The Most Awards 1996

Originally published December 27, 1996, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1206

It’s time for the yearly wrap-up which I call the “Most” awards: Those things throughout the year that catch my attention and prompt special mention.

Most Ironic Sexual Harassment Case: The women soldiers who were allegedly harassed and abused by three male married officers at Aberdeen Proving Ground in Maryland.

I certainly have no intention of trivializing whatever crimes may have been perpetrated when I make the following observation: It’s ironic that heterosexual men are the army men of choice while gay men must skulk in silence. If the three officers in question had been gay, what are the odds of having women complaining of sexual harassment?

Most Boring Presidential Campaign: Don’t have to spell this one out, I guess.

Most Desired Casting: There seems to be a general thought that Sara Gilbert would be the ideal actress to play “Death,” were Neil Gaiman’s incarnation of the gamine reaper ever made into a film.

As far as I’m concerned, forget it. If you want to see the face of Death, check out actress Fairuza Balk as she appears in The Craft, particularly in the latter part of the film. Raven-tressed, pouty, mischievous, and otherworldly, the former “Dorothy” from Return to Oz would be, to my mind, the ideal Death. Now all we have to do is get a movie up and running and we’re all set.

As always, Woody Allen remains the ideal Morpheus.

Most Pronounced Skidmarks in Making a Turnaround: A year or so ago, largely in response to comments in this very column, Todd McFarlane proclaimed his everlasting fealty to Rob Liefeld in the pages of Wizard magazine—taking potshots at me in the process.

Well, now he’s sniping at Rob Liefeld. Does this mean Todd will be producing a column for Wizard singing this column’s praises? We wait with appropriately baited breath. This actually ties in with the:

Most Appropriate Comment from a Past Column: From February 21, 1992. The third sentence of the first article I ever wrote about Image read, “A group of friends band together to form their own business (friends and business; now there’s a volatile mix; I hope everyone’s got good lawyers going over the contracts)…”

Considering that, if one looks over my columns regarding Image and sees there’s nothing there that hasn’t been directly applicable to the company’s development, and considering that they’re now suing and badmouthing each other, all without any help or encouragement from me, and considering that I’ve written crossovers involving one former Image character (Pitt) and one current Image group (Gen¹³) —considering all that, can we please retire the “Peter David hates Image” falsehoods now?

Most Inappropriate Comment from a Past Column: I ragged on the policy for selling season tickets instituted by the New York Yankees. Okay, okay, it was a lousy call. They can’t all be gems.

Film that Most Deserved to do Better Than it Did: The Phantom. This marvelously faithful-to-the-source version of the Lee Falk adventurer tanked at the box office, and that was a dámņ shame. Not only did Billy Zane cut a fine figure of a hero in those smashing purple tights (we didn’t even miss the funky diagonal-striped shorts), but he essayed the role with a charmingly off-the-cuff manner that managed to be both self-confident and a bit tentative. Given a choice between a sequel to Phantom and another in the increasingly bloated Batman films—I mean, c’mon… Batman and Robin and Batgirl and Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy and Bane? Pardon the reference, but Holy Excess!—I’d have opted for further exploits of the jungle adventurer.

Most Interesting Addition to the Home Video Market: A tie between the decorative boxed set of Pee Wee’s Playhouse and original episodes of the illegitimate father of X-Files: Night Stalker starring Darren McGavin as Karl Kolchak, a reporter with a knack for stumbling into the most bizarre and unearthly stories in the world. I would love to see an X-Files episode featuring a pastiche of the character—even played by McGavin—side by side with Scully and Mulder.

Film that Most Deserved to do Less Well Than it Did: Independence Day. I’m sorry, guys. It was a lousy movie. I don’t care if it made $300 billion. The public rewards bad movies, and ultimately gets the kind of movies it deserves.

Most Upsetting Marvel Loss: No, it’s not Ron Perelman letting the company slip away. We knew that was inevitable the moment Perelman got his hands on Marvel. It’s the loss of Mark Gruenwald, the heart and soul of Marvel Comics. A moment of silence, please.

Most Welcome Return to Television: The Flash has dashed back into view on The Sci-Fi Channel. We can thrill to Mark Hamill as the Trickster (anticipating his later gig as the demented voice of the Joker), and we can finally see the entire episode in which guest star Bill Mumy’s death scene which was pre-empted throughout most of the nation for a news bulletin.

Most Unexpected Personal Comic Book Development: I thought Incredible Hulk was canceled.

Indeed, it was canceled. And fan reaction was overwhelmingly furious. How dare Marvel reject Incredible Hulk?! How dare it?! And lo and behold, Marvel recanted and continued to publish the book. I knew that my continuing on the book would require me to wind up hip-deep in the types of stories that I normally loathe: huge mega-crossovers (the type which resulted in me walking off X-Factor rather than deal with them since, frankly, life’s too short). But out of loyalty to the fans (who were loyal to me, after all) I decided to stick with the series in hopes that eventually we’d manage to work past all this “Lee-Feld Universe” stuff.

And what happened? Fans complained about the current storyline and my work on it.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. There is an innate need for fans to tear down that which they built up. Look at the last few seasons of Seinfeld. Look at Chris Claremont’s last few years on X-Men, during which time fans acted as if he could do no right (until his departure was brought about by Jim Lee and Rob Liefeld—at which point the fans complained).

When I first started on Hulk, fans complained I wasn’t bringing back the dumb green Hulk. When I brought back the dumb green Hulk, fans complained because they didn’t want to lose the savvy gray Hulk. When the Hulk hung out with the Pantheon, fans complained about the Pantheon. When the Hulk went off on his own, fans complained they wanted the Pantheon back. One tends to notice a pattern after a while, and become somewhat immune to fan complaints. Why? Because one realizes that the fans do not speak with one huge communal mind. Different fans complain about different things, and if a creator does anything except soldier on and do the best he can regardless of complaints, then that creator is going to go nuts. So one simply can’t care about complaints.

Most Welcome Non-Personal Comic Book Development: The end of the spider-clone and the reinstitution of Peter Parker as the one and only, true Spider-Man. Thank God for fan complaints.

(Peter David, writer of stuff, can be written to at Second Age, Inc., P.O. Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705.)