Transformers 3

I’ve been hired by Del Rey to produce the novelization for “Transformers 3,” which is listed on IMDB as “Transformers: Dark of the Moon.” I can’t provide any plot details about it since I’ve signed enough non-disclosure and confidentiality agreements to join the NSA, so don’t bother asking. But that’s what I’m working on at the moment.

PAD

59 comments on “Transformers 3

  1. Can you help them with the script also? Based on the last movie they are going to need all the help they can get.

  2. My prediction: The novelization will be better than the movie.

    And please don’t submit the novel for 3D-ification post-process; 3D is only good if you initially make it that way.

    1. Yep, at least the novelization will be good.

      I thought Alan Dean Foster did a good job on the first movie, filled up some holes that really seriously bugged me in the film itself.

      Never read the novelization of the second film, had suffered enough pain by that point.

      1. The second novelization was pretty good too, as was the prequel novel set between movies. Of course, almost nothing from the prequel novel was relevant to the movie, but at least the disconnect wasn’t as horrible as in the Ghosts of the Past novel, which must’ve involved Foster being given a thirty word summary and a copy of the old cartoon as his only background info.

  3. Yeah, how does that work? “He waved the hypodermic needle dramatically in the air, for no readily apparent reason.”

    1. Nah, Charles. What PAD should hold out for is a bonus for each synonym for “explosion” or variant thereof he uses.
      .
      PAD, I am saying this publicly: I will hand you five dollars — cash — if you sneak the phrase “earth-shattering kaboom” into the novelization.
      .
      J.

      1. =PAD, I am saying this publicly: I will
        =hand you five dollars — cash — if you
        =sneak the phrase “earth-shattering kaboom”
        =into the novelization.
        =.
        J.
        =.
        ==Make it twenty.
        ==.
        ==PAD
        .
        Make it 20 for the CBLDF

      2. I had to note that PAD didn’t say “make it twenty, and I’ll do it.” Obviously he’s a veteran of contracts.
        .
        Twenty it is. For the CBLDF, if you like. I’ve been meaning to contribute for a while.
        .
        Does the NDC also mean you can’t discuss release/publication dates? I’d love for this to be out before Shore Leave, because I’d NEED that sucker autographed.
        .
        J.

      3. Jay Tea wrote: “PAD, I am saying this publicly: I will hand you five dollars — cash — if you sneak the phrase “earth-shattering kaboom” into the novelization.”

        I think “earth-shattering kaboom” will be the tagline for this movie.

    1. Oh, if you read the novelizations, you could see both movies had plots. They just didn’t survive the movie editing process.

  4. Can you tell us precisely how many IQ points a viewer will drop as they watch the film, and how many of these you hope to offset with the book?

    1. If the previous one is any indication, the third film will drop the viewers’ IQ by 50 points. Mr. David has his work cut out for him.

    1. … I just fangasmed there.
      .
      PAD, I take it they didn’t try to make you write it longhand in the studio like SOME movie people did? *g* (… I think it was longhand in the studio, at least. Spidey 3, mebbe? Or Iron Man 2? I need a new brain…)

  5. Are the Twins in this one? Because the thought of having to write those two, even in passing… yeesh.

    1. Bay said that he’d realized his mistake and they will not be back. Then again, he’s known to lie about things in production.

  6. So this is what we’re getting, rather than a another Sir Apropos novel…..

    …I think the universe dislikes readers. At least I’ve got “The Highness of the Low” to look forward to next year.

    1. So this is what we’re getting, rather than a another Sir Apropos novel…..
      .
      Go yell at Pocket Books. They keep going back to press with the first novel, so I can’t get a reversion of rights, but they won’t buy any more novels.
      .
      PAD

  7. Any happy chance you’ll also be writing a prequel novel as a companion, the way Alan Dean Foster did for the first two films (with Ghosts of Yesterday and The Veiled Threat, respectively)?

  8. So the novelization will be 1000 times more readable than the movie is watchable.

    I guess that’s progress.

    Sorry to be the typical pessimist but I didn’t care for the first two movies.

  9. I read about what appeared to be some plot leaks that slipped out on Amazon, just as the title did. I’m not very interested in “Transfomers,” though. Mostly just the idea of making that mistake. That being said, I have listened to “You’ve Got the Touch” or whatever that song’s called a comparatively silly amount of times.

    1. But have you seen the (original) music video?
      .
      Two words: LASER GUITAR
      .
      I’m going to go beg the Fun Publications folks to get the esteemed superauthor to a BotCon (the upcoming one, preferably) now…

  10. Use TFWiki.net as a resource if you need to research Transformers before writing it. It’s the best thing out there.

  11. This is most excellent news, most excellent indeed. I’m a big fan of yours.

    Maybe this will eventually lead to you writing for the comics? IDW could use all the help they can get right now. Though considering how you’ve worked with Andy Schmidt before, no one would be surprised if you wanted to not do that again.

    1. Are you under the impression I have some sort of problem with Andy? Andy’s great. I’d work with him again in a heartbeat. In fact, Andy’s the one who recommended me to Hasbro for the novelization.
      .
      PAD

      1. Whuh. You sir just blew my mind. This is the first time he’s actually done something GOOD for Transformers.

        The comics under his charge have been a disaster. As for what people think of him, his page on the fan-run wiki says it all: http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Andy_Schmidt

  12. I’d be way impressed if you could find a way to describe in words the iconic “CHA-CHA-CHOW-WAK-KA-KA!!” Transformers transforming sound.

  13. Wow, PAD could turn this novelization into a stealth fund-raiser, the way the offers are flying.
    .
    Well, as “stealthy” as anything posted on the web can be.
    .
    OK, I’ve come up with the tagline. Now, since “Dark Of The Moon” isn’t finalized, how about coming up with the subtitle?
    .
    Transformers 3, Subtlety 0
    .
    Transformers 3: The Search For Plot
    .
    Transformers 3: Bigger, Louder, Uncut
    .
    For the record, I haven’t seen either of the first two, but I WILL buy the novelization just so I can see if I’m gonna have to fork over $20.00 for PAD, who can then — at his discretion — give it to the CBLDF or whatever he likes for it.
    .
    Hey, if PAD’s keen, how about we turn this into a CBLDF fundraiser? Who else will “take the pledge” if the phrase makes the cut?
    .
    J.

  14. Okay, I just saw the trailer. We can at least talk about that.
    .
    http://gizmodo.com/5710033/transformers-dark-of-the-moon-trailer-hits-web-without-shia-labeouf-in-sight-thank-goodness
    .
    Micheal Bay movies at least have some good sci-fi ideas in them. I loved the first third of the Island and really wished the rest of the movie had been like that. What I’m seeing in this trailer? That’s a cool idea, too. I’ve seen something like that before in a novel and there’s just so much potential for it. So at the very least, I think Transformers 3 has a cool opening.

    1. The Island was a bad rip-off/remake (ripmake?) of Parts: The Clonus Horror. A movie so bad it wound up on MST3k.

  15. Jason, I’m glad you posted the link. I was going to, but then you had.
    .
    Peoples, and I mean that wholeheartedly, why so much antipathy and anophelosis over Micheal Bay movies? Are they Citizen Kane, The Quiet Man, or, well, some other classic that I’m just too tired to think of right now? No. Are they a good way to show the human race’s utter dominion over popcorn and Milk Duds while seeing improbably heroic people in improbable situations that several people would give their mother-in-law’s good eye to be in themselves? I’d say yeah. There’s something to be said for shutting off the jaded worldview and just getting on a roller coaster once in a while.

    1. Well, there’s mindless fun, and then there’s just plain mindless.
      .
      The 1st Transformers was such a mess that I didn’t bother to watch the 2nd. I guess I’m just not able to shut my brain down to the point that I can forgive a movie for making no bloody sense whatsoever.

    2. Well, I’ve only seen two Michael Bay movies (The Rock and Armageddon), but my main problem with them is that they are edited like trailers. Sure, roller coasters can be fun, but there are good roller coasters and bad roller coasters.

    3. I dont have “antipathy and anophelosis” for Bay’s films. All I know is it was hard for me to sit through Transformer 2. It has nothing to do with suspension of belief or mindless fun but with lack of fun. I was bored. The first one was OK.

      Looking back, I think he focus too much on the “money shots” and not on visually telling the story. Is like a comic book were every page is a full spread. To me visually his movies feel like a commercial for a branch of the arm forces.

    4. I love how the go-to comparison when people try to defend Bay is Citizen Kane, as if there is no middle ground between “artform defining classic” and “utter garbage”.

      No, the Transformers movie’s do not need to be classics. But I do expect at least a semblance of competent storytelling. The first one had some okay moments amongst the inanity, but the second was insultingly bad on every front, aside from the effects work.

      And I say this as a fan of most of Bay’s movies. I’m not a hater – I just HATE those particular movies.

    5. .
      Hey, say what you want to say about Bay, but Transformers was at least a better film than 2010.
      .
      That was free streaming on Netflix the other week and I gave it a watch. Who knew the end of the world could be so dull and pointless that you could nod off in the middle of it?

      1. .
        Yeah, 2012. Fingers typing faster than my brain was working.
        .
        God, what does it say about some of today’s filmmakers when Irwin Allen could not only make a more watchable disaster film on a 70s budget and with 70s era FX, but that the films he did actually looked better than some of the disaster fluff that’s come out in the last 5 years?

    6. Bay’s hit or miss for me.

      I’m a huge fan of The Rock, I think it just kicks ášš and actually has some good Thespian work out scenes and a lot of funny bits.

      The Bad Boys movies are kind of meh, they have their moments here and there (cadaver freeway chase FTW) but sometimes they get pretty lame.

      The Island is basically THX-1138 for the iPod generation, and the trailers blew everything in the first place AND ScarJo totally wanted to get topless and stuff but Bay wanted a PG-13 rating so it didn’t happen.

      Armageddon kinda cheeseball fun and never made it all the way through Pearl Harbor, which I’m glad for, only seen bits and pieces of it.

      The first Transformers movie I think is great. It’s a totally well-made summer blockbuster, with a lot of humour and action, and I do like how they wrapped the whole story around Sam as they slowly revealed the Transformers throughout the movie. The 2nd one was just all over the place and was too long and didn’t have as much fun overall, yet it had flashes of inspiration. I liked how they did Optimus’ death and resurrection in a single movie, which is one of the biggest TF stories. Also one Robot punched another robot through the chest and tore it’s face off, that was pretty neat. And John Turturro delivers the series’ best line: “Sometimes you make it to the end of the rainbow, and a leprechaun’s placed a bøøbÿ-ŧráp on you!” As for what goes wrong with the movie? Yikes. Lots. Esp. compared to how slick and lean the first movie is, it’s a real let down.

      1. .
        I haven’t seen Transformers 2 so I’m not in a position to critique it. However, I will kinda defend it. The story was just that much worse than it could have been (even the writers said so) in part because there was no fully prepared script. I read an interview with them back when the movie was coming out where they discussed their personal problems with the script as used and discussed how the system kinda screwed them and some other writers over at that point. They were working on the script when the writer’s strike hit and they had to stop. When the strike was over they were told to bang out a script and turn it in on time whether it was up to snuff or not since the studio wanted the film out on a specific release date and no later.
        .
        I’ve actually seen other writers, directors and producers make much the same comments about the studio system as a whole these days and how it works in regards to some “event” films. They get attached to a film and the studio tells them the film will be released by, say, 4th of July weekend rather than a wider target like sometime in the summer. This sometimes becomes problematic when they have been handed the film later than a comfortable start date for the film or when strikes or disasters happen. Sometimes it turns out okay(ish), but other times you just end up with a film looking rushed and incoherent.

  16. I think the wags are dancing around the question here, why would the studio make PAD sign a bunch of nondisclosure forms if the movie has no plot?

    1. .
      A boxing match or an MMA event have no real plots to speak of. They can however have more than a few surprises throughout the evening. If the upcoming UFC event was taped and I was an internet sports writer in attendance and knew that, say, Kos would have the upset fluke of the year by knocking GSP out in the first half of round 1; wouldn’t that qualify as a surprise big enough that the UFC might like kept under wraps for the few hours until the airing of the fight?
      .
      I’m sure that there’s enough basic plot there that they can have a few surprises stashed away in the thing here and there for fans of the franchise and that they would want to have those things kept under wraps.

  17. Hi,
    I was strolling around at Borders and stumbled upon this novel. I know that the movie is doing good but all my friends who saw it say that its sort of like going through a car accident. Meaning, its full of action. It shakes you up. And at the end, you are left disturbed because you just went through something very traumatizing. Is the book basically the same experience as the movie or would you say that there is more to the book for PAD fans? Your reply will probably weigh my decision for getting it or not. And, if I do, based on your feedback, I may or may not have faith in your future recommendations. But, all that aside, I really do hope to see another Apropos !! Imzadi III is well overdue? no?

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