PeterDavid.net

How do you order DC titles for September? Fifty two #1 issues as the entire line reboots. Do you order it with inflated numbers as a #1 suggests? Do you just order off your previous numbers? Except how do you factor in the possible impact of the simultaneous release of electronic editions? How much business is that going to siphon off? Decades ago, DC came up with the hardcover/softcover near-simultaneous release of some of their most popular titles and it was a spectacular failure. But at least the retailers themselves weren’t threatened.

Or perhaps we’re just being paranoid. I mean, bookstores as a whole are doing extremely well and aren’t closing right and left, so it’s not as if comic book stores need to worry about their bottom line, right? Right?

I take it back. I’m glad I’m not the DC sales rep who has to sell this concept TO the retailers.

PAD

Dear sirs:

Time to get serious. You’ve had a half dozen or so great in-joke winks to “Firefly” (including, most notably, the Halloween episode that had Nathan Fillion back in Mal’s outfit) but now it’s time to take it to the next level.

You need to start casting other actors from “Firefly” in “Castle.”

You need a new guy in charge of the squad room. Bring in Ron Glass. Hell, call him “Harris” so we can have a “Barney Miller” connection as well. Alan Tudyk as a college buddy suspected of killing a friend with a bow and arrow (since he’s voicing Green Arrow in “Young justice”). Adam Baldwin as a homeless guy wearing that funky knit cap while eating a Subway sandwich. Jewel Staite as a mechanic. Morena Baccarin as a former love interest from another country seeking a green card because she’s (wait for it) an illegal alien. Gina Torres as an army sergeant. Sean Maher as a Doctor. Summer Glau as an actress whose shows keep getting canceled. And Mark Sheppard (who was the recurring character “Badger”) because apparently a law was passed dictating that Mark Sheppard has to show up at some point in every damned TV show I watch regularly. “Doctor Who,” “Supernatural,” “Burn Notice,” “Warehouse 13,” “Leverage.” He’s all over the place.

Oh, and have Joss Whedon write and direct an episode. Because we need an episode with crackling, snappy and yet occasionally oddly phrased dialogue and at least one three minute walk-and-talk with no cutaways. Plus we’ll get a scene where Castle’s teenager daughter kicks ass with a balletic form of kung fu.

Please get right on this. Thank you.

PAD

Originally published May 12, 1995, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1121

I sympathize with Mr. Sweet’s letter in CBG #1118, discussing how retailers will be the ones who are genuinely hurt by Marvel boycotts, whereas Marvel won’t feel a thing.

I say this not because Preston chose to use, as an example, The Incredible Hulk (although don’t think I don’t appreciate it). No, I say this for two reasons:

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Originally published May 5, 1995, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1120

Well, this is the wrap-up for the “Stupid Instructions” contest. I did a dramatic reading of the second installment at I-Con in Long Island a few weeks back and people were sliding out of their chairs in hysterics. Maybe I should make a flexi-disk. It could have painfully detailed instructions on it ([1] place disk on turntable. [2] A turntable is that round thing on the phonograph. [3] A phonograph is that thing that predated eight-tracks…)

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I still remember the early evening on the day Kathleen and I got married, when we gathered with some friends in the hotel bar. One of the group looked at Kathleen, with her head on my shoulder while gazing at her wedding ring, and said, “You can tell she’s a new bride,” and Brandy Hauman piped up, “Yes, she’s still got that new bride smell.”

The only real, objective measure of this being Kath’s and my tenth wedding anniversary is the progress of our children.

Ten years ago Shana was in college, Gwen still a teenager, and Ariel a rambunctious nine year old. Now Shana’s off and married, Gwen is working in NYC, Ariel’s in college, and Caroline–who didn’t exist–was singing in her school concert today with the 2nd grade chorus.

The time itself has literally flown past. It doesn’t feel like we’ve been together ten years; it feels like we’ve always been together.

Plus she’s still got that new bride smell.

PAD

Ariel (on the right) and her friend Meg are attending the Drama Desk awards tonight since Meg won a pair of tickets in a contest. They’re attending the cocktail party, the red carpet arrival, the dinner, the awards themselves and the after parties. And they’re meeting interesting people such as this guy.

PAD

Originally published April 28, 1995, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1119

We’re taking a break from the “Stupid Instructions” contest for one week in order to devote some column space to Tank Girl. Why? Because considering the pathetic box office performance thus far, it’s a bit of a race as to whether it will still be in theaters when this column comes out in two weeks. Hell, by the time you read this, it might already be out on video tape.

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This is the world that doesn’t end
It just goes on and on my friend
Somebody started living here not knowing what it was
And they continue living here forever just because
This is the world that doesn’t end…

PAD

I hope it’s 6 PM Pacific Time. Because the Mets/Yankees game starts at 7:10 Eastern, and if the Rapture is at 9 PM Eastern, they could probably get five innings in so it would be an official game.

UPDATED at 7:32 PM: It appears a massive religious end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it has not transpired. This leaves us with the question: Who prevented it? Was it:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sam and Dean Winchester?
The Doctor?
Someone else and, if so, who?

PAD

UPDATE GH 5/23: There’s a real live poll up now on ComicMix’s Facebook page. Go vote.

Corey posted this in the comments, but I feel it’s important enough to make separate note of since it directly relates to work of mine that might be of interest:

New Release: Crusade: Other Voices Volume 2, which collects PAD’s script and outlines for his episode of Crusade, “Ruling from the Tomb.” Also features an introduction by PAD. Available for ordering from www.b5books.com.
.
J.K. Woodward has posted the cover art to PAD’s upcoming Crazy 8 Press novel The Camelot Papers.

PAD

Well, one guy asked, actually, but okay. Here’s when you can discuss the latest and possibly last entry in the New Frontier series.

Why possibly last? Because the economy sucks, the publishing industry is slowly disintegrating, and rather than make long term plans, Pocket is making decisions entirely based upon what’s happening right now. So they’re waiting to see what the sales are on this book before deciding on whether there will be any more.

PAD

On Monday, Jon Stewart showed up on Bill O’Reilly’s show to debate (of all stupid things) the invitation of rapper Common to the White House. On O’Reilly’s own website, they put up a poll question: Who won the debate?

The answer: An overwhelming 79% voted for Stewart.

Did “Daily Show” fans swamp O’Reilly’s site and vote for their guy? Did O’Reilly’s own people just shake their heads and say, “Bill, you brought a knife to a gun fight.” Or was it some combination of the two?

PAD

This is the place to discuss them (provided for your convenience.)

PAD

Originally published April 21, 1995, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1118

Continuing from last week the winners of the “Stupid Instructions” contest (which may well be the most stupid contest we’ve ever run. But that’s only appropriate, I guess.)

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In this week’s episode, the ever-scheming Sue concocted a plan where the New York City-bound “New Directions” would wind up on a plane that would dump them in Libya instead. Without giving away anything major (they’ve been promoting the hell out of the NYC episode) let’s just say it doesn’t work out that way.

I think that’s a crying shame.

Would the plot machinations for them to be oblivious that their flight was heading to Tripoli instead of Manhattan been preposterous? Sure. But it would have been totally worth it to see the glee club wind up in the middle of a war zone. In an episode I call “Tripoli the Light Fantastic,” as bullets are being fired at them, they become nostalgic for the days when the worst thing thrown at them was slushees. And then, when they’re all against the wall and about to be shot, they start singing “We are the World” and suddenly Kadaffy shows up and says, “Are you guys a glee club? I love glee clubs! I’ve got quite a good voice, you know.” (Which allegedly he really does). And using the power of song, they manage to settle all the unrest. At which point the State Department shows up and is so impressed that they decide to send them to the Middle East to sort out all those problems. The name of that episode? “Jumping the Sheik.” (Which is, from what I understand, what they did in “Sex and the City II.”)

But no. They’re just going to NYC. Big deal.

PAD

Okay, well, admittedly I did exhale and then inhale it a couple of times.

See, my story sense told me that there would be a serious change to the status quo in the last act of the show, and I was afraid I knew what it was. Turns out I was wrong, thank God.

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Remember how a month or so ago I reported that X-Factor won a GLAAD award? Well, apparently some sites just got wind of it. There was a second awards ceremony carried out in San Francisco a few days ago (as opposed to the one in New York in April) and it seems it was (re)announced there. So it’s being reported as if it just happened. This, of course, has given some fans the opportunity to extend their congratulations and the usual suspects the chance to spout off about it’s undeserved. So everyone’s happy.

PAD

Does anyone think for a moment that if Obama hadn’t overseen the operation that resulted in bin Laden sleeping with the fishes, Mike Huckabee would have pulled out of consideration for the 2012 election?

What does that say about Obama’s chances in the eyes of the GOP if their current polling frontrunner doesn’t want any part of the next presidential campaign?

As an aside, I saw another poll recently that indicated that Sarah Palin had a name recognition value of ninety-six percent. I’m sure the reason for this has to do with rounding off answers to a lower decimal value or something, but taken at face value, it indicates that pollsters were actually able to find four percent of Americans who, when the name “Sarah Palin” was mentioned, said, “Doesn’t ring a bell.” That’s pretty astounding.

PAD

Originally published April 14, 1995, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1117

Well, it’s that time. I know that all of you have been waiting with breathless anticipation. There’s been nothing else on your mind. But it is, finally, that time:

I’m ready to announce the results of the Stupid Instructions contest.

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What do you do when you have a two hour finale of a superhero series that’s been building to a huge smackdown between the forces of good and evil, and you don’t have the budget to actually carry that off?

You have people talking.

A lot.

Because talk is cheap.

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