Kathleen and I went to see “The Producers” last night. Never had the opportunity to see it with Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick; on the other hand, I’ve seen both of them on stage, so I have some idea of what it would have been like.

Quite simply, a lot of fun. The most “old fashioned” Broadway musical that wasn’t a revival to come along in many a day. I found some of the changes a bit surprising (the character of L.S.D. is MIA) but ultimately beneficial to the piece as a whole. Brad Oscar was swell as Bialystock, and Cady Hoffman as Ulla is like a pair of gorgeous legs with a woman attached. Steven Weber as Bloom is more problematic. He seems very comfortable during any song and dance sequence, but his Bloom is little more than a collection of odd twitches and tics that come across like a combination of Martin Short’s “Ed Grimly” and Jerry Lewis. There’s a fine line between bizarre characters and caricatures, and Weber crosses that line. It’s odd, because he’s a good actor; he just doesn’t quite seem to know what to do to breathe life into Bloom.

Very tuneful songs; you’ll come out humming “I want to be a Producer.” And there’s a little end song that could be stuck on the end of just about any future musicals Brooks cares to produce.

PAD

Well, I went to the store signing. Eight people.

Eight *enthusiastic* people, mind you, including some net denizens (among them Matt who had to assure me he’s not a stalker since he keeps showing up at functions I’m attending.) And John Ordover, my editor on the Trek novels and “Apropos” came all the way in from Brooklyn. Everyone was attentive and interested and enjoyed the reading and, unlike the last time I did a book signing, no one came by to proclaim loudly that everything I write sucks, so that was a plus.

But the store clerks said in disappointment, “Gee, y’know, so many people expressed interest, we really hoped for a much larger crowd.” It wasn’t said to be hurtful; it was, however, typical. I hear it all the time and I’m just tired of letting store owners down. Bottom line, I don’t draw in the hundreds of fans at bookstores that other authors do. Fans of mine go to conventions. There I get huge lines. And on very rare occasions, in comic book stores (although preferably if I have an artist next to me.) Other than that, no. And it’s a lot of effort for very minimal practical return. So that’s that for store signings. My conscience is clear on that score.

And in answer to the one person who asked: Well, I didn’t bowl so hot, but I’m trying some new stuff with my delivery, so I was expecting my average to take a hit. However, I rolled well enough to beat my opponent two out of three games and win my overall match point, so that helped.

PAD

…because apparently the recording heads on my VCR needed cleaning and I didn’t realize it. So when I came home from my bowling league and kicked back with the tape my loving wife made for me, I got regular snow on the screen every five seconds. It was like trying to watch it through a blizzard. Tracking adjustments didn’t help and switching decks didn’t help; it was in the tape. I tried to push past it, but after three minutes I couldn’t take it anymore because it was just so dámņëd distracting.

So I’m interested in what you all thought of it, but me…I got nothin’.

PAD

For folks in the New York/Long Island area, I will be doing a store appearance tomorrow, Thursday, at Borders Books in Syosset, 425 Jericho Turnpike. It’s scheduled to start at 7:30 PM. I’m supposed to be doing a reading, a brief talk, answer questions, and sign stuff.

I don’t generally do a lot of book store appearances. Usually it consists of me sitting at a table while wary customers either keep their distance or come up to me and ask me where the self-help books are. I find that funny for some reason. Needing help to find the self-help books. It’s like needing to look in a dictionary to figure out how to spell a word, but you can’t find it because you don’t know how to spell it. The last time I did a book store appearance (it might even have been at this Borders), it was pouring rain and four people showed up.

At any rate, I’m planning to cut way back on store appearances in the future…like, to none, except where contractually obligated. So if you’re interested in getting books signed, now’s the time.

PAD

Folks are dropping me congratulating e-mails about the fact that CAPTAIN MARVEL continues to lead the other two titles in the “U-Decide” contest. I appreciate the thoughts…but I think the forest is not being seen for the trees that died to print the books.

CM #1 was the best reviewed, best received title of the three in September. Fan response was, “Well, of course, what did you expect, Peter David is the best writer, yadda yadda.” But that issue (granted three covers, but still) sold around 54,000. Issue #2? Around 33,000. Twenty thousand copy drop off right there. As opposed to “Ultimate Adventures” which sold a “paltry” 35,000 in September but around 29,000 in October. Not remotely as drastic a drop.

And just for fun, let’s compare CM #2 to books outside of “U-Decide.” Remember “The Hulk,” the series fans shouted they would never read again because I’d been shoved out the door? Mid 50’s. Issue #2 of CM guest stars the Punisher, and that month’s issue of “The Punisher” is in the mid 40’s. So in relation to the Hulk it’s not selling, and in relation to the Punisher it’s not selling.

Gotta say, folks…not liking this trend. Because I want to introduce a notion here: Bill Jemas said that whichever book sells the most of the three will continue beyond issue #6. He didn’t say how long, though, did he.

I inadvertently set this thing into motion because I felt the book wasn’t getting enough PR, and I wanted to keep the price down. Well, the price was knocked down to $2.25, and it got PR out the whazoo. And the reception to the book has been wildly positive. Now it’s entirely possible that sales will promptly rebound in response to that reception and we settle in around the mid-40s. But let’s say for a moment that they don’t. Let’s say that in the end we wind up with exactly the same number of copies being sold that we had when we started. If that’s the case, Bill Jemas can turn around and say, “It’s obvious that fans simply aren’t interested in supporting an ongoing CAPTAIN MARVEL title, even at $2.25 and with lots of publicity. Apparently Peter David can’t write stories that excite people the way other writers do.” Or he could even be “generous” and say, “Obviously people aren’t interested in reading about CAPTAIN MARVEL no matter how well it’s written.” And he cancels the title as of issue #7, having done everything he said he would and still proven his point.

So, y’know…food for thought amidst the congratulatory feasts.

PAD

So there was board overseer Glenn Hauman, chortling to a group of cyberfriends (including myself) about the big in-joke on “Angel” regarding “Corner of the sky.” At one point, a Wolfram and Hart partner states that this (W&H) is his little corner of the sky. Glenn found this hilarious. The rest of us stared through cyberspace at each other and didn’t get it, and Glenn didn’t elaborate.

Took me almost a whole day. Dang. I felt like Toby on “West Wing” bouncing the ball off the wall.

“Corner of the Sky” is a song from the musical “Pippin.” John Rubinstein played the character on “Angel” who made the comment. John Rubinstein originated the title role of “Pippin” on Broadway and sang that song.

Double dang. I’m losing my edge.

PAD

I know that executives can run their businesses any way they want as long as they stay within confines of the law. I have no problem with that.

So it’s very simple, really: A law must be passed that forbids Fox from handling science fiction series. Lobby your congressmen. Write your senators. This whole Iraq business must take second chair to the far more pressing problem of Fox’s inability to broadcast, handle or support SF.

This is nothing new. It goes all the way back to their first SF series, “Alien Nation.” Innovative, brilliantly handled, transcending the patchy film on which it was based…and prematurely cut down by–if memory serves–the same TV exec who fingered the original “Star Trek” for cancellation when he was at NBC. Then there’s “Futurama,” a show pre-empted so routinely that there’s enough unshown episodes stockpiled for an entire season…most of which will likely be pre-empted if history is any judge. They could start releasing it on DVD and likely have all the episodes into the marketplace before they’ve ever aired.

Now there’s “Firefly.” Two whole episodes aired (the second of which I thought was quite good), and suddenly double-preempted: First out of its Friday slot by the baseball playoffs, and then stared twenty minutes late on Sunday (frustrating anyone who set their VCR for 4 to 5) because of football. Yes, I understand that football is more popular with Fox viewers than SF. But the consistent targeting of SF as sacrificial gridiron or diamond lamb is bordering on the pathological. Or they simply give it no time to build its audience whatsoever. Even tangentally related shows, such as “The Tick,” get short shrift. “Hey, let’s take this quirky, different kind of series and put it up against Must See TV. That’ll work!”

I now comprehend why Chris Carter steadfastly maintained that “X-Files” wasn’t SF when it so obviously was. He knew the moment it was labeled as such, Fox would say, “Oh my God…kill it. Slot it for Sunday at 1 AM. Pre-empt it until January. Do *something* to it.”

Am I the only one sick of execs who claim that a show never found its audience when the audience was never able to find the show?

PAD