We live in confusing times from a sexual preference point of view. I mean, here you’ve got the Governor of NJ who’s been married twice and has two daughters…and then comes to the conclusion he’s gay. Which worried me because, hey, I’m twice married and I’ve got four daughters, so maybe I’m twice as gay and just don’t know it.
Well, thanks to the Olympics, I’ve discovered something that has proven to me, conclusively, where my preferences lie.
Women’s Beach Volleyball.
I could watch that for hours. I dunno what the hëll this thing is doing in the Olympics, and I absolutely couldn’t care less. Although when you think about it, and how scantily clad the participants are, it comes the closest to the original spirit of the Olympics considering that the participants used to compete in the nude.
Hunh. I wonder what the ratings would be like if they reinstituted that rule.
PAD
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Amen, brother. One of my favorites to watch as well.
Go here to see what Peter’s talking about:
http://www.gordonkeith.com
oh my. i think i’ve finally grown up. i definitely prefer this to gymnastics. these women don’t make me feel like a pedophile. and its certainly a relief to know where my prefs lie. (though i guess i could still be bi, as could peter, and as could the gov of nj)
Participants are young, well built, athletic and scantily clad.
Hmm…what’s NOT to like about the sport?
“(though i guess i could still be bi, as could peter, and as could the gov of nj)”
Nah. When they say something like, “We’ll return to Women’s Beach Volleyball later, but now let’s go to Men’s swimming,” I yawn and start reading a book. Don’t give a dámņ about the “Thorpedo,” but hey, Misty May’s on, I’m back.
PAD
Peter David: Although when you think about it, and how scantily clad the participants are, it comes the closest to the original spirit of the Olympics considering that the participants used to compete in the nude. Hunh. I wonder what the ratings would be like if they reinstituted that rule.
Luigi Novi: It’d sure make the relay race more interesting.
“Grab the baton! Grab the baton! Hey, that’s not the baton! AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!”
Luigi,
That has to be the most humorous post I’ve read from you. Thanks. I needed that.
Am I the only straight male here who thinks NBC’s way overdoing the beach volleyball stuff?
I mean — sure, I can admire the view, but it feels like the sport’s getting about 37 hours of coverage a day. It feels too cynical for me to really enjoy it.
(I’ve also just never gotten into watching volleyball as a sport unless I know the people involved, so that could be part of it.)
I still enjoy watching the gymnastics more — not for any prurient reason :-), but just because I’ve watched it long enough that I have a good idea of the skills involved and what to watch for. (Besides, at least a few of them are cute AND of age.)
Speaking of gymnastics — does anyone else get really concerned when looking at Svetlana Khorkina (sp? the leader of the Russian team). I mean, virtually all gymnasts are slender, but she looks like arms and legs are really ready to snap in half at a moment’s notice.
Luigi — I’ll second Jerome here. Hilarious thought!
TWL
Personally, when I want to enjoy t&a, I watch pørņ or read MAXIM. But there is certainly something for watching barely naked, buff women athletes jumping and sweating. Hmmmm… (Didn’t they do a XBox game with the women from Dead Or Alive playing volleyball in skimpy swimsuits?)
I wonder what the standard is for something qualifying as an Olympic sport. Many “official” sports — golf, rugby — aren’t represented, while many things you don’t see much outside of the Olympics — synchromized swimming, luge –have made it in. Anyone know what the standard is to qualify for a sport?
Re: sports in the nude –
Not such a good idea. First of all, shotputters? Not so pleasant to look at anyway. And considering that the male swimmers wax their chests and cut off their hair to boost their timing, I’d hate to think what ELSE they would cut off to reduce their drag in the water!
The games are actually taking some flak over beach volleyball, not for the athlete’s costumes, but for the gyrating cheerleaders between sets.
According to yesterday’s Chicago Trib, to be considered an olympic sport, it must have an international organization, be played on four continents, sign the no-doping rules, and a couple other things. By this set of regulations, chess and tug-of-war (which was an olympic event in the early 1900s) qualify. The same article said that previous olympics included swimming obstacle course, rope-climbing (so that’s why we had to do that in gym), team dueling pistols (shot at dummies, not each other), and 17-man naval rowing.
Baseball, softball and modern pentathlon were recommended for removal recently, but managed to hang on at least thru 2008.
Peter, and all other healthy red-blooded American males (and some females – God bless my very very very understanding wife!) – the all-nude Olympiad may not be returning any time soon. But until it does (shameless plug warning!) – pick up a copy of this months’ PLAYBOY.
and little ol’ me is not a firestarter, but some people do take objection to that publication.
i’m just saying, for any consenting adult, that happens to read these posts, your thirst for “old skool” Olympics can be temporarily sated.
“I mean — sure, I can admire the view, but it feels like the sport’s getting about 37 hours of coverage a day. It feels too cynical for me to really enjoy it.”
Complaining about too much women’s beach volleyball is like complaining about too much clean air.
PAD
“(Didn’t they do a X-Box game with the women from Dead Or Alive playing volleyball in skimpy swimsuits?)”
When I first saw the ads for that game I almost wept at the genius of it. They took possibly the most unlikely sport to appeal to the video game playing demographic and turned it into a bona fide must have. You have to admire that.
It amazes me how the level of skill in some sports has changed. Looking at old film of gymnastics in the early part of the twentieth century you get the feeling that just doing chin-ups would get you the gold (which still puts it out of my league). Had your typical Romanian tyke done what they do routinely on the parallel bars people would have fallen over in shock (except for the French judge, who would have given her an 8).
I doubt we could ever go back to the original Olympics if only because we would have Pancrese fighting, where the ONLY thing not allowed was eye gouges. I’m as heterosexual as the next guy, providing the next guy isn’t the Governor of New Jersey but large naked men literally tearing each other limb from limb? I’m there. I’m not proud of it, but I’m there.
Complaining about too much women’s beach volleyball is like complaining about too much clean air.
Clean air doesn’t crowd out other air you’d also like to breathe. 🙂
It amazes me how the level of skill in some sports has changed. Looking at old film of gymnastics in the early part of the twentieth century you get the feeling that just doing chin-ups would get you the gold (which still puts it out of my league). Had your typical Romanian tyke done what they do routinely on the parallel bars people would have fallen over in shock (except for the French judge, who would have given her an 8).
Right there with you. I was watching what they were doing on the bars and saying “y’know, I think I’d break in a whole bunch of ways just trying to do that on a floor, much less a 4-inch beam.”
On the other hand, I can’t watch the men’s pommel horse. Those guys must have steel-reinforced jockstraps or something. Yeowch.
providing the next guy isn’t the Governor of New Jersey but large naked men
No substantive comment here — I just admire the way you managed to put those two clauses together.
TWL
“We live in confusing times from a sexual preference point of view.”
Peter, Peter… I thought you were more enlightened than this! The proper term is “sexual orientation,” not “sexual preference” — the latter term indicates there’s a matter of choice involved, y’know.
(not that I’m *that* bothered with the term, PAD, but I have come to expect your writing to be of a higher standard in regards to the use of words)
Jon
Hm. For me, it was playing volleyball with actual (somewhat) scantily clad women, but yes, it is an excellent litmus test.
//it comes the closest to the original spirit of the Olympics considering that the participants used to compete in the nude.//
//Hunh. I wonder what the ratings would be like if they reinstituted that rule.//
I don’t know about the ratings, but it sure would make Men’s Hurdles a lot more interesting….
“Clean air doesn’t crowd out other air you’d also like to breathe. :-)”
Aw, c’mon, Tim. There’s Olympics coverage on NBC, CNBC, MSNBC, Bravo, USA and Telemundo. There’s over 1200 hours of coverage and you’re actually claiming–even with smilies–that women’s beach volleyball is crowding out other stuff?
‘Fess up: Your wife’s reading your postings over your shoulder and you’re just trying to get brownie points, ain’t’cha.
PAD
“I don’t know about the ratings, but it sure would make Men’s Hurdles a lot more interesting….”
This is starting to remind me of the exchange on “West Wing” where CJ is complaining to the President over her predicament of having to choose which of two Thanksgiving turkeys will be pardoned. “The winner gets a long, happy life in a children’s petting zoo. The loser is killed and eaten,” she says. Bartlet responds, “Y’know, if the Oscars were like that, I’d watch them.”
PAD
Peter, I just wanted to applaud your bravery and honesty for admitting in a public forum that you want to be a Women’s Beach Volleyball player. I for one completely respect your right to leap around in the sand wearing a skimpy bikini, and if that’s what you truly desire then more power to you. Go for the gold, Peter. Go for the gold.
Renfield
We might yet [partly] wind up with that. Naked women’s volleyball, that is.
See, a few years back in Ontario, a judge ruled that it was legal for women to be topless in public. Honest. Now, not many are actually crowding to take advantage ot that, but it IS legal.
Consider, then, the fact that, across the street from where I live, there’s a park and small beach. And a LARGE annual international charity beach volleyball tournament.
There were a LOT of people in the audience that year.
Unfortunately, the rumoured topless teams didn’t materialize. Still haven’t. Maybe next year?
Meanwhile I’ll go back to appreciating my Japanese Race Queen videos. I wouldn’t have believed how undressed someone can look who’s fully clothed. 8-)~
Aw, c’mon, Tim. There’s Olympics coverage on NBC, CNBC, MSNBC, Bravo, USA and Telemundo. There’s over 1200 hours of coverage and you’re actually claiming–even with smilies–that women’s beach volleyball is crowding out other stuff?
In terms of what’s getting mainstream airplay, yes. It’s not the limited time available to air — it’s the limited time I’ve got to seek stuff out.
(It’s also assuming everyone has access to all the stations in question. I mean, I do — at least, I know I’ve got everything but Telemundo and wouldn’t be surprised if we had that as well — but it’s an interesting assumption.)
Hey, I’ve got nothing against beach volleyball per se — I lived in LA for ten years and it’s practically a national pastime there. I’m just marveling at a network which can devote hours upon hours to every single moment of beach volleyball and about twelve seconds for things like fencing.
To draw an absolutely terrible parallel, it’s kinda the way every Trek series has set up one or more characters as the obvious sexpots, and set stuff up for them so obviously and hamfistedly that it rarely works. (This is true for both male and female characters, by the way — Riker was supposed to be the big sexy draw for TNG, f’r instance, and I don’t know of anyone who went off and formed the Jonathan Frakes Estrogen Brigade.)
It’s just the calculating aspect of it that gets to me. (I was going to say “rubs me the wrong way”, but that might perhaps be an inapt metaphor at the moment…)
Tell you what — if time permits I’ll try and watch a full game’s worth of coverage and see if I can overcome the cynicism.
‘Fess up: Your wife’s reading your postings over your shoulder and you’re just trying to get brownie points, ain’t’cha.
Nope. When I need brownie points I move heavy furniture up flights of stairs. 🙂 (Thank heavens for things like WebMD — she’s reading lots of other third-trimester pregnancy horror stories about deadbeat husbands and realizing I could be ever so much worse…)
She does occasionally lurk ’round these parts, though.
TWL
“Nope. When I need brownie points I move heavy furniture up flights of stairs. 🙂 (Thank heavens for things like WebMD — she’s reading lots of other third-trimester pregnancy horror stories about deadbeat husbands and realizing I could be ever so much worse…)
She does occasionally lurk ’round these parts, though.”
Uh hunh. Uh hunh. I knew it. Say no more, say no more, nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more. Yes, yes, by all means, dámņ you network people for all that cursed coverage of nubile scantily clad unpregnant women playing volleyball, dámņ you I say, we’re on the same page, Tim, totally got it, I’m with you, nudge nudge, wink wink.
PAD
Yeah, there’s the beach vollyball…the team volleyball..the gymnastics…wall to wall spanish coverage of soccer on Telemundo..but can I find Fencing on the schedule? noooooooo
“Yeah, there’s the beach vollyball…the team volleyball..the gymnastics…wall to wall spanish coverage of soccer on Telemundo..but can I find Fencing on the schedule? noooooooo”
Today, 6 PM, Bravo.
PAD
Oh, and for you Legolas fans for whom sword play isn’t enough, there’s archery on MSNBC at 3 PM.
There’s only two downsides: First, archers will NOT be required to ride a shield down a flight of stairs while firing at moving targets who are trying to kill them so, y’know, that takes a lot of the challenge out of it. And second, it’s opposite women’s beach volleyball on Telemundo, so there’s a tough choice.
PAD
I wouldn’t be surprised if the shield-surfing archery became an Olympic event in the next couple of decades, though. (Skimpy bikinis optional.) Very precognitive of you, PAD.
TWL
“Next up, coming to you live on the Pelennor Fields: Oliphaunt Wrangling!”
Mind you it would also be fun at the Olympics if they awarded the gold medals to the drug cheats and what they take. Imagine the scene:
“Gold medalist and Olympic champion, representing … anabelic steriods!”
(apologies if spelling is off, long day!)
Oops, I forget, its already happened.
I think the horses in the equisterian evens are the only ones who are drug free at the moment!
Y’know, you’ve also gotta wonder at the names of at least the US female beach v-ballers. I mean, Misty May just sounds like a pørņ star name. And even Dave Barry, in a column from the last Olympics or so, marvelled at the name Holly McPeak in this context.
Do they still have that goofy sport where you have teams of like 20 guys and a giant white ball with roughly the circDo they still have that goofy sport where you have teams of like 20 guys and a giant white ball with roughly the circumference of a Jovian moon? I remember seeing it as a kid–score of Europeans ineffectually slapping at this enormous beach ball which was skittering over their outstretched hands. It seemed like a perfect metaphor for something.
I also like the sports that they never televise–the ones that are so alien to Americans that we don’t even field a team, things that involve combining curling, skeet shooting and synchronized discus throwing. Maybe they’ll have that one the Afghanis play, essentially polo with a severed goat’s head. No lucrative endorsement deals, just playing for the love of the game.
umference of a Jovian moon? I remember seeing it as a kid–score of europeans ineffectually slapping at this enourmous beach ball which was skittering over their outstretched hands. It seemed like a perfect metaphor for something.
I also like the sports that they never televise–the ones that are so alien to Americans that we don’t even field a team, things that involve combining curling, skeet shooting and synchronized diskus throwing. Maybe they’ll have that one the Afghanis enjoy, essentially polo with a severed goat’s head. No lucrative endorsement deals, just playing for the love of the game.
I am not enjoying the summer Olympics this year. I just turned twenty-six years old and for the first time in my life watching the Olympics make me feel like an old man. First off nearly all the competitors are years younger than me. Second off have you noticed what the young girls, (not women mind you but girls) are wearing? I have and that distrubs me greatly. So I
I’m twice married and I’ve got four daughters, so maybe I’m twice as gay and just don’t know it.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Not quiet, you also have to be neat and thin, so you can run for Governor. ; )
“I lived in LA for ten years and it’s practically a national pastime there.” —
Is that like being “World Famous in Poland”
There’s nothing wrong with being a dirty old man. I’m 37 now and past and well past my prime, but I still enjoy looking at pretty girls. Like Robert Heinlein, I look forward to being a dirty old man with that being my last pleasure in life.
Forget beach vollyball. I want female gymnastics in the nude.
Beach vollyball chicks are too sinewy, and the tans make ’em look leathery. I like the compact little gymnasts.
I still find the concept of Olympic Badmitten hilarious. That and I love hearing the term “shuttlecock” as much as I did when I was 12. It sounds like something from a sci-fi pørņ movie. “You will bow to my shuttlecock!”
I’m a simple man.
“I lived in LA for ten years and it’s practically a national pastime there.”
Is that like being “World Famous in Poland”
I was waiting for someone to point that out. 🙂 Given that LA is the size of a few small nations, I figured it was an okay stretch. If there was a good equivalent I’d use it, but “municipal pastime” seems way too clunky.
And tyg — right there with you on the names. Of course, we’ve got one aunt who thinks Lavender is a good name for this baby-to-be, so go figure. (Lisa’s response was “Lavender Lynch is a pørņ star. Lavender Hazard is an S&M pørņ star.”)
TWL
Well, thanks to the Olympics, I’ve discovered something that has proven to me, conclusively, where my preferences lie.
Women’s Beach Volleyball.
Maybe it’s the uniforms. I mean a lot of gay guys like Wonder Woman and I’m betting it ain’t cause she turns them on..
Nude beach volleyball? Nude beach…hmmmmm…hmmm…
Peter! I think I’ve just figured out how to save FALLEN ANGEL!!!!
“We live in confusing times from a sexual preference point of view. I mean, here you’ve got the Governor of NJ who’s been married twice and has two daughters…and then comes to the conclusion he’s gay. Which worried me because, hey, I’m twice married and I’ve got four daughters, so maybe I’m twice as gay and just don’t know it.”
I know PAD was just joking as a bridge to a different, lighter topic but somebody has to hijack this point to sermonize for a minute and my ego has nominated me. I humbly accept the nomination.
The thing is, this McGreevey thing is a perfect, living example to all those sex-fearing, other-hating religious nuts who claim that a homosexual can just “not be homosexual.”
Homosexuals are born who they are and refusal to acknowledge that or to create a place in society where there is acceptance just leads to this kind of life of lies where families are destroyed. Nothing can make you into what you aren’t, not even the promise of keeping the highest office in the state.
End of sermon. Sorry I needed to get that off my chest since someone on Scott Shaw’s Oddball Comics board started talking about his gay friend that was “saved” by religion. The guy was happy because his gay friend had not only not acted on who he was but actually dragged some poor woman into the lie, a woman he married and had a child with even though he had no desire for her. And this was supposed to be a *good* thing. One of the most horrifying, ignorant things I’ve ever heard.
On the other hand, I think we may have just been given a large hint about why “Tempest Fugit” is set on an island….
Womens beach volleyball LOVE IT ,LOVE IT!!!!
Not for nothing but anything with attractive ,scantily clad ,atheletic women cant be all wrong.However not all Olympic events should be done in the nude as in the past.Rulon Gardner the american wrestler laughed at the very idea in his sport.Rulon is not exactly something out of mens fitness though he is an outstanding athelete.
As far as nude gymnastics i recently saw a clip of that on a website somewhere…….I was entertained for hours (or at least a few minutes and was very tired afterwards) 🙂
Sorry to be repetitive, but as others have said, “What’s not to like?”
Im watching telemundo……Womens Beach Volley ball Brazil vs Cuba.Oh god i have died and gone to heaven.:)
I’ve always loved Bill Maher’s take on the Olympics. Asked once by Larry King if he watches the games, Bill replied, “I’m not particularly fond of gay television.”
Hey PAD, you have an X-Box right?
Once the competitions are finished, go get a game called “Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball!” You won’t be missing beach volleyball anytime soon.
I always figured the sports the networks showed were the ones we were most likely to win.
Personally, I’ve been watching the olympics for gymnast Paul Hamm, and his identical twin brother.
Cm’on – twins AND gymnasts?
even the straight guys gotta appreciate that.
Deano,
Brazil vs. Cuba?! Oh, my god! Please tell me you taped it! I have been in such a whirlwind I have watched basically NONE of the Olympic coverage so far! This has helped pique my interest. That, and Gail Devers! THERE”s a WOMAN!
Jerome
Wow, I’m only married once with one kid. Means I have plenty of time before I have to be gay. Thats a big relief.
Maybe it’s just me, but I find women’s beach volleyball to be too painful to watch.
Sure, there are scantily clad women running and bouncing around in the sand…
Wait, where was I?
Oh, yeah.
The whole point of the game, however, is that these scantily clad women punch balls around.
Sorry, but the idea just HURTS!