The worst gig in the world for someone doing their civic duty:
Juror on a case where the defense attorney is Perry Mason.
Why? Because you’re wasting your time. The case is never going to get to the jury since some áššhølë always breaks down and confesses to the crime. So if you’re sitting on the jury and you find out Perry Mason is defending the guy, you’re thinking, “Man, this is gonna be a week of my life I’ll never get back. This is going to end with a sobbing confession on the witness stand and the judge thanking us for our service and sending us home. I should have just burned the dámņëd jury summons.”
PAD
• 
Ditto for Matlock.
He actually lost a couple cases — though they were ones that happened off screen in the past that came back to haunt him.
there was even one episode where he got placed ON a jury. and did a 12 angry men impression
.
Just tell ’em that you have a family member that’s a cop. Works for my wife every time. Gets you off of the jury list almost as fast as being a cop.
.
🙂
must remember Perry mason was not law and order…most of the cases were preliminary trials ,mason would get them out before it ever went to a jury trial..
>since i”m a teacher in an urban setting were i live as soon as a say I’m a teacher in the city i get excused.
PAD, I am not sure if anyone has mentioned it, but the RSS feeds for your site have been non functional for a couple of months.
I’ve been getting the RSS feed just fine, Brian. Maybe you need to update your link to it? Or maybe it’s Atom that’s broken, and not RSS 2.0 (or vice versa).
When I click the RSS link in the address bar, it takes me to “page not found” pages for both the rss and atom feeds.
I always wondered how the prosecutors Perry Mason went up against kept their jobs. Or for that matter, if there was a “you take this one,” “No, YOU take this one!” in the DA’s office any time it turned out they’d be going up against Perry Mason.
In all his years, did Perry never end up representing a client who turned out to be guilty? I know there were a few episodes of THE PRACTICE and BOSTON LEGAL where the lead characters won an acquital for their clients, only to realize after the fact that the people they represented were in fact guilty.
I recall once that a producer was praising the actor that played the DA Hamilton Burger because every week he “looked like he actually expected to win”
I beleive there was one where her realized halfway through that the client was, in fact, guilty and essentially tricked him into confessing on the stand while making it look accidental/not a breach of confidentiality.
though truth to tell, that could have been a matlock episode I’m remembering
My RSS feed is working just fine…
.
Being a jury member for a Perry Mason case is sorta like being in a restaurant/party/gathering/what-have-you when Jessica Fletcher walks through the door. Either way, do whatever you can to get out.
I can’t believe that no one ever noticed that everywhere this little old lady went, people kept dying.
I remember someone once did a thing about the local sheriff hearing Jessica Fletcher was coming to town for a book signing.
.
Roadblock at the county line.
.
“Hello, Ms Fletcher. Welcome to Nobodyevergetsbomptoff County. Now turn around and drive back to NYC.”
A guy I know (who wrote for the show) always wanted to write that script, but was not allowed to.
There was a “Hellblazer” years ago where John Constantine was in Australia, saw that they had “Murder She Wrote” on down there and gave his theory that Jessica Fletcher was a serial killer.
I must be evil (this isn’t news to those who know me). I think I’d use jury duty with Perry Mason to learn what *not* to do when someone finally pushes me over the edge and I’m forced to kill them. 😉
Hotshot defense lawyer who gets big-shot organised crime figures off all the time, talking to a new client (from a mystery by Julie King):
On the other hand, this could be the one time that Perry Mason loses a case! (I know it happened to Matlock) It could be your chance at seeing history being made.
Also, you’d think, someday, that one of those guilty people would realize that they are incriminating themselves…and maybe they should shut up.
PAD, you’re so wrong.
.
“I’m on a Perry Mason case? Great! I’ll spend maybe a week in court, then we’ll all get sent home when the defendant is acquitted and the real bad guy confesses. I don’t have to pay attention or anything, and I’ll be off the lists to be called again for five years!”
.
Where do I sign up?
.
J.
I wouldn’t wanna be around Perry Mason. Wherever he goes, Godzilla follows.
Although it’d be awesome if they tried putting Big G on the witness stand…
Now, having said that, I’ve arranged for Mason to defend you in the case of the Mysterious Disappearance of Potato Moon.
I’ve only ever seen a couple of episodes (and I’ve never read the books at all), but I did read somewhere once that Perry Mason did lose ONE trial on the original series, but then he was able to have a mistrial declared, or something like that.
I may not have that right. I read it a long time ago.
.
Didn’t Perry Mason kill his wife and then pack her into a suitcase or something?
.
.
On my computer it always says at the bottom of all the comments, ‘RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL’. But I’ve never been certain what that means, so I don’t know if it’s disabled or not.
Of course you would choose to post this on THE DAY i get a jury summons.
Never seen Perry Mason that i recall, but not loving the irony….
I heard that Raymond Burr addressed that particular topic once. A woman asked him how he always did defend innocent people, and not guilty ones, and how he never lost a case. His answer: “Madam, that’s because you only get to see the cases I’m taking on sunday evenings.” (from memory, so it may ot be accurate, feel free to correct me).
Jay Tea – Beats taking a day off work, showing up to court, sitting around getting prepped and then learning they’ve canceled the trial because the prosecution and defense cut a deal.
StarWolf, my employer gives me jury pay. So it’s a paid day away from work.
.
Actually, the one time I did get picked for jury duty, that is precisely what happened. Made it through the screening process, showed up for the trial, was sent home when the plea bargain was struck. But I still got my jury pay.
.
J.
Something similar happened when I was on a medical malpractice jury trial. we sat through a week of tesitimony and all settled into the jury room to begein deliberation, when the doctor settled.
.
Here’s the kicker, we took a quick poll before we left and every single one of us were going to find for the doctor becasue we thought he hadn’t done anything negligent.
It helps, yes. Unfortunately, I spent several years ‘self employed’ as a ‘consultant’ (ie they needed me but a hiring freeze kept them from taking me on as regular staff for years) and, as such, I was technically my own boss and lost money any time I wasn’t at work.
Aaron Thall said, “I wouldn’t wanna be around Perry Mason. Wherever he goes, Godzilla follows.”
.
And Mary Warner said “Didn’t Perry Mason kill his wife and then pack her into a suitcase or something?”
.
Mary, yes he did. And Aaron, Godzilla was the officer assigned to find and arrest him.
.
Or Raymond Burr appeared in both the movies Rear Window and Godzilla, but such tidbits are nowhere near as interesting as imagining Lt. Godzilla hot on the trail of a fleeing felon. He may even wear a rumpled raincoat, have a tendency to misplace his pencil, and constantly ask “just one more thing.”
.
The RSS feed doesn’t work for me, either. At least not on the main page, which is what I would want to subscribe to. Why subscribe to each thread individually?
.
Rick
Ha! Not only is that generally hilarious, but Godzilla actually HAS appeared in a rumpled raincoat before! Shrunken down and on the lamb from SHIELD, the big G is disguised in a Columbo-esgue coat by human friend Rob Takguchi in Marvel’s own Godzilla King of the Monsters #19, iirc….
Oops – that should be “ESQUE”, of course, as well as “Takiguchi” ….
It should also read “on the lam”, unless of course Lt. Godzilla was in fact mounted on the back of a sheep at the time…
.
…and there’s an interesting mental image to close my evening with…
Denny Crane.
At least at a trial that has Denny Crane and Alan Shore for the defense one would be entertained.
Saddle up. Lock and load.
It’s likely a good thing that Crane and Shore never encountered a prosecutor named Hamilton Burger.
Peter,
Go back and check the series and you’ll realize that very few of Perry’s cases on the TV show ever went to trial. He did all most of his work during the preliminar hearings when the judge is determining probable cause and there isn’t any jury involved.
Very few of the Perry Mason shows involved actual jury trials.
One noatable exception was “The Case of the Deadly Verdict,” (Season 7, Episode 4) which opened with the jury finding Perry’s client guilty. Then, while Perry was working on the appeal, he contined to investigate the case and discovered the identify of the real murderer.
Bob
Hello Bob, just wanted to say that I’ve liked your “The Law is a Úš” column over the years. While I don’t recall you ever remarking on Perry Mason in the column, how often does your lawyer’s knowledge affect how you’ve watched the show? Just good for a laugh, or a “Couldn’t they have done a little research on this?”
I’ve read all 85 Perry Mason novels. In the first story, The Case of The Velvet Claws, he remarks to Della about the trials he’s lost. Erle Stanley Gardner mentioned in an interview that Perry never lost a case because he didn’t go through all that effort of writing the book so Perry could lose a case.
Delmo Walters, Jr.,
“I’ve read all 85 Perry Mason novels. In the first story, The Case of The Velvet Claws, he remarks to Della about the trials he’s lost. Erle Stanley Gardner mentioned in an interview that Perry never lost a case because he didn’t go through all that effort of writing the book so Perry could lose a case.”
.
All EIGHTY-FIVE novels, Delmo? Ðámņ! I never even knew he had that many! That’s pretty impressive! And I like Gardner’s reasoning!
And that’s just the novels. The TV series wasn’t even the first dramatic incarnation of the character. They made a series of films about him back in the 1930s and he was played by an actor named Warren William.
PAD
There were 6 b/w Perry Mason films in the ’30s. Warren William played Mason in 4, Ricardo Cortez & Donald Woods each played Mason once. There was a Perry Mason radio show that ran from 1934-1955. Mason was voiced by 3 different actors until John Larkin settled into the role. A short-lived Perry Mason comic strip ran only 6 continuities. Mason appeared in 4 comic books-Feature Books #49 & 50, and two issues of a Dell series using photo covers featuring Raymond Burr. All 4 stories were adaptations of novels. After Raymond Burr moved on to Ironside, CBS brought back Mason in a short-lived tv show starring Monte Markham(Barney Miller/Hiller-The Seven Million Dollar Man)as Mason. Burr return to the role in a series of tv-movies that ran from 1985 to 1993. That’s about the lot, I think.
My number’s come up for jury duty several times. Most times it’s a matter of calling a phone number for two weeks to see if they need me. Twice I had to show up and sit in a room for a few days and not do anything except read or work. One time I actually got as far as being questioned by attorneys for a civil suit, a slip and slide (someone fell on an icy walk.) The attorney asked me if I thought I could render a fair verdict. I gave him a five minute answer covering all possible permutations and circumstances that could impact on my impartiality. They said, “Thank you; you’re excused.”
.
PAD
I’d actually like to serve on a jury at least once, so that I can experience the process. However, with a teaching career and an MS in astronomy, usually at least one side doesn’t like the sound of me very much.
.
Lisa, on the other hand, almost served on the trial of the folks who beat Reginald Denny back in the ’92 LA riots. That was … interesting.
.
TWL
That’s why I try not to say anything, because I love serving on juries. I’ve done it twice and both times it was a blast (although the second time was stressful because I was the foreman). I find the whole legal process fascinating, even when the cases are mundane (as both of them were).
I’ve never been called for Jury Duty, not even once. But I always thought it would be fun.
I’ve heard that here in Oklahoma they choose jurors from driver’s licences, rather than voters.
I’ve been called for Jury Duty twice. Took twenty-plus years or so for the first time, and then just a few weeks for the second.
.
First time I was thrilled. I’d looked forward to someday being called to serve. I see it as a basic civic responsibility and, while I understand it is a hardship for some folks, I have little sympathy for folks who strive to get out of it “just because”. (If I ran the world, anyone dismissed from jury duty (like the woman who so obviously couldn’t wait to proclaim she couldn’t be impartial just to get out of serving) would spend the week cleaning City Hall toilets instead.)
.
Anyway, was excited the first time but got dismissed when I gave an honest answer to “Do you think the system is perfect?” type question. Excited again when a second opportunity came only a few months later and this time I kept my answers vague and short. Minor case, but it was interesting to participate as a juror.
In all my years as a court clerk (13 1/2 of them) I never saw anybody try a Perry Mason approach and get away with it. I once mentioned it to one of my judges, and he just laughed – the stuff that Mason did would never make it in a real court room, or past a judge who was awake.
I always assume anyone actually involved in courtroom proceedings laugh at the stuff that happens in court on any TV show. Law and Order may have dramatic dum-DUM chord to start, but the courtroom stuff seems comical at times.
I got called to jury duty just last week and lucked out. The judge already picked twelve people before I got called during the selection stage.
I feel sorry for Hamilton Burger, the prosecutor. For one thing, his name is Hamilton Burger. Second, I think I read something somewhere that compared him to like the Washington Generals, the team the Harlem Globetrotter always beats!
Lawrence, Hamilton Burger had a silver lining: he could successfully prosecute the real culprit, who had admitted his guilt under oath. So, I bet he was looking forward to any trial involving Perry Mason, because he knew that, even if he didn’t succeed against Perry, he would against the lawyer who would be representing the real culprit.
Sean
“I always assume anyone actually involved in courtroom proceedings laugh at the stuff that happens in court on any TV show. Law and Order may have dramatic dum-DUM chord to start, but the courtroom stuff seems comical at times.”
.
What seems comical? I have talked to a few people who make their living inside court rooms and they told me “Law and Orde” was actually very accurate.
.
Of course, that was a few years ago. It may have jumped the shark since then.
I haven’t been a regular watcher for several years, but the episode I caught last week had the prosecutor and killer going at it until the killer lost his temper and blurted out the incriminating comments. Perry Mason lives!
.
Even when I was a regular watcher there were places where questions would be asked, be either side, that I couldn’t believe didn’t prompt objections from the other. Even allowing some latitude for building dramatic tension, there were many times I just couldn’t believe any real attorney would allow their client to be badgered like that, or any DA wouldn’t call the defense on their tactics.
.
Law and Order may be the least inaccurate (The Practice, Ally McBeal, even JAG were far worse (although some of those weren’t really claiming to be realistic)). But it still has always had the “Yeah, try that in a real court sometime” moments.
Well, yeah, but you got to figure that week will be pretty entertaining.