Fox today announced that, due to low ratings, they have canceled the World Series. The remaining games of the October classic will not be played and the Phillies will automatically be declared World Champions.
“We were as patient as we could be under the circumstances,” said Fox spokesman Don Germaine. “But the ratings for the second episode were the second lowest in World Series history. The public’s lack of interest was all too evident. Why wait for it to hit rock bottom? We felt we’d seen enough.”
“If it had been Boston versus Los Angeles, we likely wouldn’t have had this problem,” he added. “But what can you do? That’s baseball.”
Baseball commissioner Bud Selig expressed disappointment over Fox’s decision to end the series. “We’ve done everything the networks have ever wanted, including eliminating daytime play so that it could be a prime time event,” Selig said at a press conference. “It simply never occurred to us that we would then be held to the same standard as other network series, and that failure to deliver the ratings would result in our series being terminated.”
Baseball enthusiasts were enamored of the Series, mostly due to the Cinderella-esque drive by the Tampa Bay Rays who had seemed favored to win their first World Championship. Unfortunately an audience that only consisted of Philly fanatics, Floridians, and a handful of hardcore baseball fans was deemed inadequate to keep the Series alive.
“Obviously we’re disappointed in the decision to pull the plug,” said Rays manager Joe Maddon. “We were positive we were going to be able to bounce back. Sure, we lost last night’s game, but in our defense, once we got past midnight it was past the bedtime of over half the team. It was just bad luck.”
Phillies fans were overjoyed. “I was sure they were going to blow it,” said Phillies supporter Josh Langstrom. “God bless Fox.” Outside of Philadelphia and Florida, non-baseball fans expressed resounding indifference. “Were they still playing baseball?” said Chicago legal secretary Trish Piven. “I hadn’t heard anything about it.”
The presidential candidates weighed in on the decision. Barack Obama declared it a “disappointing decision. But in today’s economic environment, caused by eight years of the Bush administration’s disastrous policies, it was inevitable.” John McCain likewise expressed frustration, stating, “I was really hoping the Brooklyn Dodgers would pull this one out.”
Major League Baseball will be offering refunds for tickets on all unplayed games. Fox, in the meantime, will schedule marthon showings of the recently renewed “Sarah Connor Chronicles.” “Look, none of us here are pleased about the decision,” emphasized Germaine. “This is the fastest we’ve ever canceled a series that didn’t star Nathan Fillion.”
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