Day: December 14, 2007

One of the worst kept secrets in Hollywood is that Jodie Foster is gay. Kind of falls into the “Who cares?” department. Nevertheless it prompted an entire CNN discussion when Foster openly thanked her long-time partner when she accepted an award recently.

And all I can think is that somewhere John Hinckley is shouting, “Son of a BÍTÇH!” I mean, jeez…discovering that you’re the guy who embarked on a failed attempt to assassinate a president in order to romantically impress a lesbian. That’s gotta hurt.

PAD

I figure I should out myself before it is revealed in a press conference.

Several months back I had pneumonia. The doctor put me on steroids. Not only did the steroids clear up the pneumonia, they also caused me to gain thirty pounds of solid muscle, regrow hair on my head, enabled me to hit a 96 MPH fastball, throw a no-hitter, make love to my wife for thirty seven hours straight, and lift a Buick over my head. They also increased the speed of my computer, added Showtime on Demand to my cable package for no extra money, and brokered the deal that sent the Broadway stagehands back to work (but not the WGA because there’s some things that not even steroids can accomplish).

PAD