POTATO MOON, Part 65 by Theno Drin

The bright glow from the mystic Onion Ring shone brightly in the room. Vlad cried his protests as Bela faded from everybody’s sight. Fig attempted to shield his eyes as Woeisme dashed forward to try and join her increasingly translucent mother.

“What have you done?” hissed Jakob as he hefted the Impeeler to eye level. He demanded that the spud tell him what happened to Bela.

Vlad clawed at Jakob’s hands demanding to be released. “Release me,” he demanded, “and I will tell you all I know.”

“Put him down Jakob,” purred Woeisme as she tucked a hand around his arm. “We need him to tell us what happened to mom.” Jakob could not deny Woeisme. He released Vlad and the spud floated in an unexpected manner.

“Tell me,” Vlad asked as he hovered, “has the woman ever known the curse of the undead?”

Jakob answered, “She once knew a stoic of the undead. Does that count?”

“And, there were all those sparklepires we met,” Woeisme added helpfully.

“And, recently she tasted the gingold road and transformed into a vole killing throat ripper,” Fig mentioned.

Vlad hung his head and cast his eyes at the ground. “It is as I feared,” he admitted. “Tonight begins that which was ended so many centuries ago.”

“What is it?” asked Woeisme. “What has happened to my mother?”

“I will tell you,” Vlad promises, “but be prepared to have your mind blown as you have never been blown before. For the centuries I have searched for the Onion Ring of Power, and the decades I have protected it, I have always worried that this day would inevitably come. I could not wield the Power myself because I am cursed with the curse of vampirism. But, this woman has known the embrace of multiple curses. She has sparkled in the sunlight and drunk from the throats of men.”

“Actually, they were voles,” Fig pointed out.

“She is no longer merely a vampire,” Vlad intones, ignoring Fig’s interruption. “She has become one with the potato.”

“You don’t mean?” Jakob asked.

“Yes,” Vlad confirms, “She is now Once Bitten, Twice Baked.”

“What does that mean?” Woeisme cried.

“It means that as soon as she returns from the Onion Ring’s Realm of Light, she will be filled with absolute power. And, as we know, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Vlad explains his train of thought all the way to the depot of logical extreme. “For the good of the world, we must kill her as soon as she returns or else she will inevitably cause the destruction of all that lives, undies, and sparkles.”

The others protest this course of action. “I can not agree,” Woeisme says. “Aside from the fact that she is my mother, if she is supremely powerful, won’t she destroy us if we attack her?”

“Certainly,” Vlad states, “but we will die knowing that we did all we could to save the rest of the world.”

Fig looked at Jakob and asked, “Are you ready to go down fighting?”

Jakob thought about that statement and answered the only way he could, “It is the only way I know how to go down.”

From Bela’s point of view, it was not her who vanished, but everyone else. The bright light that came from the Onion Ring destroyed everyone and everything she could see. Soon, she found herself in a featureless void. Alone, but for the Ring.

It was a nice ring. Its crispy brown coating was just flexible enough for her to slip her hand through to wear it as a bracelet.

“It suits you,” a voice says. Bela turns to face the speaker. She was certain she was alone just a moment ago. Now, a beautiful diaphanous woman with glowing robes and long flowing hair speaks to her. “The Onion Ring represents the transformation of a garnish into a food. It will transform you as well.”

“Transform me into what?” Bela asked.

The woman answers, “What do you wish to be?”