Names you feel sorry for, Episode 1

144 comments on “Names you feel sorry for, Episode 1”

1. My Father’s first name is Harry and my Uncle’s first name was Ðìçk. They were named after their father, First Name Harry, Middle Name Richard.
   My father was known as Little Harry.
   Somehow he survived.

2. My actual last name is Teall. So when I was in elementary school back in ’82 and I wanted to call my mom at my house, even the secretaries would burst out laughing that “ET wants to phone home!”

   I have a member of my extended family named Ðìçk Beaver. Luckily for him, he’s British, and I’m told his last name only recently picked up any sexual connotations over there, so he was spared high school torment over that one.

3. Delurking briefly to submit a name my mom offered up once as the most unfortunate name ever. As a teen, she worked at a Tulsa hospital in a post similar to “Candy Striper” (do they still have those? Oh, well…). During a party several years ago, she told a group of us that it was all anyone could do to keep a straight face when a certain physician was paged over the loudspeaker:

   “Paging Dr. Dangler! Dr. Harry Dangler!”

   Still makes me wonder what the hëll his parents were thinking…

   ***relurking***

4. Saw this at work:

   Crystal Chandelier

5. Back in junior high, there was a girl named Anita Head in my class…

   I suffered enough back in my elementary school days on account of my middle name, Elgin. As an adult, its a cool name… however, in the third grade, I had the misfortune of attending a school where all the urinals were made by a company called – you guessed it. Coupled with my first name…. well, third graders can be a *really* nasty bunch…

6. My first name is a completely “normal” name in Germany but when I introduce myself in Britain where I live the reaction is usually “pardon”? Most people can`t pronounce it and quite a few also can`t spell it. I still get junk mail from one company addressed to “Bearable Haddrell”.

   I always sign with my real name and one reaction I got was “What kind of name is that!?”

7. A guy in my hometown was named Robin Hood. He had a pretty good sense of humor about it.

   My brother has met three people named Benjamin Franklin (well, three last I checked). The third one was the state bedding inspector, and he did *not* have a sense of humor about his name.

8. Posted by: John Hudgens at July 9, 2007 12:47 AM
   I suffered enough back in my elementary school days on account of my middle name, Elgin. As an adult, its a cool name…

   Uh, no. No, it’s not. 😉

9. One of the first people I met after immigrating to the US was Wally Pratt, which doesn’t seem to be all that unfortunate by American standards, but will give any Brit a good chuckle as they’re both slang for idiot, fool, etc. back home.

   Another US name that I find rather unfortunate coming from the UK is Randy, as I’ve had to stifle my laughter a few times when they enthusiastically introduces themselves with “HI! I’M …”.

   Shines a whole new light on comics’ own Randy Queen, too. 😀

10. According to his bio, Hunter Pence was a three-sport athlete at his Texas high school, and one of those sports was football.

    Texas. High school. Football.

    The only people who were probably even *allowed* to make fun of him were probably other football players. I’m pretty sure is high school experience was relatively free of name-based hazing. 😉

    Wildcat

11. >My favorite encounter with an odd name occurred at a recent job, when I told a new customer that her information packet would be filed by her (hyphenated) last name.

    Almost amusing, unless you know someone stuck with such a double-barrelled name who had to post their name twice in the phpone book beause people didn’t know which initial to look under, or who had collection agencies sicced on them beccause some idiot clerk was looking for payment also under the wrong initial.

12. Debbon Ayer is pretty bad to begin with, but then she married Rob Morrow and they named their child Tu Morrow.

13. Suddenly, years of being related to green onions and then later, the kitchen help doesn’t seem so bad. And another for the irony column, as opposed to the steely or bronzy, I’m a fairly good cook.

    Wait a minute. Yeah, it does. Fortunately, X-Files didn’t premiere until I was already in college for a year, so my mom’s years of trying to get “Scully” to stick on me, (gym shirts, backpacks, etc.) didn’t cause me any more pain.

14. There’s a guy in my department who’s name is Wang Moran.

15. Ah, high school. The glory days of my persecuted classmate, Mary Christmas. The threats from Coach Imhoff that, yes, his father’s name *was* Jack, and he’s not interested in your inane questions.

    I’m still wondering whatever became of Crystal Lear, middle name Shanda.

16. arcee
    What I wanna know is, anybody famous or just ordinary with the name Richard Head?

    Now THAT’S a name worth changing.

    I actually new a person named Paul Head whose father was Richard and went by Ðìçk. Additionally Paul married a woman named Gay and she did change her last name to Head.

    My favorites from high school:
    1. Harry Stubbo (seeing that name in the phone book always cracked me up.)
    2. Mary Christmas (Some how her parents felt that was appropriate.)

17. Should also mention that when I sold insurance for a while I had a sales meeting with a customer, last name BATMAN. If I had that last name, I’d be tempted to give a son a “cool” name like Bruce Wayne Batman, or I.M.

18. I am reminded of a SNL skit from many years ago when Nicholas Cage was the host. He and his wife (played by Julia Sweeney) were sitting on the sofa in their apartment trying to come up with a name for their expected child. Julia was sporting quite the belly in the scene. Every name she came up with, Cage shot down with some kind of lame rhyme or taunt. He kept saying they had to come up with a tease-proof name. She was getting visibly frustrated and tried to sooth him by assuring him that their child would not suffer the same fate as him. He would not hear of it. Finally the doorbell rings and he answers the door. The mail man is standing there and says “I have a letter for Úšwìpë Johnson”. Nicholas Cage looks at him angrily saying “It’s Ahhs-wee-pay”.

19. As Peter’s sister, growing up with the first name of Ronni, I can assure you that there was no shortage of fun to be had with our names. At the beginning of every school year, he was David Peters, our brother was David Walters, and I was David Ronni. At least they got to stay the same gender….

20. Oh, yeah, also, I’m just a Bill on Capitol Hill. In case you’re wondering.

    Oh, and I canNOT get enough of hearing people cry out, “Oh, no, Mister Bill!” I’ve never heard THAT before and it gets funnier every time.

    We’re about the same age–how about “Billy Don’t Be A Hero” and, God help us all, “My Girl Bill”. And this was during that Age of Radio where they would play a song 2 or 3 times an hour.

    There was a kid in my school named Harry Dingle. Must have seemed like a good idea at the time.

21. Oh, yeah, also, I’m just a Bill on Capitol Hill. In case you’re wondering.

    Oh, and I canNOT get enough of hearing people cry out, “Oh, no, Mister Bill!” I’ve never heard THAT before and it gets funnier every time.

    We’re about the same age–how about “Billy Don’t Be A Hero” and, God help us all, “My Girl Bill”. And this was during that Age of Radio where they would play a song 2 or 3 times an hour.

    There was a kid in my school named Harry Dingle. Must have seemed like a good idea at the time.

22. Beth wrote:

    I am reminded of a SNL skit from many years ago when Nicholas Cage was the host. He and his wife (played by Julia Sweeney) were sitting on the sofa in their apartment trying to come up with a name for their expected child. Julia was sporting quite the belly in the scene. Every name she came up with, Cage shot down with some kind of lame rhyme or taunt. He kept saying they had to come up with a tease-proof name. She was getting visibly frustrated and tried to sooth him by assuring him that their child would not suffer the same fate as him. He would not hear of it. Finally the doorbell rings and he answers the door. The mail man is standing there and says “I have a letter for Úšwìpë Johnson”. Nicholas Cage looks at him angrily saying “It’s Ahhs-wee-pay”.

    I’m reminded of the Simpsons episode where Homer and Marge are trying to name Bart. “Art…Dart…Eart… no problems there…”

23. Hi!
    I’m from Spain, but mi surname is from Germany. My aunt´s name is MERCEDES BENTZ. Yeah! And my school years were pretty fun also.
    Keep the good work around here.
    NaCho

24. Hi!
    I’m from Spain, but my surname is from Germany. My aunt´s name is MERCEDES BENTZ. Yeah! And my school years were pretty fun also.
    Keep the good work around here.
    NaCho

25. My two personal favorite unfortunate names:

    A gentleman used to come into my office when I was in the military. No one wanted to call him up when his turn came. His last name? Pussey.

    Second place would be a certain female basketball player. Her name probably raised no eyebrows at all in her native Bosnia, but I hate to imagine the trouble Ivana Mandic had once she moved to the States.

    On the flip side, my favorite great name went to a female officer who also used to come into my office. It was a great pleasure to call out “Captain Justice.”

26. My own four favorites;

    In college, I was introduced to a Wynn Dough, followed by my asking at what age he’d killed his parents.

    I once noticed that the name of an MIT student was Constance Planck (this is a bit non-obvious, if you’ve not encountered Planck’s Constant in physics class).

    And the Ivy League basketball player of the year in the early part of this decade, a guard wearing number 23, was named Michael Jordan (who, if you did the math, was probably born either just before or at the start of the better known MJ’s freshman year in college, so the name was unintentional in that respect).

    In my own case, my name led to the worst joke I’ve ever managed. What you need to know to get it is that by brother-in-law is black. So when my sister called me a year or so after the wedding to announce “We’re pregnant!”, my response was “Great! I get to be the kid’s Uncle Tom.”

    Her response was a minute or so of silence followed by “You’ve been waiting at least a year to say that, haven’t you?”

27. When I went to elementary school in a village in the Rhineland, I had a schoolmate called Josef Goebbels. Actually perhaps not that surprising, as Goebbels is a not that uncommon family name in this part of Germany, and, this being a very Catholic region, Josef is a very popular boys’ name. Still you have to wonder what went through his parents’ minds when they went for that combination. Actually, what may have gone through his father’s mind was the thought: “Hey, I’m called Josef, so why shouldn’t my youngest son also be called that.”

28. A couple that used to play with the local sports teams come to mind:

    Detroit Tigers – Rusty Kûņŧz

    Detroit Lions – Harry Colon

29. My father’s name is Raymond. Thankfully, he was born several decades before Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise ever appeared on screen together.

    A teacher once called me “Bill.” Given that she looked a bit like Daphne Zuniga, I should have taken the opportunity to do a “Spaceballs” riff.

    For a period in junior high, a group of kids started calling me “Herman.” Your guess is as good as mine.

30. Rwmembered this during work, a friend of mine worked in a store where they got a new customer service manager.

    The guy’s name? Joe Servis.

31. >I’d be tempted to give a son a “cool” name like Bruce Wayne Batman, or I.M.

    How about Thomas Harry Ellsworth Batman?

32. OK, where to start? First off, I also have had a teacher named Ðìçk Koch, though in this case, Koch was pronounced “cook”. Wonderful guy. And this was in grad school so he didn’t have too many asinine jokes made at his expesnse by my class, anyway.

    Let’s see. Sexually ambivalent names are fun. My name is Lorin and my nickname growing up was Lonnie. Why, why, why, Mom and Dad?

    Strangely, in elementary school, Loni Andreson wasn’t as popular as “Loony” and many other names that had nothing to do with my actual name.

    My wife and I went through two other names for our daughter, before we decided on one that was a bit less likely to get her teased for her name.

33. I knew and Admiral Richard Head. Not good to have the last name Head in the armed forces…

    I once had a co-worker whose buddy was named:
    Colon Hair

    Daniel “Buckwheat” (for my Jew-fro) In Elem School my brothers and I were called the “Hair Bear Bunch”, if you remember the cartoon.

34. I am in customer service and talk to hundreds of people with wacky names:
    Lucy Fir
    Phûç Yoo

    But one of my favorites is Richard Peter Johnson, a guy I know who got saddled with the nickname “Triple Ðìçk”

35. I am in customer service and talk to hundreds of people with wacky names:
    Lucy Fir
    Phûç Yoo

    But one of my favorites is Richard Peter Johnson, a guy I know who got saddled with the nickname “Triple Ðìçk”

36. I am in customer service and talk to hundreds of people with wacky names:
    Lucy Fir
    Phûç Yoo

    But one of my favorites is Richard Peter Johnson, a guy I know who got saddled with the nickname “Triple Ðìçk”

37. I am in customer service and talk to hundreds of people with wacky names:
    Lucy Fir
    Phûç Yoo

    But one of my favorites is Richard Peter Johnson, a guy I know who got saddled with the nickname “Triple Ðìçk”

38. Well I was fine until the mid 80’5 then got hosed by James Cammerron for the rest of my life…lol

    But I plan to pass the joy of an absurd name on to my first born male….

    First Name Justin

    Middle Name Other

    Full Name Justin Other Conner

    Hide the joke in the middle name folks that way it is up to them if they want to share

    John Conner

39. I feel I must mention the girl who lived across the road from me when I was a child, who, when we were both 5 years old, solemnly announced when we grew up, we were going to get married: Bunny Carrot.

    I moved away, but I moved back to a town about 40 miles north of there during my high school years. After high school, I found out that she had married the guy who had the locker next to me in high school. His name? Brewer.

    And yes, I’m told they have several kids…

40. My name run together doesn’t evoke anything in particular, but I still had to put up with:

    “O’Shea can you seeeeee . . . ” for my surname, and (in high school in the mid-1980s) having the song “Oh, Sheila” by one-hit-wonders Ready For The World sung to me constantly.

41. Not necessarily a funny or punny name, but I did want to shake a former co-worker and shout “What were you thinking?” when she named her son (that’s right, son)…

    Wait for it…

    Rylee.

    Bad enough it’s a gender ambiguous name, but using a female pornstar spelling just makes you wonder how other people can hate their kids that much.

    -Rex Hondo-

42. I actually hove two, both going back to high school. One was a lower-level math teacher by the name of Moore…Jack Moore. Lucky for the guy, most of the students actually liked him and didn’t go for the obvious joke.

    The other one was a classmate who pretty much had to go by his middle name. After all, what kind of sadist would name their kid Richard Tingle?

43. I’ve known both a Chapel Love and a Mercedes Gold in my academic career, but I think my favorite was a teacher named Rusty Crump (or, for the dyslexic among you…).

44. In grade school, there was a kid named Tom Smith. That seemed a tease-proof name; but because he was a bit heavier than the rest of us, some of the meaner kids took his initials to form the “nickname” “tub-sub.”

    I’d have to check the class photos to refresh my memory, but I suspect he would fall under the category of “stocky” rather than “fat.” But grade schoolers seldom make such distinctions.

    The first time I encountered the name “Stephen” (in 3rd grade), I thought it was pronounced “Step-hen.” The teacher provided the correct pronunciation, but as Stephen was a bit of a bully, I have vague memories of deliberately mispronouncing his name as a (pretty much ineffectual) way of trying to get back at him.

    My high school has a teacher with the last name of “Offer.” Some students who disliked him (and/or thought they were being funny) replaced his real first name (which escapes me at the moment) with “Jack.” (Behind his back, I suspect).

    Re the Batman encounter R.J. Carter describes, when the 1989 movie was out, there was an article in one of the local papers about a family with the last name of Batman who kept getting so many calls that they had to get an unlisted number.

    I have a friend with the last name of Manor. Despite my urgings, he refused to name his first born “Stately Wayne.”

    What on Earth is wrong with him?

    My cousin’s married name from her first marriage was “Sample.” I “suggested” she name her child “Free.” She ignored me. Gave him a sane name.

    What’s up with that?

    I have cousins with the last name of Roehl (pronounced “roll.”) Their one time dog’s name? Muffin.

    Slightly off topic (with a turn to initials rather than names), my brother and his wife both have names that begin with K. When they got married, someone decided to give them monogrammed drinking glasses- with his first initial, her first initial and their combined last initial. I don’t think whomever placed the order thought that through.

    A guy in my class in high school had (and still has, to the best of my knowledge) the last name of Hittler. I’m not aware of any problems he encountered at that age, but I didn’t know him in grade school, so have no idea what those years were like. I’ve sometime wondered whether the second T was a latter addition to the family name, to distance themselves from associations with Adolph. If so, you’ve got to admire them. They could have changed it to something safe, like “Smith”, but chose to keep a name (with perhaps a slight modification) that has unfortunate connections.

    Which reminds me of a local political consultant with the first name of Adolph. Wonder what sort of childhood he had. Granted he’s not even of the same race as Hitler, but kids and logic don’t always go together.

    Oh, by the way, Mercedes (the car) was named after an actual girl named Mercedes. She wasn’t a relative of Karl Benz (there were no “Mercedes Benz” cars at that time (1897)), but the 9-year-old daughter of auto dealer Emil Jellinek, who painted her name on the side of his cars for good luck. Only later did the Mercedes group of cars become part of the Benz auto family.

    Two first names (like Peter David) in and of themselves are no big deal, but you have to wonder about parents who give their kids the same first and last name (or close to it). Take the poet William Carlos Williams. What? Every other given name, like say, “George”, was taken?

    And how did fictional characters handle their names in grade school? What was school like for planet-bound farmboy Luke Skywalker, for example?

    And, of course, we already know the tale of the boy named Sue.

    Returning to the real world, you know that somewhere out there lurks an individual named Rocky Rhodes.

    Finally, I have a friend named Cornelius Fortune. Like me, he’s a comics and SF fan. Sometimes, I’ll use this line with him (and or others in the know): “I’m Cornelius Fortuneteller. I’m here to rescue you.”

    Hilarious, no?

    No?

    Oh.

    His father, also a friend, has the first name of Robert. When we get together and the time comes to depart, I give him this send off:

    “Hasta la vista…. Bobby.”

    Rick

45. I have a portuguese friend whose name is Luis Luis.

    In Portugal, they add the mothers maiden name in the end so it was Luis Luis Something. Then they moved to Canada.

46. 1] Try having the last name “Cryan”.

    2] Then take into account that one of your high school teachers is named “Laughin”.

    You’d think I would have been happy to give up my maiden name, but over the years I’ve learned to live with it.

47. >what kind of sadist would name their kid Richard Tingle?

    Memory calls back my pondering about a famous, as yet unsolved(?), murder case and what sort of parents would give a kid a goofy name such as “JonBenet”? To a GIRL even!

48. My wife absolutely refused to allow me to name our daughter Lois, Margo, Penny, or Carpool.

49. My wife absolutely refused to allow me to name our daughter Lois, Margo, Penny, or Carpool.

50. My wife absolutely refused to allow me to name our daughter Lois, Margo, Penny, or Carpool.