I mean, you’d think that trolls were limited to internet schmucks who go around and say deliberately provocative things for the sole purpose of getting noticed and stirring up trouble. One generally assumes them to be adolescents at best, living in their parents’ basements.
And then we get Pat Robertson. Pat Robertson, Trolling for God. God’s troll. No tragedy too great, no suffering too unspeakable, to prevent Robertson from trolling for God. You’ve heard of Holy Rollers? Meet the Holy Troller. You know it must be working, because really, how many times do you see what this jáçkášš has to say and–no matter what your faith–you find yourself saying, “Jesus!”
Ariel Sharon, according to Pat Robertson, had a massive stroke courtesy of God because of the way he was trying to make peace in the Middle East. As Jon Stewart pointed out, certainly the fact that he was in his seventies, overweight, and overstressed might have had SOMETHING to do with it. If Ariel Sharon had suddenly spontaneously combusted, okay, maybe the hand of God is in there somewhere. Short of that, I have to think that it’s just nature catching up with him. But it is nothing short of repulsive that Robertson views everything in terms of God’s approval or disapproval, and that when tragedy befalls someone–no matter what it may be–the Holy Troller claims that it’s God’s wrath that the hapless individual brought down upon himself. Eternal punishment. You know what eternal punishment is? Five minutes of being exposed to Pat Robertson. Yes, it’s only five minutes, but it FEELS like an eternity.
Personally, I’m dubious about the whole life after death thing. But boy, it sure would be nice if such a thing existed, just so one could imagine Pat Robertson coming face to face with the Being whose words he’s claimed to represent all these years, just so that Being could say, “I swear to me, you’re SUCH an áššhølë.”
PAD
• 
I wonder what Mr. Robertson will say when something happens to him…
God’s troll.
heh.
I’m just waiting now for Robertson to look up at the sky and see the words forming: “Follow the rules of the place, or find somewhere else to put out your stuff…”
Pat Who?
Sorry, I had to Google to find out who the guy was. Evangelism never really plays too well over here in Limeyland…
Pat Robertson might like to think he’s God’s troll. I think he’s just a troll, period.
Amen!
It’s easy for armchair critics to sit back and mock. Mock mock, they mock! But maybe they would hold their tongues if they knew just how familiar Mr Robertson was with the stern hand of God.
Failing the bar exam–God’s will.
Getting caught lying about his military record–God’s will.
Abandoning a lawsuit againt a congressman over statements regarding his military record and having to pay for court costs–Gods will.
Doing so poorly in his presidential nomination run–God’s will.
Knocking up his wife before their marraige–God’s will.
I don’t wish ill on the man because, as I said in another post, I think he’s a drinker and deserves at least some measure of pity (plus, I don’t want to stoop to that level) but I do have to wonder how Pat will be able to reconcile himself to his views should he or any close family member be struck down with a cruel affliction, as Sharon has.
OK, can we put together a T-shirt? Pat Robertson: Holy Troller! With accompaning illustration, of course!
Pat Robertson is the ultimate disaster of religion: someone so self-absorbed in his beliefs that he views everything in terms of his interpretation of religion. Everything bad that ever happens — from Sharon’s poor health to the 9/11 attacks — must be because someone offended God. And when bad things don’t happen — Pennsylvania wasn’t destroyed for rejecting intelligent design, California hasn’t been dumped into the ocean for having so many homosexuals — he says nothing. Heck, even objective facts don’t stand up to his Holier-Than-Thou view: Robertson doesn’t like the separation of church vs. state, so he says “the portion of the U.S. Constitution that pertains to the separation of church and state was not in the original Constitution and was forged onto it by a Communist spy sent to Washington, DC, by the Russians in the late 1920s.” [quote courtesy of the Internet Movie Database]
The sad thing is that he would be funny — a truly goofy fanatic — if he wasn’t so influential. He leads the religious right (Religious Reich?) that currently guides Bush by the nose, and he makes millions every week from the fanatical followers who take his every utterance as though it came directly from God.
Oy.
James–that’s a hëll of a quote…I can’t find it anywhere on the web though. IMDB is not the greatest source of info. Is there anything that actually backs this up?
If there is, I take back the suspicion that he’s drinking. he must be huffing Armor All.
“I don’t wish ill on the man because, as I said in another post, I think he’s a drinker and deserves at least some measure of pity…”
Bill: Alcoholism should never be considered an excuse for being an áššhølë. Nor should it be considered an excuse for promoting hatred and intolerance. He does both. I’ve no inside info as to whether or not he’s an alcoholic (which is what I assume you mean by ‘drinker’ as I, myself, am a ‘drinker’ but I’m no alcoholic), but I believe that most of us on this board can confirm that he is both an áššhølë and a promoter of hatred and intolerance.
PAD: ‘Trolling for God/God’s Troll’. Perfect.
Knuckles, in no way would Robertson’s drinking or (my second theory) nerological malfunctions due to aging in any way excuse him from being an áššhølë. But one can certainly pity someone who is not in full control of his facilities which, one must begin to suspect, describes Mr. Robertson.
I mean, just look at what the folks on the right are saying about him:
Scrappleface:— Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson, who yesterday told viewers that God’s wrath spurred Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s massive stroke, today said his own “ignorant remarks are another manifestation of God’s anger.”
“If Christians would read the Bible, instead of just watching TV, they would understand that people who claim to know exactly why God does what He does are usually false teachers,” said Mr. Robertson. “God disciplines American Christians for their willful ignorance of the Scriptures by having me embarrass them every 60 days or so with another ridiculous remark.”
Instapundit: — “PAT ROBERTSON OFFERS US ANOTHER REMINDER of why he was one of the original models for the term “idiotarian:”
Mark Gandelman:– What can you say about these people? They’ve been mentally brain-washed due to their political hatred, religious hatred or, in Robertson’s case, belief that he alone knows more than any other mortal on this earth what God is thinking. I get a sneaking suspicion that God is hearing Robertson’s comment and is now waving his hand, creating a large roll of duct tape.
Mark Steyn:– As for Pat Robertson, he sounds as nutty as these Imams, who say it’s the will of God. I don’t subscribe to this equivalence between, you know, Wahabi Imams and Christian fundamentalists. But I’m prepared to make an exception for Pat Robertson.
John Podhoretz:– WHEN WILL PAT ROBERTSON FINALLY JUST SHUT HIS STUPID MOUTH?
What a pernicious and sickening creep to suggest that God has punished Ariel Sharon by hitting Israel’s prime minister with a massive stroke. Robertson believes that his prayers can save communities from hurricanes. If he’s really that powerful, maybe he ought to pray for Sharon’s complete recovery and return to office as penance for spewing such repugnant, self-satisfied and evil bile.
Whatever influence he might have had is rapidly dwindling away. For a supposed “leader of the religious right” he seesm to have very very few defenders. He will end his days powerless, a figure of scorn and pity. For a supposed “leader of the religious right” he seesm to have very very few defenders. Sad. Well deserved, but sad.
I think Sharon just had a few too many knishes washed down with some nice veal chops and oreo’s. 🙂
Pat Robertson has been a moron for years. I don’t know why people listen to these trolling television beggers. All the TelEvangilists are of his ilk.
” Give me a $500 donation so we can reach our goal of 1.2 million this hour or God will take me home! “
The door shouldn’t hit him in the ášš as he’s leaving is my opinion. ;D
Bill – the problem is, it’s not the religious conservatives online that he’s leading. It’s the ones in the middle of the cornfield in Kansas who watch the 700 Club religiously (heh) that he’s leading, and that’s still a very big number of people. That big number of people give him more money than anyone should ever feel okay about taking, and that money is what makes him a mover and shaker in Republican politics; as with just about anything else in politics (for either side), it’s the money with the influence, and the point of view behind it is less important.
When Roberston says these things that get picked up and circulated everywhere, he comes back – as he has on the Christian Broadcast Ministries website – saying that you shouldn’t shoot the messenger, God does say these things, that he wishes well for Sharon (or whatever) but you have to realize when you defy God you pay the price, etc. This is exactly what his followers want to hear; you will be punished if you deviate from the Scripture. He’s not alienating anyone who wasn’t already alienated by him to begin with, he’s merely strengthening and continuing to deliver what his (very large) core of followers want to hear.
-K
I must defend Pat Robertson.
This is a wonderful example of interfaith dialogue. The first time Christian fundementalists, Jewish fundementalists, and Muslim fundementalists are in consensus that Sharon is being punished by god.
He will end his days powerless, a figure of scorn and pity.
Heh. Just like Cerebus. 😉
RE: JamesLynch’s quote – I’ve heard this one before also, but can’t find another source for it. But I have found another, similar quote from Robinson:
“That (separation of church and state) was never in the Constitution, however much the liberals laugh at me for saying it, they know good and well it was never in the Constitution! Such language only appeared in the constitution of the communist Sovi”
I don’t wish ill on the man
I do.
There’s a special place in Hëll reserved just for Roberson, Falkwell, and their ilk.
What Robertson doesn’t realise is that Sharon was actually scheduled for a stroke in 1998. It was God’s intervention that delayed it until now.
I’ve said many times before that I’d love to go to hëll just to see the look on ole’ Pat’s face when he gets there. Too bad age and idiocy will likely claim him before I go.
I don’t know if he’s a drinker, that looks like pure specualtion on Bill’s part (Much like the imagined pyschological projection problems he has claimed that I am afflicted with), but either way, he’s an áššhølë and the sooner the media starts ignoring his idiotic statements, the better.
As for Oral “God will kill me unless I raise $500 million” Roberts, I’m going to go with what Mike Royko wrote about it. If he was truly serious about converting the heathens, he should have deliberately blown the deadline and then keeled over dead in a press conference. Imagine how many people would have dropped to their knees and begged for forgiveness if he had!
Imagine how many people would have dropped to their knees and begged for forgiveness if he had!
Imagine how many more would have dropped to their knees in thankfulness!
—————-
I don’t wish ill on the man
I do.
There’s a special place in Hëll reserved just for Roberson, Falkwell, and their ilk.
Same here. It’s amazing how many people are (or act) shacked when someone admits to wishing ill on those who deserve it.
Of course, shacked = shocked, and the top 3 lines were supposed to bold, not just the first one.
Oh I freely admit that my speculation that Robertson takes more than a few nips at the bottle is speculation, as might have been picked up by the savvy reader who saw me say “I think” “theory” and “suspicion”. Just a hunch. He has the look of a boozer. As someone once said regarding Richard Burton’s performance in The Klansman “I can’t say for sure that Burton was drunk when he made this film. I only HOPE he was drunk.”
More comments coming in– (from wikipedia)The remarks drew criticism from all sides, even from among other evangelicals. For instance, Richard Land, president of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission, said that Robertson “ought to know better” than to say such things. He added, “The arrogance of the statement shocks me almost as much as the insensitivity of it.” Ted Haggard, president of the National Association of Evangelicals, said that “any doctor could have predicted (Sharon’s) going to have health problems” and that his illness was medical, not divine retribution. The White House called Robertson’s statement “wholly inappropriate and offensive.”
Not much of a puppetmaster though I can hardly blame those who oppose the religious right from holding him up as one.
Yet—not a word from Robertson about the Fires of Hëll that are threatening to destroy Texas, the home base of the most corrupt and evil administration ever.
Same here. It’s amazing how many people are (or act) shacked when someone admits to wishing ill on those who deserve it.
Oh, I’m not shocked. And I won’t say I never wish ill on anyone. Mengele deserved a much worse fate than he got. Pol Pot should have been staked to an ant hill. If fred Phelps picketed the funeral of one of my family I suspect my car might experience some brake failure as I drove past him.
But overall I don’t think that those kinds of thoughts are particularly ennobling. For purely egotistical reasons I would prefer not to wish harm on those who like to wish harm on others. It makes me better than them with very little effort on my part. Plus, and I can’t emphasize this enough, wishing is fine for children but really a bit silly as an adult course of action. Time will take care of Mr Robertson and nothing I think or say or how many candles I blow out will alter that fate. Better to spend the time writing letters to editors or posting on blogs or doing other activities that might actually do some good.
From conservative (and how!) John Derbyshire:
THE COVENANT
Speaking of Pat Robertson… I happened to be reading Charles Pellegrino’s book Return to Sodom & Gomorrah and thought the following footnote on p.220 might be of interest to Pat: “When God elaborates on his covenant with Abraham in Genesis 15:16-21, he promises more than Canaan to his descendants. If one decides to read the Bible uncritically as a historically accurate account of a God-given inheritance of land, and then to act upon it as law, there can be no end to four thousand years of bloodshed, for “the Lord made a covenant with Avram [Abraham], saying, To they seed I have given this land, from the river of Mizrayim [the Nile of Egypt] to the great river, the river Perat [the Euphrates of Iraq].”
So Pat should be calling for the annexation of large chunks of Egypt and Iraq. A tough sell, sure, but who are we to argue with God?
But overall I don’t think that those kinds of thoughts are particularly ennobling. For purely egotistical reasons I would prefer not to wish harm on those who like to wish harm on others. It makes me better than them with very little effort on my part.
That’s certainly valid enough, though I’ll be the first to say that I’m personally not able to be that noble much of the time. It’s something to strive for, of course.
Plus, and I can’t emphasize this enough, wishing is fine for children but really a bit silly as an adult course of action. Time will take care of Mr Robertson and nothing I think or say or how many candles I blow out will alter that fate. Better to spend the time writing letters to editors or posting on blogs or doing other activities that might actually do some good.
Here I’m going to disagree, however. First, I seriously doubt that anybody here is seriously wishing Robertson harm to the extent that you’re discussing. (If anyone here HAS blown out candles or done some other legendary form of wishing while wishing harm on PR, I stand corrected.) My own “wishes”, such as they are, are more along the lines of thinking “would’ja hurry up and move on to your next life already?” whenever he opens his mouth.
Second, and more importantly, by saying “spend the time doing X’ you’re assuming that said wishing actually takes some significant amount of time. Unless somebody here is far more obsessed with Pat Robertson’s health than anybody seems to be, I think that assumption is pretty heavily false. It’s like saying “don’t daydream” — sure, you don’t want to spend a significant chunk of your daily life doing it, but there’s nothing wrong with it in moderation.
Just a data point, since everyone seems to be agreeing that Pat Robertson is a dìçk extraordinaire.
TWL
Yeah, that’s fair enough.
Just out of curiosity, does anyone know just how many viewers the 700 Club actually has?
I suppose “700, of course” is too glib. 🙂
TWL
does anyone know just how many viewers the 700 Club actually has
863,000 last year according to Neilson.
http://alendalux.blogspot.com/2005/08/how-irrelevant-is-pat-robertson.html
836,000??? That’s IT?
There are probably that many people who speak Klingon. When do one of THEM get to go on Meet The Press?
There are probably that many people who speak Klingon.
I don’t know that I’d go that far. I suspect I’d know more than I do were that the case. 🙂
When do one of THEM get to go on Meet The Press?
When Tim Russert gets to wear bat’leth-proof armor?
TWL
I’m trying to picture the (statistically improbable, but possible) one or two people where the 700 Club viewership and Klingon speakers overlap…
“God has shown his mighty wrath once more! Qapla!”
-Rex Hondo-
Pat Robertson is apparently jealous of all the press “Pastor” Fred Phelps of Topeka, KS gets. Maybe Pat will be joining the good pastor soon at one of his regular protests — you know the ones, they occur outside funerals for soldiers killed in Iraq. And why were they killed?
Because it’s God’s punishment upon us for allowing rampant homosexuality (that’s Phelps’s hot button; he even devotes a website to it that you’ll have to look up for yourself. Methinks the man protests too much, myself.)
Its hard to tell the difference between a fundamentalist preacher and a Klingon.
They both shout a lot.
They are both bald in front with great masses of hair piled in back.
They both love to quote Proverbs.
They are both misunderstood by civilized beings.
They both believe in a Glorious Afterlife where they will be glorified while all others suffer.
They are both merciless to their enemies.
They are both power hungry.
They both tend to marry insanely ugly people.
I could go on a while….but there is one glaring difference. Klingon’s have honor!
Re Oral Roberts and his plea for money, lest God kill him, there was a skit on Saturday Night Live set in Oral Roberts’ office, at that time. The guest host was Charlton Heston.
“Mr. Roberts. Mr. Roberts,” his secretary said. He’s here!”
The doors burst open, and Heston, as God, stands there.
“Oral, the check bounced.”
There was more to the skit, I’m sure, but that’s all I remember.
Then, of course, there was the scam Bill the Cat was running in _Bloom County_. Calling himself “Fundamentally Oral Bill”, his gimmick was that if people sent his money, God would “call home” all the _other_ televangelists.
Rick
i am always wary of “men of god” who are in favor of war.
Hëll, I’m wary of anyone claiming to have special knowledge of God’s mind, regardless…
-Rex Hondo-
Posted by Brian Woods at January 9, 2006 01:45 AM
i am always wary of “men of god” who are in favor of war.
Especially “men of God” who are in favour of war who used family influence to get themselves yanked out of a combat assignment at the last minute, leaving some other poor junior officer to take their place…
Somebody was wondering how many viewers the “700 Club” has — that’s irrelevant. The cable channel it’s on is required, with no options — by the terms of Disney/ABC’s purchase of the channel — to carry it, no matter what. They CANNOT cancel the “700 Club”. (They have changed the post-“700 Club” graphic from “The proceeding program was brought to you by CBN” to “The preceding CBN telecast does not reflect the views of ABC Family”.)
And apparently even the FCC can’t do anything about Robertson spewing hate speech from his bully pulpit.
Ah, well. As to wishing ill — some years back when Robertson or one of his ilk (as Jubal Harshaw remarks, “I’m colorblind in that spectrum.”) was making noises about AIDS and “divine retribution”, an acquaintance remarked that were *he* God, there would be a form of AIDS spread by haircare products that would only afflict white televangalists.
But, unlike *their* harsh unforgiving Gawd, HIS version of AIDS would be 100% curable.
The cure would involve large, vigourous young black men…
“There’s a special place in Hëll reserved just for Roberson, Falkwell, and their ilk.”
and for people who talk during movies.
“There’s a special place in Hëll reserved just for Roberson, Falkwell, and their ilk.”
IIRC, it’s in one of the bolgias of the Eighth Circle, where they’ll be consigned to wear robes made of molten gold with a lead lining. And here Niven and Pournelle thought simony was an obsolete sin…
And apparently even the FCC can’t do anything about Robertson spewing hate speech from his bully pulpit.
To be honest, as much as I think Robertson deserves a nice scorching case of antibiotic resistant syphilis, I would be opposed to any effort to censor his idiocy by the government. I guess I’m one of the few people left in this world who believes that freedom of speech means freedom for everyone, even those with advanced dementia.
You never know what he’s going to say next. That guy is always good for a laugh. At least, until you realise that there are people out there that take him seriously.
So, should we ask Pat what Ðìçk did to pìšš øff God now?
http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/01/09/cheney/index.html
1 I LOVE PAT ROBERTSON. He’s like a Saturday Night Live Sketch. We use to watch him for fun cause he was soooo bad and would say the craziest things! He was talking about women serving in Combat Military situations once and was totally dishing on the women and turned to his woman co-host and tried to get her to agree with him about the lack of strength women have and that it would not be wise to have them in a fox hole next to you if you get wounded and needed to be carried out…she just sort of stuttered out a half hearted ..uh..ah..ya. hahahaha
Oh-boy, the Governator got hurt in a motorcycle. God must really be pìššëd at politicians.
In other news, Ted Kennedy is writing a children’s book, which makes me wonder why God suddenly hates children.
In other news, Ted Kennedy is writing a children’s book,
Other Children’s Books That Didn’t Make It
You Are Different and That’s Bad
The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share
Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking
Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
All Cats Go to Hëll
The Little Sissy Who Snitched
Some Kittens Can Fly
That’s It, I’m Putting You Up for Adoption
Grandpa Gets a Casket
The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
Strangers Have the Best Candy
Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
You Were an Accident
Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
Pop! Goes The Hamster… and Other Great Microwave Games
(from Ray Merriam)
“Whatever influence he might have had is rapidly dwindling away. For a supposed “leader of the religious right” he seesm to have very very few defenders. He will end his days powerless, a figure of scorn and pity. For a supposed “leader of the religious right” he seesm to have very very few defenders. Sad. Well deserved, but sad.”
I truly hope you are right, Bill, but I’m not convinced of that yet.
Ted Kennedy is writing a children’s book???
What’s the title? “London Bridge is MORE TO THE LEFT!”?
“I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires.”
— Susan B. Anthony 1896
True then, so very true today.
——————–
I would be opposed to any effort to censor his idiocy by the government. I guess I’m one of the few people left in this world who believes that freedom of speech means freedom for everyone, even those with advanced dementia.
Same here. Although it might be woeth it to see if Robertson’s head explodes from the irony.
Well, Knuckles, it’s hard to believe it sometimes in this era of shameless arrogance, but apparently Pat Robertson has managed to say things that have embarrassed even the most loopy of republicans.
Pat used to have a great deal of influence in the GOP, but his jump to cable seems to have been his downfall. He got a lot more attention when the 700 Club was in syndication. Now, I think he’s getting desperate for attention. That’s why he’s making so many outrageous statements lately.
More proff of Robertson’s hypocracy – He’s the head of a group that’s going to be given 125 acres to build a theme park.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/israel/Story/0,2763,1677557,00.html?gusrc=rss