I, along with a lot of other folks, have been approached about doing contributions to a humor “What If…?” I’m pleased to say that Bendis liked one of my suggestions…which I figure doesn’t guarantee anything, but hey, it was nice to be thought of.
I won’t tell you the ones I know for a fact they’re already doing or the one of mine that he liked. Sadly, he passed on the one that was my favorite: “What if Black Bolt Had Turretts Syndrome?” Admittedly it was a long shot since it’s pretty…oh, what’s the word? Tasteless. Yeah, that’s it. It’s pretty tasteless, and insensitive, and probably wouldn’t have flown with upper management anyway. But just imagine the possibilities…
PAD
• 
Yeah, it’s pretty dámņ tasteless.
And I’m %$@#@$! jealous….
[but if it HAD flown, folks may have just “blamed” Bendis for it…]
Or my favorite, instead of Hulk having MPD, “What if Hulk had OCD?”
Peter David: I won’t tell you the ones I know for a fact they’re already doing or the one of mine that he liked. Sadly, he passed on the one that was my favorite: “What if Black Bolt Had Turretts Syndrome?”
Luigi Novi: (stares wide-eyed at the screen) Peter, I can’t believe you wrote that. I mean, I thought better of you. I’m shocked at what I just read, and my opinion of you is forever changed.
Everyone knows it’s spelled Tourette Syndrome.
Sheesh. You’d think a writer would know better to check his spelling…..
I remember the original humor issue of What If? (I think it was #34). They had “What If Black Bolt was a Rock Star?” He’s belting out the Stones’ “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” while a woman is hanging from a collapsing balcony screaming “We love you bolt!”
Here’s a couple more…
What If Cyclops Were Cross-Eyed?
What If Reed Richards Became a Pørņ Star? (hey, that stretchiness probably keeps Sue pretty happy…) 😉
What If Spider-Man Had Developed Spinnerets – In the Normal Location?
What If Thor Went Bald?
With respect to tasteless storylines:
What if Quicksilver had the runs.
I think this next tasteless story actually saw print:
“What if Aunt May was Herald to Galactus”
YUCH.
Regards:
Warren S. Jones III
What if there was justice in the world today?
“Yeah, I’m here to pick up the new issues of Captain Marvel and Black Panther.”
What If… Nightcrawler’s powers matched his codename?
“AHHHH!!! GIANT FISH!”
What If… Bendis wrote the entire Marvel Universe?
“…Wait… he does…”
What if… Wolverine fought Tigra?
“Errr… We’re not allowed to show you this image unless we put a mature readers symbol on the cover.”
“Hey, ain’t MY fault she only wears a bikini…”
What if Convention Attendees followed good hygene?
“Posted by Luigi Novi at August 31, 2004 07:33 AM
Peter David: I won’t tell you the ones I know for a fact they’re already doing or the one of mine that he liked. Sadly, he passed on the one that was my favorite: “What if Black Bolt Had Turretts Syndrome?”
Luigi Novi: (stares wide-eyed at the screen) Peter, I can’t believe you wrote that. I mean, I thought better of you. I’m shocked at what I just read, and my opinion of you is forever changed.”
Black Bolt looked at it and he’s speechless.
I don’t know about Tourette’s Syndrome, but What If… Black Bolt Got the Hiccups? (Or God help us, belched?)
(Bet he doesn’t say “Excuse me” afterwards. Terrible at parenting, those Inhumnas. No sense of good manners.)
What if… The Whizzer wasn’t potty trained?
What if… Ben Grimm did Pørņø? (he could show people his thing)
What if… Hercules fought Kevin Sorbo?
What if… Fred Hembeck attempted to give Wolverine a celebrity roast?
Alright people, stop spoiling the moment with unfunny suggestions. I think the turrettes/tourette idea is genius, but only as an idea and not executed.
I do wonder, however, what if Doctor Doom was the dictatorial ruler . . . of France?
How about, “What if Bendis’s ‘Powers’ took place in the Marvel Universe?”
(Christian Walker draws a pistol on Thor, Loki and Circe.)
WALKER: Police! Freeze!
THOR: (staring at Walker) Why hast thou cut thine hair, Mighty Gora?
WALKER (slaps his forehead) D’oh!
“What if Black Bolt Had Turretts Syndrome?”
Or “What if Garth Ennis worked on an new Inhuman series?”. Lots of bloody carnage and naughty words.
What if:
The radiactive Spider that bit Peter Parker developed “human” powers?
Ant Man had an arch enemy named Magnifying Glass?
Hulk and She Hulk had kids? (Remember, they are cousins — lots of fun mutations)
Professor Xavier’s real last name was Gershwin?
The Spider mobile was still around?
What if Johnny Storm had flattulance problems?
What if Jim Shooter had become Editor and Chef instead of Editor-in-chief?
What if Norman Bates was Wolverine?
What if… Wolverine was Swiss? (Picture his retractable claws, corkscrew, nail file, scissors, and spoon.)
Renfield
The Swiss Army Wolverine was done back in the days of What The?! It wasn’t any funnier then, either.
I don’t get it.
Am I the only one in the year 2004?