Year: 2002

It occurred to me that if they ever ran plays as double-bills, the way they used to do with movies, they should do a double feature of “The Vágìņá Monologues” and “Puppetry of the Pëņìš.”

It then further occurred to me that, with genitalia pretty much covered (or uncovered) in the theatrical world, other organs should get equal time. Herewith a list of possible future plays:

“Venting My Spleen”

“Liver Spots”

“Brain Farts”

“A Detailed Appendix”

“Tongue Lashing”

“By the Short Hairs”

“Bowel Movements”

“My God, What an Úšhølë” (alternate

“Prostate of the Union”

“Throat Cultures”

“Bûŧŧ Mûņçhìņg”

“Elbow Grease” (that would be the 50s rock version)

Other suggestions are welcome, frighteningly enough.

PAD

Okay, so here’s my overall prediction for the year’s arc. I do this every year, and I have yet to be right.

As I mentioned yesterday, I think Buffy is squaring off against the First. We would know for sure if those robed guys at the beginning had no eyes. It is my further belief that the First was responsible for the creation of the Hellmouth. What I think is that the First is going to be endeavor to open more Hellmouths throughout the world. And that in the final confrontation, Buffy will manage to not only seal the Hellmouth beneath Sunnydale, but get rid of it entirely so that Sunnydale will effectively be a normal town and Buffy and Dawn can lead a normal life.

That’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.

PAD

How could I have been so dense.

I bet Buffy’s dealing with the First. The primary evil that lurked around below Sunnydale, had an assortment of eyeless priests working for it, and drove Angel nuts back in “Amends” by shifting into the forms of various people he’d killed, including Jenny Calendar. After introducing the concept of the First back in season #3, we haven’t heard boo about it since then.

So either Whedon is repeating himself by having a Big Bad with the exact same MO…or it’s the same evil entity that’s been laying low since shortly before the destruction of the school.

We’ll see.

PAD

Buffy may have missed out on being Homecoming queen years ago, but that pales in comparison to the welcome homecoming of the new season. With as much lack of subtlety as we saw the miseries of adulthood hammered home upon our heroes (so much so that they forgot to *be* heroes most of the time), so too was there no subtlety in letting the fans known that all is well (i.e., evil) in Sunnydale once again. Except in the latter case it could not have been more welcome.

The instant I heard there was a new principal, I thought, “Bet he’s black.” There hasn’t been an ongoing black character since Mr. Trick, and he was only in the first half of season 3. But that was the only truly predictable aspect of the episode. Spike’s return couldn’t have been more perfectly timed, all manner of plot threads were put into place, and I feel truly sorry for anyone who is a newcomer because they couldn’t begin to appreciate the cameo heaven of the last two minutes. Even the charming comic book injoke of Willow’s witch teacher being “Miss Harkness” (an impossible-to-ignore reference to Marvel’s witch in residence, Agatha Harkness) showed that Whedon’s sensibilities were firmly back in place.

Welcome home, Buffy and Co. We missed you last year. Glad you’re back.

PAD

As a number of people pointed out, yesterday was my birthday.

I don’t make a big deal of it. Actually, I generally do my best to ignore it. All I do is reflect on people who should be celebrating birthdays, but aren’t around to do so, and then I wonder why I’m here and they’re gone, and then I just get even more depressed. On the up side, there’s cake at the end of the day to drown the depression in, so I suppose it always works out.

PAD

Kathleen and I made our annual sojourn to the Broadway Flea Market, held every year in Schubert Alley. The event only seems to get more and more crowded every year, but all the money goes for charity and so it’s a good cause. A whole buncha actors were there signing autographs (with the customary long line) while cast members of various shows sold everything from props to old books. Lots more folks selling food this year, I noticed; mostly home baked stuff.

Next Sunday I’ll be back in Manhattan attending New York is Book Country, the annual Fifth Avenue event celebrating publishing in NY. Last year’s was cancelled due to 9/11, so it’ll be nice to see this tradition back in place. Perhaps I’ll see some of you there.

PAD

I wanted to like FIREFLY. You’ve no IDEA how much I wanted to like FIREFLY, if for no other reason than it features Jewel Staite from mine and Bill Mumy’s SPACE CASES.

Here’s the thing: Joss Whedon has made his name and reputation on programs that take cliches and invert them, stand them on their collective ears. The cute helpless blonde who is first to be screaming victim of the monster? She’s the heroine who kicks their butts. The vampiric creature who goes bump in the night? He’s the hero, helping the helpless (okay, between everything from St. Germain to “Forever Night,” that one isn’t so original, but still…)

FIREFLY doesn’t transcend cliches or invert them. It embraces them. It adores them. Oh, there’s touches here and there, flashes of the Whedon pull-the-rug-out-from-under-expectations. But the overall world in which they exist does very little to indicate original thought.

Me, I’m going to stick with it, partly because of Jewel, and partly because Whedon’s earned that through years of getting it so right on his two other series. But most viewers don’t have a personal attachment to one of the actresses, and furthermore, Friday evening can be a serious killer of genre shows unless they come out of the box fast. And the hard truth is that if it didn’t have Jewel and it wasn’t by Whedon, I’d don’t know that I’d ever tune in the series again.

PAD