Month: February 2015

I’ve been hanging out on AICN for a few days since the first display of the Zack Snyder Aquaman picture. AICN has been hostility central as fans are complaining about how he looks nothing like Aquaman (apparently having forgotten when I wrote the character when he looks more or less exactly like that.)

And as fans continue to declare loudly that everything Hollywood produces is garbage, it made me wonder the following:

What the hëll are they doing here?

I mean, I think that–for instance–everything that Fox News says deserves advance contempt, based on their indisputable track record of lying. So you’ll never find me on the Fox News website spouting hatred, because since I deplore them, I simply don’t bother with them.

Yet here are all these people who have nothing but contempt for what Hollywood produces, hanging out on a website that is essentially nothing but one big promotional device for those very films that they despise. They come there to bìŧçh and piss and moan about everything. It’s like Red Sox fans frequenting the Yankees website. Any reasonable individual would look upon these actions and wonder why in hëll they are wasting their time at a site that is going to bring them nothing but anger and frustration.

This attitude would prompt said reasonable individual to think that the lot of they are actually full of crap. That no matter how much they say they despise everything that Hollywood turns out, the fact is that actually they support every film that they bìŧçh about. That they turn up there, not to express genuine contempt for Hollywood, but simply to posture (mostly from anonymity) and prance about with their oh-so-cool disdain for motion pictures and television while secretly supporting the films that they so despise.

The fact is, I believe, that they all think they’re too cool to be fans. That to express genuine excitement and support would remove the edge they aspire to as a self-designated truth sayer in a world gone mad.

Except they all know they’re not. Bìŧçh and piss and moan all they want; they’ll still be there opening day. As will I, most likely.

But at least I won’t be a hypocrite about it.

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So now I’m reading comments from fans widely decrying the photo of Aquaman that Zack Snyder put up on Twitter. Apparently oblivious to the fact that it’s clearly my version of Arthur, fans are shouting that it looks nothing remotely like the DC Aquaman. Which I guess makes sense; mine was twenty years ago and that’s two generations of comics fans to have passed through and forgotten my iteration of the Sea King.

Continue Reading “Why do fans have to bìŧçh about EVERYthing?” →

We all know it’s going to tank. People have been gunning for this film because they still haven’t forgiven the Wachowskis for the two “Matrix” sequels. This despite their fantastic work on “Speed Racer,” a film that screenwriter Josh Olson correctly described as a litmus test for your inner child.

Continue Reading “Go see “Jupiter Ascending”” →

How and why is this still an issue?

People are declaring that parents should have the right not to vaccinate their children. No. They should not have that right.

My local schools send notices that our kids have to be vaccinated in order to attend school. Period. No debates. No arguments. Get your kid vaccinated or you can’t send them to be educated. Welcome to home schooling.

Yes, yes, yes, I know there are certain instances where children have health reasons that preclude vaccines. I’m not talking about little Timmy’s leukemia which will cause the vaccine to kill him. I’m talking about parents who are still afraid of a long-ago debunked study that falsely links vaccinations to autism.

There are certain requirements on parenting. If your kid is under a certain age, he or she has to ride in a car seat. No matter his or her age, they have to wear a seatbelt. This isn’t optional. Governments do not hesitate to force basic parenting obligations on adults, and frankly vaccination should be included across the board. We shouldn’t be in a situation where a trip to Disneyland results in dozens, hundreds of people becoming ill from a disease that is 100% avoidable.

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There will also be a football game between two teams that I simply don’t give a crap about, and so I will probably read during those segments.

6:01–Is this a musical?

6:04–You know, Triathlons would be a lot more fun if spectators could throw stuff at the athletes. As for the new Mountain Dew drink, that was extremely disturbing.

6:08–Could these players look any more depressed saying their names? They’re not smiling. They’re all millionaires about to play in the biggest game of their sport and they look like they’re reciting their names for a police booking.

6:12–Reebok: Be more human? I wasn’t sure there were gradations to humanity.

6:13–Pizza Hut: Okay, I have to admit, I really want one of those three cheese stuffed crust pizzas. Probably just me.

6:18–Oh thank God, they got Idina Menzel’s name right.

6:22–SERIOUSLY? Buy a truck because it’ll help you get laid?

6:23–Jesus, 40 years of SNL. Hard to believe. I wonder if Chevy Chase will do weekend update.

6:28–Jurassic World. Dinosaurs and Starlord. I am so there.

6:29–Okay, THAT was a funny truck commercial. I could have done without “just saying’ which is an insanely overused phrase, but other than that…

6:37–Camry. Doesn’t make me want to buy a Camry, but I admire the hëll out of that woman.

6:38–Well, I won’t make use of TurboTax, but that was amusing.

6:42–Oh, it’s a video game. I thought it was a movie. Game of War. Whatever. But it was followed by an expanded commercial for “Tommorowland.” That looks like it’ll be cool.

6:44–Okay, that commercial for the electric BMW was the best car commercial so far.

6:53–I’ve seen the Minions commercial already, but I can’t believe how much I’m looking forward to it. Same with the Brady Bunch commercial: one of the best Snickers commercials ever.

6:59–Seriously, Carnival? You use JFK to promote your cruise line? Screw you.

7:00–Kim Kardashian promoting T-Mobile? Bring back JFK.

7:04–I swear to God, they should give that puppy and the horses their own TV show.

7:13–Coca Cola can save the world? Really? Spilling soda on a computer causes the world to get a message of hope instead of, you know, shorting out the machine? Wow.

7:16: You know, I think the only Vin Diesel movie I’ve ever seen was “Guardians.” Coming in April, another one I won’t see.

7:17: Loved the Dad commercial right up until we got to what it was actually for. Dove? Really?

7:20: Doritos. Actually I’m always perfectly happy when someone with a baby sits next to me.

7:22: Nissan. Have they forgotten that “Cat’s in the Cradle” is not a song about a father being united with his son, but a father who loses his son because he never has time for him?

7:28: Holy crap, Nationwide. That’s the most depressing commercial I’ve ever seen.

7:28: Am I the only person who misses the days when Michael J. Fox was in commercials?

7:35: McDonalds. Remind me only to use the drive through for the next couple of weeks.

7:36: eSurance. Okay, the Emma Stone commercial was okay, but the Cranston one was great.

7:37: They keep talking about Katy Perry. The hëll with that. They have Idina Menzel there. Can’t we just skip Perry and have an Idina Menzel concert?

7:40: That was a FIAT commercial? Okay, I admit I didn’t see that coming.

7:40: That was the most sedate Go Daddy commercial I’ve ever seen. Followed by the best BLACKLIST commercial I’ve ever seen. My problem is that now I’m going to picture Ultron wearing that hat.

7:49: Microsoft. Is it my imagination, or are there a lot of serious/inspirational commercials this year?

7:50: What the hëll was THAT about? Why was the Dude doing Tibetan throat singing?

8:02: Help End Domestic Violence. Yes, that’s exactly the message you want to see during a football game. Because no one would ever associate domestic violence with football.

8:04: Very funny, Cure auto insurance. Very funny.

8:08: Okay, is this father’s day and I just wasn’t aware of it? First Nissan, now Camry. Mothers don’t buy cars?

8:13: That is the biggest dámņëd puppet I’ve ever seen.

8:20: Katy isn’t bad but I still wish they’d gotten Weird Al.

8:22: Jesus, how many costumes changes has she done? Kathleen says 7.

8:28: You know, if every episode of The Voice was like Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, I’d watch it.

8:29: What the HÊLL did that Ikster thing have to do with Geico?!

8:31: I hate to admit it considering I don’t typically give a dámņ, but this has been a great game so far.

8:38: Clash of Clans so far wins the best commercial competition. The spokesman does have a certain set of skills.

8:41: ANOTHER inspiring commercial? This is getting silly, Microsoft.

8:54: I’ve seen this Pierce Brosnan commercial. It’s entertaining. Although it would have been funnier with Liam Neeson.

8:56: “Heroes Reborn?” I’m there.

8:58: Best T-Mobile commercial so far. But that’s always going to be the case where Sarah Silverman is involved.

9:59: So basically if you’re a real man, you drink Bud. Got it.

9:01: Here’s what I don’t get. Players keep getting injured in their huge pads and helmets. In the meantime, when I was in Australia, I watched Australian rules football played by guys in polo shirts and shorts slamming into each other with more slams than Americans, and nothing seemed to bother them. Are we wimps or are they just invulnerable?

9:04: Are there ANY songs that are off limits to commercials? I mean really? “This Land is made for you and me” is commercialized now? For Jeep of all things?

9:11: A football commercial where everyone screams. Not sure what was up with that, but it was entertaining enough.

9:12: Sorry, Honda. I’m not going to trust the word of anyone who’s insane enough to go swimming in freezing water.

9:18: Christ, I may actually have to go see “Ted 2.”

9:19: The Mophie commercial was hysterical. Right up there with the Liam Neeson commercial.

9:31: I wonder if in those Bud commercials they really just pick random people and do stuff to them or if that was an actor.

9:33: Okay, the turtle totally cheated in that Mercedes commercial.

9:37: Sorry, Shades of Gray. I’m not curious.

9:38: Now THAT was a funny Doritos commercial.

9:52: Isn’t that Ari’s assistant from “Entourage?”

9:53: Heroes Charge. All others pay cash.

10:11: I have no interest in watching Nascar. Sorry.

10:12: Penn and Teller doing a car commercial? That’s it; I’m done for the evening. Good night.

I will be live with the Super Bowl starting tomorrow at 6 PM. Swing by and comment on the only important thing: the commercials.

PAD