Behind Closed Doors…

Originally published June 5, 1992
(The following is a transcript of a super-secret Marvel comics spin-control meeting. Since it was difficult to determine which executives were speaking, they are simply identified by letters.)

Executive A: Okay, gentlemen. I want answers. I want to know what it was that we did that turned Todd McFarlane into Toddney Dangerfield. This “I don’t get no respect” stuff. It’s embarrassing. We have to take affirmative action to prove that Marvel is, in fact, a loyal, loving company.
Executive B: I think the first thing we should do is fire somebody.
Executive A: Excellent idea. I think it should be McFarlane’s editor. Who edited him on “Advantageous Spider-Man?”
Executive C: That would be Jim Salicrup.
Executive A: Okay. I want Salicrup out of here before end of business today.
Executive C: Well, uh…actually, Salicrup’s already gone. He left to ed–
Executive A: Already gone, you say? Good work! Good thinking. That’s taking control of the situation.
Executive C: Uh…gee. Thanks.
Executive X: Don’t you think that trying to assign blame doesn’t really address the fundamental problem that McFarlane was bringing up?
Executive B: Which is what?
Executive X: That Marvel cares more about the characters than the creators.
Executive D: Of course we care more about the characters than the creators. The characters can’t up and leave. They’re the constant. Fans want to know what’s going to happen next month to Spider-Man, and they’re going to keep wanting to know that long after anyone remembers Todd McFarlane.
Executive X: But it’s not like the characters think and feel for themselves. They don’t materialize on the printed page from thin air.
Executive B: “Street Poet Ray” did. I can’t believe someone actually wrote and drew that thing.
Executive X: Okay, aside from that. It’s the creators who developed them, who made the readers care about them. Don’t they deserve respect for that?
Executive B: Of course they do! And we give them respect. We give them a lot of money.
Executive X: There’s more to respect than money. There’s recognition of loyalty, acknowledgement of a job well done…
Executive D: Look, fella, Todd may think he’s Aretha Franklin, but the bottom line is, the way things are now is the best way that it could be for him.
Executive X: How so?
Executive D: If we measured respect by loyalty and jobs well done, Todd would never have gotten that Spidey title. He’s only been with Marvel a few years. By rights, we should be giving John Buscema, Sal Buscema, Steve Ditko…all those guys…we should be giving them #1’s with all the hype and jazz. Would Todd really like it better if he were still doing back-up stories in “Epic” comics? Would that be more respectful of his talent?
Executive C: Yeah, I’ll tell ya, I read that article of his–and I didn’t follow it. I mean, a couple years ago, Todd was saying how he was asking Marvel for a chance to write. And how he would have been happy to get a writing assignment on some lower-rung book to start out. Instead we had enough respect for his abilities as a creator to create a new title for him. He did it for sixteen issues, quit, took a year’s vacation, then came back and said we had no respect for him. I don’t get it.
Executive X: But you only created that title because you wanted to make money off it, and him. You saw it as a potential hot property.
Executive B: So what? We’re a publisher! We’re supposed to try and make money! Money for ourselves, for the retailers and distributors, and for the creators! What’s Image trying to earn with their publishing…Green Stamps? McFarlane made enough in royalties off Spider-Man to be set for life! Where’s the lack of respect in that? What’d he want in addition? A Porsche? Candy? A tape recording of the bullpen singing “I Just Called to Say I Love You?”
Executive X: Maybe he didn’t want things. Maybe he wanted those things–like the songs said–that money just can’t buy. Executive A: Oh for crying out loud. We’re a business, not his mother.
Executive X: He said it would have been nice if his opinion had been asked on what sells.
Executive A: Why? No one asks the marketing director how to draw. So why should we ask creators how to sell? Besides, I’ll bet you this: Every time you ask an artist what makes his book hot, he’ll say the same thing: “I do.”
Executive B: McFarlane himself said he had no great personal vision. What a great conversation that would’ve been. “Todd, how do we improve sales?” “I dunno.” Gee, I’m sorry I missed that one. I might have learned so much.
Executive D: Y’know, talk about respect: We promoted that Spidey book out the whazoo. If left to its own devices, the first issue would’ve sold well, sure. But we developed the whole marketing and selling plan: The Multiple covers, the bagged editions, the promotional campaigns, the reorder faxes. The promotion and marketing department worked their butts off. And Todd wound up making a ton of extra money off their labors. Did Todd ever thank them? Give them a pat on the back? An “atta boy?” Send them a gift or even a lousy telegram? Nope. Nothing. They were doing their jobs and taking pride in the fact that they were doing it well. They weren’t there going, “Yeah, but what about me? Where’s my piece? Where’s my share? Why doesn’t anyone notice me?”
Executive X: But Todd didn’t ask for any of that stuff. The main beneficiary of all that was Marvel.
Executive C: I didn’t see him turning up his nose at the incentive checks.
Executive X: Maybe he donated large portions of the money to charity. Or sent a nice gift to Steve Ditko.
Executive C: Might’ve been better if he used it to take writing lessons. Y’know, I was trying to figure out if he felt he wasn’t respected because maybe he didn’t like the editing. Well, I re-read those books and I’ll tell ya…however much he was edited? It wasn’t near enough.
Executive A: Right. I want that editor out of here.
Executive C: Salicrup. He’s gone, remember?
Executive A: Oh, right. Right.
Executive B: You ask me, all these “creators” are ungrateful snots. As far as they’re concerned, their contributions are the be-all and end-all of a company’s success, and the publisher’s efforts count for absolutely nothing. So who’s the more arrogant, them or us?
Executive X: Perhaps a sign of respect would be to cut creators in on subsidiary rights. Merchandising, dramatic rights and such.
Executive B: What’s the point? What that translates into, bottom line, is giving them more money. We’re giving them unprecedented amounts of money now, and they’re still not happy. Besides, I thought this wasn’t about money.
Executive D: If it’s about equality, then the way Marvel is doing things right now is the most equal way imaginable. Yeah, maybe we do focus on the characters instead of the creators. We promote X-Men, we promote Spider-Man, we promote Hulk and Doc Strange and on and on. If we pushed Hot Creator #1 or Hot Creator #2, we’d be creating a tier system. We’d be saying to the public, “These are our first string creators, the ones worthy of promotion. These are our second strings, who are less so. And so on.” Sure, the first stringers can go around and crow. But how’s that supposed to make the second stringers feel? It doesn’t matter if we promote one character over another because it’s nothing personal. What’s gonna happen? Wolverine is gonna thumb his nose at Iron Man and say “Ha ha, I got more readers than you?” This way, all the people, the creators, are equal. It means that a Scott Lobdell can step directly from a second string title like “Alpha Flight” right into “X-Men.” It means that we have more flexibility. It means no one person is “better” than any other person. Now that’s fair.
Executive X: So you’re saying that it’s okay to treat everyone shabbily, as long as it’s across the board.
Executive D: That’s exactly what I’m…well, no. That’s not what I…
Executive X: Like it or not, things are different. It used to be that, if a book were changing editors, editors were chosen with an eyes towards their meshing smoothly with the creative team. But it’s not that way anymore. Now it’s the editor’s vision that’s given the emphasis, and if he or she doesn’t like the way things are being done on a title, then the creative team is gone. Doesn’t matter how long the creative team has been in place–if a new editor comes on, his or her vision is given priority. How is that supposed to foster any sort of feeling of consistency or creative growth or good will?
Executive B: You know, he’s got a point. Maybe we should change that.
Executive C: But we’re more successful than ever.
Executive B: Oh, okay. Keep it that way, then.
Executive X: Don’t you see? You can’t just brush off that concern. Face it…Marvel isn’t the company that it was in the 1960s.
Executive C: No, it’s not. In the 1960s we didn’t return artwork, pay out incentive bonuses, pay high reprint rates, pay creator royalties. Now we do.
Executive X: But–
Executive C: Marvel is a publishing concern, and always has been. Some guys got a viewpoint of the business shaped by reading Bullpen Bulletins pages when they were kids. PR pieces that they took as gospel, and then they get steamed when the reality doesn’t match the pleasant utopian view they have of Marvel from when they were growing up. If everything were always so wonderful, Kirby would never have left.
Executive B: I think we’re getting off track here. This was supposed to be a spin-control meeting…
Executive A: You know, I’ve been thinking about it, and listening to everything being said here. Maybe we’re looking at this from the wrong angle. Maybe this is the perfect excuse to save some major money.
Executive X: What are you talking about?
Executive A: Well, look. In the old days, we didn’t return artwork, we didn’t pay royalties, and what happened? Creators left. So now we do return artwork, we do pay royalties, and what happens? Creators not only leave, but they crab about what a lousy company we are and start their own outfits…secured, no doubt, by the money we gave them as incentive bonuses. So here’s what we do: We cut back or eliminate royalties altogether…
Executive X: What?!
Executive A: …and put the money back into the company. It’ll help bolster Marvel’s bottom line. Make up for any lost sales or revenues. The stockholders will be ecstatic–they won’t care where the money’s coming from.
Executive X: But that would be business suicide! It would put DC in the catbird seat!
Executive A: First off, once they see the money we’re saving, Warners would probably follow suit. Besides, we can head it off. If DC agrees to do the same thing ahead of time, then we’re set. What, you think all the writers and artists are going to walk? You think they’re all going to work for Dark Horse or Image? Get real. This’ll work. Trust me. (Buzzes intercom) Get me Jeanette on the phone.
Executive X: You can’t do this! It’s collusion! It’s immoral!
Executive C: Wait a minute…what kind of talk is that? Who are you, anyway? And what’s with the stupid nose glasses… (Rips away Executive X’s disguise).
All: Gasp!
Executive B: Oh my God! It’s Vic Chalker! The Fanboy from Hëll! (Vic turns and smashes through a window, his webbed parachute dropping him safely to the ground with only nineteen broken bones.)
Executive A: I don’t understand. Who was–?
Executive C: Don’t you get it? That was Vic Chalker.
Executive D: Then that means this whole meeting was…
Executive C: Yes, I’m afraid so. It was entirely fictional. We’re not really anyone in particular, but instead a pastiche of assorted opinions and possibilities for that stupid CBG column…a way of presenting a variety of points of view in an entertaining fashion, without necessarily ascribing to any of them.
Executive B: So this whole meeting was a waste of time? Bummer.
Secretary: Sir? I’ve got Jeanette Kahn on the line.
Executive A: Hmm. Maybe it wasn’t a waste at that. Hello, Jeanette? How’s it going. Listen, I got a proposal for you…

(Peter David, writer of stuff, publicly announces herein that, at the San Diego Comic Con, he’s going to use some of the royalties money from the latest Hulk to take the sales department out to dinner, in appreciation for the heavy promotion they’ve been giving that title. Now that’s respect.)