PeterDavid.net

I don’t actually know the NJ senator. I’m unfamiliar with his politics. I’m pretty sure he’s a Democrat. But I swear, if I lived in NJ, at this point I’d vote for his opponent.

Why? Because he keeps sending me unsolicited emails asking me to contribute to his campaign. The following is the opening of his most recent one:

Null -

The deadline tonight is vital to our campaign. We’ve got to show our opponents and the pundits exactly how strong our campaign is.

Yes. That’s right. “Null.” No “Dear Peter.” Not even, “My fellow American.” No. I’m “Null.” These people are so freaking incompetent that they can’t be bothered to write a form letter beginning with an actual salutation. Instead I’m “Null.” A zero, a zip, a cypher.

I’ve replied to them three times pointing this out and I keep getting variations on the same dumb-ass letter. I could just unsubscribe, but no; now it’s a challenge to get the attention of these idiots so that they realize when they send out letters with stupidity such as this, it’s not appreciated.

So join me in not voting for Bob Menendez. Granted, I don’t live in NJ, so I couldn’t vote for him even if I wanted to. But still…it just pisses me off.

PAD

Originally published July 12, 1996, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1182

Various and miscellaneous goings-on at Wolf 359, a Star Trek/Babylon 5 convention held in Blackpool, England, the weekend of June 10. Although I’ve attended conventions in both Ireland and Scotland, this is the first time I’ve spent any more time in England than was required to change planes at Heathrow.

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How I call them not a genuine response–which would require actual thought–but instead simply knee-jerk, simplistic punitive thinking?

Well, the purest example of that I’ve seen in a while is currently raging over on Twitter.
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Originally published July 5, 1996, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1181

And now for something completely different:  A guest column But I Digress.

Basically, Dave Sim approached me with a piece that he had written for Diamond Comics to run as part of their catalogue, and they opted not to run it. So he came to me and asked me if I’d be interested in running it here in BID. I read it over and said, “Sure.”

Now… I’m not going to tell you at this moment if I agree with it or not. Form your own opinions, come back in a week or two, and we’ll discuss it.

And now, Dave Sim:

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So Ariel and I were in Florida, having visited with Shana down in Jacksonville for the launch of her beautifully redone theater. Then we’d spent a couple of days at Disney and Universal. And now the plan was simple: drive at night up to Atlanta to rendezvous at her parent’s house for the holidays.

Shortly before crossing the border into Georgia, I hit a rest stop at about 1 AM. There were signs all over about 24 hour security. It was reasonably well lit. And there was a Florida highway patrolman on station. If I’d been smart, I would have simply sat there and slept for an hour or two before getting back on the road, but I was wide awake and didn’t see the need.

So I started driving again. We entered Georgia. And it all went to hell.
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Originally published June 28, 1996, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1180

Not too long ago, a fellow on CompuServ asked me to try my hand at attacking comic book titles. I didn’t understand the challenge, and said so. Why in heaven’s name, I asked, should I want to attack comic books? I try to defend them, not tear them down. But another poster explained, rather nicely, I thought, that it would be to parody censors’ tactics, to hone rhetorical skills, and to try and second-guess where such attacks might go. Having had it explained to me in sufficient one-syllable words, I took a whack at it. The result was not half bad, I thought, and so I’m running it for you here as well, in slightly expanded form.

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Originally published June 21, 1996, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1179

(Spoiler warning:  Extremely and serious warning. The following contains serious spoilers for Mission: Impossible. I’m not kidding. If you haven’t seen the film and don’t want major aspects ruined for you, don’t read these comments. But then again, I saw them in context and they ruined the film for me. And there’s no way to explain why they ruined the film unless I tell you what it is. Besides, I figure it’s fair warning, sort of a public service. Like advisories from the Surgeon General on cigarette cartons.)

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This just in: Kim Jong Il watched the season ender of “Dexter” and dropped dead from shock. And really, who could blame him?

PAD

We’re trying something a little different at Crazy 8: we’re rolling out “The Hidden Earth” books in progression.

For the first month, the electronic edition of “Hidden Earth: Darkness of the Light” will be available exclusively at Barnes & Noble via the Nook. You can find it here . As an incentive, it’s priced at $2.99 (since it’s reprinting previously published material.)

At the end of the first thirty days, we’ll be making it available through Amazon and as a trade paperback. At that point we will also be giving you the long-awaited sequel, “Height of the Depths.” Watch this space for further details.

PAD

Originally published June 14, 1996, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1178

Okay. Let’s see how many people we can annoy in just one column.

Let’s annoy…

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On Monday I’ll be hitting the road, driving down to Jacksonville to be there on the 21st during the official inaugural week of the movie theater my daughter, Shana, and her husband Tim are opening in Jacksonville. Be sure to swing by if you’re anywhere in the area. They’re running “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.”

More info at Sun-Ray Cinema

PAD

Originally published June 7, 1996, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1177

Some assorted ramblings upon returning from Defense Con in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma…

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So we should put poor children to work as janitors. What a crying shame that Jonathan Swift managed to beat Newt to the punch by several centuries with his even more ambitious notion about what to do with poor children.

Personally, I think Swift got it backwards. If anyone is going to be eaten in order to solve hunger, it should be the wealthy. Why? Because everyone knows that 1% is more slimming.

PAD

Thrill to Emma Peel beating the living shit out of Simon Cowell.

Come on. You know you’d pay to see that.

PAD

Originally published May 31, 1996, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1176

(The following continues the transcript from the Disney Villain Roundtable, held at Disney University in DisneyWorld. Participants are Cruella DeVil, Jafar, Ursula, Scar, Gaston, and the Evil Queen. Moderator is Malificent.)

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The man who created the Joker and was instrumental in the creation and guidance of Batman and his world, has reportedly passed away.

I was lucky enough to hang with him a number of times. He was always genial, informative, and a true gentleman. He will be sorely missed.

PAD

Friday, December 9, 7:30 PM Eastern time on Cartoon Network. It’s a major arc episode, and also features a ton of first-time back story on a long-running recurring character. It’s also the last episode on which I had the opportunity to work with Dwayne McDuffie, so it’s kind of bittersweet for me.

PAD

Over on the Huffington Post, there’s been coverage of a Lesbian mother who–while making sure to have someone film the entire thing–had her eight year old son walk up to Michele Bachmann at a book signing and tell Bachmann he felt his gay mother “didn’t need fixing.” This, of course, put Bachmann on the spot, which was the point of the whole exercise.

If you watch the video, it is positively painful. This is not some aggressive, precocious lad who wants to make himself heard. The kid clearly doesn’t want to say his no doubt carefully rehearsed line. I don’t give a damn if he said it spontaneously to his mom two days earlier and she just wants him to repeat it. It is abundantly clear that he doesn’t want to go anywhere near Bachmann. I don’t blame him. The woman creeps me out and I’m 55. Nevertheless the child, so terrified that he can barely speak above a whisper, is forced to address Bachmann with this sentiment. Which, of course, results in the desired appalled look.

I hate to say it, because I think Bachmann’s a dangerous nut job, but I was also appalled. If the mother has a sentiment she wants Bachmann to hear, then freaking stand up and say it. Don’t send your child in to be your proxy or your prop in a Youtube video, especially when it’s clear to any viewer that the kid doesn’t want any part of this. If the child really had to be there, then fine. Say, “Would you care to explain to my son why you think I, his mother, need to be ‘fixed.’ Because he wants to know and I can’t explain it to him since I don’t understand either.” That, at least, doesn’t force your child to be pushed up right to the ear of the scary lady who, for all he knows, is going to become so angry that she’ll send her henchmen, Horace and Jasper, to kidnap him in the night, or perhaps just annihilate him right there with the laser beams from her eyes.

And yes, I get it, the outrage that gay parents must feel for a judgmental asshole like Bachmann. But you know what? If a renowned anti-Semite were doing a book signing, I wouldn’t force Caroline to ask him, “Why do you think my daddy deserves to die?” Just because you’re an outraged mother with a cause doesn’t mean you get to abrogate the first responsibility of a parent: putting your child before your own interests.

PAD

Is today. Nine years old. With the temperature as warm as it is, this will be the first time that it hasn’t snowed on her birthday (including the blizzard that hit on the actual day of her birth).

I wouldn’t say that our life would be empty without our little elf…but it would sure be a lot less full.

PAD

Originally published May 24, 1996, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1175

The following is a transcript from the Disney Villain Roundtable, held at Disney University in Disneyworld. Participants are Cruella De Vil, Jafar, Ursula, Scar, Gaston, and The Evil Queen. Moderator is Maleficent.

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