We all know it’s going to tank. People have been gunning for this film because they still haven’t forgiven the Wachowskis for the two “Matrix” sequels. This despite their fantastic work on “Speed Racer,” a film that screenwriter Josh Olson correctly described as a litmus test for your inner child.
Year: 2015
Why are people still discussing vaccines?
How and why is this still an issue?
People are declaring that parents should have the right not to vaccinate their children. No. They should not have that right.
My local schools send notices that our kids have to be vaccinated in order to attend school. Period. No debates. No arguments. Get your kid vaccinated or you can’t send them to be educated. Welcome to home schooling.
Yes, yes, yes, I know there are certain instances where children have health reasons that preclude vaccines. I’m not talking about little Timmy’s leukemia which will cause the vaccine to kill him. I’m talking about parents who are still afraid of a long-ago debunked study that falsely links vaccinations to autism.
There are certain requirements on parenting. If your kid is under a certain age, he or she has to ride in a car seat. No matter his or her age, they have to wear a seatbelt. This isn’t optional. Governments do not hesitate to force basic parenting obligations on adults, and frankly vaccination should be included across the board. We shouldn’t be in a situation where a trip to Disneyland results in dozens, hundreds of people becoming ill from a disease that is 100% avoidable.
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Song Parodies: “The Scorpion King” & “Oy, It’s the Borg”
Originally published May 17, 2002, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1487
Every so often, for no discernible reason, I get song parody notions in my head. And when that happens, my only choice is to write them down. Here are two recent ones cause, y’know… why not?
Continue Reading “Song Parodies: “The Scorpion King” & “Oy, It’s the Borg””
Welcome once again to live blogging the Super Bowl commercials
There will also be a football game between two teams that I simply don’t give a crap about, and so I will probably read during those segments.
6:01–Is this a musical?
6:04–You know, Triathlons would be a lot more fun if spectators could throw stuff at the athletes. As for the new Mountain Dew drink, that was extremely disturbing.
6:08–Could these players look any more depressed saying their names? They’re not smiling. They’re all millionaires about to play in the biggest game of their sport and they look like they’re reciting their names for a police booking.
6:12–Reebok: Be more human? I wasn’t sure there were gradations to humanity.
6:13–Pizza Hut: Okay, I have to admit, I really want one of those three cheese stuffed crust pizzas. Probably just me.
6:18–Oh thank God, they got Idina Menzel’s name right.
6:22–SERIOUSLY? Buy a truck because it’ll help you get laid?
6:23–Jesus, 40 years of SNL. Hard to believe. I wonder if Chevy Chase will do weekend update.
6:28–Jurassic World. Dinosaurs and Starlord. I am so there.
6:29–Okay, THAT was a funny truck commercial. I could have done without “just saying’ which is an insanely overused phrase, but other than that…
6:37–Camry. Doesn’t make me want to buy a Camry, but I admire the hëll out of that woman.
6:38–Well, I won’t make use of TurboTax, but that was amusing.
6:42–Oh, it’s a video game. I thought it was a movie. Game of War. Whatever. But it was followed by an expanded commercial for “Tommorowland.” That looks like it’ll be cool.
6:44–Okay, that commercial for the electric BMW was the best car commercial so far.
6:53–I’ve seen the Minions commercial already, but I can’t believe how much I’m looking forward to it. Same with the Brady Bunch commercial: one of the best Snickers commercials ever.
6:59–Seriously, Carnival? You use JFK to promote your cruise line? Screw you.
7:00–Kim Kardashian promoting T-Mobile? Bring back JFK.
7:04–I swear to God, they should give that puppy and the horses their own TV show.
7:13–Coca Cola can save the world? Really? Spilling soda on a computer causes the world to get a message of hope instead of, you know, shorting out the machine? Wow.
7:16: You know, I think the only Vin Diesel movie I’ve ever seen was “Guardians.” Coming in April, another one I won’t see.
7:17: Loved the Dad commercial right up until we got to what it was actually for. Dove? Really?
7:20: Doritos. Actually I’m always perfectly happy when someone with a baby sits next to me.
7:22: Nissan. Have they forgotten that “Cat’s in the Cradle” is not a song about a father being united with his son, but a father who loses his son because he never has time for him?
7:28: Holy crap, Nationwide. That’s the most depressing commercial I’ve ever seen.
7:28: Am I the only person who misses the days when Michael J. Fox was in commercials?
7:35: McDonalds. Remind me only to use the drive through for the next couple of weeks.
7:36: eSurance. Okay, the Emma Stone commercial was okay, but the Cranston one was great.
7:37: They keep talking about Katy Perry. The hëll with that. They have Idina Menzel there. Can’t we just skip Perry and have an Idina Menzel concert?
7:40: That was a FIAT commercial? Okay, I admit I didn’t see that coming.
7:40: That was the most sedate Go Daddy commercial I’ve ever seen. Followed by the best BLACKLIST commercial I’ve ever seen. My problem is that now I’m going to picture Ultron wearing that hat.
7:49: Microsoft. Is it my imagination, or are there a lot of serious/inspirational commercials this year?
7:50: What the hëll was THAT about? Why was the Dude doing Tibetan throat singing?
8:02: Help End Domestic Violence. Yes, that’s exactly the message you want to see during a football game. Because no one would ever associate domestic violence with football.
8:04: Very funny, Cure auto insurance. Very funny.
8:08: Okay, is this father’s day and I just wasn’t aware of it? First Nissan, now Camry. Mothers don’t buy cars?
8:13: That is the biggest dámņëd puppet I’ve ever seen.
8:20: Katy isn’t bad but I still wish they’d gotten Weird Al.
8:22: Jesus, how many costumes changes has she done? Kathleen says 7.
8:28: You know, if every episode of The Voice was like Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, I’d watch it.
8:29: What the HÊLL did that Ikster thing have to do with Geico?!
8:31: I hate to admit it considering I don’t typically give a dámņ, but this has been a great game so far.
8:38: Clash of Clans so far wins the best commercial competition. The spokesman does have a certain set of skills.
8:41: ANOTHER inspiring commercial? This is getting silly, Microsoft.
8:54: I’ve seen this Pierce Brosnan commercial. It’s entertaining. Although it would have been funnier with Liam Neeson.
8:56: “Heroes Reborn?” I’m there.
8:58: Best T-Mobile commercial so far. But that’s always going to be the case where Sarah Silverman is involved.
9:59: So basically if you’re a real man, you drink Bud. Got it.
9:01: Here’s what I don’t get. Players keep getting injured in their huge pads and helmets. In the meantime, when I was in Australia, I watched Australian rules football played by guys in polo shirts and shorts slamming into each other with more slams than Americans, and nothing seemed to bother them. Are we wimps or are they just invulnerable?
9:04: Are there ANY songs that are off limits to commercials? I mean really? “This Land is made for you and me” is commercialized now? For Jeep of all things?
9:11: A football commercial where everyone screams. Not sure what was up with that, but it was entertaining enough.
9:12: Sorry, Honda. I’m not going to trust the word of anyone who’s insane enough to go swimming in freezing water.
9:18: Christ, I may actually have to go see “Ted 2.”
9:19: The Mophie commercial was hysterical. Right up there with the Liam Neeson commercial.
9:31: I wonder if in those Bud commercials they really just pick random people and do stuff to them or if that was an actor.
9:33: Okay, the turtle totally cheated in that Mercedes commercial.
9:37: Sorry, Shades of Gray. I’m not curious.
9:38: Now THAT was a funny Doritos commercial.
9:52: Isn’t that Ari’s assistant from “Entourage?”
9:53: Heroes Charge. All others pay cash.
10:11: I have no interest in watching Nascar. Sorry.
10:12: Penn and Teller doing a car commercial? That’s it; I’m done for the evening. Good night.
Live Blogging the Super Bowl Commercials
I will be live with the Super Bowl starting tomorrow at 6 PM. Swing by and comment on the only important thing: the commercials.
PAD
The Strange Case of Akiva Goldsman
Originally published May 10, 2002, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1486
Let us now consider the strange case of Akiva Goldsman.
I have never met Akiva Goldsman. I doubt he knows me from a hole in the ground. Well, actually, okay, that’s not entirely true. I mean, if you had me standing next to a hole in the ground and asked Akiva Goldsman, “Okay, which one is Peter David and which one is a hole in the ground,” I’d say the odds are pretty good that he could probably differentiate between the two, if for no other reason than holes in the ground very rarely have names. My point—and there is one buried in the foregoing somewhere—is that I doubt I’m anywhere on his radar.
I Remember Where I was When the Challenger Blew Up
I was sitting at my desk at Marvel comics. In those days I was Marvel’s direct sales manager. My phone rang and I answered it.
It was Myra, my then-wife. She was audibly sobbing. Naturally I thought something had happened to Shana. “What’s wrong?”
“The Challenger blew up,” she said, her voice choking. She’d been watching it on TV and had actually seen it blown out of the sky.
I was stunned. So much had been made about the Challenger, including Christa McAuliffe as the first civilian to take part in the space program. And now they were gone? Just like that? I could barely believe it.
Some years later Bill Mumy and I made our own small tribute to her by naming our spaceship “The Christa” in our TV series SPACE CASES. I’ve no idea whether her family was ever aware of it, but I’d like to think they would have appreciated the shout out.
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