The Top Ten Things That Fans Have Actually Said to Me at Conventions and Store Appearances

Posted By: Peter DavidPosted On:

But I Digress...
Nov. 16, 1990

10) I just love your work on Strikeforce: Morituri, Mr. Gillis.

9) Are the comics you write going to be worth anything?

8) My sister passed gas at dinner last night.

7) I don’t buy The Hulk because everything Marvel publishes sucks.

6) John Byrne is waiting outside in the parking lot for you. Ha ha. Just kidding.

5) Do you draw X-Men? Do you write X-Men? Do you know who The X-Men are?

4) How did it work when Todd McFarlane wrote The Hulk?

3) 1 don’t care how old you were when it came out. Autograph my copy of Avengers #1.

2) How can you not remember me? We discussed comics in the hallway outside the Copper Room at the 1986 San Diego Comic-Con. My hair was longer then…

And the Number One thing someone actually said to me:

1) Who the hëll are you supposed to be?

10 comments on “The Top Ten Things That Fans Have Actually Said to Me at Conventions and Store Appearances”

  2. “3) 1 don’t care how old you were when it came out. Autograph my copy of Avengers #1.”

    I hope you autographed it “Stan & Jack.” When asked, reply “Didn’t you know we’re both the same guy?”

  3. What a moral quandary. If you actually autographed the comic, you’d decrease its value because you had nothing to do with its creation. But the idiot deserved it, just for being an idiot. But why should the comic suffer because its owner is an idiot? Oh, the moral ambiguity. Oh, the humanity. My head is spinning.

  4. Heh. Funny.

    While I’m thinking about it, what’s the status on the BID archives? I seem to remember you guys were looking for copies of some earlier columns.

    Have the gaps been filled? If not, which ones do you still need? I recently came across an old stack of CBGs, and you never know…

  6. And the top 10 responses probably never made back to things fans have actually said:

    10) Shhh! Please don’t say my name so loud. I’m here incognito, using my Peter David cover identity, and I’d hate for everyone to know we’re really the same person.

    9) They already are! I’ve seen some of these puppies going for as much as 4 for a dollar! But of course those were in better shape than these copies you’ve got.

    8) Did you save it? If she becomes famous, it might be valuable some day.

    7) Speaking of which, would it be okay if Marvel published a comic about you?

    6) (Laughs hysterically). Wow, you really had me going there! I can see you’ve got a great sense of humor and must be extremely popular at gatherings like this. (Smiles.) Ha ha. Just kidding.

    5) Yes, I draw the X-men. Yes, I write the X-Men. And no, I don’t have the slightest clue who the X-Men are. Fortunately that doesn’t seem to matter to the fans.

    4) Well, drawing 20 panels a month was okay, but I had trouble making the Hulk’s cape long enough.

    3) What do you mean, your copy of Avengers # 1? See, it has my name on it right here…

    2) Ask that gentleman standing next to you to pull your hair until it’s as long as it was then, and see if that helps me recognize you.

    And the number one reply probably never made:

    1) Well, I’m supposed to be John Byrne, but apparently the real one showed up by mistake so they’ve got me standing in for Peter David instead.

  7. 10) I just love your work on Strikeforce: Morituri, Mr. Gillis.

    You know I’ve never been paid for any of that?

    9) Are the comics you write going to be worth anything?

    They’ll be worth more if I kill you and have a highly publicized murder trial. (insert nervous laughter)

    8) My sister passed gas at dinner last night.

    Would you like me to autograph her ášš?

    7) I don’t buy The Hulk because everything Marvel publishes sucks.

    Yeah, they gotta get better writers for that book.

    6) John Byrne is waiting outside in the parking lot for you. Ha ha. Just kidding.

    Funny you should say that, the valets wont let him park my car anymore.

    5) Do you draw X-Men? Do you write X-Men? Do you know who The X-Men are?

    Sure, I often write under the pseudonym Chris Claremont and draw under the homonym John Byrne. Some of my favorite transsexuals are ex-men.

    4) How did it work when Todd McFarlane wrote The Hulk?

    He could never spell the Hulk’s name right. It was Hëll.

    3) I don’t care how old you were when it came out. Autograph my copy of Avengers #1.

    You’re the boss, kid!

    2) How can you not remember me? We discussed comics in the hallway outside the Copper Room at the 1986 San Diego Comic-Con. My hair was longer then…

    I’ll cherish that day as long as I live. God bless you, sir. God bless you. Hug me. Come here you! Could I have a lock of your hair? What’s your phone number?

    1) Who the hëll are you supposed to be?

    I’m the caterer. The cheese platters are on their way.

  8. Hey, ATLEAST they asked you to autograph something really cool. I was at a convention in Toronto, signing for my own work and some guy asked me to autograph his picture of Uhura from Star Trek. He said the line up was just too long to get a real signature. Needless to say, he didn’t buy my comic.

    sigh

  9. I’ve been wondering what happened to Peter B. Gillis for years. Where are hiding him, Peter? Did Groucho Marx’s estate catch up with him?

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