In case anyone was wondering what I was doing posting on the board at all hours, it was because I was taking breaks from finishing a sketch I was writing for this year’s Shore Leave convention in Maryland (www.shore-leave.com). It’s the 25th year for this fan-run Star Trek/media con, and when I found out they needed someone to write their Sunday afternoon showcase sketch (performed by the extremely formidable troupe Cheap Treks) I volunteered.
Mostly the reason I couldn’t pass it up was because I saw ripe parody material from the previous year’s convention when James Marsters showed up, and the startled convention found itself overrun with shrieking female teenage “Spike” worshipers. It was Elvis level. This in turn made me think of “Bye Bye Birdie” where a town is turned upside down with the arrival of an Elvis-like rockstar. And when it was announced that this season would be the last for “Buffy,” “Bye Bye Buffy” seemed a natural. So the sketch is, in essence, the story of a convention run amuck with teenyboppers because Spike is coming. And matters become complicated when Captain Bill (a thinly disguised Bill Shatner), jealous that James Marsters has become the new bare-and-smooth chested sex symbol, plans a Phantom of the Opera-like revenge. Following is a selection from a typical song, set to the tune “Kids,” sung by Bill…
BILL
Fans!
Yes, they’ve helped to keep my career alive.
Fans!
But they all still hate me for “Star Trek Five”
Fans! How they used to love me, worship where I walked.
Each convention, need I mention yeomen
Would keep my Captain’s log warm
Fans! All they think about are the latest stars
Fans! It’s like I’m from Venus and they’re from Mars!
BILL & CONVENTION CHAIRMAN
Why can’t they be like we/You were
Trekkies in every way.
What’s the matter with fans today?!
If you live in the area of the convention, would like to be in the show, and can sing, let me know and I’ll pass your c.v. to the show’s director.
PAD
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