Year: 2005

You know, it always causes me giggles when Christians complain of how ill-used and oppressed Christianity is in this country. Because, y’know, having the only religion for which government shuts down on your major holidays isn’t enough due diligence. Still, it can’t help the perception of your faith when your major spokesmen in this country are áššhølëš. Kind of skews perceptions of you. Consider Pat Robertson, bastion of Christian charity, advocating the covert assassination of Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez.

Oh yeah. I seem to recall, from my limited familiarity with the New Testament, that Jesus advocated such thinking. Right between “Love thy neighbor” and “The meek shall inherit the Earth,” he espoused,
“We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability.”

I can understand why Pat Robertson is such a prominent religious figure. Every time the guy opens his mouth, people say, “Chriiiiiiist.”

PAD

You know, I’ve been loving the current storyline on HBO’s “Entourage” which features rising movie star Vincent Chase starring in a James Cameron-directed Aquaman film. TV Guide (or maybe it was EW) claimed that the storyline dissed the sea king, but I completely disagree. Vincent’s initial hesitation to portray Aquaman never stemmed from feeling the character was stupid, but rather that he, Vince, didn’t have the right stuff to portray a superhero. The only laugh-out-loud sequence was when the Hollywood braintrust trotted out a ghastly garish Aquaman outfit, and by me that was more a comment on Hollywood’s ability to bûggër a costume rather than on Aquaman himself. Vince’s brother, Johnny Drama–ever on the lookout for his own fading acting career–correctly points out with optimism that, hey, y’know, Aquaman DOES have a brother.

And on tonight’s episode, wonder of wonders, Vincent is actually shown working out with Aquaman’s harpoon hand. No “water hand” here; this version of Aquaman is packing serious spear. They refer to it as a “claw hand,” granted, but it’s metal and it fires a harpoon, so that’s close enough for me.

Now all we need is for Cameron to REALLY make an Aquaman film and we’re good to go.

PAD

I’m probably going to expand upon this in “But I Digress”, but…

I was at a playground yesterday with Caroline. There was a little boy there, seven years old, named Steven. He was talking to other kids about Spider-Man, and what a big Spider-Man fan he was. He was showing off his Spidey sneakers very proudly.

And I said to him, “Do you read Spider-Man comics?”

He looked at me oddly and said, “No.”

“Why not?”

“I watch the movies,” he said. “And I play the video game. I beat Doc Ock,” he added proudly.

“Okay, but…Spider-Man’s a comic book character. Aren’t you at all interested in reading the comic?”

He shook his head. His ten year old brother said, “Why should he?”

I said, “Well, because you keep watching the movies, it’s the same story. What about new adventures, new stories about Spider-Man?”

The big brother shrugged and said, “He watches the cartoon.”

“I watch the cartoon,” Steve echoed. “And the movies. And play the game. I’m a Spider-Man fan!”

Spidey’s biggest fan…except for, y’know, the whole comic book thing. That he really doesn’t care about.

And why should he? How many have you, in the past five years, have seen a James Bond movie or played the video game? Now…how many of you have read a James Bond book? Seen a Sherlock Holmes film or a repeat of the Jeremy Brett TV series? As opposed to reading Conan Doyle or any of the many pastiches?

Comics used to be the only venue for following the adventures of iconic heroes, just as books were once the only means of keeping up with literary heroes. And now the heros’ popularity has outstripped any need for literature…or readers.

And you wonder why comics are hemorrhaging readers.

PAD

I’m not sure how to feel about the Gaza pull out.

I suppose the action will be judged by the result. If the result is that Palestinians see this pull out as a genuine concession in the interest of a greater peace, and meet that with a genuine move for a lasting peace, then it’s likely worth it.

But considering that there are coffee mugs and t-shirts being sold that say “Today Gaza, tomorrow Jerusalem,” it seems just as likely–if not more so–that this will be seen as merely the first step toward pushing the Israelis into the sea. Not proof that the Jews genuinely want peace, but rather proof that the Jews can genuinely be gotten rid off.

I pray for the former; I suspect the latter.

Mark my words: There’s going to be a war. Not skirmishes. Not car bombings. There’s going to be another full-blown war, and at the end of it, either there’s going to be no Israel or the Palestinian question is going to be resolved because the Palestinians will be dead.

And for those who are critical of Israel’s past aggressive posture after decades of acts of terrorism within their country…keep in mind it took exactly one act of terrorism in our country to have us attack not one, but two countries. The Gaza pull out is the equivalent of American Indians waging ten years worth of terrorist attacks and getting Delaware back.

PAD

Caroline has embarked on the great journey called potty training.

I am always going to remember the sight from just a few minutes ago of Caroline sitting on her little to-scale potty chair, reading a book on making in the potty that Kathleen bought from the local Borders. It’s like one of those pictures of a guy looking at a painting of him looking at a painting of him looking at a painting etc.

The result of her very first endeavor? Roughly a tablespoon worth of pee (no, I didn’t measure it, you sickos) that she then dumped in the toilet and flushed her very self. And right now she’s sporting her immediate reward: Her very own Dora the Explorer pull up diaper.

I’m figuring she’s going to go straight from this to curing cancer.

PAD

The announcement over on the Wizard World site is correct: I’ll be attending the Wizard World Convention in Texas this November.

Basically, it was real simple. They contacted me some weeks ago and asked me if I’d go. I said that as long as they were planning an Atlanta show opposite Heroes Con, I could not in good conscience accept their offer. I also said that, if and when the Atlanta show went away, I’d come to Texas. They subsequently pulled out, so I’m keeping my word. And no, this is not a case of post hoc ergo propter hoc. I’m reasonably sure they were going to pull out in response to the negative publicity, my attending Texas or no not withstanding. Me, I’m just pleasantly surprised. This is the first Wizard con they’ve approached me about…this century, I think.

Also, FYI, they’re doing a lengthy article about my work in issue #169 of Wizard, coming out late in September. Hunh. Maybe if you hang around long enough you get popular again. I will say this: The Wizard Fan Award statue I have for “Hulk: The End” is definitely the coolest looking trophy I have.

PAD

In a tragic setback in Iraq, it was announced today that a dog ate the just completed Iraqi constitution.

“We finished it, honest to god,” said assembly speaker Hajim al-Hasani, looking greatly chagrined and scuffing his toe. “It was all done, we had it, we just needed that extra day to make it look really good. And then we were carrying it to work and this dog just came out of nowhere. It barked and scared us, and I was so startled that I dropped the constitution. Next thing we knew, it was in this dog’s mouth and he was running away with it, chewing on it.”

The constitution and dog have eluded capture. Authorities believe that the dog may have been associated with insurrectionists, since there have been several instances of dogs being employed as suicide bombers.

Fox News reported CIA suspicions that protestor Cindy Sheehan may have been behind the theft, stopping at nothing to make President George W. Bush look bad.

“I sympathize with the Iraqi assembly,” President Bush stated from his annual one month vacation in Crawford, Texas. “I remember when a dog ate my copy of the Bill of Rights and the Geneva Convention. We still haven’t gotten over that one.”

With the Iraqi assembly now having to start all over again, a new delivery date for the Constitution is uncertain since they’ll have to re-create it from memory.

PAD