As I walked out in the Battle of Hogwarts
As I walked out into battle that night
With Death Eaters coming, all led by Lord Voldemort
A guy with no nose who was spoiling to fight.
I said to myself, “Bloody Hëll, this is wicked
I’ll get myself gone, this is getting too big.
I don’t really care about Potter or Dark Lords
I’m just a math major who’s failing in trig.”
The sparks were all flying, the wands were all waving
My chances for living, I just didn’t like.
Before I could leave, I found my path obstructed
By some cranky guy who had hair just like Spike.
“I see by your outfit that you are a Slytherin
And all that peroxide, dude what’s with your hair?”
He said, “My name’s Malfoy; I hate Harry Potter.
Why is he the hero? It just isn’t fair.”
“Well, good luck with killing him,” I said to Malfoy
And then grabbed a broom and flew out of that joint.
Behind me explosions were rocking the Casbah
Thank God I lit out of there; what was the point?
So now I can never go back there to Hogwarts
Nor will they refund my tuition to me.
But I found a new school where things are much calmer
Xavier’s Gifted School is where I will be.
PAD
• 
WOW!
🙂
[Tom:] I see by your outfit that you are a cowboy
[Ðìçk:] I see by your outfit you are a cowboy too
[Both:] We see by our outfits that we are both cowboys
If you get an outfit you can be a cowboy too!
(Smothers Bros. version)
The Smothers Brothers version was actually the first one I heard.
The Allan Sherman version (referenced by Sean below) is the first one I heard.
.
PAD
[applause]
As I wandered out on the street of Miami
I said to myself, this is some swanky town.
I called up mine partner and said, “Hello, Sammy.
Just pack up your satchel, and mosy on down.”
I got me a bunk in the old Roney Plaza
With breakfast and dinner included of course
I caught 40 winks on mein private piazza
Then I rented a pinto from Hertz Rent-a-Horse
and so on by Allan Sherman. Thanks from dusting off that memory for me.
With your kind permission, Sir, I would like to record this. Please?
Record it on what? I mean, I don’t really care; I wrote it as a lark. I’m just curious what you intend.
.
PAD
Recording this and posting it to Youtube…giving you proper credit for the lyrics, of course.
Oh. Sure, go ahead. Knock yourself out.
.
PAD
I had to go listen to the actual song after reading this. (The Webb Wilder version, the one I like the best.)
On “The Long Journey Home”, the Chieftains did a comparison between Streets of Laredo and its inspiration, the Bard of Armagh. Curiously, they haven’t done it for Red is the Rose and Loch Lomond.
I thought the original version was called The Unfortunate Rake. Or is the Bard of Armagh an even earlier one?
Going by Wikipedia, it looks like the lyrics of “Bard of Armagh” may be older (attributed to someone who lived in the late 17th/early 18th century); it was put to the same tune as “Streets of Laredo” in the mid-19th century.
To expand slightly, “The Unfortunate Rake” is a clear ancestor of “TSoL”; they have the same structure, phrases in common, etc. “Armagh” has the same meter and a broadly similar theme (someone reminiscing on his life and requesting how he’ll be buried) but the lyrical similarities aren’t nearly as strong. I can see both being true–“Armagh” as the inspiration for “TUR”, which becomes the direct linear ancestor.
Thanks, PAD. Always enjoy your song parodies (“Lord of Time” is still my fave, but this one’s very nice).
PAD, are you going to put up an official DEATHLY HALLOWS post anytime soon?