I was considering keeping a running blog of the proceedings, but to be honest, the past couple of years I’ve fallen asleep, so I didn’t want to start something I couldn’t finish.
I needn’t have worried. Granted, I haven’t seen a single one of the movies that are Oscar nominated (I’m sorry, I still can’t take “Brokeback Mountain” seriously ever since Eric Cartman dismissed all indy movies as being about “gay cowboys eating pudding”) but there was no way I was going to miss the ensembles (the women were VERY tastefully adorned for the most part, I thought), the odd moments (Jennifer Garner tripping, apparently thrown off balance by her brand new enlarged lactating breasts; Tom Hanks coming out and sure looking pìššëd øff about SOMEthing) and to see just how many categories Ariel got right in her guesses (impressively Ariel–who likewise hadn’t seen any of the films–nailed every single winner with the exception of best picture, which pretty much surprised everyone with the possible exception of Eric Cartman).
And then there was Jon Stewart. I can’t remember any time in the past where I’ve been actively pulling for an Oscar host to do well (as opposed to just hoping they won’t bore the crap out of me.) I was not disappointed. The Oscarcast has not had a host this urbane since Johnny Carson. Less smug than Steve Martin, less aggressively vaudeville than Billy Crystal, less dead than Bob Hope, Stewart became visibly more confident as the evening progressed. Best line was his comment to Steven Spielberg, director of “Schindler’s List” and “Munich”: “Speaking on behalf of Jews everywhere, I can’t WAIT to see what happens to us next.” Close second was his comment after yet another assortment of clips illustrating yet another arbitrarily selected theme: “Coming up next: Hollywood’s salute to montages.” Third was his wry observation: “For those of you at home keeping score, that’s Martin Scorsese, Zero Oscars; Three-6 Mafia, One.”
Also got a huge kick out of the Daily Show-esque attack-ad commercials that turned Academy Award lobbying into adverts evocative of such notorious election-smearing endeavors as the Swift Boat Veterans (improbably named British women claiming that Judy Dench was no Dame, with the commercial paid for by “The Committee of People who aren’t at all connected with Felicity Huffman.”)
I hate to admit I also miss the former Academy head, Jack Valenti, if for no other reason than that Robin Williams dubbed him Jack “Boom Boom” Valenti and the nickname actually stuck. You could hear the new guy sucking the energy out of the room.
Oh, and Jamie Foxx stated in the pre-show that he needs to get his bowling game in order. Jamie, if you’re reading this, both Ariel and I would be more than happy to give you pointers. Just drop me a line.
11:30. Jeez.
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