Year: 2003

At my martial arts class today, the teacher (Sifu) was teaching me a form called the “Small Wheel,” and in the course of doing so demonstrated a blocking technique which is called “Heaven and Earth.” One hand angled straight up, the other down, crossed at the wrist.

And I did the block and stared at it, and then said, “Wait a minute…isn’t this ‘King Kong Palm?’ Drew Barrymore used that…”

And he sighed and said, “Yeah. It’s King Kong Palm. When I was a student, we’d recognize things from ‘Enter the Dragon.’ ‘Hey, that’s from ‘Enter the Dragon!’ Bruce Lee!” So now what does everyone say? ‘Charlies Angels!'” He shook his head, looking a bit disappointed. Just not as cool somehow, I guess.

PAD

Back in days when I took creative writing classes, wherein we’d regularly have to write essays, every so often it was commonplace to come up dry. Some days ya just got nothin’. And on those days, there was always a temptation to write an essay about a blocked writer trying to write an essay.

Which is pretty much what “Adaptation” is, which I just saw today with my daughter, Shana.

It’s the most aggressively and unapologetically self-indulgent film I’ve seen since “Being John Malkovich,” which by no shock is by the same creative folks. The film wraps around back on itself as screenwriter Charlie Kaufman (the real screenwriter, but played by Nic Cage) has to do an adaptation of the real-life book “The Orchid Thief,” and his script winds up being about himself trying to do the adaptation which in turn becomes the movie which…

It was certainly a riveting two hours, but I’m almost afraid to think just how self-directed the next film these guys make will be.

PAD

Everytime I see that word, all I can hear is the exchange in “Mystery Men.” You know: “We’ve always been each other’s greatest nemesisi…nemesises…neme…” “Nemeses.”

So anyway, just came back from “ST:N.” Thing is, I keep hearing that folks went to see it with lots of expectations and came away disappointed. Consequently, I went into it with no expectations and lots of negative buzz in my ear, and came away pretty much satisfied by it. Yes, there were elements of “Wrath of Khan” in the second half. Then again, “WOK” was an open rehash of “Moby Ðìçk,” so I didn’t have much problem with that. And there was lots of stuff I did like, including Riker finally getting to kick some butt, the performances of Ron Perlman and Tom Hardy, and the way all the regulars fit into their Trek personas like comfortable shoes.

And I *thought* I spotted Wesley Crusher at screen left during the wedding toast.

Personally, the adventures of Riker and Troi on the Trident…I wouldn’t mind seeing that at all.

PAD

Hopefully my postings are remaining coherent. I’ve been working insane hours lately, and have more or less stopped sleeping. This is actually having a fairly positive effect on me: It means I’m up and around to take care of the baby down in my office so Kath can get some sleep (she’s so alert that if the baby so much as whimpers or cries for ten seconds, she wakes right up. At which point the baby drifts back off to sleep, leaving Kath’s slumber constantly interrupted.)

It also means that while working on the next Apropos novel, “Tong Lashing,” my mind becomes so demented that I actually come up with lines like this:

“We made our way much further north than even my peregrinations as the Peacelord had taken me. As a consequence, we were able to enter with impunity a particularly sizable port city, Port Debras, renowned for having the largest single dock in the entire land, known as the Grand Jetty.”

Two points for figuring this out without cracking a dictionary.

PAD

Number one: I was asked toward the end of the previous thread about a conversation I had with Bill Jemas a couple years ago about writing about Marvel in public.

Now I don’t ordinarily discuss private phone calls without the permission of the other party, but Joe is choosing to make it public, so…uncomfortably…okay.

I wrote a column that was, as I recall, a response to Bill’s initial “retailer IQ” comments. Bill called and we had a conversation that I would characterize as polite and even friendly (although lord knows how it would be described now.) Bill said that if I ever had any questions about things he’d said, I should feel free to call him and ask him to clarify it or discuss it further.

I told him that it was a very generous offer, but here was the problem: “But I Digress” isn’t a news column (for the most part). It’s an observational column that expresses opinions about things that are out there in the public forums. Yes, I could pick up the phone and say, “Bill, what the hëll did you mean by that.” But if I did that, then I’d be morally obligated to contact, say, Todd McFarlane, next time he said something stupid, and ask what the hëll *he* was talking about before I commented on it. Or what if Paul Levitz said something that was so dumb it prompted comment. Should I call Paul before ragging on DC? Bill laughed and said, “No! Absolutely not! Feel free to go after Paul whenever you want!” (Again, I emphasize this was SAID IN JEST, so it doesn’t turn into “Bill Jemas told Peter David to trash Paul Levitz whenever possible.”)

By contrast, I told him that if someone contacted me and said, “I heard Bill Jemas said such and such,” and I felt it was newsworthy, I would absolutely, one hundred percent call him and ask him what was up with it. And if that conversation convinced me it wasn’t newsworthy or dubious, I’d kill the story, because investigative journalism isn’t really BID’s thing. But public statements were fair game for public replies.

And he said he understood and was cool with that.

And I’ve stuck with that agreement and understanding.

So…that’s the first thing

Second thing: I’m starting to like Joe Q’s thinking. He put forward a fairly logical progression: If my contention is that Marvel is hiring Second Age, Inc., which in turn loans out my services, then the credit page on “Captain Marvel” can be changed to read “by Second Age, Inc.”

By all means.

I don’t *think* Marvel’s under any obligation to put my name anywhere on the book. Heck, before Stan Lee started slapping credits on the splash pages, most stories were fairly anonymous. (Indeed, if I’m recalling correctly, DC thought the practice so gauche that they did a parody version of Stan called “Stan Brag”…before they eventually started running credits themselves, of course.)

One would think Marvel would *want* my name on the book, for the purpose of selling copies. But if Marvel wants to substitute the credit line “by Second Age, Inc.,” by all means, if it’ll make ’em happy, feel free. Listing corporations as authors isn’t unusual. Heck, how many times do you see legal material at the end of a movie that says, “For purpose of copyright, XYZ Corporation is the author of this film.” My novels such as “Sir Apropos of Nothing” and “Knight Life” are copyright Second Age, Inc.

In fact…somehow it would be appropriate. My very first published work for Marvel was a one page Fumetti that appeared on the inside back cover of the Marvel Fumetti Book. I submitted the idea to the editors, and somehow my name got separated from the text (how, I’ve no clue.) So when editorial went around trying to find out who wrote it, it never occurred to them to check in the sales office, which is where I was working at the time. The result? My first published Marvel work ran with a question mark next to the “written by” credit. So if CM winds up being my last published work for them, which it indeed might, this would bring it full circle.

Hmm. Considering the number of people asking why I’m still working for Marvel, perhaps a return to the question mark would be in order.

PAD

Just out of curiosity, I went over earlier columns to see what policies about Marvel I might have gone to Joe about. It was kind of interesting, actually.

1) The dumping of the CCA. I publicly commended them.

2) Marvel’s Silent Month. While fans howled and dissed it, I was the first creator to publicly support it.

3) The announcement that Captain Marvel was in danger of cancellation. News to me, although it was discussed with fans (who suggested the price hike). Announced publicly, so I responded in kind. The result? The launching of two other books, one of which is doing pretty okay, and Captain Marvel has garnered a near 50% increase overall in sales. Joe said specifically that if I’m unhappy with something and can’t change it, I should leave. But I was unhappy with something and *did* get it changed, with Joe and Bill’s eventual enthusiastic help.

4) No reorder/No return policy. Said publicly I didn’t agree with it, but that was well over a year ago. More recently, have commented that it’s been working very well for Marvel. Began a retailer poll in direct response to Marvel brass attacking Heidi Macdonald, and in doing so, stated repeatedly that it was merely an attempt to see whose perception of retailer beliefs was more accurate.

5) Starting billjemas.com. Direct response to his attack on me in “Marville,” depicting me as an unemployed alcoholic. A closed door discussion would have helped that…how?

I’m missing something somewhere.

PAD

Why in the *world* is every critic and his brother whomping on “Treasure Planet?” Why are people acting like it’s the biggest snorer since “Black Cauldron?”

I took Ariel to see the one local showing of it available since it tanked at the box office, expecting to be bored out of mind. Not at all. Sumptuous to look at, enjoyable character designs, enthusiastic voice acting (Emma Thompson is a standout), and–as always–a story that spends most of its time trying to stay the hëll out of Long John Silver’s way since he dominates it as always (he’s a cyborg this time around.)

Is it the greatest animated film to come down the Disney pike in years? Lord, no. But the story’s pretty much there, and hey, people actually die along the way, so there’s serious stakes here. And for old time Legion of Superhero fans, there’s a morphing blob from the planet Proteus. God knows it’s better than “Atlantis” and, at the very least, it doesn’t remotely deserve the critical drubbing it’s received. At the most, it’s a fun way to past ninety minutes with your kid.

PAD