THE OSCARS

Okay, we’re done with the fashions. Moving on to the main event. This will be pretty much the ol’ Cowboy speaking, unless otherwise indicated. We continue below the cut line.

Personally, I think that Jon Stewart will mention the settled strike within the first thirty seconds of his time.

And away we go.

8:31: nice opening montage. I wish I had recorded it so I could freeze frame. Amazing how many of them were SF and fantasy. Then again about ninety percent of the top fifty box office films of all time were SF or fantasy.

8:33: sixteen seconds. Score.

8:34: Stewart’s definitely on. “Does this town need a hug?” “Thank God for teen pregnancy.” Beautiful.

8:36: Okay, now I *have* to see “Atonement.” The raw passion of Yom Kippur? I am so there.

8:39: Great, my stripper name is Mickey Albert.

8:40: “Normally when you have a black man or a woman president, a meteor is about to strike the statue of Liberty.” Personally, I’m going to get a “Vote for Gaydolf Titler” t-shirt made up.

8:42: Costume design: Ariel and Kath are pulling for Sweeney Todd. Kath suspects Elizabeth will win.

8:43: Yup. Opulence usually wins costume design.

8:45: Well, you don’t normally tune into the Oscars for the commercials, but that Diet Coke commercial was actually pretty funny.

RE: Comments. Yes, it was sixteen seconds. I was timing it.

8:48: “But one thing has always been consistent: Its long.” Something tells me that was an ad lib by Clooney. Very honest.

8:49: Okay, I hate to admit it, but I’m a sucker for montages, and this is a good one. But, geez, how’d they miss Sally Field.

8:51: That’s right, Carrell and Hathaway are costarring in “Get Smart.” Can’t wait.

8:52: Animated feature. We’re rooting for Ratatouille, although Persepolis is supposed to be beautiful.

8:54: Ariel’s disappointed. No animated rats came up to accept. It’d be cool if Brad Bird spoke with Edna’s voice.

8:56: Make-up. Ariel is rooting for “Pirates.”

8:57: Ariel’s reaction: “That blows.”

8:58: That woman’s left eyelash appears to be coming off. Weird.

9:00: Amy Adams is going to be busy tonight. they should really be doing more with the presentation of this song than her just standing there. The lyrics remain gloriously demented.

The best song from “Enchanted” was “How Do You know?” and that’s the one we’re definitely rooting for. My only concern is that, since three songs from the film are nominated, they could wind up splitting the vote and another slides in.

COMMENTS: No, Amy Adams was not lip synching. She even sounded a touch nervous, and yes, her voice cracked here and there. A lip synched performance would have sounded much cleaner.

9:07: The Rock presenting visual FX. Since he is a walking visual effect, it’s a good choice. Ariel is again rooting for Pirates.

9:08: Well, Ariel now says she thought Golden Compass was better. Me, i fell asleep during it so I’ll take her word for it.

9:10: Art direction. We’re rooting for Sweeney Todd.

9:11: Yea. Interesting that they played “The Ballad of Sweeney Todd,” which wasn’t actually sung in the movie, a point of major contention and annoyance to purists.

9:13: Cate Blanchett: What a dog. (A comment that will make no sense to anyone not watching.)

9:15: High point of Cuba Gooding’s career, winning best supporting. I wonder if he would have been so enthused if he’d been looking toward his future roles. Sheesh.

9:15: “Best supporting” could be referring to the front of Jennifer Hudson’s dress…

9:17: Be great if Holbrook won, just for sentimental value. Probably won’t.

9:18: Javier Bardem. No surprise there. Me, I love the line “I am Shiva, Goddess of death.” I think I’ll have a button made up that says that. I can wear it attached to my “Gaydolf Titler” shirt.

9:23: “Oscar’s Salute to Binoculars and Periscopes.” I sense the fine hand of the Daily Show staff on this one.

9:26: One of the songs that could benefit from the multiple nominations for “Enchanted.” The singers are excellent, though, especially that little girl from the movie.

9:28: Owen Wilson. A talented actor, and I can only hope that he’s gotten the help he clearly needed. Short films: Saw none of them. Does anyone ever?

9:30: Screw the one that won, I want to see that Tonto Woman thing.

9:31: God, Jerry, the dámņëd film’s out of the theater. STOP PLUGGING IT!!!!

9:32: Wow. That Madame Tutli Putli looks amazing.

9:33: Great. Now I’ll have that blasted “Peter and the Wolf” tune by Prokofiev in my head for the rest of the night.

9:34: MERcidees McCambridge? I always thought it was MerSAYdees McCambridge.

9:35: We’re rooting for Tilda Swinton, just because we like saying the name “Tilda Swinton.” I’m thinking it will be Blanchett to make up for her not winning Best actress (which she won’t), if for no other reason.

9:37: Yea! I guess lots of people like saying “Tilda Swinton.”

9:39: Okay, now I’m dying to meet Tilda Swinton’s agent, who I bet REALLY likes saying “Tilda Swinton.”

9:44: And now, here are the awards to the people who are so important, so ingenious, and so brilliant, that we didn’t want to waste your time presenting them here.

9:45: Okay, bloggers, fess up: Who put up the Gaydolf Titler t-shirt on Cafepress?

9:47: Interesting that in quoting “the best lines ever written” for adapted material, they cited “you’re gonna need a bigger boat” which was, from what I understand, an ad lib by Scheider.

9:48: Let’s go Coen bros.

9:48: Bingo.

9:49: “Hello there, everybody.” “Hi, Doctor Nick!”

9:50: “this time of year, we don’t have to pay for films; the studios want us to see their films.” Okay, here’s a flash: The rest of the year they have screening so they don’t have to pay, and the studios ALWAYS want you to see their films, ya yutz.

9:52: Okay, there was some cute stuff in there, I’ll admit it.

9:53: Here we go: The Enchanted song I’m rooting for. This one they’ll do up right. But Amy Adams should be singing it.

9:55: Nice height on that jump.

9:56: Okay, okay: you can see the quality difference. I love Amy Adams, but you can see the higher level of performance from an experienced Broadway headline like Chenowith moving through a number like that.

COMMENT: True enough, Roger. Chenoweth is indeed one of the best: Bernadette Peters level. I wonder if they gave Amy Adams her choice of songs. If so, she made the right choice since it was a solo piece.

10:01: Who the hëll…?

10:02: God, please, make it stop…

10:03 Sound editing? Transformers. That thing was wall to wall sound.

10:03; Winner was “Bourne Ultimatum.” Yeah, well, big deal: They didn’t have to deal with cars turning into something else during their car chases.

10:05: Okay, if these guys come out a third time, I’m going to gnaw like leg off at the knee.

10:06: Sound mixing now? Okay…probably Bourne.

10:07: Gee, that was tough to see coming considering what won just before.

10:08: My God, are they presenting best actress already? So let’s see Sally Field.

10:09: Aw, c’mon: “You like me!” That’s classic. Okay, anyway: Ariel is rooting for Ellen Page; Kath says smart money is Blanchett, although it’s tough to get an Oscar for great acting in a lousy film.

10:11: I’m wondering if it might not be Julie Christie, back after such a long time.

10:13: Zut alors. That’s a surprise. Winning for a non-English-language role is VERY tough. Although I haven’t seen it; perhaps she speaks English during it.

10:17: Wiiiiiiiiii!

10:18: I was looking down and out of the corner of my eye it looked like Colin was roller skating. Apparently there’s something slippery on the stage.

10:20: Well, THIS song is putting me to sleep…

COMMENT: I appreciate the assertion t that I’m better and faster at this than Harry Knowles. On the other hand, he has close to a thousand replies on his, so…

10:23: Boy, that’s weird. I could swear Nicholson’s hair was grayer at the beginning of the broadcast. Hunh.

10:24: A best picture montage? What the hëll? It’s not like they’re giving away the Best picture Oscar now…?

10:25: Now me, i want to see a montage of some of the films that DIDN’T get “Best Picture.”

10:26: As “Entertainment weekly” (I believe it was) noted, often it doesn’t come down to what was the actual Best Picture, but which picture had the best Oscar campaign.

10:27: Don’t walk awaaayy, renee….

10:28: Film editing: This can sometimes be an indicator for best film.

10:29: And sometimes not…

10:31: Check out the fake accent on Nicole Kidman.

10:32: Oh. Crap. That’s actually how she talks, huh?

10:32: It’s always interesting when they put together an explanation as to what the technical jobs actually mean when it comes to films. The best such that I ever saw was one for film editing in which they ran about fifteen seconds of the famous pursuit-of-the-train from “French connection,” and the they ran it a second time with a counter in the lower right ticking off the number of edits in just that brief time. And it was something like forty seven edits.

10:36: Okay, in case you’re wondering, this is Robert F. Boyle, born 1909, with a long and illustrious history in art direction. Last work was back in 1979.

10:38: Wait, I take it back. Production design work as recently as 1991.

COMMENTS: Yes, we checked IMDB, and no, in case you guys are wondering, there wasn’t really an “untitled Nicole Kidman film” for 2010. Jon Stewart made a joke. Fancy that. And will someone please slap Luigi awake?

10:42: Did someone else have a feathery dress just like Penelope Cruz before, or is this thing starting to make me punchy?

10:43: The Counterfeiters was the odds on favorite for best foreign film.

10:45: And here’s the third song from the film. It’s a nice ballad song but I have the least attachment to it.

10:48: Boy, HIS voice is cracking.

10:49: Okay…best song goes to…

10:50: Great. The one that was putting me to sleep. Figures.

10:51: You think THIS is mad? Not as mad as the people at Disney are gonna be. That’s what happens when you have three songs from the same bloody film.

10:57: VERY classy move by stewart.

10:58: Cinematography. Another potential indicator of best film.

11:00: Okay, we’ll see if “There Will Be Blood” wins for Best Picture.

11:02: Respectful blog silence for the departed.

11:05: I can’t help but observe that a number of the departed, if they won Oscars, would not be allowed to appear on the main telecast, because the jobs they do aren’t sexy enough. It is only upon their passing that they get to have their faces seen on the Oscar cast. There’s something fundamentally screwy about that.

11:08: I feel like I’m watching “Name that Tune.”

11:09: Kath thinks Michael Clayton for best score.

11:10: Guess not. I was thinking maybe it would be “3:10 to Yuma.” Then again, I tend to have a strong sense of Yuma.

11:11: How marvelously inclusive: our folks serving in Baghdad announcing short subject. Of course, there’s some irony in that considering Iraq is in fact unending rather than short, but…

11:15: I’m going to try and check out this film when it shows up on HBO. You have to love the passion that these two women obviously have for it.

11:15: Best documentary. This should be interesting. Moore was snarking Bush back before it was stylish to do so. But he did it on the Academy awards and a lot of people still resent that.

11:17: Yup.

11:18: Oooo, nicely put, about the country moving away from the dark side. And I love that his late father was a navy interrogator who was furious over current questioning techniques.

11:23: Does Harrison Ford seem a little…off…somehow?

11:24: We’re pulling for Juno here.

11:25: Bingo.

11:26: Love the tat. Exotic dancer, huh? Never have guessed.

11:30: Best actor coming up.

11:31: We’re rooting for Johnny Depp; smart money says Daniel Day Lewis.

11:34: The most notable Viggo scene is the one they dare not show.

11:34: There Will Be Oscar. And Helen Mirren knights him with it! Who’s queen?

11:36: “And to the other fine nominees in this category, I wish to say: I drink your milkshake!”

COMMENT: What did Stewart do that was classy? One of the creators from “Once” was given the bum’s rush, and Stewart brought her back out and let her give her comments without being interrupted.

11:40: The run up to Best Director.

11:42: Thank God Stewart didn’t try to make a joke about Scorsese.

11:42: Naturally we’re rooting for Jason Reitman. Likely winner: Anderson.

11:43: Son of a gun. The Coen Bros.

11:43: So this would seem to narrow the field of Best Picture to “There Will Be Blood” and “No Country For Old Men.”

11:45: Best picture. I guess it’s good the montage was earlier; by this point it’s Get On With It!

11:46: So much for the cinematography pointer. “No Country For Old Men.” Then again, the best director pointer tends to trump the cinematography pointer.

11:48: And the award for best live blog coverage goes to…

Yeah. Figures. Well, maybe next year.

Great job by Stewart, I thought. I actually enjoyed it. Then again, it may be that writing this blog helped keep me focused since this is the most awake I’ve ever been during the Academy Awards.

The Mission Impossible theme. Perfect.