A Kenyan City Councilman has offered forty goats and twenty cows to Bill Clinton in exchange for Chelsea’s hand in marriage.
Hey…don’t laugh. I have four daughters, and I very much doubt I’m going to get an offer anywhere NEAR as good for them. “Mr. David, I’d like to ask you for the hand of your daughter (Shana/Gwen/Ariel/Caroline) in marriage.” And if I say, “Yeah? How many goats we talking about? How many cows?” the guy’ll probably just give me a weird look while the daughter in question rolls her eyes and tells her intended, “Just ignore him. I told you he’d be like this.”
I bet I don’t get any livestock at all. The guy’ll just say “Don’t have a cow, man,” and think it’s all a joke, and I’ll be lucky if I wind up with a coupon for a free Big Mac. Plus I have to pay for the wedding to boot.
Anyone have that Kenyan guy’s phone number? I wonder if he’s the one who’s been writing to me about trying to get $5 million into the country if I just give him my bank account info.
PAD
• 
How about a jar of pickles?
They’re really good pickles.
All that for just her hand in marriage? I wonder how much Clinton could get for the whole girl?
Hi-ho!
“How much for the little girl?”
Joliet Jake … always the smooth one.
TWL
Go for the goats. I think they are more valuable. Ðámņ Mad Cow scare.
I guess it didn’t hurt to ask…
If I was Clinton, I’d be like, “Throw in a couple of chickens and you’ve got yourself a deal!”
He should jump at that. That’s a pretty dámņ good bride price. Hey, shop around a little. Read a couple of folk tales. You’re not going to get much better. That’s the kind of price that’s offerred for the daughter of a chief. After leaving office, I would have thought Clinton’s status would have been downgraded to that of a reasonably well-off travelling merchant. I mean, sure . . . some people think the idea of a bride price is kind of mysogynistic and anachronistic. And it is. But that’s a darn good price.
Haggle, Clinton should haggle.
Didn’t he get Chelsea braces?
That’s at least a good sheparding dog right there.
And isn’t she collage educated?
I’m thinking a rooster and three hens.
Haggle man, haggle!
And PAD, When they ask, haggle! A daughter (and heir to all your intellectual properties)? I think you could get a new living room set for her. Maybe even an entertainment center. Does he drive a fancy car? Tell him you’ll trade the girl for the car.
Haggle!
Matt
I wonder how much Clinton could get for the whole girl?
*applauds sarcastically, wishing she’d thought of it first*
PAD–You have very attractive daughters, so be prepared for the future. You may not have to put up with offers of livestock, BUT you will have to be the ultimate ‘father’ character. I’ve been thru it and I wish you (And Kathleen) the best of luck.
How about 3 high end bowling balls. 2 pair of Dexter SST’s. And 2 year excemption on the PBA tour..LOL ROTFL GA…
What a bizarre blog entry.
Well, Peter, my little boy turns three in September. Caroline is very close to the same age. Should they eventually marry, I’ll provide you with a horse and two goats. Since we live on opposite coasts, I don’t consider them even meeting–much less marrying–to be very likely. The offer stands, though. 😉
–Jeff
“I wonder how much Clinton could get for the whole girl?”
“*applauds sarcastically, wishing she’d thought of it first*”
I think Groucho Marx probably beat you both to it…
PAD
“What does Massachusetts and Bill Clinton have in common?” — “They both have ugly Chelseas'”.
(You might have to live in MA to get that one.)
Given that last I heard Chelsea was in a low 6-figure pay job for a business consultant firm, I suspect she can offer Bill more goats for herself.
I seem to recall your family’s down one cat this year. I therefore bid 2 slightly used siamese cats! One’s nice and plump, pleanty of good meat on her, no reproductive organs. The other one’s a veal-quality male, 15 weeks, penned like a calf most days in one small room, hopefully nice and tender. When I saw a kitten on my cat tree last month, I watered it hoping for more but I guess the budding cycle was already over. I can probably get away with stealing one of the other 5 cats in the house. The long-haired black one has a minor case of daemonic possession, but maybe the rabbi can get rid of the dybbuk for you. Sold AS-IS! No refunds or exchanges.
My father-in-law was reading over my shoulder when I started laughing, and now the guy wants a couple of goats for allowing me to marry his daughter. >sigh
Tom Galloway said
Given that last I heard Chelsea was in a low 6-figure pay job for a business consultant firm, I suspect she can offer Bill more goats for herself.
Then Congress would rush to pass a no self marriage ammendment.
What if he offers a prop from the BAbylon 5 episode you wrote?
Episodes, Michael. Peter wrote two, IIRC. 🙂
“What does Massachusetts and Bill Clinton have in common?” — “They both have ugly Chelseas'”.
Dude…she’s the guy’s kid. Lay the hëll off.
Peter, look at the bright side. Maybe you won’t have to pay. Stace and I paid for our own wedding. We figgered that this way, no arguements, no hurt feelings, no problems, everything could be the way WE wanted it….
YEah, well, wasn’t the first time we were wrong….
But everybody knows that Chelsea Clinton, after a freak mishap during her later career as an Air Force Captain and astronaut, is catapulted into the twenty-fourth century where she meets, falls in love with, and marries Wesley Crusher.
(And anyone who recognizes the reference, my condolences on being able to remember that as well!)
Hi Peter,
Wow, I can’t believe I found your site! I’m a MASSIVE fan of your comics story-telling (if not your President) and a very happy chap from Ulladulla because my first book for children is being published in about four weeks: ‘Erasmus James & the Galactic ZAPP Machine’. Anyway, I’ve just begun to build up links on my page and I’d be honoured to swap links with your awesome site. Of course, you’re welcome to check out my site first and I’ll understand if you’d rather not swap coz you’re mega-famous and I’m not (yet). But if you are interested (yayy!), here’s my details:
DC Green, author of action-packed, hilarious books for 8-108 year olds. http://dcgreenyarns.blogspot.com/
And here’s my email: miltonbarrels@yahoo.com
Best regards and hope to hear from you soon!
DC
PS. This daughters for livestock angle has real potential!
Jess Willey: LOL!
Hold out for real estate, man!
-Rex Hondo-
“But everybody knows that Chelsea Clinton, after a freak mishap during her later career as an Air Force Captain and astronaut, is catapulted into the twenty-fourth century where she meets, falls in love with, and marries Wesley Crusher.
(And anyone who recognizes the reference, my condolences on being able to remember that as well!)”
Ahhhhgh. I managed to go several years without thinking about that, you bášŧárd.
ya know…this makes me wonder.
How much did Bill pay for Monica?
jonny