Something on par with the sort of stupid discussion you’d hear in a bar or see at a convention.
Plus I’ve watched a few too many of those “Best (fill in the blanks) in movies.”
So I’ve decided we should collectively put together a list of the Twenty Best Úš-Kickings in movies
I took the precaution of running a goggle search on the subject and, sure enough, found someone had already put together such a list. But I consider his choices, for the most part, inadequate. So I want to put together a list that kicks the ášš of the other ášš-kicking list.
What do I mean by ášš-kickings? I mean a fight where someone gets his head handed to him, sometimes literally. An ášš-kicking that is iconic. That when you mention it, it immediately calls the moment to mind and you go, Oh God, yes, I remember that. It shouldn’t be a fight that’s going along fairly evenly matched and then someone wins at the end, such as the battle between Robin Hood and Sir Guy in “The Adventures of Robin Hood.” An ášš-kicking should, for the most part, be someone who is rapidly outmatched and gets more so by the moment. It can even be that the fight winds up turning out the other way, but in the course of it someone still gets their ášš kicked.
At this point, I’m not putting them in any order. Eventually, once I get a sense of the room, I will.
There are my thoughts:
BLADE RUNNER: Rick Dekkard versus Roy Batty. Bad enough that he almost dies between the muscular thighs of Darryl Hannah (which, let’s face it, there’s worse ways to go.) But Dekkard can muster little more than one long retreat before winding up at Batty’s mercy. If Batty had let go, Dekkard’s ášš is little more than grass.
MONTY PYTHON & THE HOLY GRAIL: King Arthur vs. the Black Knight. Rarely has someone’s ášš been more comprehensively kicked than the Black Knight. Yet even more famous than his dismemberment is his absolute refusal to acknowledge it. “It’s just a flesh wound,” has entered the language as an example of denial at its greatest.
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: Indiana Jones versus the German Mechanic. Barely edging out Indy getting thrown out the front of a moving truck, this wins because in the truck sequence, Indy rallies and comes out on top. In the mechanic battle, staged in front of a moving airplane, Indy winds up flat on his back and helpless, and only wins because the mechanic didn’t think to look behind him when a propeller swung his way.
EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Luke vs. Vader. For much of the time, Luke seems overmatched, and yet there are brief moments where you think he’s going to rally. So it’s all the more crushing and shocking when he loses his hand. What kicks the ášš-kicking to an entirely new level is that, not only is he beaten physically, but the revelation of who did it crushes him spiritually.
WITNESS: John Book versus a bunch of punks. Harrison Ford finally on the right side of a whupping. When a bunch of smart mouth teens hassle the Amish, Book advances on them despite the caution that, “It’s not our way.” His terse, “But it’s MY way” underscores why he and Rachel will never make it together as he proceeds to issue the teens a single warning and then tap dances on their faces. Speaking of tap dancing…
CLOCKWORK ORANGE: Alex vs. the Author. The only ášš-kicking that is as famed for its perverse use of “Singing in the Rain” as the actual ášš-kicking itself.
ALIENS: Ripley vs. the Alien Queen. An ášš-kicking that announces itself in the unforgettable moment of Ripley emerging in a power loader and bellowing, “Get away from her, you bìŧçh!” No longer running, Ripley lays all her nightmares of aliens to rest by smacking, pummeling, burning, and crushing the queen before chucking her out of the ship, and all it costs her is a sneaker.
ROCKY II: Rocky vs. Apollo Creed. The other list acknowledges Apollo being killed by Ivan in Rocky III, but I’m sorry, if you’re going to have a Rocky-related ášš-kicking, then Rocky should be participating. The second film takes it because it’s a rare double ášš-kicking, with both boxers desperately crawling back to their corners.
DIE HARD: John McClane versus Karl. Pity poor Karl: He was just trying to avenge the death of his brother. Too bad his brother was one of the bad guys. Particularly memorable since it’s an ášš-kicking accompanied by what one would hear in a real-life ášš-kicking, namely an almost non-stop string of profanity. I wouldn’t be surprised if Bruce Willis ad libbed some of that family unfriendly diatribe as he pounds on Alexander Godunov before leaving him hanging by the neck. Props to Karl for surviving and almost having the last laugh…before getting his ášš kicked yet again courtesy of an alert cop blowing him away.
TERMINATOR II: The Terminator versus the T1000. Literally getting his head handed to him, Arnold’s iconic bionic gets slammed in the head repeatedly by an I-beam, then pummeled with a metal rod before getting speared through the chest. Yeah, sure, he blows up the T1000 at the end, but that hardly erases the thorough thrashing he took at the hands of the far smaller, but far meaner, T1000.
I have some other thoughts, but let’s see what you guys come up with.
PAD
• 
Battlestar Galactica has a lot of good ášš-kickings. Some that stand out in memory are:
Kobol’s Last Gleaming Pt. II: Kara “Starbuck” Thrace vs. a #6. Six stands there and lets Kara get in a couple of shots, just to let her feel a little better about what’s to come; then she proceeds to kick Starbuck’s ášš all over the Delphi Museum. Only Six’s accidental fall onto a chunk of rebar lets Starbuck survive.
Unfinished Business: Adm. Bill Adama, looking his age, gets into the ring with the much younger Chief Galen Tyrol. And proceeds to beat the crap out of Tyrol. And then announces that he had only done that to prove a point.
Sine Qua Non: Not sure this really counts, because they both wind up on the floor by the end, but the fight between Bill Adama and Saul Tigh (when Bill finds out that Saul’s been fracking Caprica Six, the Cylon they have in custody – and she’s pregnant) is both amazing and amusing (they both wind up laying on the floor, noses bleeding, panting and chuckling at their own stupidity in fighting. Bill looks at the remains of the model ship under Saul’s ášš, and complains about having to rebuild it again).
I also have to second the fight in The Quiet Man. I especially liked the bit where they both stopped in the pub for a breather and a pint, then argued over the tab (each one insisting on paying) and returned to fighting.
Note to self posting in the middle of the night may lead to misreading thread themes:
Ok Best Úš Kickings in movies:
So far taking the above list of Úš-Kickings in movies, these have to be on the list:
1. Black Knight in “…Holy Grail”
2. Hammer holding nutter vs. thugs in “Oldboy”
3. Ally fight in “They Live”
4. Bride vs. Crazy 88’s in “Kill Bill”
5-6. It’s been way too long since I watched any of the Rocky or Bruce Lee movies so I couldn’t say what ášš kicking was best
I stand by my “King Kong” from earlier I mean he rips the T-rexs jaw off!
Some that may have been over looked:
Decker Vs. Roy Batty in “Blade Runner” : He just toys with Decker
“Superman 2.” Zod and pals actually make Superman retreat!
Vader Vs Luke in “…Empire….” I blow up your ‘winter house,’ torture your friends, chop off your hand oh and by the way I’m your dad. Talk about a bad day.
James Bond vs. Oddjob in Goldfinger
Unfinished Business: Adm. Bill Adama, looking his age, gets into the ring with the much younger Chief Galen Tyrol. And proceeds to beat the crap out of Tyrol. And then announces that he had only done that to prove a point.
Yeah, and now Adama can say, “I should have known: The only reason he was able to beat me was because he was a skin job.”
PAD
Raising Arizona. Nick Cage vs. Tex Cobb. Cage only survived by accident.
Ian Malcolm VS the Tyrannosaurus Rex in Jurassic Park
If you are including TV then Buffy should definitely be included several times.
Preacher vs. Buffy
Glory vs. Buffy
Willow vs. Warren
Angel vs. Buffy (emotionally)
Buffy always had very gut wrenching defeats and very satisfying recoveries.
Peter DavID: 00TERMINATOR II: The Terminator versus the T1000. Literally getting his head handed to him…
Luigi Novi: How is it literal?
I agree with most of the ones here that I’ve seen. Got a good TV one, though–in fact, an anime TV one: Spike vs. Pierrot near the beginning of the Cowboy Bebop episode, “Pierrot Le Fou.” Spike stumbles across a mob hit and the assassin immediately tries to kill him. Spike never lays a hand on the bulletproof assassin, bullets are ineffective against him and Spike only escapes by setting off a huge explosion and using it for cover.
IT’S A MAD MAD MAD MAD WORLD: Jonathan Winters beating up on Phil Silvers, then thrashing Marvin Kaplan & Arnold Stang and totally demolishing their gas station.
THE NIGHT THEY RAIDED MINSKY’S: Forrest Tucker beating the stuffing out of Jason Robards and Norman Wisdom, who can’t even get Tucker to flinch.
I definitely want to throw my vote in for Frank Castle vs The Russian in The Punisher. That thing was brutal.
Ah! JEM, you’re right! I have read the collection, but it has been years, so I had forgotten. Please forgive my mis-remembering of Scut Farkas’ name.
The beat-down that Toshiro Mifune’s character receives in YOJIMBO and the almost scene-for-scene beating that Clint Eastwood gets in the film’s best known remake FISTFUL OF DOLLARS (tie!). Yeah, both guys come back in the end and redeem themselves; but, wow! were those tough to watch.
The Quiet man with John Wayne
I assumed that PAD’s comic book readers would have no sense of movie history and wouldn’t name anything more than 10-15 years old, but I expected more of a sense of history from PAD.
Since a couple of cartoons make it in there, I’d have to say the D vs. Dracula’s Castle in VAMPIRE HUNTER D. It’s a gory mess, and D gets some telekentic beating by Dracula.
And another Anime, Project A-ko, is pretty brutal anytime A-ko and B-ko fought, oblivious to the alien invasion going on.
No one’s mentioned Fight Club? Ed Norton taking an ášš bëáŧìņg from the club owner and just smiling with blood in his mouth? Who says passive-aggressive can’t be tough?
The Quiet man with John Wayne
I assumed that PAD’s comic book readers would have no sense of movie history and wouldn’t name anything more than 10-15 years old, but I expected more of a sense of history from PAD.
Once again, I say that this scene hardly qualifies as “someone who is rapidly outmatched and gets more so by the moment.” They were pretty evenly matched. Each took enough punches that, were this a real fight, both men would have been brain damaged for life.
(As I recall, in the original short story it was indeed a genuine ášš whoopin’)
And hey, I’d say PAD’s fans have done a pretty good job. Everything from Harold Loyd to low budget Japanese gore, you could do way worse than having us on a Trivial Pursuit: Movie Úš Kicking Edition team.
A lot of the scenes mentioned by the readers here seem to be more along the lines of Best Fight Scene, rather than Best Úš-Kicking.
Unforgiven: Sick with a cold and a fever Clint Eastwood got his ášš kicked by Gene Hackman in the saloon. Afterward he returns in perfect health and it was a very different story…
Darn. I was going to mention Jonathan Winters versus the gas station attendants in IT’S A MAD x4 WORLD, but Russell H beat me to it. Still, it’s good to see it getting some recognition.
Found a fun vid of the most abused character in cinematic history:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd0F9l2B8Hg
Seriously, Ash vs. his possessed hand or Ash vs. the little Ashs would be good candidates for this list, especially since he only wins in the end of each by committing further abuse to himself.
Bill Mulligan: “As I recall, in the original short story it was indeed a genuine ášš whoopin'”
I can name another one that was *originally* an ášš whoopin’, but got changed.
Mad Dog and Glory.
The original script said that at the end of the movie, the gangster beats the wimpy cop totally senseless. The wimpy cop gets in one pathetic hit, which is enough for the ganster to call off the fight and let the cop have what he wanted.
Problem: They cast Bill Murray as the gangster and Robert Dinero as the wimpy cop.
Having them play against type worked great for most of the movie, but test audiences hated seeing Dinero get his ášš kicked. So they redid it and he wasn’t winning the fight, but he didn’t get an epic beat down, either.
Surprised, with this bunch, that none of mine are mentioned.
HIGHLANDER–The last fight between MacLeod and Kurgan. Ol’ Mr. Krabs never looked better.
BRAVEHEART–Bedroom. Horse. Ball and chain. ‘Nuff said.
Jedi–Yeah, Luke’s not on the Dark Side, but DON’T piss him off.
X-Men–Sabretooth, Wolverine, Statue of Liberty–doesn’t get any better.
Fellowship/Two Towers–Gandalf VS. the Balrog–they BOTH got the crap kicked out of them.
TORA! TORA! TORA! First, the US Navy at Pearl Harbor. Then Japan finds out it was a bad idea.
The Last Dragon–(Yeah, I know, I know…) Leroy and Sho’Nuff–Really goofy but cool anyway.
Just for the record, Sean, I *did* mention Jedi. Look back at the very first post in the thread, you silly person. 🙂
I thought about the Balrog/Gandalf, but that seems a lot closer to an even match than an ášš-kicking. It’s a great scene, but I’m not sure it qualifies given PAD’s constraints. (There’s got to be *something* in LOTR, though…)
TWL
Consider me gone to boil my bottom, Tim. Or some Holy Grail reference that might make sense and not give people a really horrid visual.
The one I’ve always, always loved and was surprised to find not mentioned is the fight in the original transformers movie. The are Decepticons attacking. Optimus Prime shows up, runs over half the bad guys and punches Megatron in the face. Then they pretty much beat each other to death. Say what you will, but that one forever stuck with me. I must have emulated that fight a thousand times with my toys as a kid.
Sean,
Actually, if you want to pick a scene from “Highlander”, then I think MacLeod getting the absolute crap kicked out of him by his village because they thought he was “in League with Lucifer” and come back from the dead ranks higher. I really felt for the guy!
Some of the greatest ášš-kicking scenes of all time were in Steven Seagal films, which, so far, have gone unmentioned. Some of my favorites:
“Above the Law”
“Hard to Kill”
“Marked for Death”
“Out for Justice” (the bar fight scene is amazing)
“Under Seige”
“Under Siege 2: The Dark Territory” (the final train fight scene)
THE STORY OF RIKKI aka RIKKI-O. One long incredible over the top ášš butchering. Also a pretty realistic portrayal of what it would be like if super powered beings were actually to get into a fight. It ain’t pretty, ain’t pretty at all.
KUNG-FU HUSTLE– The Beast (Siu-Lung Leung) has defeated the Landlord and Landlady and Steven Chow, rediscovereing his childhood dreams of becoming a Kung Fu hero, hits him with a table leg. What follows is…well, let’s just say Steven ends up with every bone in his body broken!!! Fortunately, he gets better.
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS— God vs Yul Brynner. Brynner is a total bad ášš. But God’s God, so the ending is never in doubt. Gotta give Yul credit though, he keeps coming back for more, much to the misfortune of his charioteers.
Some great suggestions above, including They Live and The Limey.
Let me throw in Michael Caine as Jack Carter in the original “Get Carter”
“You’re a big man, but you’re in bad shape. With me it’s a full time job. Now behave yourself.”
And the absolutely brilliant Sean Connery outclassing a guy in The Presidio
“Now, are you sure you want to have a fight? Because I’m only gonna use my thumb.”
Bully in Bar: “Thumb?”
“My right thumb. Left one’s too powerful for you.”
Genius!
A lot of good ones here: many of my gut responses are already here (kudos to the guys who mentioned Sonny vs. Carlo in the Godfather).
Another couple of great one-sided fights:
THE MATRIX: Trinity vs. the cops in the opening
THE MATRIX: Morpheus vs. Neo in the virtual dojo
ANGEL — Not Fade Away: Angel vs. Hamilton (until that great line, “Can you pick out the one word you probably shouldn’t have said?”)
BLOODSPORT: Dux vs. every opponent to the finale
(and a little shout-out to the comics)
MARVEL TWO-IN-ONE ANNUAL #7: The Thing vs. the Champion of the Universe
Saturn 3 (1980)
Kirk Douglas VS the robot
The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)
Lee Horsley’s Prince Talon almost gets his heart ripped out before a last second save from his tricked out sword.
Dog Soldiers (2002)
SAS training obviously doesn’t include teaching their soldiers that bare fisted boxing with werewolves never ends well.
Vampires (1998)
One seriously ášš kicking vampire VS a sleazy hotel room full of vampire slayers, høøkërš, sheriff’s deputies and a priest. I think Valek may have chipped a nail on someone’s spinal column, but that was about the extent of the “offense” effectively used against him.
Zombi 2 (1979)
Shark VS Zombie.
Morgan Freeman vs. Anthony Mackie in “Million Dollar Baby.” The young punk with the big mouth never had a chance against the half-blind, washed-up boxer.
It might be an imaginary scene, but the beatdown in HIGH FIDELITY where John Cusack, Jack Black and Todd Louiso beat the living snot out of Tim Robbins’ insufferable twit is a memorable one. The kicker is seeing Louiso’s meek character rip an air conditioner unit out of a wall and drop it on Robbins’ head.
And, yes, I’m going to veer off topic (Why not? Others have already done so.) But here are two somewhat recent TV scenes that I felt were kick-ášš, movie worthy and meritted a standing ovation, or scenes so cool, to take a line from Futurama, that were registered over 40 Mega-Fonzies: 1) 24, from about two-three years ago, where Chloe had to do some field work, meet up with a suspect’s girlfriend and then fight off a cold-blooded mercenary by staying in a bullit-proof car. As the killer was about to ram his car into Chloe’s, she was able to unlock the gun and take him out. Talk about revenge of the nerd! 2) Lost, from season three’s finale, where a weaponless Sawyer and Juliet had to rescue Said, Jin, and Bernard. God bless Hurley for saving the day by racing the old Dharma BMW van into the camp. A tied-up Said then dispatches one of the Others by snapping his neck with his legs (!). And, then Sawyer channels his inner-Clint Eastwood by taking out Tom after Tom gave up. “That was for taking the kid.” “Dude, he surrended.” “I didn’t believe him.” Prcieless and classic!
Glad somebody (and why am I not surprised it was ATC?) mentioned Tracy & Borgnine in Bad Day at Black Rock.
Just as quirky – and far more obscure – is a sequence from a B-noir titled Appointment With Danger, in which a squash game between Alan Ladd (as an undercover postal inspector – don’t laugh) and Jack Webb (as a smirking, sadistic thug – REALLY don’t laugh) gets rougher…and rougher…and culminates in Ladd ending the game by taking Webb down with a racquet to the head.
(Webb delivers his own beating earlier in the film, and it’s quietly stomach-turning. The victim is Harry Morgan, playing a sad and not-very-bright fellow crook who’s getting ready to skip town on Webb and his boss; Webb casually picks a bronzed baby shoe off Morgan’s mantlepiece, twiddles with it while the boss is reassuring Morgan that he’ll get his share of the take – then coldcocks Morgan with the shoe and beats his head in with it off-camera. Stone cold nastiness.)
Alan Ladd vs. Jack Palance in “Shane”
Earps vs. Clantons in “My Darling Clementine”
Captain Kirk vs. Gorn Captain in “Arena”
Kirk vs. Earp in “Spectre of The Gun”
8 MILE: At the film’s climatic showdown, Eminem gets rap battled off, hard, bad guy…then Eminem beats the other guy’s ášš down, using only with words, about how he’s a better rapper than him. And he even disses him after the beats stop, and clearly wins the rap battle and the hearts and minds of the audience. Yes, it’s not a physical ášš-kicking but, in the end, it’s all about Em and his verbal prowess destroying his opponent. If that’s not an ášš-kicking, then I dunno what is!
When I think of ášš kicking, I always think back to Enter the Dragon where Bruce Lee opens a can of whoop ášš non stop throughout the movie but especially the end where he fights hundreds of henchmen and of course the main bad guy.
This was too awesome a discussion NOT to deluk for:
unusual one, the fan vid Batman: Dead End (although Kevin Smith loved it) Three words: Batman. Versus. Predator.
The mud scene in John Wayne’s “McLintock” Especially the intro…””I haven’t lost my temper in 40 years; but, Pilgrim, you caused a lot of trouble this morning; might have got somebody killed; and somebody oughta belt you in the mouth. But I won’t. I won’t. The hëll I won’t!”
Michael Douglas in “Falling Down” when he just beats the crap out of the hispanic gang leader.
Jerry – Try GODZILLA VS MECHAGODZILLA ’93. The human-built mech, due to a technical glitch, first fails to finish off the big guy, but in the climactic rematch, takes its time administering one of the all-time worst beatings in ‘kaiju’ film history, eventually killing our favourite lizard. Pity Godzilla has what gamers refer to as 10 dice of luck and mystical forces on his side so he does come back from the dead. But, oh, what a licking he took. And stopped ticking, even.
As for anime, the original, theatrically released GOLGO 13 movie had the popular assassin-for-hire disarmed, bleeding badly, and trapped with a genuinely frightening, knife-wielding psycho out to kill him as unpleasantly as he can. ANIMERICA(?) voted this the all-time best fight in an elevator. As with the bit with Indy mentioned earlier in this thread, if it wasn’t for his opponent failing to see what was coming up behind him, Golgo would have been toast. No mean feat that.
Howsabout Jet Li vs Mel And Danny in Lethal Weapon 4? now that was some serious a$$-Kicking
Skimming through the bulk of the posts, I didn’t see one of my own all-time faves:
Ruth Gordon vs. The Black Widow Gang in Every Which Way But Loose – I’m not sure if it qualifies as a ášš-kicking since she uses a shotgun, but it’s still one of the funniest, funnest five minutes that Hollywood has ever produced.
1) Marcus vs. the WHOLE ÐÃMN BAR in B5. He looks like hëll when it’s over, and he still manages a pithy one liner.
2)Cartagia vs. G’Kar. Because G’Kar just won’t scream.
3)”Monty Python’s The Life of Brian”, The Judean People’s Front Suicide Squad Vs. Themselves. This is a truly one sided fight.
4)Titanic Vs. the Iceberg. 2 hours of buildup PLUS Celine freakin’ Dion howling like a cursed soul.
Veronica Mars. Aaron Echolls going to town on his daughter’s abusive boyfriend.
All great. The only one I might add was in Kurosawa’s Red Beard. Mifune, playing the town’s doctor, gets jumped by a whole gang of guys and proceeds to completely kick their áššëš.
John Travolta vs. Danny Masterson in “Face/Off”. Drags the kid out of a Vette throught the open window, and administers a chastisement for not taking no for an answer from Travolta’s daughter, all while his character is actually psycho Nicholas Cage. (Got that?)
I’ve noticed what seems to be a massive trend of car-crash-ambush pørņ in movies recently I think worth mentioning. Adaptation and Old Country for Old Men immediately come to mind.
The car chase in “Bullit”
(Bruce Lee crushes Chuck Norris in “GAME OF DEATH”)
One little correction: although that scene was reused in the opening of Game of Death, it originated in Way of the Dragon (Return of the Dragon for the american audience).
I nominate Elvis Presley versus the mob boss in King Creole. That crook never stood a chance.
For another contest, how about “Best Cat fight”? Yes, The Bride Vs. Elle Driver would win hands down, but I have a few suggestions:
The Gypsy Girls in From Russia With Love
Ado Annie vs Hali Hakim’s bride at the end of Hugh Jackman’s version of Oklahoma!
And my favourite: Claudia Cardinale Vs. Brigitte Bardot in Les Pétroleuses.
“Kung Pow” – The Chosen One Vs. Ling – at least I think I remember his name was Ling, something like that. A character awful at fighting, probably because he was trained to be an awful fighter as a joke.
“Ravenous” – Col. Ives vs. Everyone – those he kills he eats. Those he doesn’t kill he feeds the flesh of their dead comrades to. That’s so much ášš kicking that there’s banjo music in the bathroom.