EBAYING AT THE MOON

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

I don’t know how long you’ll be able to access this page at ebay, but you should really check it out since it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen on an auction.

You have to read all the commentary from the guy through to the bottom as he does a not-so-slow burn. It helps if you imagine Daffy Duck’s voice as his frustration mounts.

Thanks to Brandy Hauman for pointing this one out.

PAD

56 comments on “EBAYING AT THE MOON”

  3. I’d comment, but I have to clean up the milk that landed on my keyboard after shooting out of my nose.

    -eD

  5. She was into beanie babies.

    His screen-name was “thedrunkensailor.”

    How could this marriage have failed?

  6. If you take a look at his current auctions, this is the text at the top:

    Dear friends of the Drunken Sailor,

    I wanted to take sometime to thank each of your for the 1000’s of wonderful emails you have all sent me, praising my auction and telling me how funny you thought it was. Now even though I did say I did not want to get any emails, I smile each time one arrives. This little auction has been featured on Nationally syndicated Radio Shows and across the globe on chat lines, and has up till now already been clicked on 350,000 times! GULP!

    Now, from the oodles of emails I get, many of the questions seem to repeat themselves, and instead of repeating myself oodles of time, I figured I would offer this auction so you can own a little part of the fun, and as well get some answers.

    First the questions:

    Question: Did I really sell them for $860 dollars?

    Answer: “YES!”

    Question: What power tools did I buy?

    Answer: “DeWalt Compound Sliding Miter Saw, and a Shop Vac with built in blower…Grrrr!”

    Question: What beer did I buy?

    Answer: “What kind of a man would I be if I drank and told you? That’s private! Silly!”

    NOW ON TO THE AUCTION (KINDA)

    So now we know yet another quick and easy way to fame and fortune. Well, fame and $860, anyway.

  7. Another thing I noticed: glorybeto, the winning bidder on the beanie baby auction (which ended over a month ago) has yet to leave positive feedback for thedrunkensailor, though he claims that she rocks.

  8. This kind of reminds me of an auction a friend of mine showed me about two years ago. Apparently, this guy was auctioning off an ‘ášš-kicking.’ This guy would fly to the high bidder’s house, bend over, and allow the bidder to beat the crap out of him as long as they wanted, fists and feet only. If I recall, the bidding got somewhere into the thousands before eBay shut it down.

    And then there was the wag who ran the old joke about the “Vintage WWII French rifle– never fired, dropped once” as an auction. If I remember correctly, they shut that one down too, back when France and the US were going the rounds about invading Iraq earlier this year.

    The OTHER John Byrne

  11. Great stuff. If they don’t have one already there should be a site that collects funny, strange and insane E bay listings. These things need to be archived so that future generations can see how absolutely pathetic some people were in the early 21st century.

  12. Oh. My. God.

    This is absolute proof that ‘Confederacy of Dunces’ was a real story.

    Did you read his response to the FBI email?!?

    I have no doubt whatsoever that this guy is Ignatius and the wife is Mirna the minx. Ignatius renounced philosophy and Dr. Pepper for power-tools and beer, and the minx let beanie-babies take over her ludicrous sexual revolution.

    Hillarious.

  13. They may have a supposed FBI case number, but the guy is not from the FBI. If you look at his site, he is a mediator/strong arm for a beanie site that “authenticates” beanies and tells you who to deal with and who to avoid. The Drunken Sailor stated that he has no clue except they were stuffed animals that his wife collected. I think this complaint shows how obsessive collectors can be. She spent money to have them “authenticated” by a woman who makes a living telling people that their beanies are good and how good they are. The sad thing is you could subsitute the word “comic book” for “beanie” and it reads like some complaints I have heard about on comic book boards.

    Kathleen

  16. $860??????

    Jesus! I love hopelessly addicted to ebay Barbie, though. Ebay is becoming a new medium for interesting fiction. I wonder if magazines that accept hypertext or experimental fiction would be interested in ebay listings….

  18. I find it suspicious that the buyer never added a negative complaint to the guy’s feedback, and that they apparently didn’t just file a complaint with Paypal, a company that loves to stop payment at the slightest complaint.

    And have you looked at the other stuff this guy sells? $1.50 for a certificate saying you contributed to his beer or power tool fund?

    I’m in the wrong business.

  19. Let me know when there are DNA tests for Beanie Babies.

    Is anyone else reminded of the Tulip Mania, (c. 1634 – 1637) during which about $5200 was paid for one bulb of a Semper Augustus tulip?

    You get what you pay for.

    Palladia

  21. This is a fun one I found a few days ago. Hopefully, it still works:

    http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2960399132&category=16710

    As for glorybetoo: She ignored this guy’s advice (which is actually quite sensible; if you’re not sure, don’t buy it), used an alternate account to evade the bid block (I’m not sure if it’s against the rules, but I consider it poor form), and took a ridiculous risk with her money (or, possibly, her husband’s; I’m getting a Jean Teasdale vibe here), and now she’s P.O’ed because the Beanies are fake. To quote the Dark Knight: “Cry me a river.” eBay is not for the weak, honey.

  22. reminds of another ex-wide story.

    I work in newspaper advertising and this is a true story

    A man saw an advert for a Jaguar XJ convertible for sale at

  23. She paid $860 for Beanies, and then has a fit when they aren’t genuine.

    Excuse me but does TY use some mystic process and rare materials in constructing Beanies?

    If they are made from common materials and use widely available construction skills, what in the name of Gods is she bìŧçhìņg about? You want a Royal Blue Peanut (or whatever it’s called), get some fabric, stuffing and a pattern and make your own.

    It’s not like sculpture, fine china ware, professional comics or even the more complex Plastic toys, that are beyond the abilities or resources of the average person to make themselves. It’s a small, simple-pattern stuffed toy. One of My Ex-girlfriends could have knocked out a couple in an afternoon if she wanted to. Hëll I can sew well enough to make something that simple (after a few trial and error attempts).

    Even worse, she paid $45 dollars to get it authenticated! If it was close enough that she couldn’t tell herself whether it was genuine, then what difference does it make? Does a fake ID number or date make something this simple less enjoyable to own?

    If the original was worth that much to her, then how was an identical fake worth less (unless she planned to sell it on afterwards for profit herself)?

    I have a copy of the ‘Thin Red Line’ and am very happy with the painting, because it’s the painting I like, not the person who painted it. I’ve seen the original and the only difference is size (mine is about 4/5ths) and noticable age of the canvas. If she bought the Beanies because she liked the figures, then having an indistinguishable fake shouldn’t have mattered. She went in knowing that there was a chance they would prove counterfeit and yet still bid a stupid amount of money for them – her loss and well deserved for the idiocy displayed.

    J. O’Buck had more money than sense, and also failed to remember the cardinal rule of E-bay “Caveat Emptor” – Buyer Beware.

    On the matter of her not going to Paypal, then she was probably dumb enough to pay by cheque (hence demands for a re-embursement by Cheque or Money Order). Cheques are fine for small amounts (you lose out on

  25. Rob Wilson – “Excuse me but does TY use some mystic process and rare materials in constructing Beanies?”

    Actually, having worked for Ty last Christmas in their call center, I recieved the Beanie Baby story, and the answer to this (I’ll spare you the rest of that sentimental claptrap) is yes. They use a fabric of their own creation called “Tylon.” It resembles a cross between nylon and shag carpeting. I confess, it is probably the gentlest fabric these fingers have ever had the delight of feeling.

    As for a mystic process, I don’t think so.

    Incidentally, I also lack sympathy for glorybeto. For starters, you don’t buy from people of abusive demeanor, no matter how badly you want what they have. He was mean in his e-mail to her, so she should have washed her hands of the whole thing right there. Then she spent an ungodly amount of money on toys that were created specifically so children could have affordable playthings.

    I sometimes wonder if Ty Warner ever feels guilty about the millions of dollars he’s made off of cheap playthings.

  26. Why should he? That’s like asking Stan Lee if he feels sorry that Spider-Man is sucessful. The toys were created for the purpose of making money – to be pleasurable, yes, but to also make money. The fact that some morons pay out the leg for them is not his fault – he’s just filling a demand created by the idiot wing of humanity.

  28. Rob Thornton – Well, I’d feel guilty if my money came from shooting fish in a barrel. It wouldn’t stop me from shooting the fish, but I’d feel bad about it.

    Seriously, though; it just seems to me that his intended demographic (young children) could have seriously enjoyed them, but they’re now forced to compete with housewives and such to get their toys. Of course, as the bidder said, most of the BBs were commons, so I suppose it’s fair to assume there are a number that are not hard to get at all.

    All right, I retract the criticism.

  29. It is always the adults that spoil it for the kids. Kids just want to play with the toys. Adults just want to collect them. If kids had their way, there would be no collector’s market. Everything would be played with and loved until either discarded or it falls apart. remember when we were kids? We would trade comics, baseball cards, GI Joee, whatever because we wanted one that another kid had, not because of how much an adult told us it was worth. Drunken Sailor had it right. Who would pay more than a buck a piece for a toy? Someone who has forgotten what it is like to be a kid.

  30. On the topic of torturing Beanie addicts, I have to share a story I got via e-mail awhile back. Fair warning: this story contains harsh language. 😉

    http://www.rdwarf.com/wildcat/beanie.html

    Now, I don’t normally condone the abuse and destruction of toys, but sometimes, the cause is worthy. ^.^

  32. Heh. I bought a Beanie Baby puppy once. And I ripped off the dumb tag and gave the puppy to my four-year-old, who named it Ludo. But it’s his favorite snuggletoy.

    My sister the collector literally screamed.

  33. I’ve often bought & sold on eBay, and if the person selling something tells you he doesn’t know or care if there are fakes in the auction, STAY AWAY!!!

    That said, this is hysterical for us, and profitable for the seller. And if the stuff about the ex-wife is true, then he got some nice tools at her expense.

  34. Nekouken – They use a fabric of their own creation called “Tylon.” It resembles a cross between nylon and shag carpeting. I confess, it is probably the gentlest fabric these fingers have ever had the delight of feeling.

    Well a quick net search shows that ‘Tylon’ was created and patented in 1998 (it’s also the name of a floor tile system and a Chemical Company, fact fans). Surely by now there is a soft fabric available for purchase that can match it.

    If push comes to shove, she can take the Commons in the order, unstitch them and get some Royal blue fabric dye. The genuine material and stuffing all there for her to use. 😉

    However she has proven herself an idiot in this matter, and one can only hope she doesn’t display the same lack of sense and thought in the rest of her life (especially if she’s a mother, that’s going to have an impact on her kids).

  36. I thought it was hiliarious, typos and all!

    Although while reading it, Daffy Duck never came to mind. Foghorn Leghorn or John Goodman maybe.

  37. A friend of mine (I know that when this is usually said that it is false but this time I assure you that it is true) showed me an auction on Ebay were the seller was selling two peices of used computer paper. They were slightly creased and he ended up getting 5 dollars for it. 🙂

  38. If I ever got in a position to do a panel of my own at a comic book con, I know what I’d do…

    I’d have people at each door handing out comic books. Bad comics. The ones that don’t even sell in the quarter bins. not even in good shape.

    Then, at the start of the talk, I’d instruct everybody to tear the comic book they have in half.

    I’m sure there is some spell or magical being that could just eat up all the rough feelings that would generate!

  39. Now, see, if this high bidder chick was smart, she’d start an auction to try and sell these infamous Beanie Babies and win back some of her lost money. Even better, she could auction them individually. She’d make a killing, especially if she posted a note on the auction somewhere that the proceeds went to the “Sue The Pants Off The Drunken Sailor Fund.”

    Use your enemy’s tools against him. That’s what the Batman’d do. Cue manaical laughter.

    The OTHER John Byrne

  40. i got given that kiwi one – by an american. i sent him a LOTR location guidebook of new zealand and he sent me a toy.

    i’ve come to the conclusion that i attract people who feel compelled to buy me soft toys. but then if they squeak i can’t really complain. and if the toys squeak even better 😛 noises that annoy people are goooooood

  41. If only… this guy would find a box with a few slabbed comics in it. And a beanie baby.

    Hurricane Heeran

    (After reading this couldn’t operate heavy machinary for two hours.)

  42. ‘As for glorybetoo: She ignored this guy’s advice (which is actually quite sensible; if you’re not sure, don’t buy it), used an alternate account to evade the bid block (I’m not sure if it’s against the rules, but I consider it poor form), and took a ridiculous risk with her money (or, possibly, her husband’s; I’m getting a Jean Teasdale vibe here), and now she’s P.O’ed because the Beanies are fake.’

    How do you know this? Where’d you get this info?

  44. I heard the all-time greatest “Hëll Hath No Fury” story last year on a Florida radio station’s morning show. A medic in Afghanistan was taking advantage of the fact that he was half a world away from his wife, but she had friends with the corps. It’s a bit graphic to post here, but let’s just say his unit was not too amused when she got to him.

  46. It is always the adults that spoil it for the kids.

    That sounds just like the “comic books will be valuable one day” craze a few years ago. 🙂

  48. Well, if I ever received a breakup video like that, I would probably dub off as many copies of my girlfriend’s sex scene as I could an sell ’em on eBay, or turn ’em into Quicktimes or MPEGs and send ’em to as many pornsites as possible.

  49. There’s an update to the traderlist.com website on this. Apparently there really is an FBI casefile and complaint, or so they say. But where exactly is the fraud here? It seems to me she got exactly what was offered – a no-guarrantee of a bunch of beanie babies that may or may not be real, and she went out of her way to purchase them. I don’t see how any rational judge could consider her anything other than an idiot – although there are a lot of irrational judges.

  50. I’ve enjoyed the posts and have had a few good chuckles. I really am in the know about this beanie business ’cause guess what, I’m the “idiot.” You might want to check another eBay auction, 3153709387.

    Trademark law is interesting reading! Especially as pertains to “trafficking in counterfeits!!

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