A Whole New World

Originally published March 26, 1993, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1010

Just to keep you folks on your toes the next few weeks, I’ll be doing a series of shorter items… combining stuff into one column.

Hopefully the variety will be entertaining. At the very least, it should be the spice of life.

Plunging further into the BID mailbag, we uncover a letter from Brian Saner-Lamken. After refreshing my memory that he was the one who took issue with the “Daisy Ðÿkë” joke (I’d forgotten, Brian, thanks) he finds a common ground by writing:

“One thing, at least, you and I seem to share (is) a love of movies, particularly Disney’s animated musicals. In a recent column you ran a rewrite of ‘Be Our Guest’ from Beauty and the Beast, which I read shortly after having composed new lyrics to Aladdin‘s ‘A Whole New World’… What if Aladdin was courting Jasmine today, in the video age.”

Brian suggests, for best effect, singing along to the real song. I gotta admit, he’s right: It doesn’t read like much, but it scans great and works well when accompanying the genuine article. So here’s “A Whole New World (Video Version)”:

AL:

I can show you WAYNE’S WORLD

HAMLET or SOUTH PACIFIC

Wouldn’t that be terrific,

Watching videos galore?

I can play JFK

CASABLANCA or STAR TREK

Princess, it’s not a far trek

To my local rental store.

A whole new world

A plethora of films to view

Now we don’t have to go

To see a show

Or find out what’s on cable.

JAS:

A whole new world

Of PETER PAN and DIE HARD II

Movies I’ve never seen

Are on the screen

At your place and I’ll watch them all with you

AL:

Yes, I want to watch them all with you.

JAS:

Let’s rent WIZARD OF OZ

BASIC INSTINCT or TOOTSIE

Cuddle up and play footsie

On the sofa in your den

A whole new world

(AL: Don’t you dare close your eyes)

Of Rocky, Rambo and James Bond

(AL: I liked Connery better)

We’ll down a couple beers

Watch both CAPE FEARS

Then drift to sleep before ON GOLDEN POND

AL:

A whole new world

(JAS: You’ll believe Chris Reeve flies)

Of HENRY FIFTHs both old and new

(JAS: They’re a great double-header)

BOTH:

We’ll check out BEING THERE

and TRUTH OR DARE

Let me share this whole new world with you

JAS:

A whole new world

AL:

On my TV–

BOTH:

Forget the phone

Sit home alone

Just you and me.

It just chokes you up. Daisy Ðÿkë is spinning in her Disney grave even as we speak.

* * *

“What’s the green brick?”

In doing store appearances at “Paper Heroes” in Texas and Louisiana, fans had been informed that they should ask me what the green brick sitting atop a pile of rubble in Rick Jones’s Future Imperfect trophy room was supposed to be.

For those who don’t know, Future Imperfect was a two-part Hulk story I did with George Perez. One of the more talked about aspects was that Rick Jones, a century or so hence, had a trophy room cluttered with more junk from a variety of comic universes than you could possibly believe. The vast majority of the stuff came from George’s fertile imagination and prodigious memory. Unlike many artists who think that a block of color is the equivalent of a background, George pays loving attention to every detail when crafting a scene. The only props I specified must be present were Wolverine’s skeleton, Captain America’s shield, Thor’s hammer, Betty Banner’s ashes, and the Silver Surfer’s board… and a couple of other minor things. Everything else came from George.

And he went nuts with Rick’s trophy room.

So did I… because I didn’t know what the significance of the green brick was, atop all those other normal-colored bricks.

Turns out, according to George, that that was one of the contributions of colorist Tom Smith. The green brick was Kryptonite. For that matter, the other bricks were the remains of Avengers mansion.

What else is in that room? Tons of stuff. The first glimpse is a big double-paged spread. And throughout the rest of the first issue, plus in a variety of panels in the second issue, there’s a dazzling array of memorabilia, gathered up by Marvel’s premiere packrat, Rick Jones.

I get more questions about the trophy room than about any other aspect of Future Imperfect. It also generated the most discussion on computer boards.

George was kind enough to send me a list of everything Rick’s got in there. The list is three pages long.

I could just print it, of course.

But that’s too easy.

No, kids, it’s time for another, genuine, accept-no-substitute:

BUT I DIGRESS CONTEST!

Go through your own copies of Future Imperfect, or borrow a friends–or even team up with a friend–and identify every single thing you can.

The person who names correctly the largest number of items will win.

(EDITOR’S NOTE: THIS CONTEST HAS LONG SINCE EXPIRED. PLEASE DO NOT SEND IN ENTRIES.)

Some important rules here. So pay close attention, because your entry will not be counted otherwise:

A) When composing your list, each item must be on its own line, and must be numbered. For example, a correct listing would be:

1) Wolverine’s skeleton

2) Cap’s shield

3) Betty’s ashes

An incorrect listing would be:

Wolverine’s skeleton, Cap’s shield, Betty’s ashes, etc.

If you haven’t bothered to number your items, I’m not going to bother to number them either.

B) Either print or type. I don’t want to have to try and decipher handwriting. (“What’s this say? Woffereams skedaddle? Oh! Wolverine’s skeleton.”)

C) All entries must be postmarked no later than April 2.

D) The items I mentioned above don’t count. So don’t bother listing them (although there are lots of other ashes besides Betty’s.)

Now… what will be the prize, you ask?

Firstly: $12 in cash. Why $12? That’s the cost of both issues of Future Imperfect. So you get your money back.

What, that’s not enough? Okay, fine: The winner will also receive the original cover art from an upcoming issue of Marvel Age. I don’t know which issue number it will be yet, but the cover will be featuring the lead characters in a new four-issue limited series that George Perez and I will be doing for Epic Comics, entitled “Sachs and Violens.” So the cover will, naturally, be pencilled and inked by George himself. Be the first on your block to own the very first appearance of J.J. Sachs and Ernie “Violens” Schultz.

Get ready.

Get set.

Start counting.

(Peter David, writer of stuff, is impressed that he managed to miss seeing every single movie that was nominated for the major Oscar categories, with the sole exception of Marisa Tomei’s supporting performance in My Cousin Vinny… and only that one because I caught it on “Spectravision” while I was on the road. You mean Lethal Weapon III wasn’t nominated for Best Picture? Wayne’s World missed out? Geez. I gotta get out more.)