Year: 2004

I finally caught up with Michael Moore’s…you know, I’m not sure that “documentary” is the right word since Moore’s bias is so clear. Maybe “fucumentary” might be more appropriate.

It’s a staggering piece of work. Even with the understanding that Moore is out to get Bush, nevertheless the most dámņìņg moments come from simple facts: The refusal of a single Senator to join with the Black caucus in protesting the disenfranchisement of black voters in Florida; the entanglement of Bush family business interests with bin Laden and Saudi Arabia business interests; the contradictory statements of Bush’s own people (their assurances in early 2000 that Saddam is not a threat as opposed to their later proclamations that he is); the extended, agonizing, deer-in-the-headlights look on Bush’s face during seven minutes of non-action at a Florida Kindergarten; the children in Iraq post bombing, with arms blown off, legs blown off…a little boy screaming as medics desperately try to sew pieces of his face together. An elderly Iraqi woman screaming that God has foresaken them, that her house and all her neighbor’s houses were destroyed, that she’s been to five funerals in the previous week.

Everyone of voting age should see this film.

PAD

Little did we suspect when we acquired tickets for the July 4 Mets/Yankees game that we’d be walking into the first potential sweep by the Mets of their high-salaried rivals…and on Steinbrenner’s birthday, yet.

However Caroline was running a slight fever this morning, so Kathleen insisted that Ariel and I go and she would stay home with the munchkin. With two tickets available, our dauntless webmaster Glenn and his mildly interested wife, Brandy, accompanied us.

If the word “suck” did not exist, people would have been mute.

Mets fans outnumbered Yankees fans by about four to one, yet somehow it was the ultimate exercise in free speech. Yankee fans would chant “LET’S go YANkees” and Mets fans would rebut, “YAN-KEES SUCK!” Neither group tried to overshout the other or yell at the same time. They took turns. Bizarre…almost as bizarre as the strange woman five rows away who was missing several prominent teeth and kept dissing the Mets while waving a Phillies cap in people’s faces (leading me to take an educated guess as to where her teeth went.)

It was a wild ride, ending in a 6-5 Mets win. Both Keith DeCandido (a Yankees fan) and Bob Greenberger (a Mets fan) were also in attendance. We never spotted them, but didn’t have to. Glenn simply called Keith on his cell phone and the moment he answered, we started shouting “Yankees SUCK!” into the phone.

A good, if wholly immature time, was had by all.

PAD

A reminder to check out and support your local comic book store (we’ve already swung by Fourth World in Smithtown, the best comic book store in Long Island.)

PAD

As I’ve mentioned in the past, I’ve written the Sunday afternoon showcase for the Shore Leave convention next weekend in Maryland. The full title is “And now for something completely Tolkien: Monty Sauron’s Flying Nazgul.” Basically it’s LOTR as told through Monty Python-esque sketches.

The script calls for a number of video sequences, some of which I filmed at Motor City Con a couple months ago, and some of which were drawn from other sources (both Python and LOTR). Lew G. Aide, the video wizard who works with the convention, sent me a DVD of all the completed material, and I have to say, I was laughing so hard tears were rolling down my face. And I was the one who wrote it or instructed him in what I wanted, so I’m tougher to impress. If the quality of the cast performances are on par with the video–and based on past performances, I have every reason to believe the will be–this show is going to be an instant legend in fan circles.

It’s going to be July 11 in the afternoon at the Hunt Valley Inn in Hunt Valley, MD. If you’re already planning to attend Shore Leave but weren’t going to stay for the show…stay. If you weren’t planning to come at all, come for the day. By early appearances, it should be worth it.

PAD

Travis Clark brought to my attention the following item from CNN:

“Under Iraqi law Saddam remains president of Iraq because he was overthrown in an illegal invasion, Hughes said. Therefore, he said, Saddam still has immunity from prosecution.”

And I’m thinking, Gee…that’s an interesting point. Of course, it could turn on the definition of “illegal invasion,” but what if the Iraqi judges say it’s valid? What if he says that they really DON’T have the authority to try him?

Well, he could still be tried at the Hague for crimes against humanity.

Now here’s where it gets really interesting: If Torturegate is discovered to go all the way up to Bush, the argument could be made that he, too, is party to war crimes, and is also answerable to the world court.

You see where this is going, right?

Bush and Saddam sharing a cell at the Hague.

I should write that. Be an interesting fiction piece.

PAD

That was the question my sister, Beth, asked me late last week. She, her husband, Rande, and a mutual friend, Marcie, were going to a taping and had an extra ticket.

Now I haven’t really watched the show since the Ed Koch days. To be honest, my own experience in court (i.e., divorce proceedings) kind of soured me on the notion of watching other people relive misery and pain in a courtroom setting. I know they’re there voluntarily, but it still gives me a vaguely unsettling, even voyeuristic feeling.

On the other hand, in the words of Doc Brown, “Well, I figured…what the hëll?”

So I met them at the studio as prearranged early Wednesday morning, and after being seated in the second row on the defendant’s side (how visible we were, I’ve no clue), we watched as five cases were marched before the presiding judge, Judge Milian. This was my first exposure to her, and to say she does not suffer fools gladly is to understate it. She shredded several of the plaintiffs/defendants, including some college students arguing over shared utilities and a guy who played upon a female friend’s credulousness by getting her to use her charge card to rent him cars all summer. And through it all, I still had that same queasy “This really is none of my business but I can’t look away” feeling.

All except one, the single creepiest case of the afternoon. A case in which a New York City bus driver claimed that a belligerent passenger had kicked the crap out of him, doing him permanent injury (torn ligaments, unable to move his right arm, etc.), and he was suing him for $5000 in emotional distress. (He naturally could have gone after him in “big boy” court rather than small claims, but at least with “People’s Court,” any money awarded is guaranteed by the producers, so it’s a sure thing…if you win.) The passenger claimed that the driver had started it and he was the victim.

The driver was White and 51, the passenger Black and 61. The reason I mention race was because the passenger made a major issue out of it. Having earlier pled guilty in criminal court and been sentenced, not to jail, but to attend anger management classes (which he angrily stated he didn’t need and had then not attended), he proceeded to claim that the driver was racist, the witnesses were racist, the cops who arrested him were racist, the judge who had sentenced him was racist, and even started threatening to attack the bus driver again in the presence of Judge Milian, the entire audience, and the driver’s twelve year old son. Everyone in the audience, Black and White alike, was sitting there with his or her mouth open in shock. I won’t say what the verdict was, but he didn’t exactly help his case.

Between cases, Beth and I started coming up with imaginary scenarios for “The People’s Court.” You know, like “This is Satan. He claims that God threw him out of Paradise, and is demanding the return of his deposit and one half of the rent money.” “This is God. He says that Satan was no angel, gave him a hotfoot, and left him no choice but to give him the heave ho.” That kind of thing.

The guy I had the most fun watching was the baliff, Douglas, a strapping young man who constantly looked like he was biting his tongue not to laugh at some of the remarkable idiots being paraded before them. My understanding is that he’s not a real baliff but an actor. Nevertheless, he sure didn’t consider his job just for show: He did not hesitate, for instance, to put himself bodily between the bus driver and the passenger when it seemed as if the passenger was actually going to make a serious move right there.

After the show, various court personnel including the judge posed with Beth, Rande, Marcie and me. The pictures will be up shortly.

The shows should be airing some time in September. I’ll be sure to let you know the exact air dates.

PAD

After purging over 500 comment spams from the site (and my own inbox) in the last 24 hours, I’m done. No more unregistered comments. If you’re having problems with Typekey– like no confirmation email– go here and post; the nice folks at Six Apart will want to know who can’t get their email, so they can talk with the ISPs.

If that doesn’t satisfy, then send good thoughts to Jay Allen and hope that he gets his new and improved version of MT-Blacklist up and running soon. Even better, kick him some money. (Yes, an appeal for money that neither Peter or I will see a dime of. He’s an anti-spammer. Money isn’t nearly enough, but the only church I can make him a saint in is the Church of the SubGenius.)