IMPORTANT NOTE FROM PAD: At this point, the total manuscript for “Potato Moon” is at 40,000 words. In order to allow contributors to have the time to read everything that’s gone before and avoid duplication, and continue the storyline in some sort of coherent manner (stop laughing) I am going to expand the turnaround time from 24 to 36 hours. Of course, if you can get it in sooner, all the better.
Bela gasped in horror.
“I’ve turned into Ernest Borgnine! And not a young Ernest Borgnine!”
Jakob blinked in pouty confusion, his limbs akimbo like a Stretch Armstrong doll that had been tied to the back of a car bumper and then stretched until even his formidable powers of stretchiness were exceeded, revealing the viscous corn syrup within.
“What strange mockery is this?” he cried? “Truly I would betray myself if I denied the passing oddity of this transformation!”
“Can other parts of you stretch?” Bela asked with newfound respect.
Continue Reading “POTATO MOON, Part 62: “If Doom Be My Destiny” by Bill Mulligan”
And seize them the guards did. The companions were boldly seized as no man–no woman–and no small furry creature from Alpha Centauri–had ever been seized before. Then they were marched down a dark desert highway.
The cool wind was in their hair as the warm smell of colitas rose up through the air. Up ahead in the distance, they saw a shimmering light. The guards herded them toward it.
It was a decidedly sparkly shimmer. As they drew closer, Woeisme exclaimed, “Why it’s an Opal city!”
One of the voles smirked and pointed to the dark desert highway along which they were marching. “Naturally,” he said. “Where else would you think that the Gin-gold brick road would lead?”
Continue Reading “POTATO MOON, Part 61: “Follow the Gin-gold Brick Road” by Ellen Fleischer”
“Cor,” said the pseudo-British Vole. “You ain’t half baked, Guv.” He nibbled again at the Potato Goddess’s feet, which greatly annoyed her while also slightly turning her on.
“Stop that!” she shouted. “I did not construct a flaky, tender mortal form, swathed in butter, sour cream, and just a little bit of chives, so that you mortals could consume it!”
“You’re covered in butter?” said Jakob, who was also now a little turned on, which was a new and troubling sensation for him, given that his new object of fascination was above the legal age of consent.
Continue Reading “POTATO MOON, Chapter 60: “A Vole New World” by MIchael Pullman”
But Woeisme failed to notice her, already caught up in selecting her new true love. For Fig had been dead for nearly thirty seconds. Her heart and an attention span more in line with small insects or large rocks were insisting that she heroically find the strength to move on, like in one of those Beyonce songs where she sings as that tuff lady. Callie Savage? Miami Vicious?
“Ahem!” The Potato Goddess shouted, in a mysterious potato language that was phonetically and alphanumerically identical to English.
“Let’s see,” said Woeisme, counting on her fingers. “There’s that Jarhead guy back in Rainydale, that kid who fixes my cable, and that man from prison who keeps sending me letters and pictures of dead cats he found.”
“It all makes sense now!” Woeisme exclaimed. “I wondered why the kids in the Rainydale comics I loved as a six-year-old (two whole weeks ago) never changed, and now I understand! They’re based on you, and you’re all sparklepires. Wow. I feel right at home!”
“Great,” grinned Artie. He ran a hand through his hair, which flopped back to either side like a freshly split baked potato. “We like it when people show up unexpectedly and declare that they feel right at home. D’you want to come to chemistry classes with us? They’re ripping good fun! And there’s a potato bake after school!”
“Actually,” Jakob said, “We just need to know–”
“Jaaaakob,” Woeisme interrupted. “I can fulfill my quest all by myself, thankyouverymuch!”
Keeping the timeline unsullied sucks, thought the man who claimed the
title of Doctor. What was supposed to be a romp through the centuries
with his assistant, Captain Jacque Harness, had turned into actual
work, what with having to put Dan Quayle back into his proper place in
the timestream and wiping his memories, as well as replacing the
deceased Dukakis with a laminated cardboard cut out. Now, even his
oldest enemies were somehow drawn to this era. But why?
“There’s a great force gathering in this era, a cosmic anomaly that
warps time and space willy-nilly. And there is a group of people,
well, rather strange people but still people nonetheless at the heart
of this temporal breakdown.” said Doctor Smith to Harness. “I think I
shall have to meet them.”
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