The Most Awards

Originally published January 7, 1994, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1051

Here we are at year’s end, and it’s time for the installation of a new feature in But I Digress.

In keeping with the new nostalgic feeling for the 1970s (a thoroughly vile notion if ever I heard one; I mean, it was bad enough having to suffer through disco the first time. One is put in mind of Woody Allen’s line of, “Is there such thing as reincarnation? I hope not. Can you imagine having to sit through Ice Capades again?” But I Digress…) I am proud to introduce the Most Awards.

They’re called that for two reasons: First, because they are to celebrate those things in the past year that seem capable of being tagged with the label “Most” this or “Most” that. And second, since they are essentially useless, I’ve named them after actor Donny Most, who had the dubious honor of playing one of the most useless characters on the 1970s series Happy Days, a series which in turn nostalgized the 1950s. Once the series’ focus switched to Richie, his family and the Fonz (Remember when everyone was saying “Eeeeeyy”?) the unlikely named Ralph Malph lost any purpose, ultimately existing only so Fonzie could tell him to shut up.

Much as many people tell me to do.

Hence, the Most Awards.

I only thought of this just now. Ðámņ. If only I had a picture of Donny Most to run with it. Ah well, maybe next year.

Most Promising Year: DC Comics. They didn’t manage to catch more CNN lightning in a bottle with the return of Superman, but that’s not really surprising. Many news agencies reported the Death of Superman as if it meant something permanent. They probably weren’t all that eager to come back with stories that essentially said, “Uh, you know that whole death thing we made a big brouhaha about? Well, it’s moot now.” The teen Superman became Superboy as Pat O’Neill predicted in this column months back. Vertigo, anchored by already successful titles such as Sandman and Swamp Thing, is well-regarded. Knightfall catches fan interest, even though I personally find it a repulsive and ultimately absurd storyline, hinging (as the Death of Superman did) on presenting a hero with extraordinary circumstances and—instead of having him rise to the occasion by using his wits—requires him to descend to the level of street thug and get crippled or killed as a result.

Dramatic forays continue to serve DC well. Batman: The Animated Series and Lois and Clark present the characters in zippy, entertaining style for the 1990s.

Danger signs, however: The plans for Green Lantern have leaked and are already being widely reviled. And how many more old time DC characters can be traumatized?

Well, there’s always Aquaman…

Most in Need of Catching a Break or an Act of God or Something: Marvel Comics. Despite the fact that Marvel’s bottom line is still strong, retailers continue to voice little-to-no faith in the No. 1 comics company. There’s nothing new in this, of course, but the cynicism may be reaching all time highs.

I was seated at the Marvel table during the Diamond Comics “GEM” Awards, and watched the increasing dispiritedness as the retailer-voted awards continually passed over Marvel-nominated titles for other books or companies.

There’s still excitement out among the readership; the other day I was talking about comics with some 13-year-old boys who had no idea who I was. And they were burbling excitedly about upcoming plot developments that were rumored about Cyclops, Spider-Man, et al. The characters do still have the power to command the imagination, once you can convince people actually to read the dámņëd things.

But there’s still a lot of pessimism at the retailer level. Certainly it hasn’t been helped by the Marvel U.K. books and the “Heavy Hitters” line, both of which launched in a manner reminiscent of the space shuttle Challenger. Perhaps Epic might have been well advised to anchor the “Hitters” with an upscale, adult-format version of Punisher. Using established titles as building blocks helped Vertigo immensely.

Marvel’s in a no-win situation. If titles are introduced, there are charges of flooding the market. But when titles are canceled, there are murmurs of, “Marvel’s cutting back, that shows what trouble they’re in.”

Still, 1994 might shape up well for Marvel. As noted above, fans are starting to talk about plans Marvel has in store. If these pay off, it could go a long way towards reestablishing the faith. Marvel toys are everywhere and selling briskly, and the Marvel comics-in-packs in toy stores are quality products. The X-Men animated series is a hit, and is to be followed by a Spider-Man series. James Cameron’s Spider-Man movie proceeds apace, as well, and—if made—would finally (one hopes) break the Marvel live action straight-to-video curse that shot down Punisher, Captain America and, in all likelihood, The Fantastic Four (which would come as no surprise; in the trailer, Doc Doom’s armor looked like plastic with a felt cape, and the Thing looked like rubber. Furthermore, in one sequence, the Invisible Girl vanishes as two thugs plow into where she was standing. But the effect didn’t allow enough time for Sue actually to move out of the way, which means she would have been crushed in between them. And this was the best they had to show us?)

Most Improved Public Presentations: Defiant. Jim Shooter wisely stopped promoting himself and instead has concentrated on getting the comics out. Now if only the dialogue in the first issue of Warriors of Plasm hadn’t required thigh-high boots to wade through. “He must have sensed my nodes tweaking! Stand ready, Zom! I wish to be dripping with splatter gore for my lust-mate!” Geeez.

I haven’t yet read The Good Guys, although if it doesn’t star Herb Edelman and Bob Denver, that’ll be a big plus. (I wonder if I’m the only one to whom that comment will mean anything.)

Most Fun Celebrity on a Shopping Channel: Mark Hamill. It’s been a big year for QVC and the Home Shopping Network as far as comics and science fiction fans are concerned. It seems that every week there’s a comics professional or an actor from original or new-edition Star Trek hawking something or other. Even I, to the horror of late-night audiences, appeared one morning at 1 a.m. (never to be invited back, I might add, probably wisely on their part).

But Mark Hamill, after a slightly shaky debut outing for a marathon Star Wars sales orgy on QVC last year, has shown up a couple more times and is getting to be a real kick to watch.

Most recently there was an hour featuring Hamill and Kevin Conway promoting the animated feature film, Batman: Mask of the Phantasm. Conway voices Batman, and looks like he could play him in a film with no trouble. But Hamill, standing a head shorter, nevertheless easily dominated, tossing off hysterical Joker-voiced ad libs and turning a QVC huckster hour into genuine entertainment.

Hëll, I called in and bought two sweatshirts.

Most Efforts at Todd McFarlane Damage Control: Hero Magazine. From John Danovich’s question-dodging “it was a tie” decision at the debate to Hero‘s characterizing me as “mean-spirited,” to a satirical comic strip in a recent issue that actually had Todd winning, Hero‘s efforts have been unstinting—and couldn’t possibly be tied in with their previously having declared Todd the single most important guy in comics.

Most Long-Awaited Laser Disc Release: The new edition of Terminator II: Judgment Day, complete with all the stuff that I thought I was getting on the last “Special Edition” T2 but didn’t get. This includes the cut dream sequence with Kyle Reese, the lengthy reprogramming of the Terminator’s brain, and the unused ending with an aged Sarah Conner playing with her grandchildren.

Most Incredible Statement I Heard This Year: That retailers allegedly told DC reps that orders would have been much higher on the first issue of Aquaman: Time and Tide if only DC had put a gimmicky cover on it.

Most Regrettable Delay: Sachs & Violens #2. The combination of our own screw-ups in getting the book out on time, and the fairly low orders (many retailers didn’t bother ordering large numbers, so I’m told, because it was a “Heavy Hitters” book and so they “knew” it wouldn’t sell) resulted in Marvel deciding to “relaunch” the series in February/March.

At least we’re moving along on the rest of the series, and the whole shebang will come out, bang bang bang, once the relaunch occurs. And the Comic Images cards are coming out, and they look reaaaallly nifty.

And maybe there’ll even be enough copies to go around now that retailers have had a chance to see the thing. Still, the delay is unfortunate, and I apologize for it.

Hey—at least I didn’t blame it on Hank Kanalz.

Most Promo Material: Skybox. I’m on their mailing list and, I swear, there’s something from them almost every week. Now this is a company that believes in serious promotion. Most recent thing I was sent was a promo card for the upcoming Sandman cards. The one I got was of Desire, and it’s dámņëd attractive. I mean, it’s not like I’m licking it or anything, but it’s real good.

Guys? Any way I can get the other six?

Most Effective Word-of-Mouth Campaign: Bone. Jeff Smith’s comic creation (in both senses of the word) continues to gain fans.

Why the hëll aren’t more stores carrying this?

Most Desperately in Need of Switching to Decaf: Jim Valentino, who in the second issue of Musings stated, “Let me tell you something: Peter David opens his mouth, puts it into fourth gear, and puts his brain in reverse. He never checks anything that he writes. He never bothers to call anybody up.”

What’s a little odd is that interviewer Steven Tice hadn’t even mentioned my name. The discussion was whether or not Image had come to be regarded as a “haven for every artist in the world.” Jim then brought me in as the progenitor of that viewpoint and promptly tore into me for it.

What’s even odder is that I did indeed once refer to Image as “a haven of creative freedom,” but the context of the statement was that Image was clearly a haven for the founders and not for other creators. In Musings, Jim said “We never set ourselves up as a haven for other artists”—which is what I said in the first place, but Jim says I got it wrong.

As for the notion that I’m supposed to call people up before I form an viewpoint, that goes back to the old joke of “If I want your opinion, I’ll tell you what it is.” Curiously, in that selfsame interview, Jim states that I’ve never created any original characters. A simple phone call to me would have informed him about Sachs & Violens, Soulsearchers & Company, a variety of other comics creations, several novels, etc.

I, on the other hand, did a phone interview with Dave Olbrich of Malibu in my very first Image column: the exact sort of fact-checking Jim says I never do. If Jim had called me, I would have informed him of that, too.

This is merely the latest time in the last couple of months that Jim’s gone after me in print—usually indulging in ad hominem attacks—and what’s really weird is that I’ve steadfastly avoided returning the favor because I think he’s doing it out of a sense of loyalty to his friends rather than—as is so often the case—self-aggrandizement.

I complimented him in print for being classy enough to apologize to Walt Simonson for any possible offense during the Cable imbroglio. I even had a very pleasant time chatting with his wife—an utterly charming lady—at the Diamond Trade Show.

Ah, well. Jim, if you want to continue to insult me, fine. It’s a free country. A request to all future interviewers, though: Please be sure to bring my name up so that Jim doesn’t have to do it for you. Looks a little odd. In my unverified opinion, of course.

Most Benefit Derived From Image Comics: Malibu. In the interview mentioned above, Dave Olbrich stated that he wanted to be as square with Image as possible since he was thinking long-term. Long term in Image’s case turned out to be a year. But it served to make Malibu high-profile enough that the launch of their Ultraverse, and upcoming Bravura line, got serious retailer and fan attention.

Most Glutted Genre: Superheroes. Remember the days when independent publishing meant anything except superheroes? Huh? Weren’t those fun times? Indies launching interlocking superhero universe after universe is like the children of the 1960s suddenly realizing that everything our parents told us was bad for us was, in fact, bad for us.

Comic Book Most Worthy of Inflated Price and Cover Gimmick: Marvels #1, describing the advent of the Marvel age from the point of view of the common man. It’s $5.95. It’s got a plastic cover on top of it. And it is without a doubt worth every penny. Ðámņëd good story, and gorgeous art.

Most Contemptuous and Contemptible Marketing Practice: Bagged comics. The ultimate cynicism. When I started buying comics, they were in newsstand stores and the guy behind the counter yelled at me, “Hey, kid! Don’t just stand there and flip through it! Buy it or put it back!”

And when specialty stores came along I, as a fan, saw them as a place where a serious fan could peruse the comic, deciding whether he wanted it or not, without some hulking bozo breathing down his neck shouting, “Don’t touch the funny books!”

So what did the publishers devise for that selfsame specialty market? Comics that defy browsing. That glorify the concept of comics-never-to-be-read. Packaging that is anti-browsing, anti-kids, anti-story.

Not to mention the fact that this planet isn’t polluted enough, that we had to add yet another means of spreading plastic around (in the unlikely event that a kid actually opens the bag to take the comic out.) And let’s not even discuss that the polybags are not Mylar and not designed to preserve the comic.

Enough already. Enough with the bags.

Most Unnecessary Awards: The Most Awards.

(Peter David, writer of stuff, got into big trouble with the principal at his eldest daughter’s school the other day. That’s certainly the last time he’ll ever write an absent notice that reads: “Please excuse Shana’s absence Monday, as she was utterly exhausted from a long night of riding around in the Batmobile.”)