wore masks while trying to clean up the spilt blood and entrails.
“What a stinking mess. This blood and other stuff that blew out on the road is disgusting, and the smell is really awful,” a BBC News report quoted one Tainan resident as saying.
Taiwan Apple Daily via Reuters
The sperm whale was being carried by truck through Tainan.
The whale had died on Jan. 17 after it beached itself on the southwestern coast of the island.
Researchers at the National Cheng Kung University in Tainan said enough of the whale remained to allow for an examination by marine biologists.
Once moved to a nearby nature preserve, the male specimen — the largest whale ever recorded in Taiwan — drew the attention of locals because of its large pëņìš, measured at some five feet, the Taipei Times reported.
“More than 100 Tainan city residents, mostly men, have reportedly gone to see the corpse to ‘experience’ the size of its pëņìš,” the newspaper reported.”
“More than 100 Tainan city residents, mostly men, have reportedly gone to see the corpse to ‘experience’ the size of its pëņìš,” the newspaper reported.”
Part of me really wants to know how these guys were able to “experience” the size of the whale’s pëņìš. Luckily an even larger part of me doesn’t.
“Gee, exploding sperm typically causes blood to stop flowing…”
Part of me really wants to know how these guys were able to “experience” the size of the whale’s pëņìš.
With this?
Maybe the university was going to use the sperm whale for immoral porpoises.
You see, there was a lion the state had hired to protect a handful of porpoises that had drunk the elixir of life, and using a helicopter, the university was going to carry the remains of the whale “cross the state lion for immortal porpoises”
How about: “ALL’S WHALE THAT ENDS WHALE”
i wonder if Demongate and the Raiden Corp had anything to do with this?
(yes i know that was Japan not Taiwan but work with me people)
“Best as I can tell all the preceding 60 comments were from people with both an X and a Y chromosome. All you guys need to
grow up and get a life.”
Wow… Against males AND puns? Impresive.
For myself? I’m a girl, and I’ve found the comments to be very funny. If you don’t like them, then fine. But others do, and they’re not causing any harm, so lighten up!
How’sabout a swifty?
“Bloated Sperm Whale Blew,” ëjáçûláŧëd by passerbys.
Well, these XX chromosomes think the contributions have been hilarious. You guys are funny. I bet you’re all cute, too. 🙂
Keep it up, guys. Er …
So you couldn’t go more than two feet without encountering some white sticky substance . . .kind of like riding in the back of Madonna’s limo on a saturday night
OR
Save the Whales . . .too late.
Can you imagine sitting at one of those outside restauraunts and having asked the waiter to take your soup back becuase there was a hair in it or something and then – POOSHKA!-
or
Four hours later the driver of the truck fell back to Earth.
or
Wow – when was the last time that Whale got laid?! Talk about your pent up frsutration.
I’ve come up with a pun, but if I share it, you’ll all think I’m a dork.
Well, with all my puns already taken, I can still offer this homage to one of Scotty’s lines in Star Trek IV:
“Captain! There be whale smear!”
Cheers, Jon
I’m just curious you guys DO realize thats it’s a sperm whale that exploded right and not some whale sperm…….
The trick to a good pun is to avoid the obvious comments and catch someone off guard with a play on words.
Some of you know this I see , and some well er, uhm , well, nevermind
um – people were just goofin “Blah Blah Blah”
I didn’t see you come up with something UN-obvious . . .
well . .waiting . . show us your razor sharp wit, twit
first off, I am not the same person as “wolfe”
My bad attempt at a pun:
This is why they have banks for this kind of thing.
Get it – sprem bank? Oh, never mind. I’m not good at this.
2 more now that computer is back online:
Punchline:
Anybody interested in buying a 200-pound Tums?
Moral:
Always double-check your carrion baggage.