Category: Potato Moon

“The wot, milady?” asked the confused vole.

“Never mind!” snapped the Potato Goddess. “Which direction did they go?”

“Well… that is… I don’t rightly know.” The vole quavered as he shut his eyes, certain that something unpleasant was about to befall him, probably involving chives.

Fortunately, they were interrupted by a new, unfamiliar voice. The voice said this: “I can take you to them.”

The vole opened his eyes to behold a waspish figure dressed in a three-piece, pin-striped suit and a brown duster.

“And who are you?!” demanded the Potato Goddess.

“Dr. John Smith,” was the figure’s reply. “Weight loss consultant to the stars.”

Continue Reading “POTATO MOON, Part 70: “Origins and Revelations” by Robert Fuller” →

NOTE FROM PAD:  For those of you who are wondering where you are on the queue, be aware that we have JUST gotten to the people who sent their “Count me in” emails on day 2 of the initial announcement.  That’s how many people volunteered on day 1.  (Even more, actually, since nearly a dozen people did not get in contributions for varying reasons.)  Fortunately the vast bulk of emails came in on day one, so we should be moving through the queue a little faster now.

The broken glass encrusted, sequin bedecked, beadazzled, and overall glittery Sparklepire leapt through the air, and teenage girls swooned like overcooked au gratin potatoes, leaving memories that became legend. Legend becomes myth and even myth was long forgotten in the 1.77245385 minutes it took for a new teenage fad to take its place. In the gravity defying minutes as Edwood flew through the air and the author grew tired of this literary allusion, a sputtering breeze blew some of the broken glass from Edwood’s tousled bronze curls into the eyes of a nearly forgotten character.

Continue Reading “POTATO MOON, Part 69, “In Which the Author Neglects to Make Use of the Obvious Innuendo,” by Erin Kelly” →

As he drove up to the school, Edwood’s attention, which was normally drifting about with a steady level of disinterest except when it caught something reflecting his own image back into his piercing eyes with that striking thing he does with his brow and the firmly set lips and … Anyway, his attention was drawn to a swam of crashed vehicles near one end of the parking lot where all of the occupants were fighting one another to make their way to the head of a crowd. This certainly was odd behavior for the teenagers who were supposed to be looking at nothing but him, so Edwood quietly tucked his vehicle off to the side, just enough so its foreign make and expensive model would drive jealousy into everyone still entering the lot, and used his powers of exaggerated leaping to spring from tree to tree until he was able to peer over the crowd to the center of their attention.
 
His eyes, straining against the half-opened pensive appearance they’d become accustomed to, actually widened. They widened so much, in fact, that beads of blood drew from the cracks forming in skin that had met the limit of its developed stretching abilities. He never noticed because all he saw at that point was Bella. She had become … different.

Continue Reading “POTATO MOON, Journal Entry Number 68: “Dear Diary, I Hate Myself today in a way that Makes Me Appealing,” by Noel Thingvall” →

Woeisme stared at Bela; stared at her with the burning angst of a million suns and a couple smaller dwarf-suns.  Bela stood there smiling like a nincompoop who was enthralled by something shiny, like ball of aluminum foil or a pile of glitter. Worst of all, everyone had the exact same stupid look on their faces. The exact same stupid way they looked at her because she was an awesome 16-year-old 4-year-old.

“How could I have been so stupid?” Vlad asked himself, “Clearly, Bela should have had the One Onion Ring from the start.”

“Bela, have I ever told you how much I adore you for no good reason?” Fig asked, as Woeisme continuously kicked him in the shin with no reaction whatsoever.

Continue Reading “POTATO MOON, Part 67: “Onion Ring Wishes and Mashed Potato Dreams” by Erin with her sister Sarah aka Team Awesome” →

“Do I have to transform into a food?” Bela asked

“You will transform into your innermost desire,” the woman replied wispily. “Forged in the fires of transmutation, as the onion and the potato are plunged into the vat of oil and emerge, tempered and strong, golden and delicious.”

”You mean they turn into apples?” Bela was confused now.  She was worried that the woman would seize on her first stray thought and turn her into that, so she was trying to keep her thoughts blank lest she turn into the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man.  Naturally, she now couldn’t think of anything else.

Continue Reading “POTATO MOON, Part 66 by Doug Atkinson” →

The bright glow from the mystic Onion Ring shone brightly in the room. Vlad cried his protests as Bela faded from everybody’s sight. Fig attempted to shield his eyes as Woeisme dashed forward to try and join her increasingly translucent mother.

“What have you done?” hissed Jakob as he hefted the Impeeler to eye level. He demanded that the spud tell him what happened to Bela.

Vlad clawed at Jakob’s hands demanding to be released. “Release me,” he demanded, “and I will tell you all I know.”

Continue Reading “POTATO MOON, Part 65 by Theno Drin” →

“That’s got to be the stupidest plan I’ve ever heard,” Woeisme said as Jakob appeared crestfallen. “First of all, the logistics are messed up. Where are we going to get a 10-gallon drum of marmalade, an industrial strength garden hose, five pairs of left-handed scissors, a bootlegged videocassette of the first season of Mr. Belvedere, a pair of Batman Underoos, a dented lobster pot and a slightly randy Chihuahua?”

Continue Reading “POTATO MOON, Part 64: “One Potato, Two Potato…” by Eric Avedissian” →