Disney’s Pocahonta$

Originally published July 21, 1995, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1131

I cannot recall the last time I was as impressed by something as I was with Disney’s Pocahontas.

I admit, I wasn’t entirely certain what to expect when I first embarked entered the world of Pocahontas. But I never expected to be faced with such a remarkable accomplishment. Disney has every right to be proud of itself, to pat itself on the back, to take a deep bow as flowers are thrown upon it and words of praise justly heaped.

For I tell you, friends, the sheer majesty of what I encountered when I ventured to my local mall last weekend has been nothing short of life enriching. In terms of thought, execution and final product, Pocahontas is utterly flawless. If you, like most Americans, appreciate the pure joy of capitalism, then you will want to share the experience of Disney’s Pocahontas.

Because never—never—has there been anything from the Disney stable that had quite this much stuff, the organization, distribution and dissemination of which was performed with the regimented efficiency displayed in the invasion of Poland or even a Michael Jackson video.

Disney is to be congratulated, lauded, learned from. Pocahontas is an example of a well-oiled marketing and capitalistic machine at its absolute unparalleled best.

“But Peter,” you say to me, “how do I share in the experience? Where do I turn? Where do I start?”

That, my friends, is the joy of Pocahontas. You can start anywhere. Anywhere you go, everywhere you go—there is stuff: stuff and more stuff. At the mall, stores of every type had window displays of Pocahontas. Book stores, card stores, record stores, clothing stores, shoe stores, restaurants, toy stores. (Oddly, nothing in the Warners Store. Go figure.) It was—

It was a religious experience.

Where to start, my friends? Pick a place. Anyplace.

I started at B. Dalton. My mission was simple: See what there was and how much it would cost to buy one of everything.

There was the Pocahontas Illustrated Classic Edition (hardcover, $14.95) from Disney Press, written by Gina Ingoglia and illustrated with pretty paintings by Franc Mateu. For the cheapskates among you, there’s another edition without paintings by Franc Mateu (paperback, $3.50).

For the artist among you, there’s the Pocahontas Giant Paint With Water ($2.25), “More Pages!” we’re told; the Pocahontas Giant Coloring Book ($2.25), “Easy Tear Out Pages!” although apparently not more of them; the Pocahontas Color/Activity Book ($2.25); and the Pocahontas Sticker Fun Book ($2.25).

A publisher called Mouse Works (any relation to Disney, y’think?) gives us the literary classic Hide and Squeak, Meeko, in which Meeko the raccoon helps his friends Pocahontas, John Smith, et al, find stuff they lost. To add to the excitement, there’s a rubber Meeko attached that you can actually squeak!

(A curious subtext is that the Indians are usually pretty close to finding their stuff even without Meeko’s help, but the white men are largely clueless. The author might be invited to speak more about this fascinating subtext were we able to actually locate whoever he or she might be, but Mouse Works books curiously forget to name any of the authors. An embarrassing oversight, surely. Hide and Squeak, Meeko is a mere $6.98.)

Also from Mouse Works: Meeko’s Busy Day Pop Up Pals ($6.98); The Sparkling River—Pocahontas paddles a canoe and looks at stuff ($8.98); Destiny Calls Picture Window Book ($9.98), in which various characters look through die cuts; and the Pocahontas Little Library ($5.98), featuring four little books.

Not to mention Pocahontas Into the Forest ($3.95); a large hardcover storybook ($6.98); a Pocahontas Little Golden Book by Justine Korman, illustrated by Dan Williams ($1.59); Painting With the Wind by Teddy Slater, illustrated by Ed Ghertnor and Del Thompson ($12.95); another Golden Book by Margo Lundell, illustrated by Jose Cardona ($2.25); the Pocahontas comic book from Marvel, written by Bob Foster with art by Dan Spiegle ($2.50); and, the bargain of the bunch, Hyperion’s Disney Sing-Along Book, ($9.95) featuring assorted Disney songs with music and lyrics, and entertaining behind-the-scenes text by Jim Fanning. Intro is by Russell Schroeder, who I never heard of, but if you can’t trust a guy named Schroeder when it comes to music, whom can you trust?

There’s also Pocahontas: A New Friend with Colorforms ($4.99). There’s a large cautionary message that it presents a choking hazard. Of course, so does the charge card bill, but so what? It’s the full Pocahontas experience we’re after.

For the ambitious, there’s The Art of Pocahontas for a mere $50. It’s a big book. So you might want to get one or more of the twelve Pocahontas book marks at $1.49 each. There also the Colors of the Wind illustrated book ($9.95), which has pretty pictures backing up a reprint of the lyrics to the Oscar-winning song (sure, sure, the Oscars aren’t till next year, but that’s a formality); and the Pocahontas Animated Flip Book ($3.95), wherein, if you flip the pages real fast, you can watch a sequence where Pocahontas stands stock still almost the entire time.

But wait! What’s that you say? You’re blind!? Not a problem! Thrill to:

The Pocahontas Play A Sound, ($14.95), featuring an assortment of ten voice and sound cues on a computer chip, so even if you can’t read it, you can listen to it make noise. There are some drawbacks, sound quality being one of them. Pocahontas saying, “I’m Pocahontas,” sounds as if she’s saying “I’m Pointless” if you don’t listen carefully enough.

What’s that you say? You’re blind and broke? There are the scaled-down versions with three voice and sound cues called Hear Me Talk and Hear Me Chatter ($7.95 each); Pocahontas Forest Friends and Percy and Meeko, each with six voice and sound cues and yet a buck lower than the other two ($6.95 each).

Not to mention the Pocahontas Read Along Book and Tape (24 pages, $6.95) and the Pocahontas Sing Along (six songs, $12.95).

But what’s that? You say you’re blind but have money to burn? Then check out the Pocahontas Play Along deluxe pop-up playset and storytelling tape (40 minutes) complete with playsets of the village, glade, fortress and ship—and little figures of Pocahontas and John Smith. A steal at $24.95 (although, if you actually do steal it, it’s free—unless you get caught).

But what’s that? You’re sighted but, like the guy in the Monty Python sketch, you can’t read? Not a problem! B. Dalton also stocks the Pocahontas harmonica ($9.95), the Pocahontas recorder ($9.95), the Pocahontas xylotone ($12.95) and the Pocahontas piano ($19.95).

But what’s that? You only have the mental capacity to sit and stare? Not a problem! You can buy a book of thirty postcards for $8.95, or any or all of five posters (23″ x 35″ at $4.99 each).

And if you’re counting the days to your next paycheck, you can do it with the Pocahontas 16-month 1996 Calendar ($12.98).

Total cost for the full Pocahontas Experience at B. Dalton: A mere $380.33.

Moving on to Kay-Bee Toys, the Experience hits you the moment you walk in with a large Pocahontas display. From those swell folks at Mattel:

Six action figures (John Smith, Powhatan, Ratcliff, Pocahontas, Nakoma and Kocoum—her best friend and would-be suitor, respectively) at $4.99 each. They’re also offered in sets of two (Smith/Ratcliff, Powhatan/Pocahontas, Nakoma/Kocoum). Billed as “gift sets,” they’re priced at $9.99. Yes, you read that right: You can buy one for $4.99, or get a set of two for the cost of two figures plus one cent more. And people were buying it. What an Experience!

Then there was the Once Upon a Time locket ($3.99), the Once Upon a Time Playset ($9.99), the John Smith dress-up set, Powhatan dress-up set, and the Pocahontas dress-up set ($6.99 each), the four fashion dolls (Smith, Pocahontas, Nakoma and Kocoum; they had a ton of Kocoum and Smith, so it wasn’t looking good for the male side of the equation) at $16.99 each; the Pocahontas Thermos lunch box ($9.99), the Pocahontas toddler figures (box of four, $6.99), the Enchanted Grove toddler playset ($14.99), six assorted “collectible” figures ($1.99 each), a Pocahontas backpack ($9.99), an inflatable tom-tom drum ($4.99), a Meeko bop bag and a Percy bop bag at $4.99 each (I hear Michael Eisner has a Jeffrey Katzenberg bop bag), and the Pocahontas board game ($12.99).

Feeling artistic? You can make yourself a living statement with the Pocahontas face paint set ($6.99). Want to illustrate something beside yourself? The nice folks at RoseArt have your number, kids. There’s the Pocahontas 3-D Crayon by Number ($3.99), the Pocahontas Poster art ($3.99), the Pocahontas Fun With Stickers ($3.99), and the Pocahontas Activity Case ($18). Also from RoseArt but not in the store (which means I don’t know the price) was the Pocahontas Pillowed Lapdesk, the Pocahontas Pottery Wheel, the Pocahontas Storymaker, the Pocahontas Designer Desk, the Pocahontas Light Catchers (one with Pocahontas and John Smith, the other with Meeko and Flit the bird), the Pocahontas Storytelling Sewing Cards, and the Pocahontas Paint By Numbers.

Total cost for the stuff that I could find: $251.67 (a few cents more if you buy the gift packs, remember.)

I then went down to The Disney Store, passing a record store with the Pocahontas soundtrack ($11.99) and, further down, a frame store with a print of the movie poster for $6 unframed and $29.99 framed.

In The Disney Store, my Pocahontas euphoria began to exceed its previous bounds. Undeterred by the fact that the dress up sets which had been $6.99 at Kay-Bee were $10 at the Disney store (an innocent mistake, certainly), I thrilled to the Pocahontas Coloring Sheets and Activity Set ($6), the Pocahontas 6-in-1 Activity Set ($12), the Pocahontas Make Your Own Letter kit ($14), the plush barking Percy ($34), the plush Meeko ($28), the plush Flit ($12), the Catch-All with pencils ($10), the PC keeper ($15—I don’t know what it is, but if it’s PC, then it must be Pocahontas), the Pocahontas pencil pouch with pencils ($14), the Pocahontas pencil case with pencils ($15), the Pocahontas sand art ($12), the Pocahontas little box with pencils ($7), the Pocahontas jewelry box ($12), the stationary design set ($22), the Pocahontas magnets ($12), the Pocahontas rubber stamp kit ($16), the Pocahontas color market set ($9). With all that, you have enough means of writing for more money, which you can then stick in your Meeko bank ($8).

For those of you who think this is just some sort of game, I can point you to the Pocahontas LCD game ($25), the Peace in the Forest card game ($8). Not enough? Toys ‘R’ Us features the Pocahontas Picture Hunt Game ($9.99), the Pocahontas Canoe Race Game ($9.99), and the Pocahontas Electronic Talking Board Game ($16.99).

Not to mention the Pocahontas: notecards ($14), stationary box ($22), memo holder ($14), journal ($12), basket with assorted note papers ($20), and the Pocahontas and Meeko watches ($10 each).

There’s also the Powhatan village playset for $15. Just think: In the 1990s you pay $15 and get the Powhatan village. A couple centuries ago, a measly 10 bucks more would have gotten you all of Manhattan.

Going for the big bucks? Already bored with the Art of Pocahontas you bought in B. Dalton? You can get the limited edition of the same book, slip covered with a sericel, for a paltry $250. Or there’s another sericel as well, also for $250.

Seen the charge bill and just want to get stinking drunk? Check out the Pocahontas mugs for $7.

Then, exhausted, you can slip into your Pocahontas Slumber Bag ($24.99) that you bought at Toys ‘R’ Us, and wake up the next day with the same dilemma that has faced mankind since Adam and Eve ate of the fruit of knowledge, looked down and said, “Ðámņ! No wonder we’re cold all the time!”

That burning dilemma, of course, is: “What to wear, what to wear?”

No problem! You’re covered! Head to toe, thanks to the Disney store!

Starting with the head, there’s the Pocahontas denim cap ($18). Then there are four different tie-dye shirts (blue with Pocahontas, orange with Pocahontas in silhouette, dark blue with a silhouette and embroidered logo, and red with the log) at $24 each. There’s also a yellow embroidered shirt with a silkscreen print for $26. Add to that the cream-colored group-shot t-shirt ($18), the purple t-shirt with the embroidered Pocahontas head ($22), and you’re all set. Got a job interview? Opt for the denim adult shirt ($48) which you can nicely top off with the Pocahontas necktie ($28).

But I hear your problem! I share your pain! There you are, cutting a fine figure of the Pocahontas experience, and your kid’s still dressed in last year’s Lion King stuff! No problemo.

In kid’s sizes there’s the Chief Powhatan “Help us Keep the Ancient Ways” t-shirt ($16), the whole cast t-shirt ($12), the cotton blue with Kocoum ($28), and the button-down polo shirts that come in white and green ($20). For the little girls, there’s the red Pocahontas t-shirt with flower attached ($14) and the white with different types of flowers attached ($18). There’s also a Pocahontas purple tank top and shorts ($24).

Got a truly feminine girl who’s into dresses? Get your choice of red ($24), blue denim with sleeve ($36), sleeveless ($32), and a costume like Indian dress ($28), which can nicely be finished off with Pocahontas tights ($6). No shoes? Not a problem. Pop over to Payless with its assortment of Pocahontas sandals ($8.99-$10.99), sneakers ($14.99) and hiking boots ($16.99), the purchase of any of which will allow you to purchase the Pocahontas exclusive-to-Payless Adventure pack ($3.99) with two figurines, stickers and a book!

End of a long day? Ready for a quick dip? Have your little girl squirm into the Pocahontas bathing suit ($20) and matching cover-up ($16).

My friends—my dear friends—I have to tell you, I was exhausted. I glanced across the mall at the card store with its vast array of cards, bisques and music boxes—down the other direction at another toy store with its hula hoops, blowouts, gift bags, suitcases, and—the most aptly named item yet—Pocahontas Jumbo Stick-Ups. And that’s when I realized that I was wrung out. Exhausted. I had undertaken a monumental task which no mere mortal should endeavor. Like trying to know and understand the infinite aspects of God, I sought to know and understand every single one of the infinite aspects of Pocahontas. It was impossible, a task reeking of hubris. In short, my friends, there at The Disney Store, trying to worship at the shrine of Pocahontas, I finally threw in the towel (it was blue terrycloth, $22.) Total Disney store bill: $1749.

And as I staggered from the Disney store, drained but still euphoric—basking in the awareness that within a week or two more stuff would be there—I stopped to pick up a small flyer advertising the production of a small gold medallion, $45, celebrating “The Spirit of Pocahontas.”

And what might that spirit be?

Ohhh, I think we know. We need look no further than store windows and shopping bags to fully grasp the true spirit of Pocahontas.

Oh—one last thing.

There’s also a movie. Not that it was really needed. The stuff’s been around for a month already and was selling fine without it, so the movie’s really incidental. Maybe they should just skip the movie next time.

How was it, you ask?

Eh.

It was okay.

But not up there with Hide and Squeak, Meeko, of course. After all, $7 gets you into the movie, but Hide and Squeak, Meeko is $6.98 and you can take it home.

One has to have priorities.

(Peter David, writer of stuff, can be written to at Second Age, Inc., PO Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705. Letters with pictures of Pocahontas on it will be read first.)