Year: 2003

Go forth and speak. (You do that, and I’ll stop trying to sound like Warren Ellis.)

I appreciate Michael Pullman, on an earlier thread, bringing the following to my attention, since it serves as such a perfect example of how to do it wrong…the “it” being having a gripe about the way an author wrote a story. If you have a grievance, do you (a) Go to the author’s publicly known website and ask him about it, or do you (b) mischaracterize it through hearsay and then make a series of threats against the author. If your answer is the latter, then the following is the place for you:

http://forums.comicbookresources.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=84384

It’s actually a pretty handy thread. Rarely do you see the worst of the fan mentality so neatly encapsulated in one place. Anyone planning to do a research paper may want to reference it.

PAD

My agent, Frank Balkin, has a saying when it comes to show biz: Most things that probably will happen, don’t. This is sage advice whenever you encounter people who are telling you about a movie that they’ve allllllmost got the financing for, or a deal is allllllmost in place.

Apparently this is also occurring for the creators whose work was supposed to be part of the new “Epic” line, who are basically watching their inventory being burned off in a quarterly publication. Sort of the equivalent of jumping straight past the whole monthly thing and go straight to the trade paperbacks, except they’re collecting the entire line rather than a single title.

In retrospect, I guess it should have been obvious. It is standard operating procedure in Hollywood that when a major development executive gets canned, one of the first things his successor does is dump all the significant projects the exec had in development. Why? No percentage in seeing it through. If the project succeeds, the new exec gets no credit for it because the guy they fired was the one who brought it into the fold. Heck, it even makes people start wondering why the guy was let go in the first place. On the other hand, if the project fails, the new guy gets the blame. “Why did you see that project through? It was being developed by a guy we got RID OF, for crying out loud? What’s wrong with you?”

Same deal with Marvel. Where’s the percentage in continuing Epic, which was a high profile Jemas project? If it takes off, Jemas was a genius. If it tanks, why in the world did they continue with a new line conceived by a guy they marginalized into irrelevancy?

By the way…”Nowhere Man” is a far superior title to “Phantom Jack.” “Nowhere Man” has poetry to it. “Phantom Jack” sounds like something the Phantom uses to fix a flat tire. Why’d they change it, anyway? Legal problems because of the Beatles tune? If so, okay. If not, it was a mistake.

PAD

Folks keep asking me about a new book, “Imzadi Forever.” I thought I’d addressed this earlier, but in case I didn’t, or in case people missed it:

“Imzadi Forever” is a trade paperback-sized reprint of the two “Imzadi” books. It’s what’s called their “signature” edition, meaning there’s a reproduction of my signature on the title page, which should nicely accommodate all those would-be forgers out there. In addition, it includes an original intro by me as well as an original interview in the back.

So if you ever lent out your copy of “Imzadi” or the sequel and never got it back, now you can have a cheap edition with additional stuff you didn’t know you wanted or needed.

PAD

Issue 7, Issue 8, and Issue 9.

Issue 6? There is no Issue 6. Issue 7: No pooftas.

Dear Guys:

As a God-fearing American patriot, I absolutely insist that ABC refuse to air “The Jessica Lynch Story” as it currently plans to do on November 11. Although I haven’t seen it and don’t know what I’m talking about, I can say with confidence that it is wildly inaccurate, insulting, and upsetting to families who have lost loved ones in Iraq, and have loved ones over there continuing to fight the war that ended last May.

The recent interviews with Jessica Lynch have underscored the fact that the US Government cynically and ruthlessly manipulated the facts of both her capture and subsequent rescue. She was built up to be a Rambo-esque hero when others actually did the fighting and dying. And the details of her “rescue” are similarly overblown. To single her out purely to give Americans a heroine in order to bolster support for Iraq is a travesty, and ABC is aiding and abetting in this government-based fraud…a fraud seized upon and perpetuated by the noted conservative media that has fallen in line behind the White House since the war began.

I do not believe for one moment–and I know my conservative friends, if I had any, would back me up on this–that the viewing public should be able to make up their own minds on this topic. I know what’s best. They don’t. And what’s best is that this PR scandal be terminated before it is allowed to air.

Instead, I recommend that ABC air a repeat of “Almost Golden: The Jessica Savitch Story,” the docudrama in which America’s first anchorwoman is portrayed as an alcoholic cokehead, which was no doubt most upsetting to her family, but they were probably liberals, so who gives a dámņ? The important thing is, it’s a biopic about a woman named Jessica, so it’s close enough. Failing that, you could run “Up Close and Personal,” which also tells the story of Jessica Savitch, but is a romantic comedy and nicely whitewashes all tragedy from her life.

Either way, I insist that you pull the Jessica Lynch biopic immediately. Until you do, I shall boycott the letters A, B and C, starting right now.

Sinerely,

Peter Dvid