WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY!

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

Got a postcard from a magazine called “The Writer.” The postcard reads as follows:

“{The Start of a Great Story}

THE WRITING ADVENTURES OF PETER DAVID

The card you are holding in your hand may be the start of a great story–where you become a successful, published writer! By returning the reply card below, you’ll receive a FREE TRIAL ISSUE of “The Writer,” where you’ll discover advice from well-known writers…contact information for editors interested in your work…and everything you need to get published–and make money from the writing you love!

NOW IT’S UP TO YOU TO WRITE THE ENDING! You can throw away an opportunity of a lifetime…or mail the card below to start your exciting writing career!”

Well, I have to say, this has arrived just in time. With the crap luck I had in 2003, perhaps I need to do something to make things take off. Maybe what I should do is subscribe to “The Writer,” get my pëņìš enlarged, help that poor guy in South Africa transfer his money to the United States, and buy viagra. Who knows what could happen?

PAD

28 comments on “WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY!”

  2. Well, since I AM caught up on all your novels… Just think, with the write advice (sorry, I couldn’t resist the pun), you might be able to write a new book every week. Actually, it only takes me two or three days to read most of your books but I’ll comprimise at one a week.

    I wonder if it was from the people who keep sending me spam-blocker emails.

  4. Wow. Now I’m starting to reconsider my decision not to try drawing the pirate & turtle on the back of the\at matchbook. Perhaps, I too, could be a professional artist.

  5. I drew the turtle. AND I got a call from the art school. It seems I scored a high enough grade to warrant admission to their school.

    I turned them down, though. I got my comp sci degree instead.

    To this day, though, I wonder about What Might Have Been. 😉

    -Augie

  6. Dad tried the art thing once, but turned it down too. I did the first three years of college as an Illustration major, until the Internet lured me away.

    Btw, any thoughts on the Mars Rover landing? I wonder of they’ll find any Ice Warriors….just a thought.

  7. “Btw, any thoughts on the Mars Rover landing? I wonder of they’ll find any Ice Warriors….just a thought.

    Posted by Jason Henningson”

    No Ice Warriors. Just penguins. (See todays “Opus”)

  8. You … you mean you got that money transfer offer TOO?

    That two-timing little bášŧárd. I’ll get him for this.

    TWL

  9. And this is why people complain about mass marketing. Imagine Bill Gates getting the opportunity to learn computers by correspondence.

    However amusing this is, the magazine that sent the card is probably looking at this a positive expansion to their advertising campaign.

    DMT

  10. Curiosity, anyone know if Opus is online anywhere? Our “newspaper” wouldn’t carry it if Breathed paid them to.

    Travis

  11. PAD:

    You should totally join and play yourself off as a modest chap named Peter David, a fellow who’s had some publications who thinks he needs to improve his writing. After you’ve received the “Real advice from professional writers!” for a while, casually mention the New York Times Bestseller list, then seem surprised they think it’s a big deal. “Oh, I’ve had a massive seller here and there, but I really think I need some polish.”

    Watch the hilarity ensue!

  13. I have a picture in my mind of Todd McFarlane, snickering, as he drops a “The Writer” subscription postcard into the mailbox…

  14. Dear Mr. David.

    Please send that to Bill Jemas, crossing your name out and putting his in.

    Thank you,

    The Staff of The Writer

  15. You … you mean you got that money transfer offer TOO?

    That two-timing little bášŧárd. I’ll get him for this.

    Hey, if you wanna get him, he’s living in my garage. I transferred his stupid money, and then he came to “visit” and split the money with me. Turns out it was an imaginary currency. But he just had a LAN line hooked up out there, so I don’t think he’s going anywhere anytime soon.

    Last time I try to help a friend I met over the Internet.

  16. I did the Art Instruction School thing, because I didn’t know any better. There were some nice boolets I got on things like reflected light and watercolor illustration, but ultimately, I lost interest, and in retrospect, it was a waste of my parents’ money. I got into art school without having to mention that I took a correspondance course.

    Peter, if I were you, I’d do it just as a lark. 🙂

  17. PAD: Maybe what I should do is subscribe to “The Writer,” get my pëņìš enlarged, help that poor guy in South Africa transfer his money to the United States, and buy viagra. Who knows what could happen?

    Easy: You’ll be the most popular bigboy in whatever jail they throw you in for fraud – AND you’ll have something to read over there. Not entirely bad, then.

  21. PAD,

    The Writer Magazine is, in my opinion, the best magazine for writers. It has been continuously published since 1887, and stands heads and shoulders above Writers Digest.

    That having been said, if the card you got came from the same Writer magazine and not a new one trying to cash in on their name somehow (The Writer is currently published by Kalmbach Publishing in Wisconsin; and up to 2000 was published in Boston), then I have to say I’m disappointed. Usually such tacky sales pitches come from Writer’s Digest.

    Ironically, last year I sent the Writer an E-Mail complementing them on the fact that even though they did a format change when the ownership changed, they have resisted going the tacky route that Writer’s Digest has (which is one reason I don’t read Writer’s Digest). An example of said tackiness? A few years ago, when looking at some issues of Writer’s Digest I got from the library, I saw among their advertising an ad for Asian mail-order brides. Now, I know advertising is necessary to sell magazines, but a writing magazine should have ads related to WRITING (though some of Writer’s Digest’s “writing” related ads are just as tacky, such as one that suggested you’d get rich working after hours at your home computer).

    The Writer has ads too, but they, at least, relate to writing and publishing, not tacky mail-order bride come-ons or get rich quick pitches.

    At any rate, The Writer is an excellent magazine. I have issues dating back to the first in 1887 and can pick up any one of them and find an article or essay that still has relevance for writers today.

    Still, while I dislike the tackiness of the postcard’s spiel, I have to admit it’s pretty amusing to think that someone in their circulation department isn’t particularly aware of the best seller lists.

    Rick

    P.S. as a writer myself, I always enjoy reading articles or essays by other writers who sometimes provide a peek behind the curtain, as it were, and describe how they approached a certain project, created a particular character, found how to make dialogue sparkle, etc. Some of these individuals use the same techniques I do, which– along with other factors (like generally positive comments from editors)– tells me I’m still on the right track. I’m sure a lot of current and hopeful writers out there familiar with your work would be interested in an article or essay by you about some aspect of writing. I know I wouldn’t mind seeing a Peter David piece in The Writer. There’d also be a certain amount of irony to it– given the postcard you received– which also appeals to me.

  22. Man, what is the address to send in for that?!? I need to lose weight while writing my great American novel and making a small fortune by working at home! If only I could do that, my life would be complete!

  23. Wait a minute… you mean, they offered YOU the chance to enlarge your pëņìš too?

    SUNUVABITCH! I thought I was the only one! (My wife is going to be SO disappointed when she polls the neighborhood.)

    Well, as long as they don’t poll her in return, I reckon…

  24. I got my card last night. I guess they sent them out in alphabetical order.

    I like The Writer; had a subscription that was canceled when the magazine changed hands and never got a credit.

    Up until the last couple issues of Writer’s Digest, I agreed with the poster who disliked it, however with the new editor the magazine has done a complete turnaround. The new format comes out next month, the articles are relevent (and one article a month ago netted me 6,000 dollars as a result of reading it, so I’m a happy camper with the magazine.)

    As for the weird ads, some do bother me, but the mail-order bride ad inspired a scene in my novel, so one man’s piss is another man’s passion… okay, that image ain’t a good one…

  25. I really didnt dislike writer’s digest it was geared too much to the beginner writer and not to the advanced freelancer like myself. I didn’t mind the Writer mag though as the articles were far much better than that of Digest which, is now nothing but ads and very few articles. I’m at the selling stages of my writing not the how to part. 🙂

Comments are closed.