10) Laugh real loud so everyone will think I’m classy enough to be saying something funny right now so they won’t know I’m dying inside.
9) So tell me: Does the carpeting match the drapes?
8) I gotta pee.
7) My broker is E.F. Hutton, and E.F. Hutton says…
6) There is another Skywalker.
5) So how’s Saddam?
4) They’re real…and they’re spectacular.
3) Your fly’s unzipped.
2) Would you tell your friends in the producer’s guild to settle with the writers already?
1) Happy New Year.
• 
“I see dead writers”
or
“If you retcon it, they will come.. with bats..”
“Matt Murdock nothing my lawyer is Danniel Webster.”
“Tony Danza and Scott Baio are actually the same person.”
“Gimme the Giants, with the points, against Tampa Bay.”
“You mah daddeh, devil man!”
“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a dámņ.”
“Hakuna matata…bìŧçhëš…”
“Save the Cheerleader and save the world…. GIMME AN A! ! ! … “
“DEY say you BRADE RUNNER!”
“That was very foolish, Mr. Bond!”
“I have just one question… ‘Do I make you horny, baby?'”
“Hey, MORON… I’m up HERE!” (finger under his chin- jerks his head up)
“Bruce Willis found out that his dead at the end of The Sixth Sense”
“Don’t tell Peter, but I really f*ing hate Aunt May.”
“It’s probably just as well; I think I was getting radiation poisoning from Peter’s love juice.”
“Face it tiger, you just hit the jackpot”
“No more marriage — uh I mean “mutants’.”
I think MJ says she will remember everything.
Ho vinto qualche cosa?
“Jim– I have been and always be– your friend.”
“Well– my mom always said, if you go out with Flash Thompson, you’re heading right to hëll. At least I took the scenic route.”
“Kirsten Dunst? Really? That’s the best they could come up with?”
“Better this– then Peter discovering the secret love children I had with J. Jonah Jameson.”
“One day– you will bow down before me Joe-Q. No matter that it takes an eternity, you will bow down. You– and then one day– your heirs!”
“Now I have a Machine Gun”
“You can’t win, Meph. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine”
It’s hard to make out, but I’m pretty sure she said, “Hey, wait a minute… my whole reason for agreeing to this deal is that I thought that Peter wouldn’t be able to deal with the guilt and it would wreck our marriage. But if that were true, that it would wreck our marriage, then you wouldn’t be offering us all of this stuff in order to undo the marriage, because it would be wrecked anyway. Anyway, I’m so embarrassed for Peter for not realizing that that I was wondering — I have this dead ex-boyfriend, Harry, and since you’re giving stuff away anyway…”
What, too long? Not pithy enough? Fine:
“Sure, he’s great with power and responsibility, but he’s always been šhìŧ with commitment.”
“Can I be a superheroine and wear my mom’s disco outfit from 1977?”
*sigh*
New spam.
“I just can’t believe you fell for that.”
or, a bit more ominous…
“One year from now, you will realize this is the worst mistake you ever could have made.”