POTATO MOON, Part 50: “In Which the White Rabbit Makes an Appearance,” by Alex of Anaheim

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As Alesse entered her trance, her cerulean orbs faded into clear crystal, which always unnerved Woeisme since it made her aunt’s eyes look like hard boiled eggs with small rotten parts at the center. Too gross for words.

Images stuttered through Alesse’s brain, like an old film strip that had fallen off the take-up sprocket and the frames didn’t line up on the screen and the projectionist had to rethread the film through the projector while the high school students started talking about girls and boys and football and those weird Sullen kids who played with their food and only went outside when it was raining. Or so the old stories went. That was back when Bela went to Foforks High and tripped over things that weren’t there. That was when Alesse realized she was directing her thoughts in the wrong direction and felt nostalgic for the good old days when she could dress Bela up like a fairy princess even though Bela preferred jeans.

POTATO MOON, Part 49 by Peregrine

potato_moonAlesse sprang from the couch for the second time in as many paragraphs, clutching her head and blinking back crystal tears by sheer force of stubborn will. That had been a particularly awful anddisjointed image of the future just now. Feathery tendrils of her hair whispered away from delicate, pale fingers as she raised her head and snapped, “Woeisme!”

“Yes, Aunt Alesse?” Woeisme asked in a voice of angelic rhapsody.

“Are you pregnant?” came Alesse’s demand.

“I..WHAT?!” Woeisme spluttered, pale pink blush rose like sunlight upon her alabaster skin, “NO!”

“Good!” snapped Alesse, “And don’t sleep with your brother.” A heavy pause broken by the choking sound of Woisme’s indignation came to a conclusion with Alesse’s final word on the subject, “Ever!”

POTATO MOON, Part 48 by Jennifer Williams

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A/N: What?  It’s a fanfic parody.  I can write an author’s note if I want to!
OC characters in this chapter.  No lemons, only potatoes.  (duh!)  Please no flames!

Meanwhile back at Sullen Manor…

Woeisme wandered the hallways looking at the family photos mounted on the walls.  Fortunately Alesse had seen the forthcoming destruction to their home in one of her ‘subject to change’ visions and had a crew standing by for repairs so that now nary a hair was out of place in Sullen Manor, not even Edwood’s music collection or years and years worth of sparkling emo vampire diaries.  Edwood had LOTS and LOTS of music as Bela had so astutely observed once upon a time and to disturb it would cause him an exceeding amount of consternation.

POTATO MOON, Part 47: “Curses” by Doc Whoopee

potato_moonBela lay still on the floor long enough to give fans a raging thread to post about in blogs and forums about death and assault on THEIR character.  Suddenly, she sat up as if her dramatic gasp for air had pulled her upright. The twine that bound her fell away.

Captain Jacque had manfully, skillfully, over-the-top, super-slow-motion, Matrix, Wanted, make-a-real-weapon-expert-pull-their-hair-out-from-the-improbability-of-it ….shot the bindings apart from Bela without leaving so much as a scratch on her.

The One True Potato and Captain Jacque separated suddenly. The kiss had provided an easy distraction for Bela to sneak to the entrance of the tree house to escape. As she opened the door to slip out she heard the Captain reveal what the kiss had provided him.

“You’re not Stephen Colbert!” shouted Captain Jacque.

POTATO MOON, Part 46: “Cheap Jokes and Cheaper Writing” by Lady Bootstrap

potato_moon‘Wait!’

A man had appeared. A very manly sort of man. A manly sort of man with a manly coat that flapped out behind him. A manly sort of man with a manly coat that was holding a manly gun. A very large manly gun.

It was the sort of gun, with its size and shape, that would have had made Freud’s monocle pop out in sheer surprise. That is, of course, if the good psychologist had ever really taken to wearing monocles, which he never did. But if he had, and had been there at that moment in time, the monocle would have popped out. Probably. Possibly. Maybe.

The giant pepper pots’ eyestalks swiveled round, only to be greeted by a very broad and very cheesy grin from the very manly man. Their screeches stopped immediately, stymied by this man’s. Bela gasped in a womanly sort of way.

Oh, he did not sparkle like dear Edwood, or have the same chiseled perfection, but she was glad all the same to be rescued. But he would only be rewarded by a chaste kiss on the cheek, though nevertheless it was more than the two penguins would be getting. Bela had very sensitive teeth to the cold.

‘Captain Screwdriver!’ she exclaimed happily.

POTATO MOON, Part 45: “From Out in Left Field” by Matthew “Yotsuyasan” Atanian

“Why, to be my Queen!” the man exclaimed.

With that, he threw back his hood and indeed shed his entire cloak. Bela was startled to find his visage was not at all hideous as she had imagined. Indeed, she found him rather handsome. That his ears were decidedly not symmetrical with each other only added to his considerable charm. She marveled at the chiseled cut of his deep blue colored business suit as the moonlight sparkled off of his glasses in the most alluring fashion. In one hand, he gently tossed a golden potato in a most casual fashion.

POTATO MOON, Part 44: “Off the Rails” by Matt Adler

potato_moonThe walls of the castle began to shake. The companions looked around in alarm, and quickly saw that this was no passing tremor; it was steadily increasing in intensity. “Go!” Bela screamed. Too late. Debris began to rain down and Bela lost sight of her companions. Soon, blackness took her.

Her next recollection was of being lifted from the rubble by strong hands. She could not feel her legs, but oh, how her head throbbed. She lifted it gingerly to view the face of her rescuer, but what she saw only horrified her, and consciousness slipped away once more.