Time to come clean about my steroid use

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

I figure I should out myself before it is revealed in a press conference.

Several months back I had pneumonia. The doctor put me on steroids. Not only did the steroids clear up the pneumonia, they also caused me to gain thirty pounds of solid muscle, regrow hair on my head, enabled me to hit a 96 MPH fastball, throw a no-hitter, make love to my wife for thirty seven hours straight, and lift a Buick over my head. They also increased the speed of my computer, added Showtime on Demand to my cable package for no extra money, and brokered the deal that sent the Broadway stagehands back to work (but not the WGA because there’s some things that not even steroids can accomplish).

PAD

59 comments on “Time to come clean about my steroid use”

  1. Missed some Fallout:
    Admissions: 4 (Pettite, Vina (HGH use), Roberts, Bennett)
    Denials: 3 (Clemens, Justice, Cabrera)

    I’m sure the number of excuses that HGH was used only for recovering from injuries will rise, as Pettite and Vina have already gone that route.

    In the end, the teams aren’t even bothering to consider not signing guys or cutting them, as the Yankees did with Giambi.

    Jose Guillen signed with the Royals the day he was suspended 15 games for HGH use. And now Bennett has signed with the Dodgers after he admitted his HGH use.

  2. In an uncharacteristic moment of sympathy for these guys, I’m wondering if they’d feel as much of a need to rely on drugs if they had a shorter schedule.

    Of the four major sports, baseball’s got the most games in a regular season schedule (162 over six months), with games on almost every day of a month if you don’t count the All-Star break.

    So they’re tiring themselves out in games every day and don’t have many days off to recover. I wonder how many players decided to take something just to help them last the full six months (or if they get to the playoffs, more) without running out of gas.

    Having said that, I will now resume calling for their heads.

  3. For starters, steroids have been on the list of Controlled Substances since 1990 – that’s 17 years, not 4 or 5. Also, they’re given the same status as codeine, two Schedules below heroin and a Schedule below cocaine.
    A quote I got from a legal website ” Congress and many states (including Connecticut, by regulation) have listed anabolic steroids under Schedule III.” The thing is the DEA, FDA and AMA all advised congress not to do so. If you watch the media it is demonized overall where much more serious and ‘legal’ prescription drugs and their abuse is shoved under the carpet.
    During the Chris Benoit news cycle every time people brought up his depression and other drug use anchors quickly drew the conversation back to steroids. Nothing is ever said about injured athletes playing through injuries thanks to doses of highly addictive painkillers.
    An HBO story on the steroid subject.
    http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=z0LEj8IPHGU

    BTW Sen. Chuck Schumer(sp?) announced he wants to add HGH as a schedule 3 drug

  4. If you watch the media it is demonized overall where much more serious and ‘legal’ prescription drugs and their abuse is shoved under the carpet.

    Sports are big money, and thus, draw big attention. But, in the end, the government doesn’t really care about what individual players are doing; they want to catch the suppliers, not only of steroids, but other drugs that are being abused.

    I’m all for demonizing jokers like Rush Limbaugh who go after the drug abuse of others, then gets caught himself. 🙂

    Nothing is ever said about injured athletes playing through injuries thanks to doses of highly addictive painkillers.

    If they’re abusing any drug, then something should be said and done.

    But in the end, it’s abuse: steroids and HGH are prescribed for certain conditions and situations. Healthy athletes, even if injured, are not among those situations.

    Painkillers, on the other hand… well, that’s where healthy debate comes in on how those are used.

    But I don’t think simply comparing steroids to codeine and trying to wash our hands of the situation is the way to go.

  5. Craig J. Ries:I’m all for demonizing jokers like Rush Limbaugh who go after the drug abuse of others, then gets caught himself. 🙂

    and Rush did this when?

  6. and Rush did this when?

    To use the dreaded Wikipedia, which uses an MSNBC article as its source for the following quote:

    On Oct 5, 1995, he said on his television show, “Drug use, some might say, is destroying this country. And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. … And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up.”

    He also said “too many whites are getting away with drug use.”

    And he’s now among those ‘whites’ getting away with it.

  7. To use the dreaded Wikipedia, I like that

    Im sure he has a somewhat different opinion now 10 years later or at least I hope so.

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