Holiday Gift Suggestions, 1995

Originally published November 24, 1995, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1149

And so, as the holidays—which, as we all know, is the time for peace on Earth, good will towards men, and escalating depression among the unmarried population—I once again embark on the belated job of attending to the CBG gift list.

Usually, I incorporate this into BID, and this year is no exception. So let’s see what we’ve got:

What five gifts would you recommend people give?

1) The Wrong Trousers. Available on videotape, this is an award-winning half-hour animated short involving a very British gentleman who happens to be an inventor and his long-suffering but patient dog and what happens when they take in a tenant.

The tenant is a sinister penguin who has a talent for disguise and a nefarious plan up his, uhm, wing.

2) An Aran sweater. When I went to Ireland, I wound up getting one for myself. Various catalogs offer them.

3) The Pulp Fiction soundtrack. It’s a really jazzy soundtrack, and I could listen to the opening cut, “Miserloo,” a hundred times. (Although you do have to get past Amanda Plummer’s barking profane orders during a robbery.) It’s interspersed with dialogue, as well, so you can thrill to the immortal discussion about what folks in Holland put on their french fries any time your heart desires.

4) The Thing/Hulk bookends. Part of the new line of assorted licensing gizmos and gimcracks from Marvel, this is really actually pretty cool. Based on character designs by Gary Frank, the bookends depict The Thing and The Hulk pushing from opposite directions, shoulders against brick walls (which serve as the book supports). They’re strong and well-built enough that they actually stay put when you put them on a shelf, rather than slide around, as sometimes happens with other bookends.

For the DC fans out there, the Two-Face bookends are, likewise, kind of sharp.

5) Presuming it’s out by then (there were production delays due to assorted typos), the new edition of “The City on the Edge of Forever.”

For those who are unaware, many moons ago Harlan Ellison produced a script for a new science-fiction TV series called Star Trek. A time travel romance laced with tragedy, “City” was rigorously subjected to that which TV types like to call “the process.”

I needn’t remind anyone that meat can also go through a process, but processed meat bears little resemblance to filet mignon. Nevertheless, the final aired version of “City” (which contained exactly one line from the original script) is one of the most popular episodes in the series’ history.

This edition gives you Ellison’s original, award-winning script, accompanied by essays before and after. Yes, one of them is by me, but that’s hardly the reason for the recommendation. My contribution is a mere opinion piece; the (unprocessed) meat of the book is the script itself, various addenda, and some real behind-the-scenes information (by such on-the-scene types as D.C. Fontana, who wrote the episode “Journey to Babel” and whose initials do not stand for Detective Comics) on how the original script was rewritten and rewritten and rewritten and…

What one gift would you like to receive yourself?

Donations of $10 or more made in the name of my kids, Shana, Gwen, and Ariel, to the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund. Why in the name of my kids? Well, the First Amendment is part of their future, too. I figure it might as well be for them.

For those who came in late, I’ve been stumping for people to send money to the CBLDF. Our industry is besieged from all sides: from apathetic fans, from sales slumps, from retailers going under, and now, to top it off, the Guardians of What You Shouldn’t Read are targeting comic books for assault. I’ve been urging every single reader to send 10 measly bucks to The Comic Book Legal Defense Fund, www.cbldf.org.

If it makes you feel any better, think of it as self-serving.

What would you give to a pre-school child?

A puppy or a kitten.

What would you give to a child learning to read?

My first inclination was to say, “Books. D-uh.” On further thought, I’d suggest one or more of those books that combines reading with an interactive toy.

For example—and I can’t believe I’m saying this—you might want to consider the dreaded “Hide and Squeak Meeko.” The child can feel he or she is making a contribution, because, if nothing else, there’s always the moment when you read the cue word of “Squeak,” and the kid gets to squeeze the little rubber raccoon.

Hey, in a way, don’t all of us have a little rubber raccoon we want squeezed?

(I have no idea what that means, but it sounds good.)

What would you give to 8- to 12-year-old children?

A stern talking to.

Hmm. Well, you know, I’ve been looking around the stores lately and there seem to be these things called “computers.” They’re sort of little thinking machines. Kind of like 8- to 12-year-old children, actually, except they don’t think quite as fast.

Call me crazy—call me a visionary, a dreamer, if you will—but I’m starting to think that computers might be here to stay. I haven’t been checking prices, but I figure that to buy one for the home probably would run about $20,000. If you’ve got the money, though, check it out. Again, that’s “computers.”

I know it’s a funny-sounding word, but get used to it. I have a feeling you’re going to be hearing a lot about them in the near future.

Now where did I put that slide rule?

What would you give to teenagers?

I’m not sure, but whatever it is, I would tell them they don’t want it and can’t have it, so they’d be dying to get their hands on it.

What would you give to women whose interest in comics you are trying to spark?

I’m not sure I understand this question. I wouldn’t give “standard” superhero comics to any women, because the prime target audience for those comic books remains 8- to 14-year-old boys. So, by definition, there’d be no interest.

And, once we start getting into more broad-ranging material, I don’t see how gender plays into it all that much.

If I had to be specific, I’d have to go with the usual suspects: a Sandman trade paperback (“Season of Mists” remains the high mark of the series, particularly for the newcomers, I believe). Perhaps Maus, if they’re of a historical bent. Our Cancer Year by Harvey Pekar and Joyce Brabner, particularly if there’s been any medical trauma in the family. In short, something to drive home the notion that comics are as broad-based as any other medium.

What would you give to parents whose interest in comics you are trying to spark?

By that I take it to mean: How can we show parents that there are still comics that are “safe” for their children? It’s an excellent point.

Most of the scare tactics in news stories give the impression that comic stores are snake pits of swill, with hardcore pørņ within easy reach of any passing child. Worse, there’s no mention of the hundreds of relatively benign titles published each month.

Reporters simply say, “Remember the harmless comics of your youth? Well, look what’s out there now.” The direct inference to be drawn: Comics are universally and solely the province of adults (or, worse, adults with a taste for hardcore sex in their funny books).

So it’d be best to go in the opposite direction to regain the trust of the concerned parent. I’d recommend Bone, Batman Adventures, X-Men Adventures, and Disney comics. Many of these are available as trade paperbacks, as well.

What would you give to someone who used to read comics?

A swift kick in the pants and an angry shout of, “Where the hëll have you been? We need all the help we can get! Sales are in the toilet and we’re dying on the vine! Get your butt back into the comics store and help contribute to our upkeep, for crying out loud!”

Now—presuming that belligerence doesn’t quite do the job—you have to consider: Why did they stop reading comics?

1) If it was a matter of price—if they felt that everything was just too darned expensive—then might I suggest raiding your local store’s three-for-a-dollar box? You can find a ton of genuinely neat stuff there. Ten bucks will get you 30 comics; heck; 20 and you’ll get a huge stack of 60. Bagged and gift-wrapped, it can make a pretty impressive present. Perhaps just the act of sitting down and revisiting old friends will be enough to get those old comics juices flowing.

2) If they dropped out because they felt nothing new or interesting could be done with superheroes, you might want to consider the Marvels trade paperback or the first issues of Marvels writer Kurt Busiek’s latest endeavor, Astro City.

Marvels: Once upon a time, the main impact that a superhero had on his world was the he could do a handstand and move the entire planet. Busiek’s best work views super-beings from the outside looking in. One thinks of the first few pages of Fantastic Four #1, with the crowd pointing and shouting, “Look! It’s The Human Torch!”

And, instead of seeing where The Torch was going, we stay with the crowd. Maybe one person in the crowd considers the sighting a religious experience (positive or negative) and we see his story. Maybe someone has a heart attack and we see that story. Maybe—a lot of things.

Astro City actually manages to find the downside of flight—of witnessing a cosmic battle for survival—of finding out a hero’s secret identity. But it’s hardly a downer of a series. It simply does what the best fiction always does: makes you think.

3) If they’re guys who discovered girls and stopped reading comics—hey, I’ve still got a handful of the J.J. Sachs statues left. Still priced at $85, although I’ve seen them for more elsewhere…

Peter David, writer of stuff, can be written to at Second Age, Inc., P.O. Box 239, Bayport, NY  11705. Checks can be sent there, too. Hint hint.