Month: June 2009

POTATO MOON, Part 53: “Date at the Door” by Elliot Campos

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

potato_moon“Hi there,” greeted the smartly-dressed young man.

Woeisme scrunched her eyebrows in confusion and glanced at her parents. Bela had a warm smile on her face, while Edwood’s stoic expression seemed to signify a quiet annoyance. Something and Jakob were on the verge of tears for slightly different reasons.

Woeisme turned back to her escort. She nervously looked at her feet as her lips let slip a soft, nearly inaudible greeting: “Hi.”

My name’s Fig,” identified the young man. He grinned, displaying the considerable charm that all Mary Sue characters are intended to possess.

Continue Reading “POTATO MOON, Part 53: “Date at the Door” by Elliot Campos” →

POTATO MOON, Part 52 by Elizabeth Graham

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

potato_moonNote From PAD:  I have to say, considering the challenge thrown down to Elizabeth, I think she responded brilliantly. I think the two most recent chapters have raised the bar, folks.

“You are the very models of performing mediocrities.
I’d summon executioners to poison you like Socrates
But wouldn’t waste the hemlock on such talentless nonentities:
I leave you to the vengeance of the musical Eumenides.
I’ve never sat through anything that was quite such a droning bore.
You couldn’t find the key if it was sticking in your own inn door,
Your phrasing and your pitch are so ear-twistingly inaccurate
If you were my apprentices, I’d give you all the sack, you rats.

Continue Reading “POTATO MOON, Part 52 by Elizabeth Graham” →

POTATO MOON, Part 51: “Once More, With Peeling” by Brett Hudgins

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

potato_moonNOTE FROM PAD:  Brett’s entry is nearly 2400 words, but I’m letting it run at its full length because something this unhinged and that involved this much work shouldn’t be curtailed.

Woeisme sighed.  Aunt Alesse had been drinking again.  Apparently it was a weekday.  That didn’t mean her visions weren’t within the realm of possibility, though.  The notion that a dangerous new player might enter their chaotic lives spurred the girl to action.  Gathering Something in her slipstream—deeply relieved that Something Else was no more than a Wild Turkey feather—Woeisme departed Sullen Manor.  She and her brother needed to find their parents immediately.

Doing so proved ridiculously simple.  This part of faux-Washington State was potato country—distinct from nuclear reactor country and magic castle country, of course.  Everybody knew that Stephen Colbert, the One True Potato, kept a cottage in the area.  Guided tours were available for a bear pelt per adult; children toured for free.  Edwood and Bela were there, like, all the time, and bears were becoming scarce.

Continue Reading “POTATO MOON, Part 51: “Once More, With Peeling” by Brett Hudgins” →

Remember This Kid’s Name

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

In Florida, home of Disney World and people who can’t read voting ballots, Springstead High School valedictorian Jem Lugo wrote a valedictorian speech that was submitted to the principal for approval…and was declared unfit, insulting, “appalling.”  (Insert whatever horror-filled adjective you wish.)  The bowdlerized version of the speech she wound up delivering was soporific in comparison…deliberately so, I suspect.  Jem Lugo, with her 3.98 GPA and wicked sense of humor is going places, while the principal is–I would guess–not.

Herewith the entirety of her speech as reprinted in the local newspapers:

Springstead High School’s class of 2009. Look around you. This is it.

No more essays, no more FCAT, no more required reading. We survived 13 grueling years of school, all for this moment, where we get to wear gowns that kind of remind me of a silk version of a Snuggie, and these hats that make every single one of us look absolutely ridiculous. Hate to break it to you, but no one looks good in these hats. Even you, Ben Noury.

Continue Reading “Remember This Kid’s Name” →

Possible inspiration for “Potato Moon” contributors

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

Tom Galloway sent in this rather bizarre item from the San Francisco Chronicle, noting potato_moonpossibilities for our little project:

“Actress Jennie Garth (Beverly Hills 90210) has an unusual way of spicing up her marriage to “Twilight” actor Peter Facinelli — she makes him pretend to be his vampire character.

Facinelli plays Dr. Cullen, the father of Robert Pattinson’s character, in the original film and in upcoming sequel “New Moon.”

And the actor admits his wife is so fond of the fang-toothed doctor she makes him constantly roleplay to keep their eight-year marriage steamy.

He tells the New York Daily News, “She has me dress up like all the time. She says, ‘Put the doctor’s coat on!’ I’m like, ‘Again?'” “

POTATO MOON, Part 50: “In Which the White Rabbit Makes an Appearance,” by Alex of Anaheim

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

potato_moon

As Alesse entered her trance, her cerulean orbs faded into clear crystal, which always unnerved Woeisme since it made her aunt’s eyes look like hard boiled eggs with small rotten parts at the center. Too gross for words.

Images stuttered through Alesse’s brain, like an old film strip that had fallen off the take-up sprocket and the frames didn’t line up on the screen and the projectionist had to rethread the film through the projector while the high school students started talking about girls and boys and football and those weird Sullen kids who played with their food and only went outside when it was raining. Or so the old stories went. That was back when Bela went to Foforks High and tripped over things that weren’t there. That was when Alesse realized she was directing her thoughts in the wrong direction and felt nostalgic for the good old days when she could dress Bela up like a fairy princess even though Bela preferred jeans.

Continue Reading “POTATO MOON, Part 50: “In Which the White Rabbit Makes an Appearance,” by Alex of Anaheim” →