POTATO MOON, Part 84: “Interlude–The Man in the Room” by David “Sasha” Tumarkin

NOTE FROM PAD:  After being out of the country for several weeks with limited access, not to mention a few no-shows in the rotation, we’ve got “Potato Moon” back up and running…kinda.  Let’s see where we go from here.

Bela woke up.
She blinked.  Once. Twice. Thrice.  Then, still unsure she wasn’t hallucinating, Bela sat up and looked around the strange room she now found herself in.

POTATO MOON, Part 83: “Next Time We Don’t Let the Power Rangers Fans Participate” by Aaron “CyberV” Thall

Beyond the fourth wall, the almighty editor PAD stretched his arms and yawned. He’d been sitting at the computer reading this stupid thing for so long that his butt has taken root to his chair. Looking around for a crowbar to pry himself free, he paused to check and see who the next participant was in this farce.

And then he groaned. “Oh no… Not HIM…”

At that same moment, many miles away in Ohio, the next participant began to practice his evil laugh.

“Oh, this is gonna be GOOD…”

POTATO MOON, Chapter 82 by Catherine Burke

Edwood laughed. “Well, were-velociraptor? Let’s hear you squawk! Belt out this pretty little tune, and our dilemma will be solved!”

Jakob looked even more chagrined.

Solanum, Vlad, and Woeisme looked at him, expectantly.

“Wait!” cried Bela, “We need a test subject!” She reached into her purse, and produced a large Russet potato. Edwood raised an eyebrow.

POTATO MOON, Part 81: “With Sincere Apologies to Josh Ritter for Dragging Him into This Nonsense” by Jessica Sheffield

“Pants? We don’t need no stinkin’–”

“That will be quite enough of that, Jakob,” Edwood said firmly, his stern tone belied somewhat by the glitter on his skin. Jakob thought fleetingly about all the interesting places that glitter could get to before scowling and pulling on his pants.

Solanum blew a smoke ring in his direction. “So, about that secret–”

Everyone held their breath.

“POTATO MOON, Part 80: “Chapter Break! The Potato God Finally Reveals the Secret!” by Chris D. White

Silence. There was nothing but silence around the set. Golden silence. Nothing was moved and nothing stirred. If anybody was in the place in that our plucky (and annoying perfect in every way those. Right down to their perfectly brushed and flushed teeth who does that sickeningly shine effect when they use smile and near to some light source) heroes, they couldn’t hear a pin drop. Or the crickets playing their violins or whatever the heck they due when there’s nobody in the room or when somebody said something boring or stupid. Nothing at all. Well expect the sounds of a writer slamming his chubby fingers onto the plastic little marked buttons of his keyboard and swearing up a blue storm, screaming along the lines about “trying to beat the clock” and “he should have written something sooner”. Besides that and most of the cast taking a breather before the next hijinks, everything was quiet.

POTATO MOON, Part 79: “In Which Things Start to Get a Little Strange,” by Scott Martin

Idaho!

The very name conjured up images that paraded like a marching band through Something’s head: images of a state shaped vaguely like a golf club or a platform shoe, some city named Boise that he guessed was the capital, the letters I, D, A, H and O, and, well, potatoes. He was sure there was more to Idaho than that, but the author of this chapter was far too lazy to indulge in actual research.

“And what’s in Idaho?” Something asked. “Besides Boise and potatoes, I mean.”

“That,” Barabbas answered gravely, “shall be explained in another chapter.”

“What a cop-out,” Rhode Island Smith muttered under his breath.

POTATO MOON, Part 78: “And Now For Something Completely Different” by Lee Houston, Junior

Before Bela and Woeisme could react, Jakob grabbed each of them by a hand, pulling the ladies towards him until one was on either side of their would be suitor. There were plenty of thoughts going through his mind as he realized the arrangement, but most of them were unprintable in a public forum.

What made the situation less than ideal was the fact that they were also being approached by two different threats. Lou the Ape Man, a frustrated security guard at the local outlet of a major clothing chain was coming at them from one side.

Upon the other approached El Patata, shouting “Santora!” with every step he took.

Jakob looked upon the situation calmly, not daring to think about the fact that he was actually holding the ladies of his life in his arms. Otherwise his newly discovered backbone (or voodoo created lollipop stick equivalent for those keeping track of what passes for continuity in this story) might drift away, if not in another direction, which would cause even more problems considering his current state of (un)dress. But then again, if that happened, maybe then the ladies would stop giggling whenever they looked downward.
And now we come to that portion of the story in which the author always switches scenes in order to build suspense and keep the readers reading, let alone buying, their books.

Or in other words, Meanwhile…

Doctor Argyle Sullen heard a knock at the front door of Sullen Manor, which was unusual since anyone in their right mind would never visit, and those that did usually just barged in anyway, proving both their mental state and lack of manners.

Since he was in between video games anyway, Doctor Sullen went to answer the door, and was surprised to see who was upon his door step.

“Good evening,” said a distinguished gentleman. He was well dressed and looked like a proper British gentleman from the Victorian Era, if not an old television program fondly remembered by long time fans. “Doctor Sullen I presume?”

“Yes.”

“My name is Barabbas Cullins. My associate and I,” he said, indicating the man next to him, “have arrived to help you with your current potato and potatoe problems to see if we could wrap up some of the situations by Chapter 100.”