Top Ten Rejected Names for the New Pope

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

10) Pope George Ringo
9) Pope Alexander
8) Pope Carmelita
7) Pope On a Rope
6) Pope Sicle
5) Pope Skippy
4) Pope Tevye
3) Pope Bush Sucks
2) Pope Doggy Dog
1) Pope Peil Pocket Fisherman

83 comments on “Top Ten Rejected Names for the New Pope”

  5. Gotta agree with “Pope Peil, Pocket Fisherman”, just for the sheer audacity of the whole thing.

    Pope Goes the Weasel?

    TWL

  7. Given his well known hard line stance against anything remotely progressive and his contempt for other religions (he has referred in print to Buddhism as “spiritual mášŧûrbáŧìøņ”), I’m just going to be calling him:

    Pope Rat

  8. One Cardinal was heard to comment, “Don’t you just love that new-pope smell?”

    Paul

  9. Pope Corn?

    Jiffy Pope?

    Pope Pete Best? (If you want to stay with the Beatles theme…)

    Pope N’Fresh?

  11. Pope Second to Last (if you believe in St. Malachy’s prophecies)

    Regarding his history during WWII…he was 14 when he was forced to join Hitler Youth, and deserted the German army, risking his life, by age 17.

    And to quote the Jerusalem Post:

    As prefect of the Doctrine of the Faith, Ratzinger played an instrumental role in the Vatican’s revolutionary reconciliation with the Jews under John Paul II. He personally prepared Memory and Reconciliation, the 2000 document outlining the church’s historical “errors” in its treatment of Jews. And as president of the Pontifical Biblical Commission, Ratzinger oversaw the preparation of The Jewish People and Their Sacred Scriptures in the Christian Bible, a milestone theological explanation for the Jews’ rejection of Jesus.

    If that’s theological anti-Semitism, then we should only be so lucky to “suffer” more of the same.

  15. Pope Homer J. Simpson (“We’re replacing the boring stale crackers with donuts, and the blood of Christ will be the most holy Duff beer.”)

    Pope Bender (“Lookit all this shiny jewelry! I’m the new Space Pope!”)

    Pope Stewie (“So these people all have to obey me or I can condem them to Hëll? Fabulous!”)

    Pope Cookie Monster (“Not eat cookie is a sin!”)

    Pope Hulk (He’ll smash infidels, so you don’t have to!)

  18. If only they didn’t have that “Cardinal Requirement” they could have chosen Bill Clinton, we could have had a Pope from a Place Called Hope.

    Or how about … The Pope formally known as Prince?

    or Pope Harry

    But alas…

    Wait a minute…don’t tell me they passed over Cardinal Albert Pujols! He’d have made a great Pope, I’m sure.

  19. Pope Doggy Dog

    Nice, liked that one. As a fun fact, he’s not “Snoop Doggy Dog” anymore, he’s just “Snoop Dogg”.

  20. I see what he means by comparing Buddhism to spiritual mášŧûrbáŧìøņ–Í just don’t see where that’s a problem.

  21. I see what he means by comparing Buddhism to spiritual mášŧûrbáŧìøņ–Í just don’t see where that’s a problem.

  22. Someone said they have a cardinal requirment. Not true. Any baptized male, which means you don’t even have to be Catholic. Which is why I applied for the job, but you know they wouldn’t give it to me. I’m married and would be the only one ranked higher than bishop getting any with no restrictions.

    But then that would have been the end of vows of celibacy, the ban on female priests, and contraception, so file that under when hëll freezes over.

  26. Who’s your friend? Who’s your pal?

    Pope Buddy!

    Pope Buddy I. Has a nice ring to it.

  28. Pope Retcon
    Pope Stetcon
    Pope Brother Voodoo
    Pope Bundy
    Pope KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!
    Pope SuperDickery
    Pope Jimmy Olson
    (and to start a science theme)
    Pope Watson
    Pope Crick
    Pope Mendel

  30. “Nice, liked that one. As a fun fact, he’s not “Snoop Doggy Dog” anymore, he’s just “Snoop Dogg”.”

    Yes, I know, but “Pope Dogg” isn’t funny, nor is “Pope Snoop Dogg.” “Pope Doggy Dog,” on the other hand, sounds funny to me.

    PAD

  37. PAD, your list is very clever and funny; and I was surprised how good some of these others are, too.

    But, for some reason, “Paste Pope Pete” had me the closest to really laughing out loud, Ravenwing269 – ha! (I do seem to be a sucker for alliteration ….)

  40. Pope Ellison

    (Or is it just me that thinks the new Pope looks kinda like Harlan Ellison? And if he’s reading this…please don’t hurt me. ; ) )

  45. For the third time in my life, the eminently most qualified Catholic man of faith for the job of the Pope has been passed over. Ah well, there’s always the next time around for the great Father Guido Sarducci to make it to the top level.

    I have to congratulate this thread on its gleeful anarchy and silliness. I really expected it would have devolved into conservative/liberal bashing by this point, as so many threads here do tend to. Bravo–it’s lovely to have just a bit of fun threads now and again.

  47. “Which are you afraid of – the Pope or Harlan? :-)”

    Let’s see, one is the leader of millions of religious people, and the other fought AOL and won. Who would YOU be afraid of? LOL

    I would be more afraid of being on Ellison’s bad side than almost anyone else I can think of.

  49. You realize we’re all going to Hëll for this, of course. And PAD’s driving the bus.

    I’ll be your tour guide this eternity…

  50. Yes, I know, but “Pope Dogg” isn’t funny, nor is “Pope Snoop Dogg.” “Pope Doggy Dog,” on the other hand, sounds funny to me.

    Pope Doggy Dog is definitely the funniest of those combos. However, don’t be playa’ hatin’ Pope Dog, Bro. In fact, “Pope DAWG” sounds downright cool. Or “fly”, as it were.

    I’d wager that if he was called “Pope Dawg”, it would go along way to bringing some youth back to Catholisim. Hëll, if his track record is any indication, he’ll probably need it.

    And then Pope Dawg could go w/ Fiddy Cent on the “Use Your Illuision Vol. 3” tour. Bringing gangsta rap and religion to the masses.

    Ok, stop that, stop that, this is just getting silly now.

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