“Wanna Go To a Taping of ‘The People’s Court?'”

That was the question my sister, Beth, asked me late last week. She, her husband, Rande, and a mutual friend, Marcie, were going to a taping and had an extra ticket.

Now I haven’t really watched the show since the Ed Koch days. To be honest, my own experience in court (i.e., divorce proceedings) kind of soured me on the notion of watching other people relive misery and pain in a courtroom setting. I know they’re there voluntarily, but it still gives me a vaguely unsettling, even voyeuristic feeling.

On the other hand, in the words of Doc Brown, “Well, I figured…what the hëll?”

So I met them at the studio as prearranged early Wednesday morning, and after being seated in the second row on the defendant’s side (how visible we were, I’ve no clue), we watched as five cases were marched before the presiding judge, Judge Milian. This was my first exposure to her, and to say she does not suffer fools gladly is to understate it. She shredded several of the plaintiffs/defendants, including some college students arguing over shared utilities and a guy who played upon a female friend’s credulousness by getting her to use her charge card to rent him cars all summer. And through it all, I still had that same queasy “This really is none of my business but I can’t look away” feeling.

All except one, the single creepiest case of the afternoon. A case in which a New York City bus driver claimed that a belligerent passenger had kicked the crap out of him, doing him permanent injury (torn ligaments, unable to move his right arm, etc.), and he was suing him for $5000 in emotional distress. (He naturally could have gone after him in “big boy” court rather than small claims, but at least with “People’s Court,” any money awarded is guaranteed by the producers, so it’s a sure thing…if you win.) The passenger claimed that the driver had started it and he was the victim.

The driver was White and 51, the passenger Black and 61. The reason I mention race was because the passenger made a major issue out of it. Having earlier pled guilty in criminal court and been sentenced, not to jail, but to attend anger management classes (which he angrily stated he didn’t need and had then not attended), he proceeded to claim that the driver was racist, the witnesses were racist, the cops who arrested him were racist, the judge who had sentenced him was racist, and even started threatening to attack the bus driver again in the presence of Judge Milian, the entire audience, and the driver’s twelve year old son. Everyone in the audience, Black and White alike, was sitting there with his or her mouth open in shock. I won’t say what the verdict was, but he didn’t exactly help his case.

Between cases, Beth and I started coming up with imaginary scenarios for “The People’s Court.” You know, like “This is Satan. He claims that God threw him out of Paradise, and is demanding the return of his deposit and one half of the rent money.” “This is God. He says that Satan was no angel, gave him a hotfoot, and left him no choice but to give him the heave ho.” That kind of thing.

The guy I had the most fun watching was the baliff, Douglas, a strapping young man who constantly looked like he was biting his tongue not to laugh at some of the remarkable idiots being paraded before them. My understanding is that he’s not a real baliff but an actor. Nevertheless, he sure didn’t consider his job just for show: He did not hesitate, for instance, to put himself bodily between the bus driver and the passenger when it seemed as if the passenger was actually going to make a serious move right there.

After the show, various court personnel including the judge posed with Beth, Rande, Marcie and me. The pictures will be up shortly.

The shows should be airing some time in September. I’ll be sure to let you know the exact air dates.

PAD

That’s it. No more. I’ve had it.

After purging over 500 comment spams from the site (and my own inbox) in the last 24 hours, I’m done. No more unregistered comments. If you’re having problems with Typekey– like no confirmation email– go here and post; the nice folks at Six Apart will want to know who can’t get their email, so they can talk with the ISPs.

If that doesn’t satisfy, then send good thoughts to Jay Allen and hope that he gets his new and improved version of MT-Blacklist up and running soon. Even better, kick him some money. (Yes, an appeal for money that neither Peter or I will see a dime of. He’s an anti-spammer. Money isn’t nearly enough, but the only church I can make him a saint in is the Church of the SubGenius.)

While the rest of you…

…are at the midnight showing of Spider-Man 2, I’m sitting here trying to clean up the site. The latest:

Registration now appears to be working, and is pretty painless.* If you register, you’ll be able to post immediately. If not, your posts are going to have to wait until someone here decides to go on a cleaning spree and clean out the inbox. Which, considering Peter and I are both staring at some deadlines, could be hours or days later.

* Unless you don’t get the Typekey confirmation mail, as some ISPs have treated them as spam. If you have that problem, post here with “typekey problem” as your first line, along with your ISP, and we’ll try to fix it with typekey.